Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Ethan had been awake for an hour by the time Derrick pushed through the cockpit door and stepped into the aisle. “We’re about to start our descent. Get everything stowed.”
Ethan smiled at this cousin he barely knew. “Thanks.”
The pilot disappeared back the way he’d come.
Ethan couldn’t complain about the comfortable flight, even if his eyes felt sandblasted from too little sleep.
On the opposite side of the aisle, Gavin worked on his laptop, the screen casting blue light onto a face that hadn’t seen a razor in two days.
“Any news on Lu Feng?” Ethan asked.
“Not yet. I forwarded the information to my contact at State. I’m still waiting for a callback.” He closed the laptop. “There’s nothing more I can do from the air.”
Ethan shifted to look at the seat behind. Mei Lin had moved back to that row while he was sleeping. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to wake him.
Her body was curled toward the window. He slid in beside her and brushed two fingers across her forehead.
Her eyes opened, and she shifted away from his touch. She must have been awake already, maybe trying to sleep.
He pressed his palm against her forehead to check her temperature, and though she didn’t move this time, she stiffened.
It was curious. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” She adjusted her seat and carefully folded the blanket.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Derrick said—”
“I heard him.”
She seemed irritated, but at what, Ethan had no idea. He stood to grab a water bottle from the row ahead, then a pill bottle.
“You need some ibuprofen?”
She took the bottle, shook out two tablets, and swallowed without meeting his eyes.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine.” She handed the bottle back to him.
“Are you sure? You seem a little—”
“How’s Holly?”
It took him a beat to register the question, and another to understand it. The plane bumped through a pocket of air, or something inside his chest did.
“I’m sorry?”
“Your girlfriend.” Her voice stayed quiet, almost conversational. “She’s sent you several messages since we boarded. She misses your morning coffee.”
He flipped through a number of responses but could only manage to force one out. “You read my texts.”
“I didn’t realize you were keeping secrets.”
“I wasn’t…” Heat climbed his neck, and on its heels came a thought that didn’t belong—I should have changed the code. He hadn’t because he didn’t want to be the kind of husband who kept things from his wife. He didn’t want to be like his father.
He wasn’t like his father.
He leaned close to her. “Mei Lin, if I’d had any idea you were still alive—”
“When did you plan to tell me?”
“Soon. I was going to tell you that morning in the cabin, but then we heard the moped coming.”
“We’ve been together for a week, Ethan. There were plenty of opportunities.”
“Not really. At first you were so sick and weak, and—”
“You thought I couldn’t handle it?”
“You could hardly stand up.”
“I could have heard the news lying down.”
He took a breath, telling himself to calm down. “You needed to heal, and I didn’t think telling you about Holly would help.”
“This is better? Am I well enough now, Dr. Wright, to handle the truth?”
“It’s not… It wasn’t important.”
She glared at him. “I’m sure Holly would disagree.”
“I realize… I know I’m going to hurt her, but I’ve been trying to deal with you.”
“Deal with me? What does that mean? Am I a task to cross off your list?”
“You’re twisting my words.” His blood pressure spiked. “Try to hear what I’m saying.”
“Oh, please, explain it slowly so my feeble mind can follow your superior logic.”
“Be angry with me if it makes you feel better.” He spoke the words slowly and calmly despite the fury pounding in his chest.
“I shouldn’t be angry? You lied to me.”
“I didn’t—”
“And you lied to her. You haven’t told her anything. She thinks she’s comforting a man whose wife is dead. She’s praying for you, and she’s sending you scriptures.”
“So now you’re upset about how I’m treating Holly? Anything else you’d like to add to the list?”
“You lied to both of us.”
Ethan sensed Gavin one row up. Even if he didn’t want to listen, there was no way he didn’t hear every word she said.
“I didn’t lie to either of you. I told her I had a family emergency.” He waved his hand at her, at himself, at this whole crazy situation. “I think this qualifies.”
She turned in the seat to face him fully. “At the hotel, I asked you if there was another woman.”
She hadn’t asked him, though. She’d confessed that she was worried there was another woman.
He figured this wasn’t the time to point out the discrepancy. “I told you the truth, that you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“You avoided the question because you didn’t want to tell me the truth. To me, that is a lie.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you.”
The sound that came out of her mouth was close to a laugh, except there was no happiness in it. “You wanted us both on the hook until you decided which one of us to keep.”
“You’re being ridiculous. That’s not—”
“Ridiculous, am I? I bet Holly is never ridiculous. That’s a point against me.”
