Chapter 42 #2
“Of course, I’m sure. Gerald had his contacts look into him yesterday, and we got the call this morning.”
A ragged breath leaves Jayne, her head shaking again. “No. This isn’t right. You need to check again.”
“Jennifer—”
“Check again!” Jayne bursts to her feet, hands tangled in her golden waves while her chest rises and falls rapidly.
Her mom places her mug on the table beside her, irritation in her movements. “I will not be checking again.”
“Then I will.” The panicked croak in Jayne’s voice is indication that she’s seconds away from crumbling. “Give me a number.”
“No,” her mom replies, refusing to back down. “These people are not imbeciles, Jennifer. They did not get that information simply on hearsay.”
Jayne’s hand is shaking when she lifts it to her chest. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
With furrowed brows, I watch as her wobbly legs give out, and she collapses back onto the chair, folding forward with her head in her hands.
I pull her into me, holding her tight so she doesn’t break apart.
“So, what happens now?” I ask, turning back to them. “We just leave it be?”
Her mom’s gaze settles on me, lips pursed, no doubt because of Jayne’s reaction.
“Exactly. Doing anything now would be like trying to scale a tall, smooth concrete wall with no footholds. No judge will want to touch it, not when there’s another assault charge against him.
And the firm won’t be admitting any wrongdoing on their part, especially if he’s in prison again. It’s a lost cause.”
My stomach sinks. After all this waiting, the anxiety, the pain, the suffering . . . it suddenly feels like it was all for nothing.
And we’re just supposed to, what? Accept this and move the fuck on?
I had believed wholeheartedly that Jacob was guilty the last time. Now, after being so fucking wrong about that, and after having dealt with some of my past issues, I’m finding it hard to have that same conviction, even after Jayne’s mom is saying it as fact.
“And if she still chose to go ahead with it, would she have your support?”
Jayne’s mother chokes out an incredulous laugh, as if what I said is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.
“There is no going forward with it. That boy is in prison again, and even if by some miracle Jennifer was able to convince someone he was innocent before, it would change absolutely nothing. He is guilty now.”
I feel Jayne’s body trembling in my hold. I’m not sure if she’s listening to what’s being said or just the sound of my heartbeat.
Jayne’s dad, who had remained mostly quiet until now, adjusts his suit jacket as he stares at her. “I know this isn’t what you expected to hear, Jennifer, but I do think this is probably a better outcome.”
“For goodness’ sake, it’s the perfect outcome,” her mom says with no softness, her voice sharp like a whip.
A sound of disbelief vibrates against my chest where Jayne’s face is buried before she turns her head to look at her mom. “I would never have wished for this.”
So, she was listening.
“That may be so, but that doesn’t change anything. Try to make a move now, and you’ll be screaming into a void. Let it go and move on.”
Long seconds pass as she stares at her mom, then finally, her shoulders slump in defeat.
Turning, she looks up at me with the saddest fucking eyes that break my heart. “I think I’d like to go home now. Will you take me home?”
*~*~*~*
Silence grows as we sit on the couch, both of us ruminating on what we found out this morning.
After saying an awkward goodbye to Jayne’s parents, we came straight back here.
The only words spoken were to the private investigator Jayne had hired months ago, to get information about Jacob.
She had stopped calling him when she realized it was more harmful than helpful to her mental health.
But today? Today she needed this information from him.
The investigator was able to confirm that Jacob is in prison again.
She didn’t talk after that.
Now, the silence is starting to scrape at my skull.
I need to know where her mind is at.
Taking her fingers, I lift them to my mouth, brushing them over my lips. “Talk to me, Jayne.”
Several beats pass before she blows out a long steady breath, tears gathering in her eyes. “I just . . . I just keep wondering if this is my fault as well. Did I make him into this person by accusing him in the first place? Did I create a monster? Or was he always on the path to it?”
I knew she would do this. I knew she would start running in circles with her thoughts, wondering if she was to blame again. It scares me because I know what she did to herself in the past.
