Chapter 62 #2
“When I was Marked,” he started, voice soft, “my family was thrilled. I was told—and I believed—that it was the highest honor a man like me could ever receive. Even if I was never Selected by the future queen, I would be respected for the rest of my life. A leader.”
He took another step, getting close to her now. Ciana stepped back herself, moving on instinct, but he kept coming.
“Then I was Selected. I thought I was complete. I would captain the Queen’s Armature, the most elite squadron of warriors on the continent.
Fuck, there at the beginning, I was so confident in all the ways I could serve her that for a moment I believed I might even be her Consort.
Especially when she asked to bond with me first.”
Ciana’s back hit the wall, wood cool between her shoulder blades.
Sebastian shook his head. “That was a stupid thought, though. It was quickly apparent to everyone that she had a connection with Andrian the rest of us would never understand—even if they had denied it to themselves. But…”
He was right in front of her now, their bodies separated by inches. Leather and pine filled her senses as he crowded her space, bracing an arm on the wall over her head.
“A part of me couldn’t help but feel…jealous.
Because unless an Armature was the Queen’s Consort, they were likely in for a long and lonely life.
Even if someone did come along, anything that bloomed would always be tainted by the knowledge that my life would long outlast theirs. So, I told myself, why even bother?”
Sebastian’s free hand gripped her chin. “But then you stormed into my life,” he murmured, and there was something pained in the breathless way he spoke.
“All sunshine and brightness hiding a terrifyingly strong heart. Though we started as friends, you were the only one that made me wish for a touch of happiness of my own. No matter how fleeting it might be.”
Was she breathing? Did she remember how? Pressure clogged Ciana’s throat, her eyes burning with an emotion that bubbled and popped and fizzed in her chest.
“I’m scared,” she whispered, as loud as she was able.
She didn’t need to say what of. He knew her well enough to know it all already.
Sebastian’s hand dropped from the wall, fingers pushing into the thick curls at the base of her skull.
“I know,” he said hoarsely. His eyes danced between hers, dropping once to her lips.
“But sometimes, a little fear is worth it. Especially…” He sucked in a deep breath. “Especially for those we love.”
Sebastian’s kiss caught her choked sob.
They came together like they were coming home. Because that’s what it felt like; not like a journey into the unknown, but a return to safety and comfort. Something she hadn’t known since she was a girl mourning a kind father who’d died too soon and left her to survive with monsters.
Finally, after all these years, she’d somehow managed to find it again.
Ciana’s fingers tangled in his hair. His strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. She broke away for a moment, gasping for air, finding his hazel eyes shining and bright and blazing.
“I love you, too. Because you make me feel safe.”
Sebastian’s expression melted. A happiness she’d never seen on him before bloomed in his smile, reflected in his eyes, lit up every radiant corner of his face.
“Soul bond or not,” he murmured, “loving you and keeping you safe is my purpose in life, Ciana Visseau.”
Ciana wasn’t sure when the tears sprang from her eyes. Only that she felt the roll of moisture down her face, dripping from her chin.
That wouldn’t do. She was too happy for tears.
And too much warmth was pooling low in her core, in places she’d been afraid of for far too long, to be crying at this moment.
Maybe Sebastian read all of that on her. Before she could blink, his lips were back on hers. Her back again met the wall, this time because he’d gently pushed her into it. His hand dropped from her chin to her hip, thumb sweeping across her stomach.
At that touch, Ciana decided she was tired of being afraid.
“You promised me something the other day,” she murmured against his lips. He pulled back, her toes curling.
He was flushed and hungry and rumpled, and it was all from her.
“I did,” he said, the corner of his mouth tugging up. “And I meant every word.”
Ciana tightened her grip on the back of his neck. Her body vibrated with nerves and anticipation and an energy she’d never felt in her life. “Show me. Take the dark memories away.”
Sebastian froze. Some of his heat cooled, his stare intensifying. As if he were trying to read between her layers, to see anything she might be hiding beneath.
