Chapter 1
Six Years Later…
If one more person tells me how lucky I am to know my fated mate at such a young age, I’m going to unleash my wolf and lose my shit unapologetically. Nothing about my situation is lucky. Not having met my mate at seventeen or feeling him in my heart but having no clue where he is.
It really fucking sucks, actually.
When I first met River, I fell instantly in love. I was young. I’d had no stability in my life, no promises of safety. Until he showed up like my knight in shining armor.
My heart soared for weeks. It didn’t matter that he was thirteen years older than me or that nobody wanted us to be together. He was mine and I was his. End of story.
Until he disappeared.
River made me promises. He said he would always be there for me, but that we needed to be friends first. I didn’t love the idea, because what seventeen-year-old wants to be told no, but now, at twenty-three, I know he made the right decision.
Until he left me with no goodbyes to go undercover and no clue as to when he might return.
Now, I want his balls on a platter and to make him grovel for years to come. That is if I can find him.
I’ve waited for years, but that time is over. The threat to our community ceased over six months ago. I promised my sister I would be patient in waiting for River’s return, but she’s just going to have to understand.
Something is wrong, and even if I’m furious with him, he’s still mine. He’s out there somewhere, alone and not okay.
If he was fine, then he’d have come home already. I know that with every fiber of my being and so does my only ally.
My alpha and River’s best friend: Dawsyn.
She called me to her office this morning, and I hope that means it’s finally time to act. She’s asked for my patience these last few months as she’s done her own searching for River, using her pull as Alpha. I’ve given that time to her only because I know she’s on my side, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
Taking the steps three at a time inside the pack house, I get to her office and start to lightly knock on the door, but she’s already calling me inside.
Pushing the door open, I peek in first to make sure she’s alone and a bit more tension leaves me. “Alpha.” I nod respectfully before taking a seat in one of the three plush chairs before her desk.
Her grin stretches wide and her golden eyes spark. “I got a lead.”
I lean forward, my fingertips pressing into the arms of the chair. “Where is he?”
“Not so quick,” she says, reaching for a file in her desk. “I’ve had a lead several times now, but I haven’t wanted to tell you and get your hopes up.”
There’s a rumble in my chest that I don’t bother to hold back. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ve found River, sent a team for him, and each time he’s eluded them.” Her tone is so casual, but my heart feels as if it’s about to rip from my chest.
“Why do you think he’s still running if we’ve shut down all of the scumbags who were kidnapping the supernaturals?” I don’t actually want to know her thoughts. It’s a subject we’ve only briefly skirted around over the last couple of months, but it’s time to face what my heart has already known.
River has gone rogue.
She rubs her hands and takes a deep breath as she opens the file. Inside are pictures, all taken at night, mostly shadows with brief glimpses of a face I would recognize anywhere.
My chest feels as if it’s being ripped out as I stare at the images. There he is. My mate, my everything, the man I want to hold and throttle all at the same time.
A stray tear falls down my cheek as I look up at Dawsyn, awaiting her answer.
She closes the file and meets my gaze. “You’ve come a long way in the last six years, Jules. I know sometimes it doesn’t seem that way, but you’ve done everything I’ve asked of you and more, which is why I’ve gone to your sister?—”
“You did what?” I seethe. Dawsyn and I have always had an unwritten agreement: I would work my ass off for her around the pack, and she would keep Sophie off my back.
Dawsyn’s hands go up. “Easy, Jules. Let me finish before you think the worst.”
Taking a shuddering breath, I close my eyes briefly and when I open them, I have more control. Though, I don’t know how long that will last. I’ve gone too long without the other half of my soul. There’s a decent chance that if he doesn’t come home soon, I’m going to be out there losing my mind like I assume he’s doing.
“That’s better,” she says. “Now, as I was saying. I spoke with Sophie, and I’ve told her that I’m sending you out on your first mission.”
I raise a brow, trying not to let my excitement show. “You told her?”
Dawsyn also fights a grin. “I made it clear you were the only person for the job and that unless we want to lose you as well, then she needs to let this happen.”
“Where is he, Dawsyn?” My ass is barely on the seat. I’m ready to bolt from this office and find my mate. River has needed me for months and I’ve needed him even longer than that. I can’t get out of here soon enough.
“We’ll get to that, but there are some things you need to know first.” Her voice is hesitant, and I don’t like it.
Yet, I also understand that she’s my alpha. Not my friend. As frustrating as it’s been waiting for River all these years, having no clue if he’s okay or when he’ll be back… At the end of the day, I’ve always known Dawsyn has been doing her best.
It might have taken me a while to understand that—a year or so of rebelling, trying to run away, and, like a petulant child, ignoring everyone who only wanted to help me. Then again, that’s why they kept me and River apart. I’d been too young, the gap in our age too much, but I’m not that girl anymore.
I’ve spent years learning and training and growing. Sure, there were days I couldn’t get out of bed thanks to how badly my heart ached and nights when I’d wake with fresh tears staining my cheeks, but I never stopped fighting. For River, for myself, for our future.
Dawsyn continues, “We lost River a long time ago. He’s not the same man you met six years ago, and he’s proved that even more recently.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “How?”
“He’s lost himself, Jules,” she says, a deep frown marring her face. “Not only have his parents tried to get him back, but even Lexi, Maciah, and my dad. When they all failed, I went myself. I thought there was no way he would run from me, that I could force him to…” Her head shakes, and she lowers her stare. “He looked right through me as if I’m nothing to him, and when I saw his eyes? It’s not good, and you need to prepare yourself for the chance that?—”
“No,” I cut her off. “I hear what you’re saying, and I will take any advice you might have except for that. River will come back to us. There are no other options.”
“But—”
I shut her down again. “I mean it, Dawsyn. I respect you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but don’t tell me that I’ve lost my mate before I’ve even had the chance to have him. Don’t do that to me, not when you’re asking me to go out there and bring him home. It’s one or the other, and I believe in the latter. Our River isn’t lost. He might be shattered right now, but he’s still alive and that’s all the hope I need.”
Her face softens and she starts to smile. “I knew you were ready for this job.”
My eyes narrow at her as my wolf stirs within me. “Was that a test?”
“Of course not,” she says quickly. “But once again, you’ve impressed me. I’ve watched you closely, probably more than I should have, but River, he’s my family. The situation the two of you found yourself in made me, um…”
“Uncomfortable?” I chuckle. I might not have seen the issues with our age difference at seventeen, but I can understand why everyone was so leery before. Thirteen years between the two of us doesn’t seem like much now that I’m almost twenty-four, but back then? Yeah, it was a lot.
“That word works.” Dawsyn laughs with me. “But I wouldn’t ask this of you if I didn’t believe that you’ve worked your ass off for this moment. You’ve not only grown in maturity, but in strength, both mentally and physically. I should have sent you to begin with, but I thought we could handle it. I didn’t realize just how severe things had gotten.”
I’m not even going to ask what she means by that, because it doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to change my mind. Any preparations I need, I’ve already mastered, and if I haven’t, then I’ll just hope the Moon Goddess is on my side here, because I’m getting my mate back. Nothing will stand in my way, not even his shattered mind.
I’m coming for you, River.