Chapter 10 - Rachel
I feel whole, and it's been a very long time since I've felt that way.
This might all be a dream. A thing of the moment, born from trauma and desperation and two broken people finding each other in the wreckage. But it's worth pursuing. Ryan can't really be worse than everything I've already gone through.
And honestly? The bar is pretty fucking low at this point.
But before I agree one hundred percent to stay, there's something I've been curious about. Something that's been nagging at me since he said he doesn't believe he deserves happiness.
"Ryan?" I prop myself up on one elbow, looking at him. "What happened? To make you think you're not worthy of happiness?"
His whole body tenses. Those gray eyes shutter closed, walls slamming back up so fast I almost regret asking.
"I never talk about this," he says quietly.
"You don't have to—"
"No." He takes a breath, and I can see him struggling. "You shared your shit with me. Fair's fair."
He's silent for a long moment, and I wait. Give him time to find the words.
"Afghanistan," he finally says, his voice rough. "Five years ago. My best friend Jamie and I were on a recon mission when everything went sideways. We got compromised, took heavy fire, had to retreat."
He pauses, jaw clenching.
"Jamie took a round to the chest during the retreat. Went down hard. I started to go back for him, but our CO ordered me to keep moving. Said the mission came first, that we'd extract Jamie's body later."
Oh God. I can see where this is going.
"So, I kept moving," Ryan continues, and there's such pain in his voice it physically hurts to hear. "Completed the mission. Got the intel. Came back for Jamie six hours later, and he was gone. Taliban had taken the body. I never..." He swallows hard. "I never got to bring him home."
"Ryan, that wasn't your fault," I say softly. "You were following orders."
"Doesn't matter. I left him behind. Chose the mission over my brother.
" His hands curl into fists. "They gave me a medal for it.
Told me I made the right call. But how can it be right when Jamie's parents never got to bury their son?
When I dream about him every fucking night, wondering if he was still alive when I left? If I could have saved him if I'd just—"
"Stop." I place my hand over his fist. "You can't torture yourself with what-ifs. You made a choice in an impossible situation. That doesn't make you unworthy of happiness."
"Felt like it did. Still does sometimes.
" He looks at me, and his eyes are haunted.
"After I got out, I drifted for a while.
Couldn't hold down a job, couldn't connect with people.
Couldn't look at myself in the mirror without seeing Jamie's face.
Eventually found the Savage Riders through a friend who knew I had. .. particular skills they might need."
"And they helped you?"
"They gave me purpose. Structure. A mission that felt like it mattered. Protecting people instead of just following orders blindly."
I'm quiet for a moment, processing everything he's told me. "I'm sorry for asking. I didn't mean to make you relive—"
"It's fine," he interrupts, and he actually sounds like he means it. "It feels good to finally share that with someone. But I've also been used to surviving on my own for so long, I don't really know how to do it any other way."
"What about your parents?" I ask, because I might as well get all the heavy shit out in one conversation. "You mentioned they're in prison."
Ryan's expression hardens. "My father tried to kill my mother during one of their fights. Beat her half to death with a tire iron. She survived, testified against him, but then it came out she'd helped him hide a body from a previous assault."
Jesus Christ.
"They both got fifteen to twenty. Haven't seen or talked to either of them in five years.
Cut all ties." He meets my eyes. "They spent my entire childhood beating each other, then claiming they loved each other.
That's what love looked like in my house.
Violence and obsession and toxicity. So yeah, I don't exactly have a great template for relationships. "
I wrap my arms around him without thinking, pulling him close despite our naked, sweaty bodies. He stiffens for a second, then relaxes into the embrace.
"I'm sorry," I whisper against his chest. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch yesterday. I should have been aware that just because I'm suffering doesn't mean others aren't."
Ryan kisses my forehead, "It's fine. We're all carrying shit. That's kind of the point, right? Finding people who understand what it's like to survive things that should have destroyed you."
