Chapter 31 #2
Concentrating hard, he let his magic fill him and imagined it rising to blanket the two of them and the little grove of trees. He let the magic billow like a cloud instead of tightly cloaking to hide them. The dark clouds to her misty rain of magic.
To his delight, it worked. Creating a shadowy canopy above and around them, darkening the dim room further. He’d never used his magic that way before.
Flickering started in his vision. Little sparkles of gold growing brighter and stronger as they held their magic over the trees. The lentha nectar in the crevices seemed to glow, the light shining from within the tree. The gold veins running through the leaves and the trunk of the tree glittered.
He felt the shimmer of light within the tree strengthen to his magic, sparkling luminously in his mind’s eye.
After a moment, Alayna let her magic dwindle to the faintest mist and wink out.
Disappointed that it was ending so soon, Connor followed suit and slowly withdrew his magic from the air around them.
“How do you feel now?” she asked.
“I…” He paused to take stock of his emotions. “Better. That was amazing, Alayna. Being near the trees always gives me peace, but this is so much more.”
“Nature isn’t separate from us, Connor. We treat it that way often.
But it is just as integral to our emotional existence as it is to our health.
Twining our magic with the plants puts us in sync with them.
Resets our souls for a moment into their rhythm.
The heartbeat of the earth is a safe place to rest. It’s far stronger than our own, if we let it hold us. ”
The softly spoken truth resonated deeply. Made him think of Daya and her all-encompassing relationship with the mountain. He’d been harsh with her about it too often when he’d been frustrated and confused.
Was it possible he was yearning for the same? Not just for the connection he so desired with her but for a deeper connection to the earth?
“A gift I didn’t know I needed,” he murmured.
“Yes, you did. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have come.
” Alayna smiled. “Silent companionship is more supportive than people realize. That’s why I love the plants so much.
You’re welcome any time. I’ve been spending a lot of time in this greenhouse lately.
Look for me next time. I’ll take a break with you if you want human company.
Though I probably won’t talk much more than the plants. ”
“Doing research for your project?”
“Mmm-hmm. The Zamyran plants draw me when I sit with the problem.”
“You think there are answers in Zamyra?” he asked.
“Yes. The plants will lead me in time. Nature can’t be rushed.”
An interesting way to look at things. “Patience is not really the forte of warriors,” he mused.
“So my brother Garrett constantly reminds me.” She chuckled softly, reminding him that her adoptive brother, Garrett, was a warrior stationed permanently in Calderre. “Don’t worry, Connor. We’ll find the right path forward.”
“Thank you for this. It helped.”
“I should say the same to you. That was the best mimic of the rainforest canopy I’ve been able to do. I never thought to ask a shadow mage for help. A lovely end to a tough day for both of us.”
With a last brush of his fingertips along the trees, Connor stepped back and started to turn toward the exit.
“No, stay.” Alayna stopped him and handed him her keys. “I’m headed to Ravensmere to visit with Celina and Cass tonight. Stay and enjoy the quiet. I think you need it. Bring them to me when you come home.”
“Are you sure?”
She gave him a gentle smile. “Positive. Just don’t hurt my plants.”
“Never,” he promised, thinking of how much she would enjoy visiting the mountain.
Quiet descended as Alayna left him alone in the greenhouse. Inhaling, Connor took the first full breath of air into his lungs in what seemed like weeks. Maybe since they arrived home. The calm before the storm, but he’d take the reprieve for the gift it was.
Wisps of shadow filled Connor’s mind, colors sparking in a rainbow hue along the edges of his vision. He curled his hand around Veda’s rock and tried to let the peace of the greenhouse fill him. The love from far away seeping into his palm and heart from the stone.
Just breathe with me. Daya’s voice filled his mind.
Why does that always work? he asked.
Because I love you.
His mind twisted the real memory, changing Daya’s words to ones he desperately needed to hear. Even if they were just in his imagination. He let the scene coalesce, bringing her to life in his mind. Keeping his eyes tightly closed, he let himself get lost in the dream.
Nestled onto a stone ledge, Connor sat with Daya. Moonlight sparkled on the water as it lapped around them. Though they were still, the water churned loudly, filling constantly moving as the waterfall reached the end of its journey into the pool.
It was secluded. Protected. The way his heart felt with Daya’s hand on his chest.
“I need your advice,” he told her.
“You’re exactly where you belong, Connor,” she said, somehow knowing what it was he needed to talk about.
“Am I? I used to be sure, but now… what if this was never who I was meant to be?”
“You’re who you chose to be. That’s why you’re upset,” she corrected. “You think you chose wrong.”
“And if I did?”
“You can only choose your path forward, Connor. Stop living with regrets.”
Is that what he was doing? Refusing to let go?
“The only thing different about your time on the mountain was that you weren’t weighed down by your past,” Daya said. “You were just you. Your inherent self. It’s still there. You’re just letting it be buried under all the rest.”
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live without you.”
“Of course you are.” Daya’s hand caressed his face with a gentle stroke. “Opal needs you to, so that’s exactly what you’ll do. That’s not a real concern, and you know it. At least be honest with yourself.”
Connor laughed softly and kissed the palm she held to his face. “You’re not going to go easy on me, even in my dreams, are you?”
“Why would I?” Her brown eyes met his in complete seriousness. “It wouldn’t do you any good. You need to be strong right now. Not soft. Coming to me would be running away from your responsibilities. Your pain. That’s not acceptable.”
She was right about that. He wasn’t being entirely honest with himself. Had been blocking the well of pain. It had worked while they were investigating, but now that they were done, ready to move forward, it was tearing him up again. Threatening to cut off his oxygen. His very heartbeat.
He was looking for a reason to run so that he didn’t have to stay and fight. Hannelore would surely kill him for such selfish audacity. But he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to fight the battle being staged.
“How do I arrest someone I genuinely love?” He choked on the question he had yet to voice.
“Because despite the betrayal, I still love her. Alison is still my guardian. My family. The bond isn’t broken.
It’s still there. I feel the connection with every breath, and it’s destroying me that I’ll be the one to sever it. ”
“Cass, the others. They could handle it for you.”
They could, but he couldn’t allow it. He let his head drop back to the rock wall behind him. “No. It has to be me. I’ll never move past it if I don’t.”
“If you already know what you need to do, then why I am here?”
He turned his head along the rock to look at her. Bathed in beautiful moonlight as she mirrored his position, Daya tipped her head to look back at him.
“To give me strength. Hope.” His serious words devolved into a smile. “Maybe some kisses.”
“Maybe.” Daya’s brown eyes danced with mirth. “But you’ll have to come get them.”
Sliding off the ledge, she swam into the deeper water, drifting toward the center of the pool. Her arms made graceful movements as she floated, waiting for him.
Following her, he let the cool water surround him and headed toward her. The closer he got, the more fog swirled into existence, blocking out her image.
His heart began to ache as the edges of his vision darkened, shrinking the dream smaller and smaller.
Sighing at the familiar shift, Connor leaned his head back to look at the sky. Darkness filled the space, the fog broken up by occasional sparkles that matched the rainbow hues of the rock in his palm.
The fog swirled and dissipated as the sound of footsteps infiltrated his meditation.
Assuming it was Alayna returning since only a few moments had passed, he continued his breathing.
Each repetition steadied him, gave him strength.
Finally opening his eyes, he turned around to see his guardian sitting on a bench, watching him.
“Alison,” he said, surprised.
“Hello, my soul-son. I think it’s time we talked.”