3. Two
Two
Cozette
My vision seems to narrow the closer we get to the exit, a knot forming in my belly that makes my hands tremble. I can see Kian just outside the doors, waiting at the car for us, but everything around him is somehow distorted. When we exit the sliding glass doors, Ripley is chattering away, completely oblivious to my internal meltdown. I can barely understand her over the dull roar in my ears as I take that first step outside. A shiver rushes down my spine as a breeze blows by, each step away from the building that has offered me solace since my rescue has my heart attempting to pound itself out of my chest and the roar in my ears reaching a deafening level.
I shuffle behind Ripley and River, doing my best to keep my panic to myself, but my usual sugary lemon scent has soured, and the breeze carries it away, alerting Ripley and River as they come to a standstill in front of me. Ripley’s lips move at a warp speed as she rushes to my side, carefully wrapping her arms around my shoulders, but I can’t hear a thing she says through the blood rushing in my ears.
I think I’m gonna pass out.
Ripley rubs my arm, her chest vibrating against me as she keeps talking, and frustrated tears well up in my eyes at not being able to hear her, prompting me to clench them shut to force them away. My hands tremble at my side and the black hole feeling in my gut threatens to swallow me whole.
Gods, why now?
This isn’t the first time I’ve been outside the hospital. Micah and I went on walks frequently during our sessions because he was frequently encouraging me to get fresh air and exercise once I was back up and walking.
But it is the first time I’m leaving a place that has become a safe space for me, knowing that—if life doesn’t kick me down anymore—I won’t be back here.
I’m scared.
Scared of what awaits me out there.
Scared of someone else coming along who’s an even bigger monster than Victor was.
Scared that I’ll never be me again.
Scared that I’m shattered beyond repair.
I inhale and exhale slowly—like Micah taught me—working to lower my heart rate and calm myself. The smell of truck exhaust and fried food tickles my nose, and something about the combination reminds me of home, which helps me breathe easier. Ripley strokes my back, and her words finally break through, the sound of her voice helping to calm me just a fraction more.
“It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. You’re safe.”
Finally, when my heart stops pounding and the jittery vortex in my stomach stops raging inside of me, I open my eyes. Ripley is the first person I see, her kind hazel eyes noticeably worried as she looks me over.
“Better now?” she whispers when I give her a shaky smile.
I nod and she gives me a minute to catch my bearings before we’re once again moving towards the car where Kian and River are already situated in the front. Ripley holds the back door open for me while I climb in with my meager belongings before jogging around to the other side. Once she’s in the back beside me, we’re off, and my eyes are immediately drawn to the window.
Ripley tries to pull me into their conversations at first, but I can’t get myself to respond to anything she says. I stare wide-eyed out my window as the world passes us by, so she eventually gives up and Kian turns the radio on. As the nerves burn away, I relax. I watch enamored as giant, gleaming buildings turn into little shops that then turn into houses, big and small, then eventually, trees and pastures with horses and cows for miles and miles. I take in the scenery for the entire drive to Ripley’s parents, nervous about when we get there, but also… hopeful.
Hopeful that this will all work out, and that I’ll eventually live the life people keep telling me I deserve.
Pulling up to the Jacobs’ home is surreal for me.
The first thing I notice when we pull in is how beautiful the place is with the many trees surrounding the property and leaves rustling in the breeze. There are a multitude of flowers that surround the house, in every color you can think of, and more than I could name. I find myself leaning forward in my seat to get a better view of the place, noting how big the property is and realizing I could… get lost out here. Just me and my thoughts at will.
Freedom.
Valley, Aeon, Shep, and Damien are all standing on the front porch when I finally glance towards the house, and my throat feels tight when I see them. Valley is standing in front with a wall of alphas behind her, her hands clasped together under her chin as she practically vibrates from excitement and keeps herself from running to my side of the car.
Valley is the nicest woman I’ve ever met, her motherly nature coming out anytime she’s around me. But I can’t say I hate her mothering. It’s really nice, actually. To have someone care so much about me, despite barely knowing me.
My mother loved me, but she wasn’t super cuddly and touchy-feely, not like Valley, anyway.
Not only is Valley kind, but she’s beautiful. An older version of Ripley, but instead of the familiar hazel I’ve come to associate Ripley with, Valley’s eyes are a beautiful green, and her dark hair is cut much shorter, framing her face in soft layers.
Shep, Aeon, and Damien are nice alphas as well, though I’ve seen them less than I have Valley. Surprisingly, Damien is the one I felt the most connected to when I met him. I don’t know if it’s his quiet demeanor or if it’s because I can tell he’d die to protect anyone in his family—especially the women—that makes him feel like a kindred spirit. Well, honestly, anyone in his family, but especially the women. Even more so now, since Victor took Ripley.
Damien is very much the protector in this family, and if I’m being honest, I couldn’t ask for a better alpha to make me feel safe after meeting him.
