Chapter 16
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Julia
Three days have passed since the incident with the man who broke down my door and chased me down the stairs, and it’s as if the whole thing has been erased from everyone’s memory. No one looks in my direction anymore. No one even dares to breathe near me.
Every day, Maksim paints fake bruises on my arms for appearances, though they’re pointless this time because my body is already covered in real ones from fighting off that animal.
Maksim has retreated back into his impenetrable bubble, shutting me out like before. The only time he lets his guard down is at night when we lie in bed and our hands intertwine beneath the covers.
The training? It’s…going okay.
I’ve discovered that the machine gun is definitely my favorite weapon, but hand-to-hand combat? I’m terrible at it. I’m too impatient, burn through my energy too quickly, and every time I mess up, I see the flicker of irritation on Maksim’s face.
He never touches me during training; his strikes always stop just an inch short of making contact, but it’s enough to send a clear message: someone else wouldn’t stop.
Akim, on the other hand, has become the only person I actually talk to anymore.
This morning, when Maksim and I leave the mansion and head toward the barn for another round of pistol training, Akim surprises me by walking up with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands. My favorite flowers. My eyes instantly well up with tears.
“Akim,” I whisper, reaching for them like they’re the most precious thing in the world.
“Happy birthday, Julia,” he says softly, looking a little awkward but sincere.
“They’re beautiful,” I murmur before throwing myself into his arms without hesitation.
I stare down at the sunflowers, bright and cheerful, and then back at Akim, who remembered what I told him two days ago about my birthday.
I’d mentioned how my dad used to bring me a bouquet of sunflowers every year, followed by my mom carrying my favorite cake: caramel cream with chocolate and pineapple on top.
“I couldn’t manage the cake,” Akim says with a sheepish smile before glancing over at Maksim and quickly lowering his gaze to the ground.
“You’re the best, Akim!” I say warmly before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.
Because he is the best person here, the only one who makes this place even slightly bearable.
“If you’re done,” Maksim’s voice booms beside me like thunder, “can we get back to training? Or would you prefer everyone sees the woman I shot half my soldiers for kissing my right-hand man?”
I don’t bother explaining that it wasn’t a kiss, it was just a thank you for such a thoughtful gesture. Getting sunflowers in Russia during this season couldn’t have been easy, especially not in just a couple of days.
I can’t ignore the sting in my chest when I realize Maksim didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I don’t know if he missed it when I told Akim, but Maksim is observant. He doesn’t miss details. Which means he chose to ignore it, and that choice gnaws at me.
Not that he’s obligated to do anything for me. It’s enough that he pulled me away from those predators and is giving me a chance to learn how to defend myself.
But training today is brutal, and every sharp glance Maksim throws my way feels like a whip against my skin. Slowly, the good mood I started with fades entirely.
After tossing me onto the mat more times than I can count, things only get worse during gun practice.
“What’s your problem?” I snap, frustrated after missing the target for the fifth time in thirty seconds. He keeps moving it just as I’m about to fire, making it impossible to hit.
“You’re not paying attention,” he says flatly, and for a split second, I imagine making his head my new target.
“I am paying attention but you’re messing with me!”
“If you’d use your brain and actually listen when I talk, maybe you’d hit that damn target for once,” he fires back, and that’s it. I’ve had enough.
I shove the pistol into its holster and turn on my heel, heading back toward the house without another word. If he wants to act like a jerk, let him train alone.
“Julia,” Akim calls softly behind me, but I ignore him too.
Tears sting my eyes as frustration and homesickness crash over me like a tidal wave. I miss my family. I miss the girls. I miss home. All I can think about is how much I want to leave this place, a place that feels like it’s crushing my soul a little more every day.
My steps quicken as I make my way to the small sanctuary of the bedroom, desperate for a moment of peace to pull myself together.
I haven’t even dared to look at the girls today because the ache of missing them grows stronger by the minute.
I’m terrified that one day soon, it’ll push me over the edge and I’ll do something reckless just to escape.
I’m leaning against the headboard of my bed when the door slams open with a loud bang, hitting the wall hard enough to make me flinch. Maksim storms in, his anger palpable.
