16. Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Sixteen
Laynie
Scott’s voice sounds tired and rushed. Maybe he thinks this will be a short call?
Well, jokes on him. I’m about to drop an absolute bo―
“Is this a bad time to call?”
“No!” I squeak out like a mouse. I feel sick to my stomach. The blood drains from my face, sweat instantly sticks to my skin. Sadie’s hand reaches over to grasp my free hand. It’s exactly what I need as I feel the anxiety swallowing me and all sense of control ebbs away.
He gives a small huff, making my extremities tingle uncomfortably. “So, did you call me to tell me that you miss me?”
I inaudibly cringe, eyelids pressing shut as I shake my head. “No—”
“No?” he cuts me off questioningly, as if I’m the first woman to turn him down for a second date―if you can call it that. Booty call? That might be more appropriate… “Oh, I thought this—”
“You thought wrong, Scott,” spills from my lips sourly, my chest pumping faster. Is the oxygen thinning in here?
He’s silent for a moment, before adding, “Then what did you want to talk with me about if this has nothing to do with you missing me all the way from who knows where?”
I actually might puke and not because of my anxiety.
“Listen, Scott,” I let out, shuffling a little on the couch even though no position feels comfortable right now. It might be because of how heated this room is.
Eyes darting sideways at Sadie, who watches me with rounded eyes, I sigh and fight through the wall of nerves that have piled up around my heart. My knee jiggles, hand squeezing Sadie’s tight enough for her to yelp. The words pour out in one big lump, “I’mmpregnantandyou’rethedad!”
Dead air rings through my ears as my gaze darts around the room. Is it getting smaller here?
My breathing increases, and Sadie lets go of me to rub circles on my back. How am I breathing this quickly? Is that sweat dripping down my face or tears?
I suffer through the silence Scott graciously sends my way. I’m about to ask if he’s still there when his muffled voice comes through, “W—wait.” Another beat. “You’re—oh no.”
In all the dreams I had over the years of sharing the news with my future husband, I never really imagined what he would say when I finally told him I was having a baby. But I can guarantee the words oh no would have never crossed my mind.
My gut wrenches tightly like wrung out laundry, and I lean over, holding my stomach as heat climbs up my spine.
“You—”
I half snort, half sob, and nod my head against the phone. Resting my head in my hand, I hear him swear, forcing my heart to leap into my esophagus. I almost choke on it.
He stutters again, “You m-mean—”
“I’m having a baby, Scott,” I manage to squeeze out, but it’s blaring loud with how silent he is. “Our baby.”
“No,” he whispers, and my senses snap back into line. My back is upright, eyes glaring at the TV, body as stiff as a board as Scott repeats, “No.”
“Scott—”
“No, Laynie,” he grits out. My lips slam shut, a wave of tears spilling from my lashes as I imagine him freaking out on the other end. Probably tearing at his hair, running a hand down his face. Potentially hitting things? I really don’t know anything about this man, do I?
“I didn’t—how could this happen?”
It feels rhetorical, so I don’t bother answering.
He grunts loudly, and I hear the sound of something hitting something else. “I didn’t ask for this!”
A loaded scoff escapes me. “And you think I planned for this to happen?” I yell, my fingers digging into the couch cushion. “I meticulously plan everything down to the exact minute I take my vitamins in the morning. You think I worked this into my life schedule?”
Sadie sits back as I fume like a steam engine. How dare he think that this is my fault.
“I never asked for this!”
“Neither did I, but some things we can’t control, Scott!” I scream.
Standing, my skin crawls with fire. I pace back and forth. I can’t sit still anymore, the pressure is too heavy, and I might explode if I do.
There’s another grumble before Scott mutters, “I knew it was a mistake sleeping with you.”
I see red.
“Excuse me!”
“You heard me!” he shouts.
My tongue runs across the front of my teeth. “You were just flirting with me five minutes ago, asking if I wanted a second round with you.”
“Oh, come off it, Laynie. As if I would.”
“You did!”
Freddie shuffles his way out of the room, and I don’t blame him. My blood is beyond boiling right now. It might just be evaporating out of my pores with how hot I feel. I hear Scott growl, followed by something crashing on the floor.
My breath catches when Scott’s voice appears again, a little calmer this time, thankfully. “Look, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just—this is big news—”
“I know.”
“—and I…”
My heart hammers as I wait for Scott to continue. It feels like hours, each beat unsettling me more and more.
“I can’t do this, Laynie.”
My eye twitches. Heart skips a beat. Lungs fail to breathe for a second.
He can’t do this?
He can’t do this?
He can’t do this?
The words repeats through my mind at least a dozen times, to the point they barely feel like real words, and all meaning is lost.
Lungs inflating once again, I swallow loudly. “W—what do you mean?”
Another exhale comes through my ear, and I bristle at the sound, bracing for his next words that shatter me to my core. “I can’t do this, Laynie,” he echoes, slower this time. “With you.”
“You mean…?”
“Yeah,” Scott whispers.
Another cry wracks my body. Sadie is up a moment later, pulling me into a hug as my vision blurs.
“I’m sorry.” Sure. “I never planned to have kids.”
Biting my lip, I suck in a wobbly breath, my body shaking against my cousin.
“Are you sure you even want to keep it?”
“Yes,” I let out venomously, bile burning my throat. “I’m keeping it, Scott. I’m keeping it because it’s my baby.”
“All right.” His words are softer, almost more understanding as I continue to break apart. “Look, I don’t want to do this to you. I don’t want to leave you alone, but I have my life here, Laynie.”
“I get it,” I push out, even though I really don’t understand. How can someone just ignore their own child? How can they leave their baby in the hands of only the mum, or suggest that she terminates it just to make life easier?
Disgusting.
“I have everyone here. My work. My friends. My apartment—”
My eyes blink rapidly. Is he seriously wanting to keep an apartment over his own child?
My sniff is loud. “Right,” I whisper, my tone bitter. “But you don’t mind losing your child?”
“Laynie—”
“No, it’s fine, Scott. You’ve made your choice, and I’m going to have to respect that. I wouldn’t want to drag you into this anyway if you’re not going to be happy.”
He’s silently brewing again, and when I think he’s about to hang up on me, he breathes out, “Are you okay with that?”
No. “Yeah.”
“All right.”
Shaking my head, still trying to wrap it around his words, I quickly let out, “Well, expect a photo when it’s born.” I hang up, my sweaty hands dropping my phone.
Vibrating like a leaf, Sadie wraps me in an enormous embrace, squeezing me like a lemon.
It’s warm and tight, yet I can’t shake the empty feeling swallowing me.
I spent most of my teenage years vying for my parents’ attention.
They were constantly wrapped up in each other, that most of the time I felt like a blasted third wheel.
Not the greatest feeling when you’re a child…
But I won’t let my child feel that way. I refuse to let them think they’re not loved. I will love it with all my heart and soul.
“Are you all right?” Sadie murmurs against my neck, breaking through my thoughts.
My head shakes slightly as I grip onto her.
How can I be okay after that?
I choke on another sob, wondering how I have any tears left. I don’t think I have ever cried this much in my whole life, and the horrible thing is, the only person I want with me right now to hold me through this mess isn’t here.