Chapter 59
Two days.
Two days since Niktael had kissed her.
Two days since Sebastian had kissed her.
Two days, and Ciana still felt like she was floating.
She stared at the woven branches of the ceiling in her rooms, hands twisting together. It was a quiet, rainy afternoon, and despite the thick forest canopy, rain still drummed a steady rhythm on the boughs.
Every so often, her hand would touch her lips, still not sure what was real.
She’d never thought a kiss could feel like that. It had been so different from the one before Khento. Less cautious, less questioning.
Just more. And his words…
Her gaze drifted to Sebastian, seated in a chair on the other side of the room. His long legs were crossed, muscles in his forearm flexing as he flipped a page of his book.
Ciana swallowed. She talked a big game, but acting on it? That had always scared the shit out of her. Just the idea of something like that used to send tremors down her spine.
Not now. Not this time.
She’d been so lost in her flipped-upside-down world, she hadn’t even realized it was the Summer Solstice. Not until the two full moons had risen the evening before.
Vatha didn’t do much to celebrate the holiday.
These people of logic, science, and reasoning didn’t waste a day reveling in godly magic, not when their inventions powered their lights and cooled their homes.
The day had been theirs to do with as they wished, so Ciana and Sebastian had ventured out from the palace and into the city.
Their companionship was still easy and comfortable, but also different. A new, tentative layer wrapped around them, something glittering with nervousness and uncertainty and a little twinge of fear.
Of course, she was scared. Actually, she was terrified. Not because she thought he would hurt her.
Because she knew he wouldn’t. Only that inevitably, her brokenness would claw its way out, and she would be the one to hurt him.
She hadn’t cared after the incident with Nik. She’d only been desperate for safety, for security, for comfort. For all the things Sebastian could offer her, things that no one else could. But the more time that had passed, the more she was getting in her head about it.
Typical.
“Do you need something, Cee?”
Ciana jolted.
Sebastian hadn’t even looked up from the pages of his book, but the corners of his mouth were curled ever so slightly into a smile.
She crossed her arms, fidgeting with the lacy details in her dress. “No. I’m fine. Just bored.”
“I offered to bring you a book. You said no.”
“But books are boring.”
“You just haven’t found the right one.”
Ciana heaved a sigh, even as Sebastian’s low chuckle had her toes curling in her slippers.
He’d stayed with her again last night. Had hardly left her side since the night they’d kissed. They were orbiting each other, and yet he wasn’t getting any closer. Even when she’d fallen asleep, wrapped tightly in his arms, he hadn’t given her anything more beyond a chaste kiss on her forehead.
And that was fine. She was still terrified of all of this. She still wasn’t sure what she wanted.
Right?
Gods, her mind was a mess. Meanwhile, her body was quite literally on fire. A single moment more of this and she feared she would combust.
No. Wait. She was a grown-ass woman. She didn’t have to sit here, stewing in her thoughts and trauma and insecurities. She was confused, and she needed to deal with it.
Ciana unfolded her hands, clapping them on her legs. Sebastian lifted his gaze from his book, meeting hers with a lifted brow.
She blew out a deep breath. “I think we should talk about the other—”
A knock cut her short.
Ciana snapped her gaze to the door, anxiousness striking like flint in her stomach. While she’d spent all this time with Sebastian, she hadn’t seen Niktael once. Not since she’d shoved out of his arms and fled the archives like one of Kol’s mudae was chasing her.
There was no way a man like that—a king accustomed to power—would ignore the kind of slight she’d given him. She’d been waiting for the formal summons—waiting to be told her access to the archives had been revoked. That she had officially failed her queen.
There was another knock, and she really didn’t want to get up to deal with how badly she’d fucked all this up.
Thankfully, she didn’t have to.
Sebastian was already standing, bookmarking his page and unfolding from the chair. He strode smoothly across the room, giving her a reassuring smile as he passed, something warm and knowing in the glint of his hazel eyes and the tilt of his lips.
The heat that crawled up her chest and into her face made his smile tip a little higher.
When Sebastian opened her door and saw who was waiting on the other side, that smile fell into a neutral frown. The flutter of anxiety lit again in Ciana’s stomach as she jumped to her feet.
She’d been expecting one of the palace guards. They were who usually brought her messages from the king.
What she hadn’t been expecting was the king himself.
His fine maroon tunic was threaded through with gold, a simple crown made of vines set upon his thick hair, his deep brown eyes dancing between Sebastian and Ciana. An expression shuttered across his face, almost too quick to catch.
“Lady Visseau,” he said softly, politely, inclining his head. “I hope I haven’t disturbed you. I was hoping you would be willing to join me for a walk this afternoon.”
Ciana knew she should accept. Knew she had to accept. But she couldn’t help the way her gaze drifted back to Sebastian, who watched her with a carefully masked expression.
She saw beneath it, though. He didn’t want her to go. No more than she did, herself.
Gods, she hoped Mariah would be able to forgive them for failing her. Hoped that the answers her queen sought were somehow, miraculously, hidden elsewhere on the continent.
“Your Majesty,” she finally said, forcing her gaze back to Niktael’s. “I am honored by the invitation, truly. But—”
“Sir Riqueti may come as well, if that would make you more comfortable.” He gave Sebastian a nod and a polite smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Ciana blinked in surprise. Well, that was unexpected.
And probably a very bad sign.
Still, she had no other choice. Grown ass lady panties, remember?
“All right,” she said quietly, showing Nik her best courtly smile. “How can I deny a king?”
