Didi
“Nice job, Diana,” the teacher says, pushing up his aviator glasses, and a few kids glance in my direction.
“A perfect score, which is impressive given you missed a few days.” My attention fires up to him.
“I’d appreciate it if you could come visit me when school ends today so I can give you some extra credit.
” I give him a faint nod and keep my eyes drawn down.
He pauses for a second, wanting to say something more, but I refuse to engage. It’s easier not to talk with anyone of authority, as it only draws unwanted attention to me and Mama. I get my straight A’s, and they can’t really say much about that.
“Told you she was a witch.” Cindy snickers, and the echo of laughter hits my ears.
I ignore them, as I have all class. They thought I was gone… The whispers started all over again when I gathered enough courage to return to class. The scarecrow wasn’t enough to deter me from coming back, even though Shadowface is still out there…
“My daddy says there are serpents hidden all around us, and it’s our job to cast out these devils.” I wonder if her daddy knows she is spreading more than just gospel.
I sense their eyes on me, but Tommy’s especially, as he sits there so normally, in his yellow striped shorts and muscled legs on display. His shaggy hair is sweaty like always.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him since Saturday, and I want to die. The shame is too much to deal with, which is why I haven’t been able to bring myself to come to school.
The teacher walks over to Tommy and drops his test on his desk. “Keep working at it, son.” Tommy runs his hand through his hair, and his eyes meet mine. Guilt gnaws at me for not helping him this week like I promised I would. “And good luck at the state championships. We’re all rooting for you.”
The track meet everyone is talking about.
Tommy’s poised to win the 100-meter dash, and probably most of the other events as well.
Remy could almost beat him, though. One slip, one trip or stumble, and Remy could take it.
I wonder if that’s what caused the rift in their friendship.
The fact Remy is always there, threatening to take everything from him.
They certainly seem like they have tension over me, unless I read the situation entirely wrong at FreshMart.
The teacher reaches Remy’s desk and hesitates before dropping the test on his desk. “Perfect score, well done.”
I dare a quick glance, and his eyes are hooded, but then he smiles and I avert my gaze.
Remy pushes the paper away and doesn’t seem concerned about running or the fact that he’s aced his math test. I’m not sure if it’s because of his reputation, his last name, or the fact that his father owns half the town.
Mrs. Holly loves to gossip; she told me to steer clear of that boy, and Tommy as well.
The bell rings, and Tommy crumples up his math test and shoves it into his backpack. Our eyes meet as he walks by, pleading for me to follow him.
His eyes look so sad…always so sad. He must be so confused.
I avoid his stare, gather my things, and walk out the door and head to the library. I shouldn’t go there. I know I shouldn’t go there, but I need to confront Remy about the scarecrow. If it wasn’t Remy, then I’m in serious trouble.
Before I can make it to the hallway, powerful arms slide around my waist, and my head falls into his chest. He’s surprisingly soft, despite his muscular build. My tense body relaxes at his familiar hold. “Where do you think you’re going, firefly?”
Cindy walks past, her short cheer skirt and toned legs on display. Her mouth is slightly open as she twists her head, trying not to openly stare at Tommy holding me. His intensity is almost tangible, and her jealousy is clear in her eyes.
Heat fills my core. “Tommy, please let me go. Everyone is staring.”
“Let them stare,” he whispers, and my heart melts. I twist around and face him. “Where were you all week, Didi?”
His eyelashes are impossibly long. “Helping Mama,” I lie.
He swallows hard and hesitates. “I stopped by FreshMart…I didn’t see you.”
This must have been before I did a shift mid-week to get Mama some cigarettes and bread. Funny, Mrs. Holly neglected to tell me Tommy was looking for me.
“I stopped by your house, too,” he admits.
I blink at him. “You were at my house?” My voice trembles.
He presses his eyes together for a moment, then he softens. “Yeah. I wanted to make sure you were okay. The house was dark, Didi. You scared the shit out of me when you ran out on me.”
He was there…
Mrs. Holly told me Tommy was with Remy in the woods that morning, too. He wasn’t the one that found the body, but he was there, and no one questioned it.
Someone left a message leaving that scarecrow on my lawn…and I received it loud and clear.
He was there…
He runs his hands down my ivory dress. “You shouldn’t have come to my house,” I whisper. “If my mama saw you…”
He shakes his head. “I don’t give a shit about your mama, Didi.”
