Chapter 2
What the hell was I thinking? It was bad enough that my stupid fan issues brought the Punishers more work.
But now, poor Shadow was roped into pretending he liked me, pretending he was my boyfriend.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t have lied to those two men in town and told them I had a biker boyfriend.
Although there had been a reason I said it.
A stupid one, but that was what I got for dreaming about something that was impossible.
Sitting in my chair, touching up my makeup for the next dance and making sure my hair was good to go, I couldn’t stop myself from inhaling deeply, over and over.
I was still sitting here in Shadow’s T-shirt.
His natural masculine scent, combined with either cologne or aftershave, was intoxicating to my senses. It had them humming.
“Whose shirt is that?” Bianca asked.
She had been hired the same day I was. We got along well, but we didn’t hang out or anything. The only dancer I did that with was Dusty. She had been my mentor and had grown into a close friend. I owed her so much. She refused to hear it or accept any kind of payment for all she did for me.
“It’s Shadow’s. He gave it to me after that guy jumped on stage. He thought covering up would help to calm things down,” I admitted.
I didn’t tell her I got the feeling it was about more than what he said when he ordered me to put it on.
“Girl, Shadow is so mysterious. I love all that brooding sexiness wrapped in muscles, tats, and his smolder. Lucky you getting to wear it. Are you giving it back or sleeping in it? I’d take it to bed with me every night and pretend it was him,” she said, sounding serious.
“I’m not stealing his shirt, B. I’ll return it after I wash it.”
“Well, it’s your loss. I would never wash it and sleep with it every night,” Bianca said, grinning before she walked off.
Her words made me think about the past two years.
The truth was, I wanted to keep Shadow’s shirt and sleep in it.
Wouldn’t she laugh if she knew the truth?
I’d fallen under Shadow’s spell the moment I met him.
And as we spent time together during that whole debacle involving Astrid, I thought he liked me.
He was attentive and expressed concern about me.
I got my hopes up, but then, not long after Astrid’s trouble was resolved, Shadow seemed to back off and become reserved.
At first, I thought I was imagining it, but over time, I saw less and less of him. When I did see him, at a club party or while hanging with Astrid or the other old ladies, he’d been polite but not talkative. The sense of closeness disappeared. I knew I’d imagined it.
I wasn’t one to foist myself on anyone who didn’t like me or want me around, so I kept my distance. I remained cordial when we met, but that was it. I’d learned long ago that nothing good came from pushing yourself onto someone who didn’t want you.
That resolution hadn’t prevented me from building fantasies in my head or dreaming about him.
I’d had the hottest, most sexual dreams of my life, and they all starred Shadow.
I wanted to know what he thought about. What were his dreams?
Did he want to do anything more with his life?
If yes, what? So many topics came to mind that I wanted to discuss with him.
I knew he’d have interesting viewpoints.
I couldn’t fully explain it, not even to myself, but there was something that continued to draw me to him despite his indifference.
And now, I’d have to be on my guard to make sure I didn’t let anything slip. The worst thing imaginable would be for him to find out I was more than half in love with him. I was stupid, but nothing I told myself or did seemed to shake that emotion away.
“Hey, you’d better get dressed. You’re up in fifteen,” Dusty called across the dressing room.
I stood and smiled at her as I went to put on my last costume. I recalled how I hadn’t known a thing about choreography or costume-making until Dusty. Now, I did it all myself, including sewing my own outfits. It was cheaper that way. I didn’t waste money.
I never pictured myself as a stripper. It hadn’t been my dream, but it accomplished something for me. It was a means to an end. And if everything stayed the same, I had less than a year left doing this, then I’d be done. My dreams would be attainable.
Whenever anyone found out what I did for a living, I watched their faces.
Their responses fell into a few categories.
They were shocked and asked how I could degrade myself that way.
Another was to distance themselves as if I’d contaminate them.
Others thought it meant I was easy and open to meaningless sex.
The final was the tiny group that was curious and asked me all kinds of questions about it.
I’d rather do without the first three groups.
