Chapter 34 #2
“Anna's right.” Jaxon's voice held that tone that said he wasn't arguing. “Davies, anything else you need can wait until tomorrow. Harper's been through enough today.”
Davies nodded, tucking away his notepad. “I'll be in touch. Harper,” he paused at the door. “For what it's worth, you're one of the bravest people I've ever met. What you survived today, most people wouldn't have made it out alive.”
After he left, Anna settled into a chair on my other side, taking my hand. “How are you really feeling? And don't say fine because we all know that's a lie.”
“Terrified,” I admitted quietly, the word scraping my throat.
“Anna, I keep seeing Morgan's face when she had that knife pressed to my stomach. Keep hearing her say she was going to make sure I lost everything. What if,” my voice broke.
“What if next time I'm not so lucky? What if next time the baby—”
“Stop.” Anna's voice was firm but gentle.
“Harper, you can't live in what-ifs. Trust me, I know. I spent months living in what-ifs after Daniel, and it almost destroyed me. Yes, what happened today was horrific. Yes, there are still threats out there. But you survived. Your baby survived. And you have an entire community of people who will do anything to keep you safe.”
“She's right,” Jaxon added. “Harper, you're not facing this alone.”
I wanted to trust that love, determination, and community could overcome the kind of evil Victor Ashford represented. But I'd learned the hard way that good didn't always triumph. That bad things happened to undeserving people. That monsters existed and sometimes they won.
And sometimes they came back for you.
“I should go,” Anna said after another few minutes of quiet conversation about nothing important. “You need to rest. But Harper,” she squeezed my hand. “I'm so glad you're okay. When Connor called and said you'd been taken, I thought I'd lost my best friend.”
“You didn't lose me.” I squeezed back, forcing a smile. “I'm too stubborn to leave you stuck planning your wedding alone.”
Anna laughed wetly, tears in her eyes. “That's my girl. Now, get some rest. I'll be back tomorrow to spring you from this place.”
After Anna and Jaxon left, Connor climbed into the hospital bed with me despite it being narrow and clearly meant for one person. He positioned himself carefully to avoid my injuries, his arms gentle around me, his chest solid and warm against my back.
“I'm not leaving,” he said when I started to protest. “Harper, I'm not leaving your side. If the nurses have a problem with it, they can deal with me.” I didn't have the energy to argue. I didn’t want to argue. I just wanted to feel him close, to know he was real and here.
“Connor?” I whispered into the darkness of the room.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“I'm sorry. For not being more careful. For letting Chester out without checking the yard first.”
“Stop.” His arms tightened fractionally. “Harper, none of this is your fault. You were just existing in your own home, and monsters came for you. That's not on you.”
“But if I'd been more cautious—”
“You'd have lived in a prison of fear for the rest of your life.” Connor's lips pressed against the back of my head. “Harper, you can't blame yourself for not predicting what deranged people will do. That's not living. That's just surviving.”
“Maybe surviving is enough right now.”
“Maybe. But one day soon I want you to live again. Really live. Without fear. Without looking over your shoulder wondering when the next attack will come.” His hand found my stomach, resting there with infinite gentleness. “I want that for our baby too. A life without fear.”
I covered his hand with mine, both of us touching the place where our baby grew despite everything. “Do you think that's possible? After everything?”
“I have to believe it is. Because the alternative,” his voice caught. “The alternative is unacceptable.”
We lay like that for a long time, tangled together in the too-small bed, both of us processing the trauma of the day in our own ways. Eventually, I felt Connor's breathing even out, and his body relaxed into sleep even though I knew he'd fought it as long as possible.
I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Morgan's face. Felt the knife against my throat. Felt myself falling down those stairs, helpless to protect the baby, helpless to do anything but fall.
The room was dark except for the glow of monitors and the light from the hallway seeping under the door. Quiet except for Connor's breathing and the distant sounds of the hospital. Life continued while mine felt frozen.
And in that quiet darkness, I finally let myself cry. Silent tears that streamed down my face and soaked into the pillow, my body shaking with sobs I tried to muffle so I wouldn't wake Connor. He needed sleep, needed rest. Needed to not worry about me for five fucking minutes.
We'd survived. But at what cost?
How many more times could I escape death before my luck ran out? How long before Morgan or Victor or someone else from that organization succeeded in what they'd tried to do today? How could I bring a baby into a world where monsters existed and sometimes they won?
What kind of mother brings a child into this nightmare?
The thought made me cry harder, my hand pressed to my stomach where our blueberry grew, oblivious to the danger, oblivious to the fact that their mother was a magnet for violence and chaos.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. You deserve better than this. Better than me. Even as I thought it, I knew I wouldn't give up or stop fighting. Because I refused to let the monsters win.