6. Chapter Six
Chapter Six
Paul
I lean back in my chair, glancing up at the clock.
Twenty more minutes until two-thirty—until that glorious bell rings and I can get the fuck out of here.
The closer it gets to the end of the year, the more antsy I get for the last day of school.
I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but at this point in the year, getting sixth, seventh, and eighth graders to do literally anything is like pulling teeth between all the spring concerts, formals, graduation ceremonies, field trips…
Amelia and her friends are heading to PA for some wine festival thing this weekend, so it’s just me and Maddox until Sunday night. Well, Andre, too, of course, since I volunteered to help him get all of his shit moved into his new house that he closed on today.
The bell rings, and I breathe a sigh of relief, springing up from my chair so fast, the damn thing spins.
I don’t waste a second as I tell the phys-ed assistant, Tyler, goodbye and hurry out of the locker room into the hallway, making my way through the sea of kids—a handful of them high-fiving me or calling out my name—and I do my best to give them all smiles and high fives and tell them to have a good weekend.
I wait patiently in the car for Maddox to get his things, and no sooner than the slam of the door is he running up to my Jeep, his grin wide, ready to jump in, but I tell him to go inside and say goodbye to his mother first and then walk out of the door and don’t slam it. Which he does.
Amelia walks him back out with his duffel bag, her brownish-blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun.
She’s wearing a baby-blue velvet tracksuit with varsity lettering that reads Bridesmaid.
I get out and grab the duffel from her and toss it in the back seat as Maddox climbs in and I shut the door.
She leans against the side of the car and twists her lips, as if she’s unsure of something, instead of leaving like she usually does.
“Everything okay?” I ask, looking up at her. Her blue eyes shimmer with familiarity.
“Yeah, I was just wondering if you could drop Maddox off at school Monday? We’re probably going to get back super late Sunday and—”
I nod, because of course I can. Rockridge Elementary is literally down the street and around the bend from the middle school, and I’m not opposed to extra time with my son.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll bring him home after practice Monday night. If that works.”
There’s a pause as Amelia looks at me, and I realize my error.
I’d said home, as if it was still ours. Even though it hasn’t been for a couple years now.
Amelia’s gaze softens, almost sympathetically, and I hate it.
It’s no one’s fault. Some people just aren’t meant to be together, and Amelia and I, despite having Maddox, just aren’t meant to be with each other, and I’ve accepted that.
She’s accepted it, too. But it doesn’t mean I don’t wish things were different sometimes.
It wasn’t always difficult. Sometimes, it was really nice, and I miss it.
Not being married, but I guess I miss that feeling of being in the same space with someone, sharing things, being boring together.
Living together. Sleeping together, even if there was no sex involved.
Just knowing someone else was there, even when you didn’t talk or interact with them, you could feel them, and that was enough.
Sure, I get Maddox for a few days a week and my house isn’t quite so lonely, but it’s not the same.
I miss adult companionship, I guess. Being with someone.
I think that’s why I stuck things out so long with Amelia when we both knew it wasn’t working.
It was easier to be miserable with her than to be miserable alone, knowing I had failed at the one thing that should have been easier than anything else—being a good husband and father.
“Your place is his home, too, you know,” she says carefully, giving me a soft smile.
“I know, I just—” I sigh, looking back at the house that used to be my house.
I can still remember when we moved in. Amelia was seven months pregnant.
We didn’t have a big wedding or anything.
We just went down to the courthouse and did it before anyone could talk us out of it—more or less, Amelia’s parents, who never liked me, understandably.
I should feel sadness or remorse, or even guilt when I look at the house.
It’s perfect with its blue shutters and door; the white picket fence and perfectly landscaped yard.
But I don’t miss the house as much as I miss the life that existed inside of it.
The future that was planned out and never happened.
My apartment isn’t bad, but it’s not where I thought I’d be living at this point in my life, either. And I certainly didn’t see myself being a divorced single dad with no social life—or romantic life, for that matter.
“I don’t know about that, Amelia,” I say with a sigh. “It’s not—”
“The same?” she adds, leaning against the side of the car.
I look at her, at her familiar, knowing gaze.
“Yeah,” is all I can manage.
She gives me a soft smirk. “Maybe you should get a roommate.” She shrugs.
I give her a knowing glare.