With those people, I didn’t bother to explain that it was my way out. I was attending college, mainly online, and the money I made dancing covered my tuition, textbooks, and other fees. When I earn my degree, it will mean my utter freedom.
With my costume on, I carefully folded up Shadow’s shirt, tucked it into my bag in my locker, and locked it. I knew Bianca wouldn’t touch it, but not all the ladies were as trustworthy as she and Dusty.
As I walked out onto the stage, I admit, nervousness was making my stomach churn.
I’d admitted that the guy who jumped on the stage, muttering his crazy words, had scared me.
I worked hard not to let the extent of how much it rattled me show on my face in front of the Punishers.
I tried to scan the darkness surrounding the stage, but the bright lights made it nearly impossible.
People, for the most part, were dark blobs, unless they were close to the stage.
Pushing my fear down, I launched into my routine, letting the music take over. I loved music and dancing, no matter what kind. It happened that I was really good at it. I let myself go and forgot everything. I trusted Shadow and the other Punishers to keep me safe.
It was during one of my twirls that I caught sight of Shadow. He was a mere shade of deeper darkness by the curtain at the back of the stage. I wasn’t sure what caught my attention to even see him. Maybe it was his intense stare.
Shadow was incredible, no matter what part of him you looked at.
He was tall, around six feet one. He was muscular, with impressive arms, but he wasn’t built like a bodybuilder like some of the other guys in the club.
His skin was a deep olive tone, matching his nearly black hair, which he wore short.
The sides were closely cropped, while the thick top was longer.
He kept himself shaved, though a faint five-o’clock shadow hinted at his whiskers, no matter the time of day.
Bold cheekbones and nose, along with his sensuous lips, weren’t what completed his handsome face.
It was his dark blue, mesmerizing eyes. They reminded me of deep pools of water that I wanted to sink into and never leave.
The abrupt end of the music brought me out of my head and to the realization that my dance had ended.
The applause and cheers were loud. As the money fell onto the stage, Shadow walked out to me.
In his hands was a short robe, my robe. He held it open for me to place my arms into the sleeves. As I did, he belted it closed.
“Go ahead. Pick up your cash. You earned it. No one will touch you.”
His gruff voice made me want to moan, but instead, I nodded and began to do as he said.
He held out a cloth bag for me to put it in.
I had no clue where he found it, but it did make it easier.
Finally, I had it all, and after waving to everyone, he and I left together for the dressing room.
I was tired and ready to head home. My head was a chaotic mess, my body was tired, and I needed to soak in a tub of hot water and think.
Shadow took up a spot against the wall as he waited for me to be ready. He kept scanning the room, as if he expected trouble to find me here. Sure, some of the dancers were catty bitches. Arguments and even mild fighting had been known to occur, but I stayed out of those. I was safe here.
I went to a screened-off area to dress. Why I bothered, I didn’t know. It wasn’t as if Shadow hadn’t seen nearly all of me when I stripped, but it felt weird off stage. When I was dressed and had gathered my belongings, I went to him.
“Ready?” he asked.
“I am.”
“Good. You drive, and I’ll follow you.”
I didn’t argue. “You’ll need my address in case we get separated,” I said.
“I already have it.”
I was momentarily surprised, then realized that Mayhem must’ve given it to him. I gave him a nod for some reason, then I turned and called out goodnight to the others, like I did every night I worked. Some said the same back, others ignored me. That wasn’t new, so I thought nothing of it.
As we left the dressing room, the feel of Shadow’s warm palm at the small of my back made me want to shiver. It sure heated my bloodstream. My legs were a little shaky as we left the club via the back door. Employees park in a dedicated area back there.
Shadow went right up to my car door. I unlocked it, but before I could open my door, he did. He held onto it until I was in and my seatbelt on.
“Remember, I’ll be right behind you. Drive safe.”
“Thank you. You ride safely, too,” I replied.
I got a brisk nod, then he shut my door and went over to where several bikes were parked.
The Punishers parked back here when they visited.
I started my car, and then I took off. My head was a jumbled mess as I drove to my tiny apartment on autopilot.
I needed to figure out how to handle this without exposing myself.