I sink into his arms as a few more people walk by and stare; Remy being one of them. This time, our eyes meet as he walks by with his leathers and ripped jeans. The memory of being behind him on his bike consumes my thoughts, and my heart jolts.
I’m a lustful girl—even the scarecrow turned me on.
I focus my attention on the boy in front of me, who also makes me feel things. Especially with his cute mustache. “I can’t be around you anymore, Tommy.”
He pulls me to the side of the hallway and lets everyone walk by.
“Why? Why are you so scared of me?” His thumb runs along my cheek, right over the bruise that’s barely healed.
“What would your mama do to you if she found out about me?” She’s slipping into insanity.
I don’t recognize her anymore, and I don’t know what she is capable of.
“Would she be mad if I kissed you? Because I ain’t sorry about it. I’d kill to do it again.”
I dart my gaze to the floor. “Mama got pregnant with me as a teen, and she’s petrified I’ll do the same thing. Kissing you is a sin in my church, Tommy.”
He crinkles his eyebrows. “What church? There’s only one church in town, Didi, and I promise you, kissing ain’t a sin.”
I suppose I’ve never questioned what Church I belong to because, frankly, I’ve never actually stepped foot in a church since we left.
My religion was, essentially, “The Church of Mama.” Every Sunday, she’d make me pray, asking for forgiveness for her sins—and for me, because I resulted from those sins.
She left her community because of me, which is all I truly understand.
Lust caused her downfall. If it wasn’t for her giving into it, she could have stayed the preacher’s wife and enjoyed a wonderful and spiritual life. And I wouldn’t exist.
I pause for a moment, considering his words. “Kissing leads to lust, and lust leads to sexual temptation—and that is a sin.” How do I explain it any more directly to him?
Tommy interlocks his fingers with mine. Everyone in the hallway is watching now as I let him pull me away, and we walk hand in hand.
My belt squeaks like a rusty wheel, and I silently beg him not to draw attention to it.
“Come for a ride with me,” he says instead.
I lower my eyes and shutter out a breath. “Where are we going to go?”
He slides his knuckles along my face, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I just wanna be near you,” he says. “We don’t have to talk or do anything you don’t want to, alright? Just a drive, and I can play you some more songs.”
I’m powerless against the look in his eyes. He takes my hand, pulling me through the hallway. “Yeah…okay. But no kissing, Tommy. I just can’t.”
He gives me a firm nod. “Deal.”
Beside him, I’m small and ugly, while he walks with a confident stride and holds his head high. Most people give us a wide berth, and his hand remains clasped in mine. Whispers ripple through the hallways as we pass the bleachers and head toward the school parking lot.
“Hey, Tommy!” someone calls out. We turn to see Bax with his long hair like the people I see on TV. His round glasses remind me of John Lennon. He was the one at FreshMart with Remy. “What’s happening, man?”
Tommy shrugs. “Going for a drive.”
Bax shoots me a small smile, then shrugs as if my presence is no big deal. I instantly like him. His hair hangs in waves down to his mid-back, probably the same length as mine. “You’re playing with fire. Coach wants us to train today.”
Tommy’s hand tightens around mine. “Not today. I’m gonna hang with my girl.”
His girl?
My cheeks turn to fire.
His friend sizes me up with a glance and shrugs, seemingly unconcerned. “Right on, man. I dig it,” he says. “Well then, peace out, man and woman.” He flashes a peace sign and ambles off. I watch him do a little dance as he joins another group, high-fiving everyone, and I can’t help but smile.
Tommy watches him and snickers. “That’s Baxter.”
I squeeze his hand. “I like him.”
“Yeah. Everyone likes Bax. Come on, let’s go. Lunch is only an hour.”
A silent prayer escapes my lips, begging God for forgiveness for what I desperately want to do.
Tommy stayed true to his promise. We listened to music—bands like Styx, Supertramp, and Led Zeppelin—as rain pelted the roof of the car. He made me memorize the title of each song. He kept his hands to himself and didn’t ask questions I didn’t wish to answer.
I forgot about the scarecrow’s unsettling grin, the shadows of my guilt, and the deep stain on my soul from my sinful thoughts. It reminded me of when we first started hanging out, how we just existed together.
I helped him with math for a while, and eventually, my head fell onto his shoulder until he drove me back to school on time.