CHAPTER 28
We lay under the tree, wrapped in each other’s arms, for a slow, endless moment. Time seemed to stop when I was with this man. We were both quiet, just taking in the feel of each other's bodies, our skin warm against the cool night air.
He kissed my shoulder one more time before rolling away. “We need to get back; they will notice we are gone; you’ve been quite the talk of the ball tonight.”
The ache between my thighs was manageable now, and I sat up looking for where my dress was.
I instinctively covered my breasts with my arms and noticed out of the corner of my eye that Zendryk already had his pants on and was buttoning them up.
My dress was thrown to the side, and I grabbed it, slipping my legs through the waist.
“I don’t think I am the one they are talking about anymore.” I fired back at him softly.
He shot me a concerned look as I pulled the lace up and over my arms. The corset was still by the tree, so I walked over to it and placed it back on my chest.
He came over to me after he tugged his shirt back on, but didn’t bother with the dress coat.
“Here,” he said, then began threading the ribbon through each rivet of the corset.
The emotions of the night, the engagement, rushed back to me, and my skin started to boil.
What did I do? I just fucked a man betrothed to another.
I was angry, sad, and jealous; I had to calm my emotions.
He finished tying the ribbon and planted a kiss on my shoulder. Well, he tried, but I stepped out of reach just as his mouth grazed it.
His look of hurt slammed into me as I turned around to face him.
“Zendryk… you’re betrothed… we can’t do this.” I could feel my heart tearing from my chest as the words left my mouth.
I wanted to reach out and pull them back in, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
“I thought we already discussed this. Avyn, there is no one else. I only want you.” The sadness in his eyes shattered my heart into a million pieces.
“I know….”
“Then why are you trying to stop this?! We both want this, why do we have to deny ourselves of it?” He pleaded, begging me to agree with him.
I thought for a moment, looking down at the ground where the grass was flattened from where we had just unraveled.
“It doesn’t matter what we want. If it did, your parents would have listened to you. We don’t have choices.” I hated the words coming out of my mouth, but one of us had to speak the truth.
“But..”
I cut him off. “No, Zendryk. We can’t. We let our desire take over tonight. It cannot happen again.” A tear ran down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away, reached up to my hair, and felt the mess it was.
“I need to go find Maya to help me get myself together again. We shouldn’t go back into the ballroom at the same time. You go first.” I told him.
He looked at me; he really fucking looked at me.
He went to say something, but then stopped, nodded, and walked out through the parted curtain of the willow tree.
He faded into the darkness of the night, too quickly for it to be the shadows of the late hour.
I let out a ragged breath and gave myself a moment to catch my breath and pull myself together, willing myself not to cry.
Maya was where she said she would be and was engrossed in a conversation with another lady’s maid until she saw me, a mess, standing at the entrance of the door, trying to hold myself together.
She rushed over to me and pulled me to the bathroom.
The other lady’s maids looked but didn’t say anything as we walked by.
They must be used to unusual circumstances and know better than to ask questions.
“What happened?” She asked while pulling a leaf from my hair.
I didn’t know how to tell her. I trusted her, but the words were stuck in my throat.
“I… fell outside. I was getting some fresh air and tripped.” I lied. It felt horrible to lie to her, but I couldn’t face the truth, not now.
“Well, shit. Clumsy as always. Here, sit down.” She pulled a small stool up and started to pick more leaves from my hair.
“Well, there’s no saving the curls.” She raised an eyebrow at me in the mirror. “I'll have to put it up.”
She worked her magic, and in fifteen minutes, my hair was twisted back into a messy braided bun with a couple of loose tendrils hanging down the side of my face.
After I thanked her and had a drink for courage in the lady's waiting room, I made my way back to the ball.
No one seemed to have noticed we were gone; couples were dancing about, some were standing in groups, and others were at their tables drinking and snacking on the small bite-sized snacks the servants were bringing around.
I scanned the room to see where Zendryk was, and my gaze found his, but he quickly looked away and went back to the conversation he was having with a group of men.
They were probably congratulating him, yup, one just slapped him on the back and shook his hand, most definitely congratulating him.
I looked away and made my way back to table two, and the drink waiting for me.
A servant came over and filled my glass with wine, and I drank it down in one go.
“Your nights going that good, huh?” Ulric pulled his chair out and sat down beside me. I didn’t respond; I waved over the servant to refill my cup.
“You might want to go slower, that stuff hits harder than the normal stuff we drink.”
I looked him straight in the eyes, picked up my drink, and finished it, as a hint of a smile etched onto his face.
“Well then, I guess I’ll join you.” He unbuttoned his dress coat and waved the servant over to fill both of our cups up again.
“Did you know about the engagement?” I asked him, no emotion in my tone as I stared out onto the dancefloor, watching the guests go through the mindless motion of dancing.
“Yes.” His smile faded away.
“And no one thought to tell me about it?” Blunt. Straight to the point.
“Zen asked me not to tell you. He was trying to get out of it.”
“I get that, but a little heads up would have been appreciated.” I picked up my glass and took a sip, slowing down from the warning he gave me.
“Noted,” he took a drink of his. “Well, we'd better get out there and dance before any rumors start flying around.”
I let out a disgruntled sigh and drank the rest of my drink before Ulric walked me to the dance floor.
Ulric danced with me for a few dances before I was swept away by someone else, and then I was shared between the different gentlemen, all wanting to dance with the shiny new object.