“What the hell is wrong with you, running off like that? Need I remind you, Julia, that you’re technically still a prisoner?”
Exactly what I needed to hear on my birthday: no “happy birthday,” not even a shred of comfort or kindness.
“How could I forget?” I mutter under my breath, more for myself than for him.
I don’t even look at him. Can’t he see that all I want right now is to be alone?
The air between us crackles with tension, but I refuse to be the one who breaks first. Yes, I know everything he’s done for me. I know he probably saved my life, but today? Today, I don’t want him here. Not when he couldn’t bother to show even an ounce of humanity on a day that means so much to me.
I didn’t need gifts or cake; all I wanted was for him to be warmer, closer, to show me something beyond his usual cold exterior.
Because why can’t my heart beat faster for Akim, the one who’s a thousand times more emotionally available, when all it seems to care about is this perfect example of emotional unavailability?
“You’re not looking at me,” Maksim says quietly, his voice tinged with irritation.
Of course he’s annoyed. The girl who looks at him like he hung the moon suddenly doesn’t want anything to do with him.
“I just need a few minutes, Maksim,” I say firmly.
But naturally, he doesn’t take the hint. Instead of leaving, he stays rooted in place until eventually the mattress dips under his weight as he sits down beside me.
I close my eyes for a moment as his cedarwood scent invades every pore of my skin. It’s maddening how much it affects me. Part of me wants to shake it off physically just to get him out of my system.
“I didn’t get you anything,” he says finally, breaking the silence.
“And he did.” His voice is low but steady now.
“I didn’t hear you tell him about your birthday or about the flowers, and that’s why I took it out on you earlier.
Because when you saw those sunflowers…your whole face lit up, and it wasn’t because of me . Is that what you wanted to hear?”
I shake my head because, no, I’m not satisfied.
How could I be? I’ve fallen for a man who will never allow himself to love me back.
It’s not that he doesn’t notice the little things; he does.
He just chooses to shut them out, to block me out, so he doesn’t have to care.
To maintain this ridiculous distance between us.
Because Maksim doesn’t do feelings.
“Tell me how I can make things better,” he whispers, his hand brushing mine as he hooks his pinky around mine in that quiet, grounding way of his.
I finally lift my gaze to him, taking in the scars that mark his face and make him look older than he is.
My eyes linger on his lips, the ones I’ve dreamed of kissing so many times and then on the dark hair that’s cropped short on the sides but left just long enough on top to fall over his forehead.
I want to run my fingers through it, to feel its softness against my skin.
I know what I could ask him for right now, and maybe—just maybe—he’d give it to me. But it would only make things worse for my heart, and I can’t let myself fall any deeper into this illusion.
I’ll leave this place eventually. And when I do, he’ll forget me.
“Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be fine,” I tell him softly, watching the disappointment flicker in his eyes.
He knows what I wanted to ask. And if I were more selfish, I would’ve asked for it. But if he kissed me now, when the time comes for me to escape this hell, there would be an invisible chain pulling me back to him. A chain I wouldn’t be able to break.
I feel his touch retreat as he stands and hear the door click shut behind him.
Feliz cumpleanos, Julia.
Once I’ve gathered myself, I head back toward the barn to resume training. But as I reach the bottom of the stairs, a scream stops me in my tracks.
My body freezes instinctively, though my mind screams at me to keep walking. It’s not the first time I’ve heard screams or desperate pleas echoing through these walls. It’s not the first time I’ve fallen asleep only to wake up from nightmares of children being hurt here.
But this time…something inside me stirs.
The small pistol tucked into the waistband of my pants presses against my back like a reminder. Without letting myself think, because if I hesitate, I’ll lose my nerve, I follow the sounds toward their source.
The door is wide open when I get there because, of course, no one bothered to close it. The sight inside makes my stomach churn and my breath catch in my throat. I have to physically shake myself to keep from spiraling into a panic attack.
Aleksandr is on top of a girl who can’t be older than sixteen. His hand grips a knife that’s already left jagged cuts across her chest and stomach while she lies cuffed to the bed.
He’s naked, and though I don’t need to look closer to understand what he’s doing as he drags the blade across her skin, bile rises in my throat at the horror of it.