Chapter 23 - Sasha
Chapter twenty-three
“Sasha!”
I barely have a moment to brace myself before Katarina launches herself at me full-speed, squeezing so tightly I’m briefly concerned I’ll pass out.
“KitKat. Can’t. Breathe,” I wheeze. She releases me, and I dramatically suck in air, earning a punch to the stomach.
“Don’t be so dramatic. Unless you’ve gotten soft hanging out with the Sinclairs and you’ve forgotten how Taranovs fight!” She laughs as we enter the kitchen to find Henry finishing his breakfast.
“I resent that,” he says, shaking my hand. “I think we can handle ourselves just fine. And you’re a Sinclair now, Kitten. Don’t forget. Sasha, it’s nice to see you again. I trust you’re keeping an eye on my mother?”
Oh, Christ. Henry Sinclair is looking down at me with an arched eyebrow, and all I can think about is his mom’s hand on my dick.
“Kidding, of course.” He laughs and claps me on the back as I stand in a daze. “Nobody can keep Blanche Sinclair in line.”
He leaves Kat and I to catch up, and I shudder to think of the outcome if he ever learns exactly what his mother currently employs me to do. Grabbing the snack tray Kat thrusts into my hands, I follow her to the conservatory for lunch.
“I was starting to think the two of you would be honeymooning forever,” I tease, catching a grape she throws at me in my mouth.
Rolling her eyes, she sighs. “Well, you’d be surprised how much there is beyond the estate walls. Who knew keeping me locked away for nineteen years would make me such a travel fiend.”
I hum my agreement, sensing she’s about to qualify that statement with a “but.”
“But I missed home. It doesn’t matter if the other properties are home too. Nothing compares to being here. I feel more balanced and peaceful.”
This surprises me a little. I assumed she would want to move, or at least renovate extensively, after the ordeal that she and Henry went through last year. Having their home broken into and her bedroom ransacked threw us all for a loop before we caught and eliminated the perpetrator.
“I’m glad you’re able to feel safe here. Was it hard to travel with the security detail Henry demands these days?”
“It’s not that bad. I know you travel solo, and you consider yourself your own weapon, whatever that means, but the crew is basically invisible. They handle all of the planning for trips and run things by Henry, then once our itinerary is set, they’re in the background.”
She makes it sound like it’s not that big of a deal, and they can still enjoy life. Maybe this won’t be the herculean task I thought it would be.
“Well, I’m glad you were able to see the world on your yearlong honeymoon. Some of us were here missing you, you know.” I throw a retaliation grape at her, which she fails to catch. Instead, it plonks her on the forehead before landing in her drink.
“It was not a year. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t need me around for the things you were getting up to at Rendezvous.”
She’s not wrong about that. Hopefully, the things I’ve gotten up to since leaving Rendezvous stay hidden forever. Before I can shift the subject away from my sordid activities and ask more questions about Kat’s honeymoon, she surprises me.
“Who is she?”
I choke on my mouthful of lemonade mid-swallow, struggling to catch my breath as I cough. Finally, I accept a napkin for the sticky mess I’ve made of myself, feigning ignorance as she fixes me with a raised eyebrow.
“She who?”
Kat rolls her eyes and scrutinizes me. Shit. What does she think she can see? I’m excited to tell her about Lucy, but if she can tell I’m in love within five minutes of us sitting down, I’m in even deeper than I thought.
“You’re happy. Too happy. I mean, not too happy.
I love seeing you happy, but it’s not normal.
Your eyes are bright, and your skin is glowing, like someone is reminding you to moisturize.
You’re less tense than I’ve seen you in years.
” She sips her drink daintily. “You also have a giant hickey on the entire left side of your neck.”
I slouch down in my seat, eyeing my sister as she nibbles on a tea sandwich.
Well, there’s no lying to her when she’s seen through me so clearly.
Even if my intentions were to ease Lucy’s introduction to my family, and get some of Kat’s opinions on security concerns, that ship has sailed. Might as well lay it all out there.
“I’m in love.”
Whatever Kat thought I was going to say, based on the widening of her eyes, it wasn’t that. Once I start telling the truth, I’m unable to stop.
“I’m in love, and I’m terrified. You know what my future looks like.
We’ve learned more shitty things about the romantic lives of our dad and uncle in the past few months than I could have imagined, and every revelation convinced me I was right to avoid catching feelings for anyone. But this woman…”
I stop to look out the windows of the conservatory, a family of ducks catching my eye as they waddle around a fountain. A ray of sunlight peeks from behind a cloud to bathe them in a golden glow, six ducklings by my count, scurrying after their mother…
“This woman wedged herself into the tiniest crack in my heart and then took it all over. She’s so funny, Kat, and she’s made me laugh more than I have since you moved out.
I tried to push her away and convince myself I could keep it casual, but there was no way.
We’ve been working together for Blanche, and we live together—”
“You live together? And your grumpiness in the morning hasn’t sent her running yet? She must be a keeper.”
Even her teasing can’t stop the flood of emotions, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. When Kat realizes I didn’t laugh, she comes to sit beside me and hold my hand.
“She is a keeper. You have no idea. I want you to meet her, you’ll love her.
She’s met the rest of the Sinclairs already, while you were on vacation, and she fit right in.
But I’m terrified, sister. She should be running away from me.
She might, once she finds out what I do.
” I sniffle, feeling the weight of the truth of that statement sink to the pit of my stomach like lead.
At this, Kat’s brow furrows. “You haven’t told her anything about the family? Where does she think the money comes from? You took her to the beach house, right?”
“I told her I wasn’t a good man, but I never got into specifics.
I was hoping I could stay distant, and that eventually she would see she could do better.
Maybe I should have tried harder, but it’s too late now.
