Chapter 19 - Sasha
Chapter nineteen
I wake up to the sound of waves crashing on the shore and Lucy sound asleep in my arms, just like I have for the past three mornings. Since we started sharing a bed, she’s been waking up later and later. I’d like to think that I bring her as much peace as she brings me, but I know that’s not true.
I’m about to drift back to sleep when my phone chimes with a notification that our jet will be here soon, reminding me that our beach getaway is almost over.
It’s hard to believe that our weekend is drawing to an end.
It’s been undeniably the best three days of my life.
I had planned to wine and dine my sweet girl while we were here, but we've hardly even had time to make it to the beach.
Instead, we’ve spent half our days tangled together in these sheets.
And what time we didn’t spend fucking on every surface of this beach house, we spent wrapped in each other's arms. Everything is just so easy with her. We’ve lived together for almost a month, so our domestic routine has already been established.
But it’s more than that. It’s the way I can finally breathe when she’s around.
I love her.
Those three words flutter across my mind like a whisper, and even if I never speak them into existence, I know my heart belongs to her.
I know deep down that she’s it for me. There will never be another person to take her place.
Even though I’ll never be able to have her the way that I so desperately crave, she was made for me, and I’m sure of that.
Why the universe would create such a ray of light for a monster like me, I’ll never know.
All I can do is use what little kindness I possess and try to let her go when this is all over.
At least I don’t have to worry about that right now. For the moment, she’s in my arms, right where she belongs. For the time being, she shares my bed, my home. Pulling her closer, I place a light kiss on her head before rousing her from her slumber.
“Wake up, pretty girl,” I whisper as I run my hands up Lucy’s arms, gently shaking her shoulders.
Her eyes flutter open, and she lights up the moment she sees me. I’m falling apart on the inside, knowing this isn’t my forever, but I return her smile. I want to spend whatever time I have with her, making her as happy as possible.
“It’s time to get up, baby. Our plane will be here soon, and I want you to have a little more beach time before you go,” I say, brushing her hair behind her ears.
“Oh,” she says, her entire demeanor shifting.
The sadness written across her face pains me in a way I don’t expect, but before I can dive too far into those feelings, she brightens up again.
“I don’t mind spending the rest of the time right here,” she says, throwing herself dramatically back down on the mattress.
“We live together, baby. We can play in the sheets as soon as we get home. Right now, I want to take you to the ocean you love so much before we have to leave. You go ahead and get ready and head out. I’ll get our things packed up and meet you out there. Okay?”
When she doesn’t move, I smack her ass just hard enough to sting a little. “I said okay?”
“Ohhkay…”
She climbs off me and makes her way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. As I watch her bare ass jiggle, I have to fight the urge to throw her back on the bed and fuck her until it’s time to leave.
The door shuts behind her, and I get up to pack.
The cleaners will take care of the mess we’ve made, so I focus on getting our things together.
With each item I place in our bags, I grow more and more melancholy.
I’ve felt more at home here with Lucy for the past three days than I ever have in my life, and I doubt even the little cottage we share will feel the same.
I’m not sure if I want it to, either. It would just hurt worse when we inevitably have to say goodbye.
No, getting back to the real world is the best for both of us.
I’m brought back to the moment by a kiss on my cheek.
“I’ll see you soon!” she says as she makes her way out of the bedroom.
I’ve barely had time to register what’s going on before I hear the door open and shut.
She left so fast I wasn't even able to see what swimsuit she was wearing, and the mystery of it has me working twice as quickly to finish getting our things together.
When the packing is done, I load the car and make quick work of changing into my swim shorts before practically rushing out to meet her.
I expect her to be shoulder deep in the water when I walk out, but instead, I find her standing at the edge of the tide, letting the waves wash up around her feet.
Her long yellow cover-up accentuates her tan skin as it dances with the breeze.
Paired with her windswept dirty-blonde hair, she looks like a masterpiece of sunlight. My Sunshine.
Walking up behind her, I pull her back into my body and wrap her in my arms. “I feel underdressed,” I whisper in her ear as I gently sway us back and forth, delighting in the way her body melts into mine.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I came out here wondering which swimsuit you were going to tease me with today, but you’re in a full-length dress! I do think it’s only fair you take it off, though, since I’m only wearing my swim shorts.”
She turns in my arms, and I see a tear fall from her face, breaking my heart. “Oh, I don’t even have one under this. I’m sorry…”
“Shh, don’t apologize. You look beautiful, baby. You are beautiful,” I say, hugging her close.
When she doesn’t respond, I lead her back away from the water to the dry sand and sit, pulling her down between my legs so that her back is to me. “What’s wrong, pretty girl? Talk to me.”
While I wait for her to gain the confidence to say what’s on her mind, I tilt her head back slightly and begin combing my fingers through her hair gently so I can braid her long waves.
“It’s just…I don’t want this weekend to end. I’ve had the best time here and…wait…” She pauses when I start to weave her strands together. “Are you braiding my hair? How do you know how to braid hair?”
“I learned when Kat was little. Her mother died in childbirth, and none of the other staff were gentle enough. I always hated hearing her scream, so I learned how to do it. And do it gently as well.” I pause, letting out a low chuckle.
“But I’ve since learned there are other advantages to the skill. ”
“Sasha! You’re the worst,” she says, but she can’t hide her laughter.