“We found each other.” I tell him and he smiles back.
I can still feel his cum inside me, warm and wet, bubbles trickling out of my pussy onto the already-soaked sheets. It feels fucking fantastic, but I really need to clean myself and pee before I get a UTI.
"I need to use the bathroom," I say reluctantly, pulling away from his warmth.
"Go ahead. I should probably check my shoulder anyway. Luna's going to kill me for fucking on fresh stitches."
I laugh despite myself and pad naked to the small attached bathroom. After I pee and clean myself up as best I can with some toilet paper and water, there's a knock on the door.
The bedroom door, not the bathroom.
Goddamn it.
I peek out of the bathroom to see Ryan looking at me with raised eyebrows. He's still naked, still sprawled across the bed like some kind of post-sex god.
"Want me to get it?" he mouths.
I shake my head and grab a towel, wrapping it around myself before opening the door just a crack.
It's Luna.
Of fucking course it is.
She takes one look at me. Disheveled, wrapped in a towel, clearly freshly fucked, then peers past me to where Ryan is very obviously naked on the bed. Her face breaks into a huge grin.
"Well, well, well," she says, laughing. "You two didn't waste any time, did you?"
My face burns. "Luna, I—"
"Relax, honey. I'm not judging." She's still grinning. "I knew it would happen. Just didn't expect it to happen this soon. You work fast, Shadow."
"Apparently," Ryan calls from the bed, and I can hear the amusement in his voice.
Luna shakes her head, still smiling. "Anyway, I came to tell you both that everyone's downstairs. We're having a celebration. All the bikers and the women who were saved last night. Some of them will be leaving soon to go back to their families, so we want to give them a proper send-off."
"We'll be down in a few minutes," I manage.
"Take your time. But not too much time. King wants to make a speech, and you know how he gets when people are late." Luna winks at me and also hands me a pair of new clothes. "Glad you're feeling better, Rachel. And Shadow? Try not to tear your stitches again."
She leaves, and I close the door, leaning against it and groaning.
"Well, that was mortifying."
Ryan actually laughs—a real laugh, deep and genuine. "I can't believe a man with my name got caught so easily. Some fucking shadow I am."
I turn to look at him, and despite my embarrassment, I'm laughing too. "At least everyone knows now. We won't have to hide or sneak around."
"True." He stands and starts gathering his clothes. "Might as well own it."
As he pulls on his jeans, I notice him grit his teeth, his face tightening with pain.
"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned.
"Shoulder still hurts a bit," he admits. "But I'll be fine. The pain was worth it." He looks at me, and there's such heat in his eyes. "I'd do it all over again for you. The ultimate prize."
This man… This damaged, deadly, surprisingly tender man, might actually mean that.
And I might actually be starting to believe him.
I get dressed in the clothes Luna brought me just now—actual jeans and a t-shirt that fit properly, thank God, and we head downstairs together. Ryan's hand finds mine as we walk, and I don't pull away.
The main room of the clubhouse is packed with people.
All the Savage Riders are there and Shadow tells me all their names: King and Luna, Tank and Amelia with little Anna, Beast and Jenny, Rage and Claire with Eli, Torch and Sidney with Max.
Chaos is talking with Rookie, another prospect.
And scattered among them are the five other women who were rescued with me last night.
Sarah sees me first and rushes over, pulling me into a hug. "Rachel! Oh my God, I was worried when you locked yourself in that room. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I tell her honestly. "Better than fine, actually."
She notices my hand in Ryan's and grins. "I can see that. Good for you, girl."
Maria approaches us, her eyes still red from crying but looking more composed than she did in the van. "Thank you," she says quietly to Ryan. "For saving us. For everything."
Ryan nods, clearly uncomfortable with the gratitude but accepting it. "You're safe now. That's what matters."
King stands on a small platform at the front of the room, and the noise gradually dies down as everyone turns to look at him.