“I’m not keeping score. There is no decision for me to make.” He leaned closer, his voice low but still betraying his anger. “You’re my wife.”
“I’m your obligation.”
“Yes. And—”
“That is not the kind of marriage I want.”
She unbuckled and started to stand.
He grabbed her wrist, gently. “Calm down and let’s—”
“No.” She yanked away.
He glanced toward Gavin, hating that his father was hearing this. “Please. Mei Lin. You’re being irrational.”
Her expression shifted from angry to something much worse. Resignation, as if he’d just helped her reach a decision—a terrible decision.
“I’ll go and be irrational by myself.”
She scooted past him and walked to the rear of the cabin.
Ethan stared at the back of the seat in front of him. What just happened?
In the row ahead of Ethan, Gavin twisted to face him. “There are two things you never say to a woman. One is ‘Calm down.’ The other is, ‘You’re being irrational.’”
“She was being irrational.”
Gavin shook his head. “Have you ever actually met a woman?”
Whatever. Ethan didn’t need to argue with his father. He needed to fix things with Mei Lin. Letting her stew was not going to do either of them any good. He stood, but Gavin was on his feet and in the aisle, moving much faster than a man his age should be able to.
“Sit down.”
“This is none of your business.”
“Nevertheless, move over and sit down.”
Ethan considered telling him to go back to his own row. He considered telling him a lot of things, but maybe starting a second argument in five minutes wasn’t the best plan.
He shifted over, and Gavin dropped into the aisle seat.
“She wants to be alone,” Gavin said. “The least you can do is give her some space.”
“The least I can do?” Ethan kept his voice low. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Gavin looked at him for a long beat. “When you’re finished justifying your behavior, try to see it from her perspective.”
“Her point of view is—”
“How would you feel?” Gavin continued as if Ethan hadn’t said a word. “What if you found out she’d been dating another man and lied to you about it?”
“I didn’t lie.”
“Play games all you want, but I heard everything. She asked you, and you evaded the question. What if she’d treated you like that? What if she’d been dating another man?”
Ethan knew how he’d feel. Even the thought of it had his hands curling into fists. He’d want to find the man and throat punch him. Not that it would be fair. So maybe Ethan wouldn’t be all that rational about it.
But Mei Lin didn’t seem angry at Holly. If anything, she was offended on Holly’s behalf.
“I thought she was dead. I grieved her for six years. I was trying to move on like everybody told me I should.”
“I know that, son.” Gavin buckled his seatbelt. “None of that changes how your wife feels. She’s hurt, and you telling her she shouldn’t feel the way she feels, attacking her as if she’s done something wrong—”
“I should take your advice because you’re such an expert on women?” Ethan glared at him. “I would never betray my wife.”
Gavin absorbed the hit with a slow nod. “I have a lot of experience messing up good things in my life. I did things that were wrong. Like, wrong-wrong, as you well know. And yet, when my wife and I travel, she sits right beside me.” His voice softened a fraction.
“Look, I get it because I’ve been there.
You wanted to control the information. You wanted to tell Mei Lin about Holly at a time when you thought she’d accept it and understand.
You still want to tell Holly in a way that she’ll accept and understand. ”
“Of course. I wanted to keep them from getting hurt.”
“You wanted to make sure everyone understood you hadn’t done anything wrong—that your behavior was good, and that you were right.”
“I was right.” The words came out too loud and with far too much defensiveness. He clamped his lips shut.
“I think you really believed you were protecting them, but you were protecting yourself from their judgment and their predictable—and understandable—emotional reactions.”
That wasn’t true.
Ethan thought back to that moment in the hotel room when Mei Lin had vocalized her fear about his being with another woman. He hadn’t told her the truth then because…because the timing hadn’t been right. Michael had called right after that. They’d needed to get ready to leave.
And he hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment. It’d been such a good moment.
“Now you have to fix it,” Gavin said. “You need to own your mistake, admit what you should have done differently, and apologize.”
The plane shifted into a long, lazy bank, and his stomach swooped with it.
His father stretched his legs, effectively blocking Ethan’s exit.
Fine then. He turned to the window and stared at the glow on the horizon. Was that the sunrise, the sunset? He didn’t even know.
He was furious with Gavin for being right, with himself for being an idiot, and with Mei Lin for being at the back of the cabin when all he wanted was to sit beside her and start over.
Lord, I’ve made a mess. Help me fix it.
The prayer wasn’t much, but it was honest, and at the moment it was about all he had to offer.