“Don’t act like you wouldn’t enjoy it. You’re as dirty as I am, baby, and you know it,” I say, and I can practically hear her eyes roll. “Anyway, back to why you’re sad…”
“This has been the best weekend, Sasha. I’m scared that when we go back, everything will change. I’ve felt more peace here than I can remember, and I wish it could be like this always.”
I should tell her that it can’t be. That this was just a fun little getaway and nothing more.
I should get her back to the cottage and leave before I break us both past the point of repair.
Before she wedges herself so deep into my soul that I can’t let her go.
Before I force her into a life so dark, even her light wouldn’t survive.
Instead, I kiss the uncovered skin on her shoulder and continue braiding her hair. “I don’t want it to end either, baby.”
Truth.
“And you’re not the only one who’s felt peace this weekend.”
Truth.
“But we’re going home together. There’s no reason we can’t have this in our cottage as well.”
Truth.
“There’s no reason we can’t have this always.”
Lie.
“What does that mean?” When I don’t answer, she turns, forcing me to let go of her hair. “What are we, Sasha?” she asks, searching my eyes for an answer I’ll never be able to give.
“I…I don’t know.”
She deflates in my arms, every bit of her joy stolen by my words.
I wish I could promise her more than this.
I would already have my ring on her finger if circumstances were any different.
If it didn’t endanger her life. I take her face in my hands and carefully pull her face to mine, and kissing her softly.
Breaking our connection, I keep her close enough that she doesn’t have a choice but to meet my gaze.
“Lucy, I can’t promise you forever, but no matter where this life takes us, I will always belong to you. And you will always be my Sunshine. If I could give you more, I would, baby. But trust me, you’ll thank your stars if I’m ever able to let you go.”
“No…I wouldn’t,” she whispers.
Smiling softly, I kiss the tip of her nose, then turn her back around so that I can pick back up on my braid. The silence in the air kills me. It’s so unlike Lucy not to be chatty, and I hate it. Tying off her braid, I get up, pulling her with me as I stand.
“You have ten seconds.” I smirk.
She turns to face me, her brows drawn in confusion. “Until what?”
“Until I chase you!”
Rolling her eyes, she softly punches my chest. “No way. I’m way too worn out from this weekend for you to fuck me like that right now.”
I can’t stop the grin on my face as I lower my hands to her ribs. “Who said anything about me fucking you?” I ask, briefly tickling her.
She immediately starts cackling, the air around us lightening up with the sound of her laughter.
“One,” I say, giving her a warning to start running.
She looks up at me with wide eyes. “Two,” I say with a wink.
She’s gone before I get to three, running in the sand with her dress blowing in the wind behind her. I finish my count, then chase her. My fucking ray of sunshine.
The journey home was much more lighthearted than I thought it would be after our talk on the beach.
One thing I love about my girl is that she’s never down long.
It didn’t take her any time at all to loosen up after I began recounting childhood memories of Kat and I.
And it didn’t take me long to realize how badly I want to introduce my sister to my Sunshine.
Lucy throws herself down on the couch, slightly damp from the rain outside. “Ah home! Nap with me?” she asks, patting the cushion beside her.
She doesn’t have to ask me twice. Nothing beats an afternoon nap during a summer thunderstorm.
I close the door before dropping onto the couch beside her and pulling her into my arms. Fuck, I’ll never get over the way her soft body feels against mine.
I nuzzle into the crook of her neck, inhaling her perfect scent: the blend of her hair products, body wash, her.
Whatever fear I had that the sense of peace from our weekend wouldn’t carry over to our real life slowly fades as I breathe her in.
I understand now that the sense of home I felt had nothing to do with the walls surrounding us but everything to do with the woman within them.
She is my home. I chuckle, thinking about those first days when I was still sleeping on this couch.
I found myself getting more rest than I had in years and couldn’t figure out why.
I know now it was because my very own source of peace was sleeping in the next room over.
“What’s so funny?” Lucy asks sleepily.
I snuggle her against me tighter, kissing her neck. “I was just thinking about all those mornings you would wake me up. And how I’m the one having to wake you up nowadays.”
“Hmm. I’ve never slept with a man before. You’re cozy,” she says, wiggling her ass against my crotch. Driving me fucking insane.
I thrust my growing erection against her so she can feel the effect she has on me. “Why does that turn me on as much as it does?”
She chuckles and grinds into me again. “You like that, huh?”
“Mmm, you have no idea, baby. And just so you know, I haven’t ever cuddled in bed with anyone either.”
She shivers at my confession. “You’re right. That is a turn-on.”
“Is that so?” I ask, running my hands down her body to see for myself.
I’ve just made it to the waistband of her sweats when the doorbell rings. Groaning, I roll Lucy so that I can get up and see who’s ruining our nap. Opening the door, I’m met with…nobody. I look around, but there’s not a person in sight.
“Ooo, is that our next script?”
I jump as Lucy skirts past me to pick up a packet on the ground in front of the door. My tired girl is all of a sudden full of energy as she enthusiastically rips open the envelope, pulling out one of the thickest packets we’ve had so far.
“Legs wide open?” Her brows scrunch together as she flips through the paper, and I watch as her eyes grow larger and larger with each passing page.
“What is it?” I ask, taking my script from her hand while she reads hers. I look down at the front page, indeed titled Legs Wide Open and skim through stopping when I realize what has her so shocked. “Ohh…our first group scene.”
She looks up at me, eyes still wide. “Fifteen.”