Chapter 3
F ernfallow was a small settlement nestled against one of many Elven forests. Despite its proximity to Elven territory, Fernfallow housed every manner of being. Elves, Dwarves, Humans. I’d even spotted the much rarer Faelings, a result of Fae mixing their bloodlines with mortal folk. For the first time during our pilgrimage, it appeared as if the eyes of the crowd weren’t solely fixed on me. Faced with wings and hooves, the strangeness of my stark white hair and bright red eyes was hardly something to gawk at.
Nonetheless, Kallistra insisted I keep my hood up and my mouth closed. I could pass for a Faeling, and I had pretended to be one before in a particularly rough situation with some drunk patrons at a tavern we’d stayed in for a night. Better for them to put a name to ‘what’ I was and why I looked the way I looked. It didn’t stop their antagonizing me, but it calmed the worst of it. As a human, I was too odd. Humans had a hard time accepting those of their kind that didn’t exactly fit. Being ‘Faeling’ was better than ‘freak’.
The Minstrel’s Menagerie, the town’s local inn, was one of the largest buildings in Fernfallow, and it was clear why. It was so bustling with people that I thought for sure Kallistra would insist we keep moving and forgo staying in town for a few nights. Maybe the cold and the hunger were getting to her, because she didn’t even mention it. I was grateful for it, too.
We used the last of our gold to pay for a shared room for three nights, setting aside only enough for our meals. I hoped the discouraged look that Kallistra gave the near empty coin purse meant it wouldn’t take much more prodding to convince her we needed to take on a job. If not the weight, or lack thereof, of our coin purse, then the relief of a warm place to sleep at night and a full stomach. Comforts only coin could buy.
The first bite of bread was ecstasy. I was sure I looked like a starved animal, picking at it and dipping it into a stew that I didn’t have the care to question the contents of. Kallistra, too, was rushing through her meal, when typically, she’d be the one to scold me for not pacing myself. It had been that long since we’d had a legitimate dinner, we no longer cared for manners. It was rich and salty, thick and filling, and utterly perfect.
“I’m sorry it took so long to get us here.” Kallistra set down her spoon, her eyes downcast. “The further south we get, the better the weather should be. ”
“It’s not your fault,” I assured her. “You’ve been trying.” I couldn’t fault her for it when she knew close to as little as I did. She’d been trying to find a priestess of our God to teach me how to manage my magic, but that was like finding a needle in a haystack outside of our territory. None of the leads our people had sent her produced any results, and they didn’t allow me the knowledge of more than that.
She nodded her head, though she didn’t seem convinced. “I only want to keep you safe.”
“I know.”
We ate the rest of our meal in silence, with only the noise of the other patrons filling the space between us. Drinking and fighting and gambling. We had nestled ourselves away into the far corner, where the light only dimly lit our table, but we could hardly ignore the chaos that exploded around us. As the night was growing later, the inn was growing more busy with travelers and townsfolk. Each time the door swung open, Kallistra grew increasingly more tense. It wouldn’t be long before she’d say we needed to go upstairs to the room.
“Why don’t you see if the innkeeper has any job listings?” I asked, hoping to distract her from her unease.
“Fine.”
Kallistra returned to her seat with papers in hand, sifting through them with a grimace on her face. “Nope,” she mumbled, tossing one to the side. “No.” Another. “Definitely not.”
I grabbed one of the discarded papers. “Are you being particular, or are they honestly that awful?”
I looked down at the listing I’d snagged from her. It listed a request for rare ingredients to be collected for the local apothecary, Corterly’s Elixirs she’d likely demand I stop breathing, too.
It must have been hours before I heard the door click open and felt Kallistra crawl into the bed beside me. She spoke to me in the dark. “I am not trying to upset you, Nairu. There are things you aren’t privy to—things I have to take into consideration.”
I twisted onto my side to face her. Only the faint outline of her features was visible from the moonlight shining in from the window. “So, tell me.”
I felt the sigh of her breath against my cheek. “ I cannot.”
I flipped onto my back once more. “Because you are Keeper and I am Saintess? Or because you do not trust me?”
“You need to have faith in God. Everything will be worth it in the end.”
I wanted to scream at her. To throw her from the bed and stare into her eyes as I shouted my truth and tried to make her understand. How could she not comprehend how much I’d given up already? How could she expect me to maintain my faith and be grateful when, thus far, my life had been... I’d been isolated and sheltered in a way that had changed me. I was struggling every day not to let it consume me, but I was to maintain my faith? My hope that there was a happy ending waiting for myself and everyone else relying on me at the end of all of this?
My people would never touch me—harm me physically. There were no scars upon my body, no calluses roughening my hands or feet. Instead, they’d taken away every single freedom of choice, from what I wore, to what I ate, to who I talked to. They’d kept me packed away neatly, like a doll in a box.
It wasn’t until Kallistra and I had spent a few months in the Dwarven city Korghrum that I realized it was different—the way I had been raised. It was the first major city we’d stayed in during our pilgrimage, and my first time being around so many strangers. Their behavior was odd. They shared drink and food, laughter and touch. They brawled in taverns, gambled, shouted, and cursed. They were all so very familiar with one another. As it turned out, I was the odd one. It apparently wasn’t normal to live as I had. Alone. And it was then that I realized how painful it was to accept how I had been raised. Amidst all the lively joy in Korghrum, I’d discovered how sheltered and deprived I’d been.
I sighed. I knew there was nothing I could do but endure. “Yes, Kallistra. I know.”
“Try to get some sleep.”
I obeyed her command to the best of my ability, dreaming of faceless parents and dark, empty rooms.