CHAPTER 6
BELLA
My stomach is in knots as I pass the main house of The Calloway Ranch and follow the dirt road around the main barn, ignoring the fact my brothers truck is tucked beside it.
He’s the last person I need to see right now.
I’ve gone over and over in my head about just how much of my situation I should share with Liv. I laid awake most of the night thinking about how many signs I’ve missed.
God, I feel so fucking stupid.
I feel like I’ve been so blind to the signs that have been in front of me for months. The more I think about it, the more I realise just how much I’ve dismissed.
My head is all over the place as I crest the hill leading to Liv and Grayson’s house. Noah’s black Ford comes into view and my stomach sinks as he slows to an almost stop.
I know he’s likely expecting me to stop and talk to him, but I can’t.
Noah Calloway knows me better than anyone in this world and if I stop to talk to him right now, he’ll see it written all over my face.
I’m afraid that if I face him now, I’ll break and spill it all to him.
I know exactly how the conversation would go too.
I would tell him everything, probably break down, and instead of saying I told you so, he’d wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is going to be okay while silently plotting his revenge on Justin.
And the last thing I want him to do right now is get himself in trouble for fighting my battles.
So instead of stopping, or even acknowledging his existence, I keep my eyes trained ahead as I pass him and continue toward Liv’s all the while ignoring the pang of guilt in my chest.
The large barn conversion comes into view, and I check my rearview mirror, breathing a sigh of relief when I see Noah’s truck pull back onto the dirt road, kicking up dust as he picks up speed again.
Liv stands in the open doorway, a small form cradled in her arms and for the first time all day, my face breaks into a wide smile.
Liv and Grayson welcomed their baby boy into the world less than a month ago and I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve only met him once in the hospital.
They named him Rueben after Grayson’s best friend who passed away when he was only twenty after a bull-riding accident.
For the longest time after Ruebens death, Grayson closed himself off from the rest of the world.
It’s a beautiful thing to see him finally get everything he deserves, and he couldn’t have found a better woman than Olivia Donahue.
I pull off to the side of the house and park before reaching into the back seat and grabbing the gift I’ve been meaning to bring over here since they got home from the hospital. Just seeing it makes my guilt deepen further.
I’ve been the shittiest friend to walk the planet recently.
“Hey, Girlie,” Liv calls as I climb out of my car, the baby hamper I put together cradled in my arms.
“Hey,” I grunt in response, blowing a stray hair out of my face.
The thumping of hooves hitting the floor drags my attention over to the training paddock where Grayson is leading a horse in a slow trot.
“Hey, Gray,” I call out, attempting a wave.
He dips his head in acknowledgement. “Hey, Bells. Need some help?”
I shake my head. “Nah, I’m good, thank you.”
He nods at me before shooting his fiancé a wink. “Love you, blue.”
Liv blushes. “Love you, too.”
My insides soften as I watch the look of pure love pass between the two of them before it’s quickly replaced with envy. I shouldn’t be envious of them. They deserve this type of love. I just wish I had that.
Liv would never have to question Grayson’s loyalty. In fact, none of my friends would ever doubt their partners love.
I’ve tried not to question my relationship over the years.
I’ve watched everyone I’m close to fall in love, get engaged or in Daisy’s case – married, and have children.
So naturally, I’ve felt like Justin and I were moving a lot slower than everyone else, but everyone is different.
Every relationship is different. I had to remind myself that just because Justin hadn’t asked me to marry him it didn’t mean that he loved me any less.
Or so I thought.
I drag my eyes away from the love birds and focus my attention on the swaddled newborn in Liv’s arms. With tired eyes he blinks up at me, sucking on the fist he has wedged into his mouth.
“Come on. Let’s get inside and you can get your snuggles in,” Liv says, turning on her heel and leading the way into the house.
I follow her into the open plan living room/kitchen area and deposit the baby hamper on the kitchen island. As soon as my arms are free, I move to the sink and wash my hands, not wasting a second before snatching my nephew out of his mama’s arms and cradling him against me.
“Hello, little man,” I coo softly, stroking a finger over his dark curls.
“We’ve missed you, Bells,” Liv says gently, placing a can of soda on the table in front of me.
“I know.” I sigh. “I’m sorry.”
Taking a seat on the couch opposite me, she levels me with a worried look. “Wanna tell me what’s going on?”
God, where do I start?
I quickly mull over everything I want to say, but when I open my mouth, my carefully planned speech goes out the window.
“I think Justin is cheating on me. He’s been coming home late every day.
He told me he was working late, which I believed because he’s about to take over the business, but then I decided to surprise him for lunch and walked in on his receptionist bent over his desk and he was practically caressing her ass.
Last night he got home at almost midnight, smelling of stale whiskey and went straight to the shower so, yeah...
pretty sure he’s sleeping with the short-skirt wearing whore.
Can’t say I’m surprised really, considering his dad done the same thing.