I continue running her fingers across my lips, back and forth, back and forth—a reminder that she’s not alone this time.
She scoffs out a watery sound. “Maybe I spent these last couple of years torturing myself for no reason.” Turning her head, she rests it on the back of the couch, her eyes landing and staying on me.
“Unfortunately, that’s something we will never know.
” I lean back, resting my head close to hers while keeping her hand in mine.
“I know it’s going to be hard for you to accept, a tough road, but you can’t let it continue torturing you like it was.
” Reaching up, I press a palm to her cheek. “You tried.”
“It seems like there’s always something in the way of me doing what’s right.” Her eyes briefly close, the tears spilling over the edge. “What do you think happened with him, honestly?”
“I really don’t know.” I smooth my thumb over her skin, wiping away the wetness. “It’s been over ten years since we were friends, and I believed the worst of him back then. I have no idea what could be going through his head anymore. And prison would have changed him.”
Guilt still pricks at me when I think about how I wasn’t a friend to him at all.
If I put in more effort back then, would things be different? If I wasn’t so quick to separate myself from him, from the others, would it have helped?
I know I can’t keep dwelling on those thoughts, but those feelings will remain with me, like I know they will with Jayne.
She lifts her hand to rest over mine on her cheek. “I know this is hard for you, too, even though you act strong for me.”
I smile softly. “I’m fine.”
Her eyes trace the shape of my mouth, her lips curving just the slightest in response.
“What are we supposed to do now?” she asks after a beat. “It was all I’ve been thinking about, all I’ve been preparing for mentally.”
Puffing my cheeks, I consider my answer, knowing that she may not like it. Heck, it took me until now to accept that her mom may be right. “I think it might be time to let it go and start to live.”
The corners of her lips turn down. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“We’ll work on it together. One day at a time.”
“Together,” she whispers, her gray eyes still glossy. “God, I’m so lucky to have you.”
Leaning in, I press a kiss to her lips. “Luck has nothing to do with it.”
In fact, it trips me up sometimes when I think of the fact that the two most important women to me are in my life because of something horrific happening to them.
“You saved me,” Jayne says, as if she heard my thoughts. “And I’m not just talking about that horrible night.” She turns her face to kiss my palm. “And I think you saved your mom as well.”
I feel a burn at the backs of my eyes at her unexpected words, my chest tightening along with my throat. “Jayne . . .”
This time, it’s her who leans in for a kiss, her mouth lingering, soft and warm.
Breaking the kiss, she shifts, swinging a leg over my thighs to straddle me. But there’s nothing sexual about the way she presses against me, wrapping her arms around the back of my neck and burying her face in the side of it.
I return her hug, gripping her close. “If my only purpose in life was to save you both, then I’ll gladly accept that fate.”
Pulling back, she holds my face in her hands, slowly shaking her head. “There you go again, reminding me how much I don’t deserve you.” Before I can respond, she leans in to give me another kiss, then returns her face to the crook of my neck, where she often likes to snuggle.
We sit like that for a while, the silence returning, though it doesn’t scrape at me like it did before.
I rub her back in smooth circles, leaning my cheek against her head. We may not have been expecting today to turn out like it did, but I think we’ll be okay.
Jayne finally lifts her head, her beautiful gray eyes running a path over my face.
“My dad and I were going to wait until the Jacob situation was over, but since there is nothing to wait for anymore, I guess there’s nothing stopping us from moving forward with it now.
” At my furrowed brows, she smiles softly.
“The center for women that you wanted to open . . . Your dream . . . My dad is going to fund you.”
“What?” I stare at her, my mouth parted. Did I hear her correctly? “Your dad is going to fund me?”
Jayne nods. “I told him about it and asked him if he would be willing to do that for you. You deserve your dream.”
I continue staring at her, the tightness in my chest returning and intensifying. “There you go again,” I rasp, “reminding me how much I don’t deserve you.”
She leans her brow against mine. “I guess we’ll always be striving to be better for each other, then. And never take our love for granted.”