Chapter 14
Chapter fourteen
The peaceful sound of rain against the window wakes me, and this is the first morning in the past week I haven’t woken up cocooned in Sasha’s arms. The cool air chills me, and the lack of his solid warmth in bed beside me sends a shiver down my spine.
It feels…strange without him. A glance at my phone tells me it’s way later than I would typically get up, but that’s probably due to the gloomy weather outside.
I’ve enjoyed the lazy, rainy spring mornings cuddled up with Sasha, but without him, it just makes me feel dreary.
Sighing, I will myself to get up and sleepily go through all the motions of my morning routine before soldiering into the kitchen for my morning caffeine fix.
I’ve become quite the addict since Sasha installed the espresso machine, but I’ve yet to fix my own cup.
I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to try to figure out this monstrosity when I see a note on the counter.
Chuckling, I turn to see that he really does have everything ready for me.
I press the green button, then watch in relief as the coffee and milk pour into my cup.
With a smile on my face for the first time today, I take a selfie with my cup and send it to Sasha.
I’m not expecting a reply so soon, but my phone dings almost immediately.
Sasha:
Beautiful! That’s my girl
Sasha:
Wait, we still have a house, yes?
Me:
Yes we still have a house *eye-roll emoji*
Me:
Thank you for setting everything up for me
Sasha:
It’s the least I could do. I forgot about my plans with Ledger today until my alarm went off this morning. You slept right through it, by the way. Anyway, I’ll be back later tonight
Me:
I appreciate the heads-up
Sasha:
I really am sorry for the late notice
Me:
Sasha, it’s fine. I promise:) It’s the perfect weather to catch up on some reading
Sasha:
:) If you need anything, let me know
I like his message and go to find my book, feeling a little more energized for the day.
The weather in California is rarely ever this perfect for reading, and I intend to take advantage of this for my day off.
Well, my day off alone. We’ve technically had a lot of time off over the past week, but Sasha has been here for most of it.
We’ve bonded in a way I haven’t with anyone before.
I can talk to him as easily as I could Amanda, but we have an underlying desire for each other that adds an undercurrent to every conversation.
Spending time with him feels effortless, but also overwhelming.
Like I could spend the rest of my life by his side, and it wouldn’t be enough.
I crave him physically and need more of his heart at the same time. He feels like home.
I’ve just finished my coffee when my phone dings with a text.
Blanche:
Hi Lucy, I hope you’ve been enjoying your week. I wanted to have a little chat about things before we start shooting again. If you’re free this morning, would you mind swinging by my office?
I don’t even have time to process how disappointed I am that it isn’t another text from Sasha, because now I’m worried for my life.
I haven’t talked to Blanche one-on-one since the day I moved in.
I’ve since discovered that the woman is the most unpredictable person I’ve ever met.
This meeting could quite literally be about anything.
I guess I should respond before she comes traipsing over here. At least if I go to her, I can leave.
Me:
I’m free all day, just let me know when
Blanche:
Oh well, in that case, as soon as you can make your way over here. Just let yourself in the side door. I’ll be in my office.
Wishing I had said I was available later, I get up from my nest of cozy blankets and set my book down. Best to get this over with now rather than to worry about it all day.
It doesn't take long to walk from the cottage to the main house, which is good because I don’t have as long to get lost in my head.
I follow her instructions and let myself into her mudroom, then quietly make my way to her office.
There doesn’t seem to be anyone around today, a stark contrast from usual.
With the staff and babies, this place normally feels like a circus.
I’ve barely rounded the corner to her office when she greets me. “Ah! Lucy darling, thank you so much for coming on such short notice. Please have a seat.”
“Not a problem at all…I…Have I done something wrong?” I ask, sitting down.
She looks up from the papers on her desk with pure confusion written across her face.
“Of course not. Why would you think that? No, dear, I just wanted to touch base with you before we start our more…intimate filming. I know you had no complaints during our last meeting with Sasha, but I wanted to talk with you alone to make sure you were okay with everything.”
I can feel my face flush, and I hope she doesn’t notice. “Oh, yes, I’m okay with it.”
“You can always say no. I won’t be upset with you regardless of your decision. I know the extent of this intimacy may be…a lot.”
“I’d like to give it a try. Really. I’ve never done anything like this, but it felt almost…empowering. If that makes any sense.”