“No,” I say plainly. We’ve had this conversation more than I want to admit. Amelia thinks I’m turning into a hermit because I don’t spend my weekends off doing much more than hanging out with my kid, like that’s a bad thing.
“Or a goldfish,” she says with a faint laugh, nudging my shoulder.
I hate that it makes me crack a smile and laugh a little.
Because we both know what happened to Gold Digger, Maddox’s goldfish he won from the fair.
I glance at my kid in the backseat, playing his Switch as best he can with his cast.
“Right,” I say sarcastically. “Because a goldfish is totally the same thing as a person.”
“I’m just saying,” she says as she nudges my arm, her voice tinged with humor and concern.
I sigh, not wanting to have this conversation. Not here, not now. Maybe not ever.
And because I’m me, I can’t help it that I put my damn foot in my mouth.
“Or a boyfriend.”
Amelia’s gaze softens, and I can’t not hear the jealousy in my voice. Though it’s not that I’m jealous of Amelia dating someone else, I am a little jealous because she makes it seem so easy. It should be easy, Paul. You’ve never had a problem dating people before…
Before Maddox changed my life.
Amelia, of course, doesn’t miss a beat. She knows me better than most people . Maybe the only person who knows me better than her is Dre—and he also calls me out on my shit. Always has.
“Sorry,” I say quickly. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know,” she says with a shrug. “I get it. It’s still new and we’re figuring things out.”
I don’t say anything to that, because I don’t know what to say.
“You know…” She crosses her arms, glancing back at me with familiar warmth. “One of my co-workers just got out of a relationship,” she says carefully.
I close my eyes and let out a sigh. She always does this, and I know she means well.
“Pretty sure she isn’t looking for anything serious, but—”
I shake my head. “No.”
It’s a simple word, a simple answer, but I hear the disdain, the bitterness in that one word that no one will ever understand. I don’t want hookups or casual situationships. That worked out so well the last time, and Amelia of all people should understand, but yet… here we are.
“Paul…” She sighs.
“I’m not interested, Amelia,” I say as I move away from her, heading towards my driver’s side.
Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.
“I’m just trying to help,” she says, her voice tinged with defeat.
I hate it. I do my best to ignore it.
“I’m not your problem to worry about anymore. So don’t, okay? I’m a big boy, Amelia. I’m fine.” I implore her with my gaze, needing her to understand.
“I will always worry about you, Paul,” she says softly, nudging my arm. “You know that. Can’t help it.”
I look back at her, and for a moment we stay like that, looking at each other over the hood of my car, on opposite sides.
“I know,” I say with a deep sigh.
“Monday night should be good. You two boys have fun, okay?” she says a little louder, knocking on Maddox’s window. Maddox tells her goodbye, promising he’ll be a good boy.
“I’ll call you later when I get in, okay?” she says, stepping backward.
I nod as I open my driver’s side door.
“Uh-huh.”
When I get in the car, Maddox doesn’t say a word because he’s too engrossed in his game, and I don’t bother him. Not until we pull up to Andre’s new place.
When we pull up to Andre’s place, it’s chaos. There are several moving trucks, furniture trucks, and movers lifting and transporting stuff.
Maddox groans as I open his door.
“We won’t be long, I promise, okay?”
He grunts out an unintelligible response, tucking his Switch under his arm as he follows me to the front porch where I find Andre’s dad struggling with a large box. I jump in as Maddox plops down on a bench swing and dives back into his game.
“Need some help there, Mr. Taylor?” I ask as I help him lift it. Together we move it into the large living room, where some movers are situating the brand-new, still-in-the-plastic sectional.
“Thanks, Paul,” his dad grunts, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He’s getting up there in age, but the man is active as hell.
“No problem,” I say and then I hear my son.
“Dad, I’m hungry. Can we get Taco Bell?” he asks, and I turn to look at him.
“Now?” I ask. “We just got here.” I huff, wishing he would have asked before we passed the Taco Bell on the way here.
Mr. Taylor laughs. “Working up an appetite already, kiddo?”
Maddox blinks, staring back at him.
“After we leave, okay?” I tell him, hoping it’s enough.
“How long is that?” he whines.
“An hour or so,” I say, just as I hear a loud cry, which sets my entire body on alert. I know the cry of an upset kid.
“Where’s Dr—” Before I can get his name out, a small ball of fury comes running towards me.