A muscle feathered lightly in his jaw, but he held kindness in his expression. Nik gestured into the hall. “After you, my lady.”
Ciana was fairly certain she would pass away from the tense awkwardness of this walk.
Her slippered feet padded softly on the smooth floors. Niktael walked beside her at a respectful distance, hands clasped behind his back, stare fixed ahead of them.
Sebastian flanked her, a hand on the hilt of his sword, looking every bit the legendary Onitan Armature he was.
Okay, she had to admit. His protectiveness was hot.
Her cheeks flushed. She cleared her throat, desperate to fill the silence.
“So,” she began, “I assume you didn’t want to take a walk simply to stretch your legs.”
Nik smiled, but it was more like a grimace. “No. I did not.” He slowed, tilting his head to her. Uncertainty gleamed in his rich mahogany eyes.
Uncertainty, and something almost akin to shame.
“I—” He paused. “I wanted to apologize. Formally. For my behavior the other night. And for causing you any distress.”
Ciana blanched. “I’m the one who should be apologizing, Your Majesty—”
“No. You did absolutely nothing wrong.” Nik turned away, continuing down the hall. His chin dipped, as if he wanted to hang his head but the weight of his crown wouldn’t allow it. He drew in a deep, shaky breath.
“I overstepped. I put you in a position you never should have been in. I made you feel unsafe in a place where I promised you safety. I just thought—” He shook his head.
“I presumed things I shouldn’t have, and I regret that deeply. I only hope that you can forgive me.”
“Nik—Your Majesty.” Ciana touched the king’s shoulder with tentative fingers. Guilt tugged deep in her chest, prickling behind her eyes.
He’d presumed because she’d led him to. She’d played her little games, dangled herself before him, just as she’d come here to do. And when he’d responded accordingly, she’d lost it. He didn’t deserve that.
Nik stopped, slowly turning to face her.
“Please believe me when I say this,” she said quietly. “There is nothing for you to apologize for.” She swallowed, emotion welling up her throat. “I’m the problem here; not you. I’m simply broken and don’t know how to be fixed.”
The space between them was quiet for a long moment.
A soft snarl echoed down the hall.
“I have told you,” Sebastian said, hazel eyes blazing with something Ciana had only seen a few times before, “that there is nothing wrong with you, Ciana.”
Ciana drew in a sharpened inhale, her heart pounding against her ribs. Something about his gaze, the set of his shoulders, the intense curve of his handsome brow…it was drawing her toward him, pulling her into his orbit, summoning her into the safety and warmth of his embrace—
Nik cleared his throat. Ciana jolted. She swung back to the king, warmth blooming up her cheeks.
Oops.
The king’s gaze again danced between her and Sebastian, but thankfully, he said nothing. “I’m sorry to hear that you see yourself that way, Ciana,” he finally said. “But I agree with the words of the Armature.” He gave Sebastian a wary smile, then continued down the hall.
“Where are we going?” Ciana blurted, then cringed. Tactful.
Nik only cast her a warm, sidelong glance. “I also wanted to express how I hope nothing that has happened will impact the relationship we hope to build between our two nations.”
“Of course, it hasn’t.” Ciana fought the urge to twist her hands. “But I’m not sure that answers my question.”
Nik held his soft smile, leading them around a corner.
Somehow, amidst the conversation, Ciana had failed to pay attention to where in the palace they were. Had failed to mark the familiar hallways, the path she’d been led down before.
Not until the nearly hidden carved doors appeared before them did she realize where the king had taken them.
Strange, elated relief flooded through her. She whirled to Nik, not bothering to hide her glee. “The archives? You’re not revoking our access?”
Nik reeled back, as if slapped. “Revoke your access? Why in the gods’ names would I do that?”
Ciana’s neck heated. “I-I don’t know.”
The king chuckled. “I offered you access as a sign of good faith to Onita, Lady Visseau,” he said warmly. “I have no intention of taking that from you. I just wanted to escort you today, to remind you that you can still come here…and, of course, to say my peace.”
Ciana’s smile was genuine. “Thank you, Nik.”
“You’re welcome, Ciana.”
Sebastian’s presence warmed her back. “Yes, thank you, Your Majesty.”
The king blanched, gaze lifting over Ciana’s shoulder. He dipped his head, swallowing, and took a slightly stumbling step toward the archives.
Ciana weakly elbowed Sebastian in the ribs. “That was a bit unnecessary. He was being perfectly respectful,” she hissed.
“I don’t like the way he says your name.”
“And how, exactly, does he say my name?”
“Like he still thinks I’ll share.”
Niktael swung open the archives’ doors. Sebastian stepped around Ciana, giving the king another tight nod.
If Nik noticed the furious pink that was surely staining her cheeks as she followed Sebastian, he didn’t comment on it.
A kind, aged man greeted them just inside the entrance of the massive, sprawling dome. The trees high above twinkled, those terrifying death contraptions wheeling their way up and down the massive trunks.
“Welcome back to the Archives of Elyren. I am Georgios, the head archivist. King Niktael has instructed me to show you to a private research room and help you find whatever texts you might be looking for.”
Ciana turned, finding Niktael’s gaze. He gave her another kind smile, dipping his head.
“Find what you came here for, Lady Visseau,” he said. “I hope the knowledge of Vatha is enough to bank the flames of war.” The king turned on his heel, boots clicking on the smooth floor. Ciana shared a fleeting, burning look with Sebastian before they both faced the head archivist.
Well, this day was turning out far differently than she’d expected. And for once, she couldn’t complain about it.