Chapter 6 #2
Ciana stifled an eyeroll. “About what those people were saying. All the rumors about Khento—about how Mariah was responsible.”
Sebastian’s shoulders slumped. He sidled his horse closer to hers. They walked a short distance ahead of the rest of the caravan, out of earshot from even those who might have wind magic.
“The thing is…” Sebastian sighed, running a hand across his face. He looked so tired. Empty. Defeated.
Ciana had never seen him like this. She wasn’t quite sure what to think about it.
“Those rumors—about Mariah hurting people, killing people. They weren’t entirely false.”
Ciana blanched, a wave of shock pushing through her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Sebastian murmured, locking his hazel stare on her, “that when she shifted, people did die. She didn’t mean for it to happen; that much I believe.
She may not have even noticed. But there were people gathered in these risers, and”—he paused— “and she destroyed half of them, just by moving too quickly.”
Ciana couldn’t breathe. “That sounds like an accident. Mariah would never hurt innocents like that.”
“That’s just it, though.” Sebastian faced the sands.
The wind stirred his dark hair, ruffling the neat waves.
“The old Mariah, the one who came to Verith after her birthday wanting to see more of the world and realizing how much she could help it? That girl would never. But as the lords became more hostile toward her… I don’t know. She changed.”
“Of course, she changed,” Ciana snapped. “They tried to kill her. Twice. And then they kidnapped her and tortured her. I would be shocked if she hadn’t changed.”
“I know, I know,” Sebastian said, a hint of frustration tinging his cheeks pink. “But you weren’t with her after her coronation. When she questioned that servant boy, and then Ryland. The Mariah I saw then…there was a darkness in her I didn’t recognize.”
Ciana gazed out across the sands, indignation burning in her throat. Of course, Mariah had grown darker; anyone would, if forced to endure the things she had.
For Ciana, it changed nothing. If Mariah wanted to burn those fuckers in their icy castles, she’d stand proudly at her side and watch.
“She may have grown darker,” Ciana said, “but she’s still our queen. And I will love her through all of it, without hesitation.”
“So will I, Ciana.” Sebastian turned to her again, his expression open. “That’s not what I’m saying. I swore my life to her, until the gods call me home, and I have no intentions of ever backing out of that oath.” He paused, settling back in his saddle.
“I’m only saying that we have a duty to keep her from falling further into that darkness. To keep her returning to the light, to remind her that goodness and humanity and mercy will always prevail.”
The breeze tugged a few loose curls from Ciana’s braid. She nodded slowly, adjusting her grip on her reins.
“So,” she said, softly clearing her throat. “Now that that’s settled. Are we ever going to talk about what happened that last day in Verith?”
The air between them thickened. Ciana’s palms began to sweat, sliding over the soft leather reins. She clenched her thighs to keep them from shaking, her mare’s ears twitching in response.
She willed herself to stay calm. What was it she always told Mariah? Time to put her grown-ass Lady panties on?
“Ciana,” Sebastian began slowly, and the pain in his voice squashed all her resolve. She turned to him, meeting that hazel stare, running her eyes over his handsome, familiar face.
She waited for him to continue, lips parting with her shaky breaths.
“Ciana,” he said again, and gods the way he said her name made her want to cry. Why did it always have to sound like an apology or like he was saying goodbye?
“I don’t know what to say.” His brow furrowed slightly. “I don’t know what to do. You heard what I just told you about what happened in Khento. You’ve seen Mariah. There was so much loss, so much failure—” He hung his head, eyes shuttering closed.
“I thought I’d dealt with the worst of my failures as an Armature when Mariah was taken.
But somehow, all this is so much worse. We got our queen out, but at what cost?
She lost her mom, she lost the man she loves differently than the rest of us, and now, she tells us she lost her magic, too.
” Sebastian’s voice cracked. “What am I supposed to do, knowing how badly I failed her?”
Ciana’s heart broke. The desert breeze brushing her cheeks told her that she was crying, a tear slipping down her skin. “Oh, Sebastian. You didn’t fail. None of what happened has ever been your fault—”
“That’s not the point, Ciana,” he said, eyes flashing. “How can I protect you if I can’t even protect my own queen?”
“You don’t need to protect me, Seb,” Ciana murmured. “I’ve been protecting myself far longer than I’ve known you.”
Sebastian shook his head. “It’s who I am. If I’m with you, Ciana, I will protect you. I have to.”
“Is that not what you do already?” she asked. “You protect us—me—even now. Even before that day in Verith. I’ve always trusted you to do that, even when you didn’t have to.”
“It would be different.” His voice was pained, like saying the words broke something in him. “I can’t… I don’t deserve you, Ciana. Not right now. Not yet.”
Something in that made Ciana’s spine prickle. Heat rushed into her cheeks, but not the good kind.
The angry kind.
“I may be younger than you, Sebastian,” she said, her words icy, “but I can make decisions on my own. I’ve endured things that no girl ever should. And I promise you, I am more than capable of deciding what I do and don’t deserve.”
Sebastian’s eyes widened, jaw falling open. Distantly, she felt the winds stir around her, lifting more curls from around her face.
“Ciana, that’s not—”
She didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. She pressed her heels into her mare’s flank, clicking to her softly, and galloped away.