Chapter 23
The days passed slowly in Andrian’s self-imposed solitude.
He hid in the shadows of his room, ignoring the sun when it rose. Meals came and went. He ate out of necessity; nothing more.
At night he avoided sleep, instead moving to the window and staring longingly at the waxing twin moons overhead. Silver-gold wrapped around him, a sad mockery of that light he ached for so much.
A light he could never let himself know again.
On the third night, the army started to gather.
At first it was just more noise—horses neighing in the stables, soldiers lounging in the gardens, forges firing and hammers ringing against steel. It grew until fires dotted the southern landscape, illuminating pitched tents and banners flapping in the breeze.
The Royals had finally summoned their hosts to Khento. Each family had a free-standing army independent from the Royal Infantry, though they varied widely in size and skill.
Shawth’s force was the most formidable. Most of the banners bore the deep maroon of his house. Beauchamp and Cordaro also had sizable militias, and a few of Hareth’s banners flickered in the moonlight.
Andrian had yet to see any signs of Laurent gold, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
The last thing he wanted was for his little brother to cave, to get wrapped up in this budding war. To end up on the opposite side of a battlefield from Andrian one day.
He also wanted Gabriel to stay safe. To do what he needed to do to keep his new wife and son safe and free from Kol’s wrath.
Andrian stood at the window beneath the moons, scowling at the gathering force—an army to win Kol the continent—when he heard the knock.
It was so soft he didn’t immediately turn, convinced for a moment that it was some creation of his rampant imagination.
He hadn’t felt Kol’s presence in his mind since that day in the great hall, but who knew.
He’d fallen for it so easily before. He didn’t trust himself to ever know the signs again—much less resist them.
Then the knock came again, and this time it wasn’t alone.
“Andrian? I know you’re in there; open up.”
Andrian whirled at the murmured voice, concern and fear hammering through him. His heart lurched into his throat as he strode to the door, shadows whirling in agitation down his arms. He swung open the door and was greeted by Gabriel’s golden irises, brows knitted together in concern.
“What are you doing here, Gabriel?”
His brother swung his head over his shoulder, checking down the hall. He pushed a hand through his golden hair. “We need to talk.”
Andrian let out a low, frustrated growl. “I don’t want to talk.” He made to close the door, but Gabriel’s foot wedged itself between the wood and the frame.
“Andrian,” Gabriel pleaded softly. “Please.” Then, quieter, “For Mother.”
Well, that wasn’t fucking fair. Andrian yanked the door back open with a snarl, some biting comment on the tip of his tongue. Gabriel ignored him, shouldering his way into the room.
“Close the door,” his younger brother said. “Trust me.”
Andrian stared at Gabriel, his moment of lashing anger forgotten. This wasn’t a boy—wasn’t the little brother he’d left behind all those years ago. He wondered, not for the first time, when Gabriel had become a man.
Maybe it was when he saw his older brother gut his father in front of the kingdom’s entire ruling class while a vengeful god from the earliest days of the world watched on with glee.
Andrian swallowed and slowly closed the door. Shadows still danced down his arms, and he didn’t miss the flicker of wariness in Gabriel’s eyes.
But Andrian had spent his whole life around people who’d watched him with that very same expression. Had learned long ago to expect it, anticipate it. To swallow the sting of it the same way they would swallow their unease at the truth of his existence.
“What are you doing here, Gabriel?” Andrian crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t bother pulling back his shadows.
He was too exhausted to do so, anyway.
Gabriel swallowed. He slowly raised his gaze to meet Andrian’s, and a strange, muted expression wrote itself across the tightness of his golden brow.
“Was that really you?”
The world fell away from Andrian.
He knew what Gabriel was asking. It was a question he’d expected, and yet still one he didn’t want to answer. Had it really been him back in the great hall? Had he really been the one to look their father, the man who’d raised them, in the eye and plunge a blade into his heart?
Something—shame or horror or peace—burned in Andrian’s chest. “Most of it,” he answered quietly, no louder than a whisper.
Silence stretched between the brothers. They were as different as their sires, but the bond wrought by a shared mother was still there.
And somehow, that felt more important.
Gabriel slowly shook his head, golden strands brushing across his temple. “I don’t believe you.”
Andrian growled, low and pained. “Believe it, Gabriel. That was me. That has always been me. Father knew it; ever since I was a boy, he knew what I was.” Distaste and self-loathing were bitter in his mouth, on his tongue, in his words.
Gabriel’s head still shook. “No. It wasn’t. I saw you once it was over. You looked like your leash had been snapped. Something was different.” Gabriel paused, his brows still pressed together.
“He was controlling you, wasn’t he? Kol. He was manipulating you, somehow.”
“Stop.” Andrian pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, starting to pace across his room. A well-worn, familiar path.
Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
“Andrian, you know it. It was Kol, not you—”
“I said stop, Gabriel!” Andrian dropped his hands and whirled.
“It doesn’t matter if it was Kol manipulating my mind or if I was acting on my own.
It was still me. My sword that dealt the blow.
My hands that are forever stained.” His voice cracked, and a part of his soul cracked with it.
“There was a part of me that always wanted to do it. A part of me that is glad I did it. I’m the very monster he always told me I’d become. ”
Gabriel was silent for a moment as Andrian’s words fell into the air, dripping through the moonlight streaming in through the windows, splattering like blood on the floor.
“Father was…not a good man,” Gabriel finally said. Andrian drew in a sharp breath. “Especially not to you.” His golden eyes flared. “Don’t think I didn’t see it just because I was young. Even after you left, I heard the way he spoke about you. The way he spoke to Mother.
“But everything he said about you was wrong, Andrian. You have burdens and secrets and scars, but who doesn’t?” Gabriel stepped forward tentatively, as if Andrian was some cornered animal.
He supposed, in a way, he was.
“I may not know you well, but I know one thing for sure.” Another step forward. “Whatever happened in the great hall was not you. Every bit of that was Kol.” Gabriel cautiously lifted a hand, resting it on Andrian’s shoulder.
To Andrian’s surprise, something in him calmed under his brother’s touch.
“You are not the monster,” Gabriel said. “But he is. And after seeing the way he had control of you, I worry—I worry that if you stay here, he will destroy you and all that goodness you try so hard to hide from the world.”
Andrian’s throat burned. A heavy weight settled on him, resting over his heart.
His younger brother looked so much like Julian Laurent, yet in that moment, everything about his words and touch was that of their mother. It shredded Andrian to pieces.
“Where did all this wisdom come from, little brother?”
Gabriel smiled. “You know where.” His smile faltered. “My biggest sadness is knowing you didn’t get to spend more time with her. I was her baby and she loved me, but you… You were everything to her.”
Andrian’s vision blurred. He hastily wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. Wetness stained his skin, but he still lifted his hand to Gabriel’s shoulder.
And pulled his brother in for a tight embrace.
“I still don’t believe you,” he murmured. “But I appreciate you for having faith in me, anyway.”
Gabriel’s arms tightened. “Always, brother.” He released the hug and stepped back, tears now lining his eyes, too.
“So,” he said, a grim smile stretching across his face, the flames of his family and kingdom igniting in his eyes. “Are we breaking you out of here or what?”