Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
Yoohoo
‘Insolent child. You will come here and kneel to me. You are in the Hulijing Court. You are under my laws.’
I think fast, trying to find a way out of this mess. The water glistens under the sun, as if beckoning me. I ignore it and try bureaucracy instead.
‘Well, actually, Venerable Matriarch, I am not. I am a ward of Hell. For me to submit your laws, Lord Lei should have granted you a talisman for my passage’ – I flick imaginary dust from my sleeve, sending a silent thanks to Horsey and his snoringly boring lessons on Tian’s administrative rules – ‘Ordinance 832, Article 52. And since I was brought here against my will, the coda of my home realm applies. I do not have to submit to you.’
Her handmaids whisper behind her.
‘I will not stand for such insult in my own court.’
‘Ah, but you’re doing such a good job of standing, Grandmother, especially given your age.’
Her face twists, no longer beautiful, but wretched and blotchy.
And then she stamps her foot. Her flare of temper boosts my confidence.
I would dearly love to laugh at her petty display, but I hold tight to my mahjong face.
I follow my instincts, unsettling her in the best way I know how.
Provoke and insult. In the disorder, surely an escape route will present itself.
I crane my neck to look behind her at her handmaids.
I find the face from my memories. Still exactly the same after all these years.
‘Aiya, Lady Wen! Is that you?’ I smile brightly and wave. She stills, a wariness in her posture.
‘Wah!’ I continue, pretending not to notice her less than warm response.
‘It’s been so long. Oh, my. That powder is doing you no favours.
Makes all your wrinkles’ – I pat the air around my eyes, then gesture at the lines between my nose and the corner of my lips – ‘really noticeable.’ I drag my gaze blatantly to her chest. ‘You really should get better support, my dear.’ I mime pushing up my ta-tas, and stage whisper over the bridge, ‘They’re looking saggy.
Like steamed eggplant.’ I tsk and shake my head.
Lady Wen goes red, and the glare she throws me should really set me ablaze. I am tickled and wish Mr Lee could see this. My momentary glee turns despondent as I remember myself, and remember my priorities. Get out of here and back to Mr Lee.
Lady Wen turns on her heel and huffs off. She’s even easier to wind up than Gigi. To think I used to be terrified of her. I call after her, ‘Wonderful to see you! You are as stomach curdling and as devoid of charm as I remember.’
‘How dare you insult my handmaids,’ my grandmother snarls.
Her anger makes me smile. ‘Well, she did try to kill me.’
‘Why couldn’t you just die?’
‘Aw, there’s nothing like a family reunion. So loving.’ My tone is caustic. She’s not paying careful attention to me now, in her rage. I search for opportunities, gaps between her handmaids. They are clustered too close together, fanning out around the end of the bridge.
‘You think you know so much—’
‘Lord Ma did educate me, and he is incredibly thorough—’ I glance behind me wishing there was another way to the far edges of the lake.
‘SILENCE! I will not be disrespected in my own court.’ She stalks down the bridge towards me.
My stomach clenches but I stand my ground, twirling my staff and the chain, forcing her to keep a respectful distance.
‘Where is it?’
‘Where is what?’ I ask, chain whistling by my ears.
‘I have had enough of your impudence, child. Answer me!’
‘I am answering. And my answer is: I have no idea what you are talking about.’
‘The Longnu dragon pearl!’ She stamps her foot again, and I cough to cover up the laugh that bubbles up my throat.
Every time she does that, I get an infusion of courage.
‘Your useless mother stole it from me and gave it to Wang. It’s rightfully mine.
I want it back. Soo saw you in the Treasury. What did you do with it?’
Rightfully hers? The claim makes me pause. Niang Niang moves into my distraction with a fast, hard slap.
‘I am your matriarch, and you will do as I say.’ Her voice is low with warning.
The whole left side of my face throbs, cold and then hot, and tears threaten. But I will not let her dominate me. Instead, I smile, as if I thoroughly enjoyed her slap. Even give her a lazy bow.
‘Venerable Matriarch, I have missed your casual violence. You can slap me all you like. But it won’t slap knowledge into me that I don’t have.’ I think about quoting another ordinance, but that might push her over the edge.
‘The dragon pearl is not anywhere in yin Shanghai. It is not in Wang’s dratted treasury vaults. When he sent you to yang Shanghai I knew he must have sent the pearl with you for safe keeping. Why else have Lady Gi and Ah Lang as your bodyguards?’