Once, she might’ve seen it as hesitation. She knew better now.
“Please,” she whispered. “I trust you. I trust you with this. I trust you with me.”
That must’ve been enough for him.
His devouring kiss emptied all the thoughts from her mind. His hands swept across her body, leaving trails of fire over her curves. He was so large and she was so small, and yet somehow she’d never felt safer.
Never felt more cherished.
When a soft mewl slipped past her throat, it was like he lost all his control. His lips dropped to the curve of her jaw, the column of her throat, back up to the shell of her ear.
“If you’re sure, love,” he whispered, “then turn around.”
She didn’t hesitate. She spun in his arms, her back now to him, chest to the wall. Sebastian placed another gentle, delicate kiss to the space behind her ear.
Her breath caught when his fingers brushed her spine, right over the ties to her dress. With a deft tug, the fabric loosened.
She didn’t give herself time to doubt or think. She simply shrugged out of the sleeves, letting the layers of silk and tulle slip over her body, pooling on the ground at her feet. She still wore her undergarments—feminine and lacy and baby pink, her favorite set.
Ciana was so thankful to past her for always caring about what she wore under her dresses. It was one of the little ways she’d found to make herself feel beautiful, even on days when she felt dirty and anything but.
Sebastian’s calloused hands skimmed over her bare skin. His breath tickled the back of her neck.
“You’re beautiful, Ciana,” he whispered, and she was sure her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Whirling, she leaped into his embrace, her arms winding up his shoulders.
His hands trailed down to the backs of her thighs, gripping tight, before lifting her off the floor.
Her legs wrapped instinctively around his hips, her chest pressed to his.
They moved, Sebastian’s steps steady and sure. The solid oak of the study table met the backs of her thighs as he set her down, hands sweeping up to her hips.
Right to the hem of her underwear.
His thumb swept a path over the lace, her breath stuttering. It was lower than anyone had touched her in a long time.
Even then, it had never felt like this. Never had she been touched with such gentleness, such care.
The difference was so stark, she didn’t even feel a twinge of fear.
“If anything is too much,” Sebastian murmured, thumb still sweeping back and forth, “all you have to do is tell me to stop.”
Ciana swallowed, nodding.
“Good. You’re in charge here, love.” Sebastian pressed another gentle kiss to her lips, then one to her jaw. “If you’re ready, all I want to do is touch you.”
Gods. The soothing rumble of his voice, the gentleness of his embrace. She feared she would combust from it all.
“Please,” she said, nearly a whine. “Please touch me.”
Sebastian groaned. “Thank the gods.”
When his thumb finally brushed over her, Ciana saw stars.
His touches were gentle and tentative and patient. He peppered kisses along her jaw down her throat, an arm braced behind her. She clung to his shoulder, chest heaving with her breaths, as his fingers slipped beneath the lace.
She gasped and shuddered. His touches gave to her; they did not take. So much love and thankfulness and safety swelled in her chest.
His mouth returned to hers, capturing her sharp intake of breath.
She’d expected her body to revolt. To lock up, as it once had. But she felt nothing but mind-numbing bliss, the sensation new and foreign but beautiful and perfect.
Ciana melted into Sebastian as he taught her what it was to be loved.
She nearly growled when he withdrew from her. He slid his mouth to her ear, holding her still.
“Can I taste you, love?”
She blinked, her mind still hazy. “Taste me?”
“Yes.” He pulled back, finding her gaze. His fingers again brushed over her core, a shiver chasing up her spine. “Have you been kissed here before?”
Oh.
Oh.
She shook her head, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Yes, she had a past. But she felt as inexperienced as a sheltered priestess.
Sebastian swept his free thumb across her cheek. “Do you want me to show you?”
Yes. “I want you to show me everything.”
Sebastian’s beautiful hazel eyes sparkled. He pressed another deep kiss to her lips before tugging her hips closer to the edge of the table. With worshipping kisses trailed down her body, he dropped to his knees and showed her what it meant to be loved.