Chapter 30
Thirty
Rainbows
My hands tremble over Mr Lee, my tears flowing freely. He looks better than he did, no longer a husk like those mortals from my childhood. His chest rises and falls – but the dry rattle that accompanies the movement can’t be anything good. Lord Black kneels to join me.
‘Is Lady Longnu gone?’ I ask.
Lord Black nods. ‘She can only stay for so long as a spiritual projection.’
‘Please send her my most abundant gratitude,’ I say, gazing at Mr Lee. ‘Can you help him?’
‘He’s done very well helping himself. And you too, Lady Jing.’
‘So does that mean yes?’
‘Why do you think it means no?’ Lord Black counters, then laughs heartily. ‘Surprise is what makes life fun, Lady Jing.’
I try very hard to be courteous and pay attention to Lord Black’s mumbo jumbo. He and Lady Longnu have done so much to help me. But all I can hear is the awful sound of Mr Lee’s breathing. A sob tears free. More threaten, and I struggle to swallow them silent.
‘Contain my thoughtlessness, Lady Jing. It has been a tiring day for you. Let me take care of Mr Lee. You will find him in good health very soon.’
My head snaps up. ‘You can heal him?’
Lord Black hmphs, but not unkindly. ‘I am no healer, however, with the help of the yaojing here, I believe Mr Lee will surprise you once more.’
Lord Black gently gathers Mr Lee in his arms and carries him out, nodding as he passes the Jade Emperor, Big Wang, the jiangshi uncles, and Gigi and Lang, who all fall into procession behind him.
He’s taking everyone with him, except—
‘What about me?’ I cry, hurrying after him.
He turns his head to the side but doesn’t look at me. ‘Lady Ay wishes to speak with you. She is in her chambers, awaiting your visit.’
With that, he dips his chin and the entire procession disappears.
I stand before a row of latticed panel doors from my childhood. The place smells the same as I remember. Wax, camphor, jasmine, silkwood. My insides feel wrung out. I’m not sure I have the strength to deal with Lady Ay. There’s too much history here, too much pain.
I bow my head, whisper an apology and turn to leave, but the rotted door slides open. Lady Ay stands before me.
‘You came,’ she says, surprise in her tone.
‘Uh, Lord Black said you wanted to see me.’
She nods, her gaze shy and hopeful. She gestures for me to enter. I hesitate, but she takes my hand in both of hers.
‘Please,’ she says.
My throat tightens. Reluctantly, I step over the threshold into her chambers. A soft blue-and-green carpet depicting clouds and peonies covers most of the floor.
‘Little Jing,’ she says, her eyes shining, her smile as gentle as I remember. ‘I thought I would never see you again.’
She gestures to a table at the side of the room. I sigh, then take a seat. She joins me.
‘Tell me, do you know your Classics?’
I nod. Why does she care?
‘And your sword forms? The thirty-two are the best. Were you taught those?’
‘Yes, Lord Nioh taught me himself.’
‘Oh good. I’m glad. I always heard he was the best of the best. Did you ever learn any Ming poetry? It was always your mother’s favourite.’
I don’t know where she’s going with all these questions. I nod. ‘Ming is Big Wang’s favourite period for literature.’
She nods. ‘Your mother always said it was important to be well versed in both literary and martial arts.’
It’s the same lines Horsey has been feeding me all my life. I put my hands on the table. ‘Why do you care whether I’ve been well taught or not?’
‘Your mother cared, so I care.’
I don’t know what to say. I always thought my mother sold me to buy a great huge diamond.
Knowing Big Wang adopted me, and didn’t buy me, changes how I see him.
But knowing my mother gave me up? That she didn’t bother to try and move to yin Shanghai to raise me there?
It doesn’t change at all how I see her. Lady Ay takes my silence for what it is, years of built-up bitterness.
She tries another tack. ‘Your mother dreamed that you’d go to the best universities, experience the world. But Niang Niang wasn’t going to teach you anything. She wanted to sell you as a kitchen servant, or worse. Your mother begged Big Wang for his help in protecting you.’
‘My mother gave me up. She could’ve fought for me, but she took the easy way out.’
Lady Ay looks hurt. ‘She never gave up on you. We tried so hard, but when we almost lost you to the lake . . . we couldn’t risk keeping you here anymore. You were safest with Big Wang, watched over by Lord Nioh, Lord Ma, and Old Zao. Has Big Wang not been good to you?’
I think back. ‘I was never afraid in Hell. I was never hungry or cold. And apart from that one rainstorm, I never got wet. I hated the water.’