Blanche smirks. “I do know, darling. I know exactly how it feels. Especially when you have the right partner. I had that in my Henry, and from the looks of it, you have it with our Sasha?”
Memories of him flash through my mind. The way he took the lead, walking me through every scene as I struggled in the beginning.
The game night he set up when I was nervous about naked Twister.
The way he somehow made me feel safe, all the while fucking me like an animal.
And then the lengths he went to that night to take care of me.
I think of the way I feel falling asleep and waking up in his arms. How he took the time this morning to set my coffee up for me. He’s taken care of me at every turn.
“I would like to think so,” I whisper.
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask. How are the two of you getting along? I have hoped that you would be able to really bond this week…” she says with a wink.
This time, I know she must see how deeply I’m blushing. “Oh, well we’ve spent a lot of time together and we’ve gotten to know each other very well…but, um…nothing…like that.”
“Oh,” she says, frowning. “If you don’t mind me asking, is that something you want to explore outside of filming?”
Is that something I want to explore? Do I ever! I’ve never been so horny in my life. It’s like ovulation week every day living with this guy. Especially now that I know how he fucks. What it feels like to stretch around him. My whole body shudders at the memory.
“Have you seen that man?” I stare at her, blinking slowly, until we both laugh.
“Well, in that case, dear. I’ll let you go. I need to get a jump-start on dinner. Oh! Would you like to join us? Henry and Kat won’t be here tonight, but I would absolutely love to introduce you to the others.”
I briefly contemplate accepting before I remember how many babies that will be between her other two children.
I really should say yes and take this opportunity to get to know them, considering they might very well be my long-lost family.
But Sasha said he would be back later, and I wouldn’t want to miss him.
“Thank you so much for the invite, but I have a hot date with my book today. Maybe another time?”
Blanche leads me to the door and pulls me into a tight embrace. “You’re welcome here anytime, Lucy. You feel so much like a daughter to me already. I can’t really describe it, but I know we are going to be lifelong friends.”
I try my best to match her smile, but I’m drowning in guilt as we say our goodbyes.
All I can think of as I walk back home is that I’m quite possibly the result of an affair by Blanche’s late husband.
Something I, stupidly, hadn’t considered before.
Which makes me think about Mom. Did she know?
Surely, she wouldn’t have messed around with a married man.
Is that why she never told me about my father?
Was she ashamed? Did he buy her off? Is that where the money came from?
I rush to my room and pull up the DNA site to check on my results, but it still shows pending.
I close my laptop, gently tossing it beside me and falling back onto the bed. How did my life get this complicated?
A car horn startles me awake. It’s so dark. I’m on the couch, with my book in my hand, so I must have fallen asleep reading. I look outside, and it’s pitch black. I must have been asleep for a while.
I slowly get up from the couch and shuffle to the window to see what the noise was all about.
It looks like an SUV just parked in Blanche’s driveway, and I watch as her son Ledger gets out followed by…
Sasha. They seem to be in good spirits, laughing and stumbling up the driveway.
I watch them until they’re in the house, longing to join.
It was foolish of me to expect him to come home tonight. I have no hold over him. I’m not anything to him. Even though I want to be.
I don’t know how long I stand there staring, but eventually the whole Sinclair gang spills out onto Blanche’s back porch. Each adult carries a dish as they set the patio table and start eating. It’s so loud I can hear them from inside the cottage.
I think about sending Sasha a message, but he looks so happy.
They all do. It was always just Mom and me.
She did everything she could to fill the void of a big family, but there was always a part of me that wished for it, however small it might have been.
But as I stand here watching the Sinclairs, I’m filled with envy.
I want it—even the loud, screaming babies.
A part of me wonders if I’ll ever have that.
Even if I am their long-lost sister, will they accept me?
The result of their father’s cheating. And what about Sasha?
By extension of his sister, that’s his family now too.
I hang my head as a tear falls down my face.
No, he would be a fool to give that away for me.
I watch as he bounces the oldest baby on his knee, laughing at something someone said.
At least he looks happy. He looks down at the child, then toward the cottage, and I swear I can feel his eyes on me, even from that far away.
I must be imagining things. There’s no way he can see me standing here.
When I look back, he’s deep in conversation with one of the women. Yep, I’m imagining things.
I grab a bottle of his vodka and make my way back to the room, fighting the urge to lock the bedroom door behind me. I drown out the happy family noise with the liquor, until the darkness closes in again, and I drift into a fitful sleep.