15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Andre
I’m anxious and I don’t know why. I think everything that’s happened in the last few months is settling over me. All this change. Having Paul with me, the kids at my parents, and just us… I’ve been thinking a lot about things. Things I’ve never thought about before that feel weird, but not wrong.
Thoughts about Paul and how much I enjoy having him around. How something in me quiets when he’s near. How… attractive he is.
I’ve never been attracted to men before. It was always girls, and always my wife, but I guess I never thought much about it either. It’s just kind of what happened.
I’d blame the alcohol we had at dinner, but these thoughts started before that.
Before today, if I’m being honest with myself. Sometime around New York if I really had to place it. Things shifted then, and I’m not quite sure why.
And then it was like fate just kept throwing us together. This fire, it’s a tragedy, there’s no denying that. But there’s a small part of me that loves having Paul and Maddox at the house. It doesn’t feel so lonely with another adult around.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything in this world, but sometimes, you just want other human contact. And right now, I am thinking about a lot of human contact with Paul.
“You good?” he asks as he turns around, pulling the shirt down over his toned torso and shoving his left arm through the hole.
“Yeah, fine,” I say.
He narrows his eyes.
“You’ve been off all day. You sure? Is it the kids?”
“No, not the kids,” I say, finding myself gravitating toward him.
I’ve been melancholy all day, I can’t deny that.
I also can’t deny that I keep wondering what it would feel like if I hugged him. Not in a friendly way, but in a different way. How would I feel? Scratch that, how would Paul feel?
What would happen if I kissed him?
These feelings, as new as they are, don’t feel entirely sexual for me. I mean, this feeling… it isn’t about getting off or fucking. This is about emotion. Connection. Intimacy.
Do I have a thing for my best friend?
How the hell did this happen? And why?
Like why now? I’ve known him for years, so why, suddenly, is all of this coming up? It has to be all the changes. The stress. The fact we’re together in a different capacity now.
Seeing him with the kids… that’s sexy as hell.
“Dre?”
His voice is firmer. Concerned, almost.
“Yeah?” I say, snapping out of it once again.
He moves closer to me, putting his hand on my upper arm. “You sure you’re okay?”
I look at his hand, where it rests, the warmth of his touch searing my skin, and then I look back at him.
We’re so close. So damn close. If I just leaned in, I could kiss him and see what happens.
See how I feel. See that this really does have to do with the alcohol and it’s tricking me into thinking it’s something else.
But then what? I ruin my friendship? He’d understand. Right? Of course he would. He’s Paul. He understands everything.
I take a small step toward him, my thigh brushing his. I lift my hand to cup his cheek, prepared to just do this and see what happens. His lips part, eyes widening, and I’m about to do it. Holy shit, I am going to do it.
Then my phone rings.
I jerk back, and when I turn to hurry for my phone, my heart pounding, I find Paul staring at me confused but also… is that disappointment?
My phone is on the kitchen island. It’s my mother.
“Hey,” I answer, breathless by the time I reach the kitchen, before the last ring.
“Hi, Daddy!”
“Rylee, sweetie, what are you doing still up?” I say.
“Gramma let us have popcorn while we watched a scary movie!”
“Oh yeah? A scary one?”
“Yes. It was called Monster House and guess what?”
“What?”
“The house was alive!”
“Whoa, that’s so scary.”
“I know! But I only got scared one time, but Maddox told me it was just a movie and there was nothing to be scared of.”
“And he’d be right.”
“Yes, Gramma, okay! She says I have to say goodnight and go to bed now. Can Maddox talk to his daddy first?”
“Of course, pumpkin. Love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Love you, Daddy! Maddox, your turn!”
I chuckle as I bring the phone to Paul, who is still standing in the bedroom.
“Maddox wants to say good night.”
He takes it, and they have a quick conversation. He asks if he’s having fun, if he’s okay. They say good night and he ends the call, handing me my cell back.
“Thanks,” I say, taking the phone and walking around to my side of the bed to plug it in. When I move to get into bed, I find Paul standing right there.
“Dre,” he says carefully, licking his lips and looking at me with a scared look. “What was that?”
His voice is shaking slightly.
“What was what?” I say, but I don’t sound convincing. I know exactly what he’s talking about. And he knows I know.
“Before your phone rang.”
I don’t want to lie to him, but I also don’t think I want to talk about it either. So I just go with the most honest answer I can give him.
“I don’t know.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment before nodding and going around to his side of the bed.
I notice he keeps his distance, staying on the other side.
But I wake up in the middle of the night because I have to pee, and he’s cuddled against me again.
I carefully get up to use the bathroom, not sure of the time, but it’s got to be around two or three. After washing my hands, I head back to bed, sliding into the blankets exactly where I was.
Paul’s arm comes around my waist and he pulls me to him. I don’t know how I know, but I can just tell he isn’t sleeping anymore.
I freeze, my heart pounding so hard I feel it in my ears.
“This okay?” he whispers.
“Yes,” comes out of my mouth without having to think.
He moves closer, throwing his leg over my thigh.
I feel his cock against me. It isn’t hard, but I feel it.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a man’s dick on my leg before.
It doesn’t bother me, though. Not like I would have expected it to.
In fact, I think it’s the opposite, because my dick definitely takes notice.
It’s late though, and I should go to sleep. The kids are coming back tomorrow, and Rylee is going to want to do a million things like always.
“Good night,” Paul whispers.
“Night,” I respond, and I finally settle back into the warmth of the bed and allow myself to fall asleep.
When I wake up in the morning, Paul is still attached to me like a koala bear. When I open my eyes and look at him, I find him watching me.
So he’s completely aware of the way he’s holding me.
We just stare at each other, blinking slowly. I don’t know what the hell to say, and he just looks like he has nothing to say.
Like… we’re just doing this and that’s it.
Could it be that simple? I don’t know, because I want to know what this is.
Friends don’t do this. But we aren’t doing more, so we can’t be more than that, right?
I don’t know. It’s too much to think about, especially before coffee.
“Hungry?” I ask, my voice raspy.
“Not really,” he says.
I don’t know if that’s an invitation to stay, which I wouldn’t hate, or if he’s really just not hungry.
“Me either,” I answer.
And I don’t think I am, but I’m also not thinking right. It’s too early. I’m still slightly asleep, maybe.
“Were you drunk last night?” he asks.
I know what he’s asking without saying the words.
“No,” I answer honestly.
He gives a slight nod of his head. “Good.”
Good? Good?
Does that mean he wanted me to keep going? That he wanted me to kiss him? Because I was definitely about to do that. Had my phone not rang, we would have been kissing.
It’s insane to think about, but it’s the truth.
“Good?” I finally ask out loud. “Why is it good?”
“Because I’ve been thinking about what would have happened if the kids hadn’t called.”
My heart starts pounding again.
“You have?”
There’s a heavy silence between us; not awkward, but more like… uncertain. Curious.
“Do you still want to find out what it would be like?” he asks.
How does he know that’s the exact thought going through my head right now? How is he always in my head, just knowing the right thing to say or do?
“Yes…”
Paul leans in without hesitation, his lips pressing against mine.
They’re warm and soft, and this doesn’t at all feel weird.
My hand drifts to his hip as I turn on my side, our chests pressing against one another as we deepen the kiss.
His tongue sweeps into my mouth and I chase his, grasping the back of his neck.
When we break apart, we’re both panting.
I’m confused as hell. But my dick is really hard.