Chapter 33 #2
"You're their mother," Felicity whispered, her voice cracking. "They need to see you're alive."
Went away for work. Emergency trip.
I looked at her, pleading. I knew what I must look like. I'd seen my reflection after Bryce before. My babies shouldn't have to remember their mother this way. The thought of their faces seeing me—it cut deeper than anything.
Please! Not like this. Look like monster.
"You don't—"
Stop. My choice. Don't argue. They shouldn’t see this in real life.
Felicity stared at the tablet, then at my face. Her eyes welled up. "What do I tell them?" she whispered, voice breaking. "They keep asking for mommy."
Away for work. That I love them.
Tears streaked her face. "Maliyah, this recovery will take months. Your kids will beg for you. They need their mother." She squeezed my hand gently. "And you need them."
NO! Just until bruising goes down. Until my eye can open. When I won't scare them.
She blew out a breath, calming and dropping her head. "Okay." Felicity squeezed my hand. "Okay. I'll handle it. But Mal, you can't hide forever. They're going to want to see you eventually."
I know. Not hiding. Just don't want to scare them. Too young to see something like this.
"All right. I got you." Then, Felicity paused. The silence became deafening.
WHAT?!
"You know…Reed hasn't left," Felicity said after a moment. "Since they brought you in. He's been here the whole time."
I looked away. Didn't type anything.
"I know you're angry at him. You have every right to be. But he's been—"
Already left before. The words appeared on screen before I could stop them. When things got hard, he left.
"He came back."
Kidnapped. His job. And for emphasis, I underlined the last part over and over again.
Felicity's hand landed on my shoulder, lightly but firmly. "Is that really what you think?"
I didn't answer. Didn't know how to answer.
Felicity sighed. "He cares about you. I can see it. Whatever else is true, that's true too. He told them he was your fiancé so he could stay with you. That’s not what cops do. That’s what someone who cares does."
My mouth would have dropped open if it hadn't been wired shut. My good eye widened, and I felt my pulse quicken in my throat. Reed appeared with coffee, freezing when he saw Felicity. Fiancé? Is he crazy?
"It's fine," Felicity said. "I need to get back to the kids anyway." She kissed the top of my head softly, avoiding the bandages. "I'll come back tomorrow. Call if you need anything."
She left. Reed took the chair again and silence fell on the room.
I watched him until sleep took me. When I woke, it was dark out. They'd hooked up the Tylenol while I slept. Reed was still there. I reached for the tablet, my movements slow and clumsy.
Don't you have work?
"Took leave," he said simply.
For how long?
"As long as you need."
I stared at him. At the exhaustion in his face, the stubble, the wrinkled, blood-stained clothes.
Why? Because you’re my fiancé?
Reed's eyes widened. He rubbed the back of his neck, a flush creeping up his throat.
"They wouldn't let me stay unless I was family," he said quietly, not meeting my gaze.
"I couldn't—" His voice dropped even lower.
"I couldn't stand the thought of you waking up alone.
"I let that sit with me, not sure how to respond—or if I even could respond.
You don't have to do this.
"I know."
Then why are you here?
He was quiet for a long moment. "Because I want to be."
I didn't type anything else. Just closed my eye and pretended to sleep. As I lost the battle and sleep took me, though, I thought I heard a quiet whisper, "One day, it won’t be a lie."
The nightmare came around three AM. Bryce's hands around my throat, squeezing, squeezing. I couldn't breathe, couldn't scream. My jaw was sewn shut and I couldn't get air and he was laughing—
I jerked awake. The monitor was beeping faster. My good eye flew open, scanning the dark room for threats. Reed was standing beside the bed, not touching me, hands carefully visible.
"You're safe," his voice was low and steady. "You're in the hospital. He's dead—that fucker is gone forever. You are safe, sweetheart." The beeping from the monitors slowed just a bit as I listened to his words.
He wasn't saying anything I didn't already know. Logically, I knew Bryce was gone. But my nightmares didn't seem to care. I started thinking about him again and the inability to open my mouth sent my monitors flying again. My heart was racing.
I reached for the tablet with shaking hands. Pain shot through my left shoulder as I tried to reach for the tablet, the sling restraining my movement. I grabbed it awkwardly with my right hand alone.
Can't breathe.
Reed hit the call button immediately. A new nurse appeared within a minute, checked my oxygen levels, adjusted the tube under my nose and softly rubbing my forearm.
"Panic attack," she said gently. "Perfectly normal after what you've been through.
Your oxygen is fine. Try to breathe slowly.
In through your nose, out through your nose. "
I tried. It took several minutes before my heart rate slowed. The new nurse offered more pain meds. I shook my head. I didn't want to be loopy. Didn't Carol tell her?
Tylenol only.
"Are you sure about that?"
SURE
She nodded, updated the whiteboard with "Donna," left fresh water and a protein shake, then disappeared. Reed settled back in his chair.
"You want me to call someone?" he asked. "Felicity?"
No. She's asleep and has the kids.
"Okay."
He didn't try to comfort me. Didn't offer platitudes. Just sat there in the dark, a solid presence against the shadows.
I wanted to tell him to leave. That I didn't need him.
But I was so tired.
And maybe—just maybe—some small part of me was glad he was there. I didn't type that though.
I tried to find sleep again, knowing the nightmares would probably come back. Maybe having him here for a little while wouldn't be so bad. Not forever though. I didn't know that I would ever again have forever.