Every time I switched partners, I would catch Zendryk glaring at us from across the room, jealousy taking over every feature.
Good, let him be jealous. He played with my emotions all while knowing he was betrothed to someone else.
I was currently dancing with someone with long blonde hair that reached his shoulders.
He played dirty with me, and now, I’m going to play dirty with him.
With the encouragement of the wine, I stepped closer to the man while we danced and leaned my head back, laughing when he tried a joke but failed; he couldn’t tell from my reaction, though.
On the next turn, Zendryk had disappeared from his spot.
Good. He can go sulk somewhere else. I know I’m being a complete bitch, but he didn’t tell me, and let me fall for him even though he knew we couldn’t amount to anything.
After a few more dances, I was ready to make my way back to my room; my feet were throbbing in these heels, which I was shocked I had made it most of the night in.
I found Ulric chatting up the same servant girl from the other day, the one he had chased out of the dining room, and let him know I was heading to bed.
“Do you need me to walk you?” He asked, but was obviously preoccupied.
I looked between the two of them and didn’t want to ruin whatever moment they were having. “No, it’s okay, it’s not a far walk. And there are guards and people all over.”
He said goodnight and continued his conversation with the lady, slowly running his hand up and down her arm.
Well, I’m glad someone’s having a good night.
I made my way to the main entrance and went to the lady's waiting room to find Maya.
She was in her element, laughing and chatting with the other women.
My heart swelled for her, seeing her so happy.
She caught my eye from where she sat and motioned with her hands, asking if I needed her.
I shook my head no and placed my two hands to the side of my head and closed my eyes, signaling I was going to sleep.
She smiled, blew me a kiss, and continued her conversation.
I made my way to my room, ready to rip the heels off my feet and lie in bed for the night.
I was almost to my door when I reached up and pulled the pins holding my hair up; it tumbled down my back, and the relief on my head was glorious.
I opened the door while rubbing and scratching at my scalp, but stopped in my tracks.
Zendryk was sitting on the side of my bed, arms braced on his knees, as shadows swirled around his boots, waiting for me to return.
“What are you doing here?” I stepped in and closed the door behind me quickly so that no one could see that he was in my room.
He stood up immediately. “We need to talk.”
“There is nothing to talk about, you’re betrothed to another, what happened tonight was a ….”
“Do not say mistake.” His jaw tensed as he spoke. “Tonight was the best night of my life. I will not let you toss it aside as just a mistake. I know you don’t think that either.”
I stayed silent, knowing he was right. It was the best night of my life, but these feelings can’t go anywhere; they won’t go anywhere, and I didn’t want to end up hurt... well, more hurt than I already was.
“Avyn… You can’t run from this. I will not let you push me away, not after tonight. I need you. I want you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I crave you, and now that I have you, I won’t let you go. I want nothing else. No one else. Only you.”
“But… you’re hers.”
“NO!” His shout echoed through the room, “My heart belongs to no one but you. My parents have arranged a marriage that I am fighting with everything in my god damned power to get out of.” He ran a hand through his hair; the anger and desperation in his voice almost broke me; I wanted to reach out to comfort him, but I didn’t.
“I will not marry her. I do not care about the consequences; I don’t care if another war happens.
It’s you, it’s only you. If you asked me to run away tomorrow, I would.
You have had an unyielding grasp on my heart from the first day I saw you.
I knew it was you. I didn’t sleep that night.
I stayed up thinking about the girl with green eyes and raven black hair.
And now that I have you, I am not letting go.
I will fight for you until my last breath. ”
Tingles ran through my body, and the hair on my arms stood up. I didn’t know what to say; my words were caught in my throat alongside a sob that was trying to claw its way free. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes.
Say something.
Oh, hell no! It was not the time for it to give an opinion.
It was quiet all day and night, and now it decides to pipe up?
! Fuck. Off. I thought back and then tried to work through the emotions currently playing tug-of-war with my heart.
Breathing was difficult, and I could hardly get any air as words tried to make their way out at the same time.
I could only manage one word. “How?”
“How? I don’t know how. I have the Professor and his daughter looking through old texts to find a way out.
I’ve been going through book after book in my spare time, and Ulric and I have been working on how to run away from it all.
I don’t have a plan or know how it will work.
I do know I don’t want to spend another day apart from you.
I don’t want to be in the same room as you, knowing I can’t touch or kiss you.
I long for you, even when you’re sitting beside me.
It is not enough. I need all of you. I feel like I am going mad, and after tonight, I can’t go another day without you. ”
I stayed silent. His feelings were so raw, so honest. It broke me when I had to tell him to leave the willow tree tonight.
I wanted him as much as he wanted me. Why am I denying myself this?
He’s betrothed but doesn’t want it. There must be some loophole in all of this.
He’s a Prince after all; doesn’t he have any say?
Do I continue to deny my heart what it truly wants?
Or do I allow it to choose for me, allow me to be with this man, knowing that it could be the end of me, the end of us?
I bit my lip in contemplation, my brows furrowed while I thought everything through.
“For fuck sakes, Avyn! Please say anything!” His words were laced with desperation.
A scream erupted from outside my door, breaking the growing tension in the room. More screams followed, and loud crashing sounds exploded around us as footsteps running grew louder.
He looked at me, concern etched in every line, “Stay. Here. We are not done with this conversation.” He rushed towards me and grabbed the back of my head and crashed his lips into mine, before rushing out the door.