Chapter 33 #2
At the airport, Colin kept touching her. He kept his hand at the small of her back. His fingers brushed her wrist. His knee pressed against hers when they sat at the gate. Every tiny point of contact reminded her that he was there, that he had kept his promise, and that she had kept hers.
Bring Mama home.
Bring Colin home, too.
They had done both. Barely.
On the plane, Maren sat by the window with the letter in her lap. The cabin lights were dim. Outside, the sky was black until the full moon rose over the distant Rockies. They had the row to themselves on the almost empty flight. Colin sat beside her, silent and warm.
Maren reached for his hand. His fingers closed around hers immediately.
“I have to read it,” she whispered.
“I know.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You can.”
She looked down at the envelope.
Maren stared back up at her in her sister’s handwriting.
Maren opened the envelope, took out the single sheet inside, and unfolded it on her lap.
Dear Sister Mine,
I hope you never, ever have to read this letter.
I mean that. I hope this stays sealed forever. I hope I’m the one who walks back into Howell’s office, says ‘hammock’ like a ridiculous ghost from our childhood, collects all this paperwork, and uses it to help Ray burn Warren Voss’s whole rotten kingdom to the ground.
But if you’re reading this, then I failed.
And you, Maren Walsh, are the smartest woman who ever lived because you figured it all out anyway.
Maren’s breath caught. Colin’s hand tightened around hers and he kissed her temple.
She kept reading.
At least, I hope you figured it out with Ray’s help and the two of you are celebrating the downfall of Voss by cracking open a bottle of tequila right now. Ray likes the expensive stuff and pretends he doesn’t. I owe him a bottle. Maybe two.
Please tell me he’s okay.
Maren pressed her free hand over her mouth.
“Ray is not okay,” she whispered as tears blurred her eyes.
Ray had died trying to get to her. He had held out and not told Voss a damn thing. He’d kept his promise to Mira.
“He knows,” Colin said softly.
Maren turned her head. “Knows?”
Colin’s eyes were on the letter. “Whatever you need him to know, baby, he knows.”
A tear broke free and slid down her cheek.
She nodded once and kept reading.
Ray is one of the good guys. I know that sounds like something I’d say right before telling you I made a terrible decision, but I mean it.
He believed me when he didn’t have to. He kept digging when everyone else told him to walk away.
If the evidence I gathered is enough, it’s because he helped me make it that way.
It’s all here. Everything I collected. Shipping manifests. Shell company payments and receipts. Procurement names. Contracting officers. The retired admiral. The meeting recording.
Voss doesn’t get dirty. That’s his whole thing. He smiles and makes other people touch the poison for him. But he was in that room, Maren. His voice is on that recording. Ray said it was almost enough.
I hope it’s enough now.
Maren could hear Mira’s voice in every sentence.
Not the imaginary voice she had given herself as a comfort since her sister died.
The real one.
Fast. Bright. A little reckless. Trying to sound like she wasn’t terrified even when the terror bled through the ink.
Another good guy I need to tell you about is named Sean Volker.
Maren flinched. Colin rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand.
Who is that? you ask.
Excellent question, sister mine.
Sean Volker is Juni’s father.
There it was, in black ink on paper. The truth Mira had taken to her grave.
He was a SWCC I met at absolutely the wrong time in my life. And yes, before you say it, I know there is no right time to fall into bed with a cocky sailor when you are also trying to build a case against a defense contractor with friends in places that scare smarter women than me.
Sean was cocky, because of course he was. Remember how we used to go SEAL hunting?
Okay, how I used to go SEAL hunting while you sat there sipping a club soda with lime for three hours and acting as my designated driver if I failed to bag one?
Maren laughed. It came out broken and wet, but it was a laugh.
“Mira,” she said helplessly. “God, you were a pain in the ass then.”
Colin wrapped his arm around Maren and squeezed.
Sean had swagger. God, did he have swagger.
But there was so much more to him. He had this quietness under it.
A gentleness. You wouldn’t have expected it from the way he joked with his friends or talked them into doing something stupid, but it was there.
I didn’t know him for long, but I was falling in love with him.
I really, truly was. And miracle of miracles, he felt the same way.
It happened so quick, I don’t think either of us wanted to jinx it. So, we kept things on the down-low.
He talked about his hometown like it was heaven on earth.
Lyons, Colorado. Mountains. A river. His sister, Arden.