I blink at her in confusion. Her accusation is not at all what I was expecting. ‘I don’t have it. I don’t even know what it looks like.’
‘I don’t believe you. That dragon pearl was taken from my treasury. It is mine!’ Her voice shakes and her eyes are wide and wild. I’ve never seen her so unhinged.
‘It’s been nearly a hundred years since Big Wang got that pearl,’ I say, curiosity getting the better of me. ‘Why now? And why in Tian do you think I of all people, have it? I barely own three hair pins. How would I get my hands on a dragon pearl?’
I don’t like the way she narrows her gaze, assessing. ‘You don’t know anything about anything, do you?’
I swing the staff, not hard, but enough to make the whip chain whistle. To remind her that I have not retaliated for her slapping me. And to keep her from getting that close again. ‘I can recite sixty excellent poems about cats – Lord Ma was very insistent on my education.’
I work the staff faster, the whip chain snaps outwards like an angry snake. Niang Niang is forced to back up, hands clenched so tight they tremble.
Her eyes glint. ‘Tell me where the damned pearl is!’
‘Is that why you brought me here?’ I ask. ‘To interrogate me about a pearl I’ve never even seen? You are wasting your time.’
‘You are here because you are obsessed with blaming the hulijing for your own fuck-ups. I caught you sneaking into my Court, attacking my guards and courtiers.’ She gestures to the crowd behind her.
‘We have many witnesses to corroborate my account. Everyone has heard of your infamous inability to control your temper, your arsonist tendencies. Sadly, to protect my own, I had to subdue you, which unfortunately led to injuries that damaged your primordial qi.’
I laugh, though it sounds more like an ugly bark. ‘You’ll have to catch me first. Besides, no one will ever believe your lies. Everyone knows I’d never willingly set foot here.’
Uncertainty crosses her beautiful face, but it’s gone in an instant. ‘It matters not, because in the end, your corpse here in Turquoise Hills will be enough proof. I will have claim to the pearl and the Jade Emperor will compel whoever has it to hand it over.’
I hold on to my mahjong face. My kidnapping is an extreme attempt to hoodwink someone – me, Big Wang, or the Jade Emperor – into handing the pearl over. I know Big Wang must have it, and must have hidden it somewhere safe, but she doesn’t know this. Best not to clue her in.
‘Ok, Grandmother. You got me. I do have it,’ I lie.
‘I took it from the Treasury just before Soo tried to steal it.’ I suck my teeth.
‘But if I give it to you, I want something in exchange. Let me stay here. Your palace is gorgeous. And I’ve always wanted to prance around and show off my ta-tas.
They’re really quite perky, you know. They would do the hulijing proud. ’
Niang Niang frowns, thrown off guard.
I continue feinting. ‘You know what, let’s invoke Ordinance 6.2 of the Treaty. Parley. We can invite the Ministry of Hell to the Hulijing Court to negotiate new terms. You can officially claim ownership of the pearl and formalise my status in your court.’
Her gaze snaps to me, eyes fiery. Oops. I overplayed my hand.
‘You are a mongrel. You deserve to be stripped of your title. If I’d had my way, you would have been erased from Tian the day you were born. I am going to fix that right now.’ From her sleeve, she pulls a shiny silver net and advances down the bridge.
My eyes burn and water. Crap. It’s yin silver. I back away. ‘Now, now, Grandmother, you’re likely tired and grumpy. Old age will do that to you. Maybe a nap will help.’
With that net in her hand, she blocks my advance. The water blocks my retreat. I can’t let her capture me.
‘Impudent runt. This net is woven with the finest yin silver thread. It will leech you of your yin, leaving you a useless shell. And I will dig the pearl out of you with my own hands.’
I back up as she continues towards me. The net glimmers like a shoal of fish in the dawn light.
Tears stream down my face. My skin itches and burns.
She advances, and I retreat until my heel hits the edge of the pavilion.
Behind me is the open expanse of lake. I know my fears aren’t about the water per se, but I’m still not keen on throwing myself into the deep unknown.
Niang Niang senses my hesitation. ‘Nowhere else to go, mongrel.’ The smile my grandmother gives me is full of malice.
Effort makes the mind, eh? Damn you, Horsey. I either stay and suffer while being imprisoned, or jump and suffer, but with a chance at getting back to Mr Lee.
Jump it is.
I blow Niang Niang a kiss. ‘Actually, I have a grindstone to labour. Don’t forget your nap.’ I gesture again to her face. ‘You really need your beauty sleep.’