Chapter 28 #2
Jesus. They all had to know what was going on.
Zack and I hadn’t hidden our relationship—even though all those assholes had kept his cheating secret from me—and now Braden and I were obviously a couple.
Again, I felt the flames of embarrassment flicking my cheeks, no doubt making them as red as the vinyl covering on the booths we sat in.
But it didn’t matter. I only needed to get this over with and then I could move on.
Putting my jacket back on—because, even though spring was on the way, it was still quite cold outdoors—I followed Zack out of the diner.
The parking lot was small and the building had windows all across the front, plus it was still light outdoors.
But Zack walked to the side where there were no windows—and, for that, I was relieved, because I didn’t want anyone we were with to see what would no doubt become an uncontrolled shouting match.
I’d barely spoken to this man since our breakup, and I wasn’t in a good space to have a calm conversation.
At any rate, he seemed sober—or at least lucid.
The dormant volcano was awake and ready to blow.
“So…you and Braden?” The features on his face were contorted into a look of half-anger, half-smugness. How could I ever have loved him?
The venom rushed out of my mouth. “Why do you care?”
“I guess I’m a little surprised that you didn’t waste time. I mean, my bed’s not even cold yet—”
“That’s rich coming from you. Your fucking bed was never cold—and neither was your dressing room, backstage, the bus, and wherever else you thought was a good place to smash a groupie where I wouldn’t catch you.”
I prepared myself for more of the same bullshit he’d served that night in my dressing room after I’d discovered the truth—he’d tell me it was his God-given right to screw as many groupies as was humanly possible or he’d say he never promised to be faithful, so why was I acting like a typical woman?
But, just like that, his face softened. We’d been here before too—the first time he’d cheated on me, where he apologized and promised it wouldn’t happen again. So I steeled myself to not fall victim to his lies again.
The way he spoke, though…there was a tone I’d never heard before, a vulnerability. The man who opened his mouth wasn’t rock star Zack.
He was my best friend.
“You’re right. I fucked this up. I was full of myself, believing my press, drunk all the time, high for half of it, and taking any piece that wanted a taste of me.”
I hadn’t expected him to be this honest—at least, not without fighting through it first. But part of me wondered if this was just his way to weasel out of an honest conversation.
“Yeah, you did. And it’s not the first time.
I actually forgave you the first time, but I don’t think you ever thought of me at all. You were just thinking about yourself.”
I was still so angry…but he wasn’t fighting me. He was nodding, taking everything I threw at him, looking down at the asphalt—perhaps in shame.
But when he lifted his eyes, they seemed clearer than they had in a long time.
“I’ve lost all control, Dani…and I’m barely holding on—not just drinking, but drugs and sex.
It’s like I can’t stop myself.” His eyes took on a watery quality, but I had to be strong.
We’d had this conversation before. “And I fucking hate myself for it.”
That, though…that was new.
And he took my hands into his—and I didn’t pull them back. “I love you, Dani Mankin. I always have…but I’ve never been good at showing it.”
I couldn’t help the sarcastic huff that exited my mouth.
Ignoring it, he searched my eyes. “I know you think I was using you, and I questioned myself, trying to figure out if I was. But that’s not it. I have loved you from the beginning—I just don’t know how to not fuck up everything I touch.”
As much as I resisted, I couldn’t help wanting to believe him. His voice was stripped bare, earnest and soft—and my heart responded, completely ignoring my brain.
What the hell was I thinking?
“I get why you’re with Bray. He’s everything I’m not.”
“And it’s too late, Zack. You can’t just ask me to forget how you’ve shredded my heart—and I can’t keep letting you do that.”
“I’m not asking you to. I just…” Again, he looked at his boots, his hands still gripping mine like a lifeline. “Just don’t give up on me. Not yet.”
My heart thudded in my chest—because I could talk a good game. I could pretend to be strong and invincible…but I still loved him. Despite his flaws and all the times he’d hurt me, he still took up a huge space in my heart.
And as he squeezed my hands and looked back at me with those sharp green eyes of his, I hated myself. Because no matter how much I wished I could walk away, I couldn’t.
I wasn’t done with Zack Ryan. I still loved him, and I couldn’t stop.
We walked back in the diner as the plates of burgers and fries were being delivered. I felt shaken to the core—and when I got back to the booth, Braden’s sweet brown eyes searched mine. “You okay?”
Jesus. He could tell something was wrong.
I lied. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
But I was far from it.
Thank you so much for reading part two of Dani’s story. The tumultuous conclusion is coming soon in Save Me!