"Brothers, sisters, friends," he begins, his voice carrying easily across the room. "Last night, we dealt a major blow to the Iron Eagles. We eliminated their leadership, destroyed their new clubhouse, and most importantly, we brought home six women who were being held against their will."
There are applause and cheering, and I feel Ryan's hand tighten around mine.
"Vulture is dead," King continues. "The threat to our club, our families, and our town is over. We can finally move forward instead of constantly looking over our shoulders."
More cheering.
"But this victory came at a cost," King says, his expression sobering. "Shadow took a bullet protecting these women. Several brothers sustained injuries during the raid. And we can never forget the blood that was spilled to get here."
The room falls silent.
"So today, we celebrate," King says, raising a beer. "We celebrate the end of a war. We celebrate the safety of innocent lives. And we celebrate the brotherhood that makes all of this possible. To the Savage Riders!"
"To the Savage Riders!" everyone echoes, raising their drinks.
The party kicks into full swing after that. Music starts playing, food appears from somewhere, and the atmosphere shifts from somber to celebratory.
Ryan stays close to me, introducing me to brothers I haven't met yet. Chaos grins when he sees us together and makes some comment about Shadow finally getting some, which earns him a middle finger from Ryan but also a smile.
Luna pulls me aside at one point, her expression turning serious. "How are you really doing, Rachel? I know last night was traumatic, and jumping into bed with Shadow this morning might have been—"
"It was exactly what I needed," I interrupt. "I know it seems fast. I know it probably looks like trauma bonding or whatever psychological term you want to use. But Ryan makes me feel... safe. Worthy. Like I matter."
"Okay. As long as you're sure. Just know that we're here if you need anything—therapy, a place to stay, help figuring out your next steps. You're not alone anymore."
"Thank you," I say, and I mean it. "For everything."
Sarah and the other women gather around me, all of them looking healthier and more hopeful than they did last night. They're all leaving tomorrow: going back to families, starting over in new cities, beginning the long process of healing.
But I'm staying.
With Ryan. With the Savage Riders. With this found family that rescued me and gave me a second chance.
As the party continues, Ryan pulls me aside to a quieter corner of the room.
"You sure about this?" he asks. "Staying here, staying with me. You can still leave. Go anywhere you want. Start fresh somewhere new."
I look at this man, this shadow who stepped into the light for me. Who took a bullet without hesitation. Who shared his deepest pain and made me feel beautiful and worthy and whole.
"I'm sure," I tell him. "Maybe we're doing this backwards. Maybe we're starting at the end and working our way to the beginning. But I want to try. I want to see where this goes."
"Even though I'm fucked up?"
"Especially because you're fucked up. We match." I grin at him. "Like you said, you already took a bullet for me. Seems like a waste to not see if this could be something."
Ryan pulls me close, and I can feel his heart beating against mine. "I don't know how to do this," he admits. "How to be in a relationship. How to let someone in."
"Good thing I don't know either," I say. "We can figure it out together. Make our own rules."
"Our own rules," he repeats, and I can hear the smile in his voice. "I like that."
He kisses me then, right there in front of everyone. It's not the desperate, hungry kiss from earlier. This is slower, deeper, a promise of things to come.
When we pull apart, I realize the whole room is watching us. Beast is grinning like a maniac. Jenny is wiping away tears. King and Luna are smiling at each other like they understand exactly what this feels like.
"Well," Chaos calls out. "I guess Shadow finally found his light!"
Everyone laughs, and even Ryan cracks a real smile.
The party continues late into the night.
I meet everyone properly, learn the stories of how each couple found each other against impossible odds.
Tank tells me about reconnecting with his sister Jenny.
Claire talks about finding Rage and gaining an instant family with Eli.
Torch shows me pictures of Max and talks about being a surprise father.
These people… These rough, scarred, damaged bikers and the women who love them have become my family in the space of a single night.
And Ryan, my shadow who stepped into the light, has become my home.