Chapter Twenty-Six
Mase
Ilean a shoulder against the doorframe of Jayne’s bedroom, watching as she zips up a bag, her hair hanging in loose waves down her back.
Ever since the blonde roots started showing a couple of days ago, I’ve been wondering what it would look like natural. I’ve gotten so used to the chocolatey brown color that I can hardly remember what it looked like in high school.
A section falls over her shoulder when she leans forward, the strands making me wonder what they’d feel like between my fingertips. What scent would float into my nose if I dipped my head there and inhaled?
I snap myself out of those thoughts and adjust my shoulder against the doorframe.
“How long have you been dyeing your hair?” I ask before I can stop myself.
Gray eyes land on me over her shoulder before she looks away, touching the ends of her hair almost self-consciously. “About two years.”
The same amount of time she’s been working at that shithole. My gaze slides down to her forearms covered in layers, thinking for the hundredth time about the cuts underneath and when she might have started making them.
“It’s odd how, after barely two weeks, my apartment can feel so foreign,” Jayne says, pulling my eyes from her arms and stopping the questions from tumbling out.
Two weeks. Has it really only been that long since she moved into my apartment? I guess when two people are forced to spend all their free time together, time gets altered. Things move faster, yet slower.
I internally scoff. Forced. The only forcing on my end was me forcing myself into her life.
I glance around her room, thinking about what she said.
A similar feeling has been plaguing me lately, only in my case, it feels foreign when I think about my apartment without her in it.
She’s made it a home, her presence there a comfort, even though I’ve had to push myself harder at the gym, and my fingers are turning more calloused from nights playing my guitar.
I’m becoming entirely too used to her being with me.
And I know I need to cut off thoughts like that. I need to create space again.
Someone like me can’t keep someone like her.
Jayne huffs a laugh, looking past me into the living area. “Of course, it could have to do with all the work equipment scattered about.”
I glance behind me, looking at the gaping hole in the ceiling and the mess they’ve made everywhere, then back to her room. “At least they haven’t dirtied your bedroom.”
Nodding, she hoists the bag onto her shoulder. “I think that’s everything.”
When she steps toward me, I take the bag from her hand, seeing the protest on the tip of her tongue before she swallows it down and accepts my help.
She’s been doing that a lot more lately.
Sweet coconut swirls around me as she passes and I breathe in deeply; half obsessed with the scent. I thought it was from the bodywash I got her, but now I’m wondering if it’s her hair.
“If you forgot anything, we can always stop by again.”
Jayne nods, giving a half smile. “I’m going to let Clint know that we’re done in here, then we can go home.”
Home. It appears I’m not the only one who’s been having those types of thoughts lately. The type where my apartment is home and she belongs there.
After my last encounter with Clint, I figure it’s best that I don’t go with her into Budz!, and instead take her bag to the truck while I wait.
Jayne seems extra fidgety after we start driving, her fingers twisting in her lap.
The radio has been filling in the background noise, but halfway through the drive, I switch it off. “Everything okay?”
Her fingers cease moving as she turns to me. “It’s just . . . are you sure it’s okay for me to keep staying? I can get a hotel or something.”
I’m shaking my head before she’s even finished the ridiculous suggestion. “No. I’m more than happy to help.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
I hear her soft sigh, her fingers remaining still out of the corner of my eye. “Okay.”
Despite knowing I’m supposed to be creating space, and despite the warning in my head to leave her the fuck alone, I still find myself turning to her at the next red light. “Do you want to come to the gym with me today, then go to work from there?”
A small smile turns her lips up as she faces me, her eyes giving off a blueish hue today. “Yeah. I think I might do that.”
I return her smile, then face forward again once the light turns green.
Coming to a couple of my classes and having a few workout sessions has done wonders for her. I can’t explain how much better it makes me feel knowing she’s gaining strength and is now better equipped to protect herself at work.
Work, where she dances, almost naked, in front of other people . . .
Well, that’s one way to put a damper on my mood.
Realizing I’m strangling the steering wheel, I shake my head internally and loosen my grip, relaxing my shoulders. “We can focus on legs today.”
Before Jayne can reply, my phone chimes with my mom’s ringtone.
Sitting a little straighter, I answer the call, putting it on speaker. Mom hardly ever calls me, so of course, my mind goes to the worst-case scenario.
“Mom?”
“Hi, honey.” Her voice sounds as calm and gentle as ever, not distraught or urgent. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Not at all, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I went to watch a movie and realized I’ve been signed out of both Netflix and Disney.”
I huff out a breath, relaxing back in my seat while my lips twitch. I swear I hear an amused sound from Jayne as well.
At least it’s not an emergency.
“I can come by and sign you in again.”
There isn’t much she can do anymore, so she relies heavily on movies for entertainment when she’s in her room.
“Only when you’re not busy.”
I peek over at Jayne, but her eyes are fixed ahead. “I can stop by on the way to work today.”
“Only if it’s convenient. Thank you, sweetheart. What would I do without you?” That familiar ache pokes at me, but before it can spread, Mom speaks again, causing my brows to draw together instead. “Heidi will be here, by the way. Maybe you two could talk a little?”
“Mom.” My eyes flicker to Jayne again, but now she’s looking out the window. This is not the type of conversation I want to have in front of her.
“I’m just saying,” Mom says softly. “There could be something there.”
I almost laugh. There will never be anything there, but I don’t say that. “I have to go, Mom. I’ll see you later.”
“See you later.”
We come to another set of lights, and I look back at Jayne.
Her gaze is still locked out the window, and I have the urge to explain myself to her, explain that it’s not what it sounds like.
But she’d probably wonder why I was telling her.
We’re not a couple, and the only reason Jayne is even in my car, in my apartment, in my life, is because I forced her to be.
I obviously haven’t told Mom about her yet.
I don’t know why.
Actually, that’s a lie. I do know why.
I wasn’t sure how to explain that the same girl Jacob attacked is now staying in my apartment.
I didn’t know how to tell her that I pushed myself into her life, that I was persistent in trying to make it better, like it was my soul’s purpose.
Mom might think I sought Jayne out, and that it wasn’t by accident.
She might think I was trying to fix something I didn’t do, just like she told me weeks ago.
And she’d be right about that part.
At least, that’s what it was originally.
Or maybe she’d simply be pleased that I’m not alone. She’s been pestering me about not having someone, so maybe she’d be happy.
But I don’t have Jayne. And I never will.
Once her roof is fixed, she’ll be going home, and I will be leaving her alone at that point.
“I hope you don’t mind a detour on the way to the gym,” I finally say. “Mom can’t press buttons very well, and having access to movies is important.”
She finally turns to me, an almost detached look in her eyes now. “I’m actually a little tired, so I might skip the gym today and just stay home and play with Lulu instead.”
Disappointment carves a space in my gut. “Oh. You sure?”
“Yeah.” Jayne shrugs. “It works out better for you, anyway. You won’t have to rush when you’re at your mom’s.”
This time, I think I want to rush, especially knowing Heidi’s there.
I open my mouth to argue that point but stop myself. I’m supposed to be creating distance, aren’t I?
So, instead of explaining anything, I just dip my chin in response. “Sure.”
I’ll stay at home until the last moment, so I only have a few minutes to log Mom in, then leave. There will be no lingering, no chatting with Heidi.
I figure Jayne and I can at least eat some lunch together at home before I go.
But the moment we step through the door, she scoops Lulu into her arms and closes her bedroom door behind her with a soft click.