Chapter 13
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Julia
My head's about to explode. How the hell does he expect me to learn all of this in just a few hours?
My terminal is flooded with errors, and I’m almost certain I broke something because there’s an app repeatedly flashing “Connection Lost” in bright red.
Aaah. At this rate, I’ll never escape. If I can’t prove useful to Maksim, he’ll tire of keeping me around and throw me back to that monster.
For a brief moment, I feel a phantom touch, and a flash of golden tooth flickers in my mind.
Snap out of it, Julia.
It’s past midnight when the bedroom door opens and piercing gray eyes lock onto me. He looks darker, heavier than he did when he left, and before I even think, I’m up and walking toward him.
“Hey, are you okay?”
My question hangs in the air, unanswered. I watch as he shrugs off his jacket, then his shirt, and without meaning to, I catch sight of faint red stains around the cuffs.
Right. It was one of those nights.
When he turns to toss the clothes onto a chair, a scent wafts into my nose. It’s not his scent.
It’s something cloyingly sweet, cheap, and obnoxiously artificial, and without warning, a flicker of anger shoots through me.
Why does it bother me that he was with another woman?
He’s nineteen. Of course, he has needs to satisfy.
Minutes pass, and I have no clue what I’m supposed to do. I watch him sit in the computer chair and start reviewing my work.
“I know I messed something up,” I murmur, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
As the seconds tick by, I’m convinced he’s silently judging me, probably thinking about how stupid I am for not being able to get a program to run. But then I hear his voice.
“You did all this in a few hours?”
I nod, too embarrassed to promise I’ll do better next time, but before I can say a word, he continues.
“Julia, this is incredible.”
My eyes widen automatically. Incredible?
“Are you making fun of me right now?” I ask, giving him a dirty look that should make it clear I’m not in the mood for jokes. I worked hard, even if the result is a failure.
“You missed a parameter in one function, but the rest? Julia, you cut a three-second delay in half. In the real world, that’s a huge improvement for processing images.”
It’s the fascination and pride in his tone that stirs something strange in my chest. Something that is dangerous because it feels like a new addiction.
My every thought has been focused on the twins, on becoming skilled enough to have an advantage, to stay updated on what happens to them. But now, as I look at Maksim, who came back with such a heavy expression and now has the faintest glimmer in his eyes, I realize I didn’t just do it for them.
I wanted to do it for him too.
Because he seems lonely. Because he looks like someone who needs someone to be on his side. And because, even though I know I’ll leave this place eventually, until then, I want him to know he can count on me.
For the next hour, he explains what I could have done differently, shifting seamlessly into details about human trafficking.
He describes how certain shipments follow poorly monitored routes, and that’s where he intervenes.
Together with Akim and a team he formed, he saves a portion of the lives which would otherwise be doomed to hell.
I can feel his exhaustion, so we wrap up the talk about programs, applications, and routes and call it a night.
As the light goes out, the memory of that perfume resurfaces, and before I can stop myself, the words tumble from my mouth.
“Where were you earlier?”
He doesn’t owe me an explanation, yet somehow it feels like I deserve one. Why? I don’t even know.
I hear him exhale, and his voice feels like needles piercing my chest.
“It’s none of your business, Julia.”
I close my eyes and force myself to fall asleep. Because he’s right, it’s not my business. But I wish I could explain that to my heart.
I’m sure this attachment is because of the trauma I’ve been through, and that’s why I’ve clung to him so badly.
Tonight, I won’t reach for his hand. It’s not my place. He’s not mine to make such gestures to.
I know I fell asleep because, in the darkness, I hear sounds, low, guttural noises that freeze my body in place.
Hands grip my legs, lifting them slightly. A sharp pain pierces through me, and whispers tickle my ear.
Get off me!
But there’s no one. It’s just a nightmare; at least rationally, I know that. But I can feel his touch on my chest, my thighs, as if I’m fighting something invisible off me.
“I wish I had more time with you, palomita.”
I’m screaming so hard my throat feels scorched, but it’s the only power I have left.
His hands dig into my flesh, his breath hot against my ear, and every brutal thrust feels like he’s stealing a piece of my soul.
I pray my mind will eventually block out everything that happened with Martin that night, but moments like this remind me that part of me is still trapped there, reliving every agonizing second.
Then I feel a touch. It’s gentle, foreign compared to the aggression earlier. And in that moment, a whisper slips into my subconscious.
“Julia, I’m here.”
That voice, that voice that seems to tame my demons with its quiet authority, makes me open my eyes, and I collide with the color I seem to love most these days.
“Breathe. You’re safe.”
It’s barely a whisper, and then I notice our fingers intertwined.
I don’t ask why he felt the need to do this, this gesture that’s far too intimate for someone who told me earlier that it’s not my business knowing where he was.
When I look at his face, I notice fresh scratches and I feel like I might die of shame because it’s obvious I caused them.
“I’m so sorry, I had a nightmare. I’ll sleep on the floor tonight,” I manage to murmur, embarrassed.