Lady Ay nods, her expression sombre. ‘Lord Black saw what Soo and Wen did to you. He brokered the arrangement between your mother and Big Wang.’
‘Why did she never tell me this herself? Why leave me in the dark? Big Wang certainly could have clued me in before now.’
‘Big Wang tells me you never wanted to believe him when he said you were his ward.’
My shoulders hunch, ashamed at the memory of my tantrums and petty provocations when he spoke about my mother, about me being his ward.
‘Your mother went looking for your father, to get his help in protecting you,’ Lady Ay continues. ‘She wanted to tell you all this herself, but she was caught by demon hunters and murdered before she had the chance.’
We sit in silence. This newfound knowledge twists in my chest. It hurts to breathe.
Lady Ay stands and retrieves a lacquer box from the cabinet behind us.
The box is inlaid with a mother-of-pearl nine-tailed fox peeking out from a coral pavilion, surrounded by blue-green mountains rising from a sapphire sea.
I don’t need to open it to know it is full of her quail-egg jewels. Blues, greens, and so many yellows.
‘This is yours,’ she says.
I don’t move, so Lady Ay opens it for me. The glittering jewels cast rainbows all over the table.
‘I saved them all for you. The yellows were always your favourite.’
‘I don’t understand. My mother loved these, not me.’
Her face falls. ‘You don’t remember? You loved these.
Sometimes you’d come back to her after Niang Niang had scolded you, and you’d be far away.
Your mother would take you into the sun and bring these baubles.
She would hold them and let the rainbows dance on you; it never failed to make you laugh.
Sometimes you liked the other colours, the rubies, the emeralds, the sapphires.
But the yellow ones you said looked like the sun and sparkled—’
‘—like the stars,’ I say. An image of my mother and me floats to the surface of my memories. We lay on a blanket, cuddled together, holding the jewels in rays of sunshine.
Lady Ay takes a silk pouch from the box and removes a huge canary diamond. ‘Your mother wanted you to have this too.’
‘But Big Wang gave her the money—’
‘—to buy it for you. She wanted you to have something to remember her. When she died I had to hide these from Niang Niang. I wanted to bring them to you myself, but when Niang Niang discovered I helped smuggle notes from Lady Rey to the vampires, she confined me to Turquoise Hills and forbade me to leave. Lord Black offered to take the baubles for me, but I promised your mother I would put this around your neck myself and tell you she never stopped loving you.’
She reaches for me, tentative. I don’t lean away.
She clasps the chain around me, her scent swaddling me in memory.
Her hulijing scent layered with flint and pine and ginger.
The diamond is heavy against my chest, but I like the weight.
It reminds me of its presence. I look at Lady Ay. What else had I got wrong?
I push the jewels back to her. ‘You keep these, so you can look at them and remember my mother.’ I gaze at my pendant. ‘I will wear this every day and remember her too.’
‘I am so proud of you, Jing. I know your mother would be too.’ She embraces me, squeezing tight.
‘Why don’t you visit me in Hell?’ I ask. ‘I can show you around.’
Her face lights up. ‘It will be easier now to arrange, given your standing in both Hell and the Hulijing Court. I will speak to Big Wang.’
I hold her hands in mine. My heart feels like it might burst from pain and joy. And then I remember the talisman.
‘Did you swap Mr Lee’s talisman for a fake?’
Lady Ay giggles and holds her finger to her lips.
‘We’re not supposed to interfere in mortal lives.
But’ – she lowers her voice and leans forward – ‘Lord Black let slip something about the mortal Big Wang was summoning to Hell. I knew from Brother Zhu you often handled Big Wang’s deliveries and would likely be the one to meet Mr Lee.
I didn’t like that the talisman would have hurt you.
You used to blister right up if there was even a nugget of yin silver in the same room. So I took matters into my own hands.’
My mahjong face slips for a moment. Mr Lee might have died. But she looks so pleased with how things have turned out, I can’t bring myself to censure her.
‘Abundant gratitude Lady Ay,’ I say weakly. ‘Um, may I ask what Lord Black said about Mr Lee?’
She flicks her water sleeve and giggles, a familiar sound from my childhood.
Like tinkling spirit bells. ‘Lord Black said the mortal had the power to bring rainbows back into your life. I thought the Cosmos might finally be smiling on you, and wanted to give things a little nudge in the right direction. My birthday present to you.’
‘Mr Lee was my birthday present?’
She nods.
I blink at Lady Ay. Her smile is sweet and innocent.
‘To eat or to kiss?’ I blurt out.
Lady Ay hides her face behind her water sleeve, her eyes twinkling with impish delight.