I can’t let her go.” Clenching my jaw, I will my tears away and sit up straight.
There’s no reason to continue to feel guilty about what’s already been decided.
Lucy is mine, regardless of how I feel about it.
My sister wraps an arm as far around me as she can, squeezing tightly.
“I can’t wait to meet her. And I know you think you don’t deserve to have love like this, Sasha, but you do.
I’m not fully aware of the dangers like you are.
But just because Dad and Pavel had shitty experiences doesn’t mean you have to.
I know Dad will support you if you’re in love.
He doesn’t want the same future for you that he dealt with, you know. ”
The warmth of Kat’s hug soothes the sting of her ignorance a bit. She’s been sheltered from the worst of our reality. It won’t be as simple as she thinks for Lucy and me to be safe and happy, but there’s no reason to burden her with that right now.
“You’re right, KitKat. I’ll try not to focus on the worst-case scenario. Besides, we’ve really just decided to make things official. I might be getting ahead of myself.”
With one more squeeze, she grabs a cookie and curls back up in her seat. “Don’t downplay it. You’re obsessed with her. Any woman would be lucky to have you. Now tell me everything!”
By the time we’ve finished catching up, I feel lighter than I have since I started worrying about how to make a life with Lucy work.
Kat’s descriptions of her travels with Henry were infectious, and I can’t wait to travel the world with my Sunshine.
The details of their security were even more thorough than I anticipated, and with similar measures, I might be able to relax and enjoy myself.
Henry came in to check on Kat at least three times, and seeing them so happy convinced me that my relationship with Lucy is worth fighting for.
There won’t be room for anxiety or fear to cloud our relationship.
I deserve to be loved and be happy, and I’m claiming it, bratva be damned.
Leaving Kat’s house with promises to see her much more often now that they’re back from their travels, I head to Lucy’s new favorite café to pick up some dinner for her and pastries for me.
I promised Kat I'd bring Lucy over for brunch in a few days, and I sent Dad a text asking if we could find time to meet in person in the next few weeks. It’s time to figure out what he’s been up to with the family business, and what he expects from me in the next five to ten years.
I owe it to Lucy to have a solid plan in place.
Once I know more from him, I’ll sit her down and explain the less savory parts of life that allow us to afford beach houses.
Maybe I can take her to meet Dad during the same trip…
Lucy? I’m wrenched from my future-planning daydream when I see my Sunshine already at the café.
I’d recognize her hair anywhere, even if she’s sitting at a table with…
fucking Lawrence? What the actual fuck? I’ve taken three quick steps to approach them at their table and rescue her from this scumbag before I see that she’s smiling.
She looks like she’s here of her own accord, and like this isn’t the first time they’re meeting.
When she smiles again, even wider this time, without a care in the world, I’ve seen enough.
I fucking knew it. Peeling out of the parking lot, I race for the curviest backroads that I’ve found since moving here.
I can at least take the edge off my anger as I spiral.
My thoughts come too quickly to be healthy, but there’s nothing to do now but let rage wash over me.
I knew it was too good to be true. I knew, in the deepest parts of my soul, that love and domestic bliss weren’t in the cards for me.
I swore, for years, to avoid this bullshit, knowing that it would inevitably be painful one way or another.
And after goddamn years of success, I took my eye off the prize and let her in.
She was every exception to every rule I had ever made for myself, and in the end, she was just the same.
Gregory Lawrence. One of the nastiest motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure to come across.
I had no idea he was in the area, which goes to show that I’ve let myself lapse into softness since I’ve been spending so much time around…
fuck, I can’t even think her name. Lawrence has owed me money for years, and I’ve been growing increasingly annoyed with his schemes.
It’s not even about the money anymore, but he’s a thorn in the side of the business, popping up like a cold sore at the most inopportune times.
And now, she’s at lunch with him. How could he even find her?
Nobody except Blanche knows about the truth of our arrangement, and even then, she doesn’t know the depth of my feelings.
The crew could have their suspicions, sure, but why would any of them know Lawrence?
Maybe someone was planted here to feed information back to him, and that’s how he met her. Or…
Nausea slams into me as I consider another option.
That she’s been in cahoots with Lawrence the entire time, and this job with Blanche was a ruse to get close to me.
There’s no way she could have faked what we shared.
She’s not that good of an…actress. She’s an actress.
She said it herself that she’s taken classes.
It’s possible that she downplayed her experience to make me less suspicious.
Pulling into an overlook, I stop the car before I do anything stupid. More stupid than letting a snake weasel her way into your heart?
“Fuck!” I yell into the trees. Only birds respond, chirping in a cheerful tone that makes a mockery of my despair.
It feels like the truth, that she betrayed me, because it’s the worst-case scenario.
And that’s what I deserve. I huff a laugh because it’s so obvious that nothing has changed.
I’ve known this wasn’t meant for me, and the second someone dangled it in front of me, so close I could taste it, it imploded.
One harsh sob escapes before it turns into laughter.
I might be losing it, but fuck, it’s a little funny.
It’s laughable that I allowed myself to fall. Fool me once…
The silver lining is that I caught her before she could sink her claws any deeper into my life.
God, what if I had married her? I would have, too.
Married her, built a life and family with her…
I let myself feel all of it for five more minutes.
The taste of salt on her skin at the beach, the high that I felt leaving Katarina’s today, and the hope for the future that I had fully accepted into my heart.
The crashing realization that it was all fake, that I’ve been played like a fool.
Her beaming smile at Lawrence, no doubt plotting the next phase of their plan.
The urge to keep driving the backroads, away from here, to anywhere else.
I don’t leave, though. There’s something here for me, still.
Revenge. Until Dad calls me home to take on more business, I have nothing but time.
Might as well use it to have a little fun and ensure that she gets what she deserves.