The weight of his stare draws my gaze to his, and I swear there's fury in his eyes.
Great. You’ve successfully pissed off the only person keeping you alive in this place, Julia.
"You’re sleeping right here, next to me."
"You’re bleeding because of what I did to you."
For a moment, I think he might relent, let me sleep on the floor so I can be sure I won’t hurt him again tonight.
"Do you honestly believe a few scratches will keep me away from you when I see you screaming and fighting your own nightmares?"
Please, stop saying things like that.
"Julia."
My name on his lips is barely a whisper, and I don’t want to hear it, not now, not when my heart is racing far too fast for someone who doesn’t seem capable of feeling the same.
It’s the trauma, Julia. It’s just the trauma.
"Tell me a secret," I say, my voice calm as I lean my head back against the pillow.
Our hands are still intertwined, and while I wish I had the strength to pull mine away, I can’t. I don’t want to.
Several moments pass, long enough for me to think he hasn’t heard me, but then his voice breaks the silence.
"I have a twin brother."
Shock must be written all over my face. A twin brother? How? Where?
"When I was born, I had a heart defect. My parents didn’t want a weakness like that in the family, so they gave me up for adoption.
On one of my missions in the States, I saw a photo in the newspaper.
Imagine my shock seeing a version of myself in a suit, looking like he was about to pass the bar exam, while I stood there in ripped jeans and boots. "
His tone is light, almost detached, but I can hear something else beneath it…pain, curiosity, maybe even a hint of longing.
"Did you ever contact him?"
He shakes his head, and the way his body stiffens tells me to drop it.
I squeeze his hand gently, not wanting him to stop. In these rare moments, the cold mask slips away and I catch a glimpse of who Maksim truly is, revealed in that fleeting light in his eyes.
"Tell me another secret," I whisper, knowing I’m asking too much from someone who can’t decide whether to push me away or pull me closer.
"Two secrets in one night? What do I get in return?"
For the first time, there’s a teasing edge to his voice, and I can’t help but like it. He sounds younger, less burdened by life, as if the weight he’s been carrying has eased just a little. And I want more of him like this.
"A promise. At some point, you can ask me for something, and I’ll do it."
I don’t know what possessed me to say that. A promise like this is dangerous, but I don’t want this moment between us to end.
"Hmm, fine. When I was ten, I tried to stab Ivan. I failed, obviously, and as punishment, he made me hurt three boys he’d just brought in: Radu, Piotr, and Ifrim. Their names are tattooed on my back because they died because of my failure."
I stop breathing at his confession. The weight of it, the guilt threaded through his voice, it’s overwhelming. I’ve seen Maksim’s violent side before, like when he shoved that knife into Aleksandr’s hand, but deep down, I know he’s not a monster.
I don’t want to imagine what he felt being forced to do something like that at such a young age.
“You did what you had to do to survive,” I murmur, my voice gentle and free of judgment.
The words feel small, but I mean them. I haven’t witnessed everything that happens in this place, but I can sense the darkness lurking in every corner.
He’s trying to shield me, and others who were unlucky enough to land here, from the worst of it, carrying a burden I can only begin to imagine.
"Maybe I shouldn’t have," he says quietly, his words barely audible.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I turn toward him and cup his face with my hands.
He freezes, a shiver running through him, but I don’t stop. I need him to look at me, to see my face when I say this.
"If you hadn’t survived, hundreds of kids would’ve ended up in this hell.
If you hadn’t survived, no one would be bringing food and medicine to the girls beaten in the basement.
If you hadn’t been here, I wouldn’t still be here, because I know for a fact that I would rather end it all than let someone else touch me against my will again. "
I see his jaw clench, and in the next breath, his hands grip my hips as he flips us, pinning me beneath him. He’s too close, his scent—rosemary and something woodsy—filling every inch of my senses. And all I can think is how much I want to kiss him.
My first real kiss.
"Don’t ever say that again. Do you understand me?" His voice is sharp, commanding.
"It’s the truth. I can still feel his hands on me, Maksim. I still have moments when I hear him, when I feel him above me."
His eyes drop to where his hands rest on my hips, his touch still firm but trembling as if he wants to pull away.
"No. It doesn’t bother me if it’s you," I admit softly, heat flooding my cheeks as the words slip out.
I see the conflict in his eyes. He wants me to believe he doesn’t care, that what he’s done for me is nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s all a facade.
"Please, don’t take your hands off me."
When he’s this close, my senses are overwritten, and I know the image of Martin couldn’t possibly invade my mind.
He studies me for a few seconds, his gaze unrelenting, and then murmurs in a low voice, "I’m not the hero in your story, Julia."
I place my hands over his, lifting my eyes to meet his.
"Good. Because a hero wouldn’t help me burn this house down when I leave it."
A fleeting smile crosses his lips, and he shakes his head slightly before settling back onto his side of the bed.
Under the blanket, I hook my pinky around his, and I know sleep will reclaim me soon.
My last thought is how much I would have liked to kiss that smile of his.
And I know I’m screwed. Royally.