He and Arden were fighting when I knew him, but every time he said her name, I could tell he loved her.
He made her sound sweet and strong and stubborn as hell, which means you’d probably be instant besties.
Maren’s tears fell faster now, thinking of Arden and Sean and Juni’s silver-gray eyes.
Remembering Camo pressing his muzzle into Juni’s hand like he had finally come home from a long tour.
He’s gone, Maren.
Sean was KIA.
I didn’t know I was pregnant until after he’d left on his final mission.
I was afraid to contact him and make him lose focus, but I was going to tell him the minute he got home.
Do you remember when I said I had the worst flu of my life and I told you not to visit?
Yeah, I lied. That was the week I found out.
I couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t want to see anyone.
After Juni was born, I wanted to call his sister. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to pack Juni into the car and drive straight to Colorado and put that baby in her arms.
Obviously, I didn’t.
That was probably the wrong choice.
No. It was the wrong choice.
I’m saying that here because if you’re reading this, I don’t get to pretend anymore.
But, I was scared that anything connected to me would become a target. I didn’t know his sister and I didn’t want to drag a total stranger into something dangerous.
Just my twin, apparently.
Maren made a sound that hurt coming out. Colin reached over with his free hand and wiped the tear from her cheek. She leaned into his touch for one second, then forced herself to read the final words her sister wrote:
If the danger is over, find Arden. Find Sean’s family. Juni deserves them. They deserve her.
And you deserve support, Maren. I know they’ll love you.
I know you. I know what you’ll do. You’ll say you’re fine. You’ll say you can handle it. You’ll say you have everything under control while secretly wondering if you are ruining my daughter because you gave her frozen waffles twice in one week or let her watch too much Bluey.
You are not ruining her.
You are the best thing that ever happened to her.
Maren closed her eyes as a sob tore out of her.
The letter blurred.
Colin unbuckled, shifted closer, and pulled her into his arms. He didn’t take the letter. Didn’t tell her to stop. Just held her steady while she broke a little more. Maren cried silently for a minute, curled into a ball on his lap. Colin wrapped around her as much as the airplane seats allowed.
Then she drew in a shaky breath and kept reading.
I know I was the wild one.
Fine. The reckless one.
Fine, fine, the evil twin.
You were the good twin. You always hated when I said that, but it’s true. You see people. You take care of them. You remember the things they love. You can turn a bad day into pancakes and a blanket fort. You can make a scared kid feel safe. A scared sister feel safe.
You always thought I pushed you because I wanted you to be more like me. I didn’t.
I pushed you because I knew you were braver than you thought.
I sold my soul when I worked at LRH. But, maybe I’ve redeemed myself a little bit. I don’t know. I’m not asking you to make me clean. Just finish it if I can’t.
Then go live.
Please, Maren. Live. Not just survive. Not just raise Juni and work and worry and make lists.
Have fun. Fall in love if someone good finds you. Let someone take care of you sometimes, even though I know that will make you itch. Kiss Juni for me. Tell the brothers I love them and that they’re still annoying. Tell Juni to be good.
And if she can’t be good, tell her to be careful.
You be careful too.
But not too careful.
You deserve a good life.
I hope you get it.
I love you, Sister Mine.
Mira
P.S. Meet me at the hammock someday and we’ll catch up.
Maren read the last line twice.
Then a third time.
Her hands shook as she folded the letter carefully and put it back in its envelope and slipped back into her seat. Colin kept hold of her hand.
“She wanted me to find Juni’s family,” Maren whispered.
“And you did, baby.”
“She wanted me to live.”
“Yeah.”
“She wanted me to fall in love if someone good found me.”
Colin’s thumb stilled against the back of her hand. Maren looked at him. His eyes were dark. Tired. Too full.
“You’re good,” she said.
His jaw flexed.
“Baby—”
“You are.” Her voice shook, but she didn’t look away. “You brought me home.”
“Not yet.”
“Yes.” She lifted their joined hands and pressed her mouth to his knuckles. “You did.”
His eyes closed for a second.
When they opened, the look in them stole what was left of her breath.
“I’m going to keep doing it,” he said.
Maren rested her head on his shoulder, Mira’s letter held carefully in her lap. Outside the window, the dark stretched wide beneath them. But they were flying toward Colorado.
Toward Juni.
Toward home.