Didi
They like chaos and death.
Everything else is a mystery to me.
I take a few minutes to catch my bearings and sanitize my mind from the past twelve hours, where my worst nightmares came to life inside my head. I find a bathroom through a door, down a darkened hallway, and a draft hits my face.
I consider leaving. I could start somewhere new. They wouldn’t miss me…not really. But I can’t. I’m involved in this; I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m as deeply embedded in the Order of the Shadows as Tommy and Remy are.
The bathroom has a clawed bathtub and a tiny circle mirror with a small vanity. I turn on the hot water and let the tub fill before I strip off all my clothes.
As the tub fills, I steal a glance at myself in the mirror and recoil.
My reflection is contorted in a grimace.
Maybe I’m doing it, maybe not. My face is still, yet it appears frozen in a silent scream.
I touch my lips to be certain, and I’m not screaming.
I shut my eyes, shake my head, and decide to avoid the mirror.
Once the tub is full, I slip into the hot water and nearly moan at how nice it is. My head hits the porcelain tub, and I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.
I nearly fall asleep. I’m so comfortable and relaxed and feel oddly…safe.
Despite everything I’ve been through, I still feel safe with him—last night was proof of that, which also made me more confused than ever.
My eyes grow heavy, and my body submerges, as if pulled down by some ancient power.
It doesn’t scare me like it should.
The thought of death used to scare me something frightful, but I’ve become so accustomed to it.
I understand the appeal of bringing someone near death but not killing them.
I’ve experienced that moment of chaos, where worlds collide.
The in-between place where shadows turn to stone.
As light and darkness merge, your soul seems to leave your body.
I wonder for a moment what that would be like.
I wake with a start and scramble out of the water, remembering that everyone’s waiting for me upstairs. Tommy’s there, ready to hand me over to Talia.
I sigh and avoid the mirror, running my fingers through my hair and fluffing it. By the time I’m done and dressed, it’s been at least an hour, though I care very little about making everyone wait for me. It’s the least they can do. Then I saunter upstairs, determined to find answers.