I just feel so stupid, you know? How have I not noticed? This has been going on for weeks-”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Liv says, interrupting my rant with her eyes pinched shut and a hand in the air.
I snap my mouth shut. “Let me just get this straight. Justin was caressing his receptionist’s arse while she was bent over his desk, and you walked in on it?
And now he’s coming home late, smelling of alcohol and he’s showering too? ”
“He wasn’t actually caressing her ass, but his hand was pretty damn close. And I wouldn’t say she was bent over the desk; I was probably exaggerating a little there. More like leaning over a little more than needed.”
Liv shakes her head. “Doesn’t matter. It’s inappropriate.”
“That’s what I thought.” My shoulders drop in relief that I’m not the only one who thinks so. Justin couldn’t see my issue with the situation and made me feel so crazy that I began to question if I was overreacting about the entire thing.
“Hmm,” Liv hums, leaning back in her seat and looking off in thought and then as if something has just come to her, she sits forward again, her eyes boring into me. “Is this why you haven’t been coming around?”
I lower my eyes, focusing on the now sleeping baby in my arms, not a care in the world. “Not exactly.”
“Then why, Bells?”
Again, I find myself debating on how much I should tell her.
Just tell her everything, my subconscious screams at me.
But telling her everything means spilling the secret I’ve kept to hidden for eight years.
I look into her sky-blue eyes, so full of concern as she searches my face and I decide right here that if there’s anyone I can trust with this, it’s Liv.
“I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to keep it to yourself.”
She shifts closer, literally on the edge of her seat, as she nods. “Of course.”
“Eight years ago, on my brother’s birthday, I did something really stupid. Like really fucking stupid. And then on new year’s, Justin and I went to a party at one of his friends’ houses and I got roped into a game of never have I ever and told him.”
“Okay…” Liv drags out the word, her British accent becoming even more prominent. “What did you do?”
“I, uh-” I shift in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “I had sex with Noah.”
“You what?!” She practically yells, and I wince when Rueben begins to fuss in my arms.
Liv jumps up immediately, taking her son from me and soothing him back to sleep before placing him in the bassinet they have situated in the corner. Once he’s settled again, she rushes back over and retakes her seat.
“Elaborate.”
“Have you got any wine?” I look desperately toward the kitchen. “I’m going to need wine for this conversation.”
“Yes, but you can talk while I pour,” she says, moving for the kitchen.
I sigh. “On Killian’s eighteenth birthday, Noah threw him a birthday party up at the big house because his parents were gone for the weekend.
It was a fancy-dress party because it was Halloween as well and a couple of girls from my high school were being mean, accusing me of things, calling me names, you know, the usual high school shit. ”
Liv nods, carrying a very full glass of white wine and a bottle of tequila back to the living room. I raise a brow, causing her to shrug. “Thought you might need both.”
“Thanks,” I say, accepting them both but taking a long gulp from the glass.
I place both drinks on the table, continuing.
“So anyway, I took myself upstairs and hid in the bedroom farthest away from the party, which happened to be Noah’s.
I didn’t know it at the time, but he had watched the whole ordeal unfold and decided to follow me.
Anyway, he shared his bottle of whiskey with me and the next thing I knew we were kissing. One thing led to another and…”
I let the sentence hang in the air between us, not needing to explain what happened next.
“How have you two managed to keep this a secret all these years?” She asks the very question I was hoping she wouldn’t.
I take another healthy gulp of wine. “Well, that’s the thing. The next morning, I woke up in bed next to Noah, him naked and me in one of his shirts. When I tried talking to him about it, he was completely clueless.”
“What?” Liv gasps and I nod, heat creeping into my cheeks as I relive the embarrassment I had felt that very morning.
“He didn’t seem to remember any of it happening. I have never been more embarrassed than I was in that moment. So, I didn’t mention it again and I’ve continued as if it never happened.”
“What does this have to do with Justin, though?”
“Well, during the game of never have I ever with his douchebag friends, one of the questions were ‘Never have I ever has sex with someone I shouldn’t have’. I, of course, drank, which led to Justin questioning me later that night into the early hours until I gave in and told him everything.”
“So, Justin has a problem with Noah.” Liv summarises and I nod.
“Yeah. He told me that he wasn’t comfortable with me being around him so often. It’s also why when I do come around, he’s never with me. I’m terrified he’ll say something to Noah about it.”
I purposely leave out the part about how Justin questions me every time I come around them, how he sends me abusive messages and calls me until I answer.
A disbelieving laugh escapes Liv as she shakes her head. “Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. I don’t know if I’m mad you kept it from me or impressed.”
I scoff, picking my glass up and bring it to my lips. “There is nothing impressive about losing your virginity to a man that doesn’t even remember taking it.”
“You lost your virginity to him?!” This time she does yell, and I slump back against the sofa with a groan.
“So now that I know the real reason you’ve been awol, let’s come up with a plan on how we catch Justin out.”