Except for one…
I shake that thought from my head and glance over at Ripley nervously. She gives me an encouraging smile, her eyes somehow telling me that everything is going to be okay now, and I take a deep breath. I want to believe her. More than anything.
“Ready?” she asks as River and Kian exit the car and walk up to Ripley’s parents, each wrapping their arms around Valley in a tight hug.
I give her a nod, and together, we slide out of the back seat. The minute my feet touch the ground, Valley is running in my direction with an excited squeal. The second she wraps me in her arms, my body relaxes completely as the comforting scent of lavender invades my senses while she squeezes me tight, making tears well up in my eyes again as this sense of homecoming washes over me. It’s been so long since I’ve felt a mother’s hug wrap me up in a warm cocoon of safety and unending love.
“Oh, my sweet girl. I’m so happy you’re finally home with us. I couldn’t handle another minute thinking of you in that place all alone! But you’re home now, right where you belong, so don’t you worry,” Valley chatters excitedly, giving me one last squeeze before stepping back and looking me over as she holds onto the tops of my arms.
Her lips purse and her eyes narrow, making my stomach knot before she titters, urging me towards the house.
“They haven’t been feeding you properly! Come on, baby. Mama’s gonna make sure you’re fed right! We’ve gotta get some more meat on those bones of yours, and I’ve got a giant pot of beef tips and rice in the kitchen just for you.”
I glance over at Ripley with wide eyes as Valley stomps into the house, pushing past her alphas as they part for her like the Red Sea. Ripley is biting her bottom lip, trying to hold back her amusement, but it’s futile.
I’ve actually put on a good bit of weight thanks to getting three square meals a day, plus having a hoard of snacks that had been stored in my room that Ripley and everyone else tended to make sure was always stocked, but I’m not going to argue with the woman. I am hungry.
“Well, come on then, sis. Mama said you haven’t been eating properly, which means we’re all about to eat good! No way am I skipping out on her beef tips.”
Ripley hooks her arm through mine and drags me along with her as she shouts at River.
“Riv! Call the others and tell them we’re eating here tonight! Ma made beef tips!”
River chuckles, pulling his phone from his pocket as we pass him and the others by. Shep and Aeon both give me kind smiles that I return, and Damien nods respectfully at me, something I’d expect from the quiet alpha.
“Welcome home, Cozy,” Shep murmurs as Ripley and I step through the front door, and something about it makes my heart jump.
Home.
I have a home again.
“You look dead on your feet. Ready for your surprise?” Ripley whispers to me as the plates are cleared away by her dads and Valley.
My belly is unbelievably full after Valley gave me two giant bowls of beef tips—that I may have scarfed down like I was starved—and a slice of the chocolate cake that she’d baked and decorated to say Welcome Home Cozy , and now I’m exhausted.
I haven’t been around this much noise in… ever.
The dinner table was lively with conversations all around, and I was content with watching and listening to all of them interact together. I responded when anyone spoke to me, but not much, and Valley was kind enough to pull attention away from me when she noticed me becoming uncomfortable.
“You guys didn’t have to get me anything. Letting me stay here is already more than enough,” I whisper back, slightly uneasy with the thought that they’ve done more for me than I thought they would.
“ Pft . It was common sense you’d come stay here when you got out of the hospital, crazy. You’re family now. And besides, this one is from all of us! We’ve all been working really hard to perfect it before you came home. Come on.”
Ripley gets up, holding her hand out to me with a grin and I reluctantly take it, groaning as she pulls me up.
“Ma, I’m going to show Cozy her surprise. You comin’?” she hollers with a smirk as we head for the stairs.
I hear a gasp of outrage before Valley’s small, bare feet smack against the ground as she runs around the corner to catch up to us. She frowns at Ripley, who’s burst into a fit of giggles at my side, before rolling her eyes.
“You’re not showing her without me, you brat! I’ve been waiting for her to get here and see this for weeks.”
Valley takes the lead, and when we reach the top of the staircase, we move down to the third door on the right. Stopping in front of the closed door, Valley grabs my hands in hers, giving them a slight squeeze.
“We never want you to feel like this isn’t your home, because it is now, sweet girl. You’re home, exactly where you’re supposed to be, where you will always be cared for, loved, and welcome. You may not be my blood, but you will be my daughter just as Ripley and Ridleigh are. I will love you just as much as I have loved them for their entire lives and always fight to keep you safe. You are not a guest in this home, Cozy, nor are you a prisoner,” she says, tears glistening in her eyes, and my throat constricts as tears threaten to fill mine for the third time today.
She opens the door and pushes it open, giving me space to walk in. Hesitantly, I cross the threshold, and when I’m fully inside, I freeze.
They… made me a room. A room that’s so obviously meant for me that even I can’t deny it. It’s now, as I turn in a circle, taking it all in, that I realize all the questions Valley and Ripley peppered me with during their visits at the hospital finally make sense.
The walls are painted to look like a sunset, while the ceiling is a deep blue like the night sky, stars covering the entirety. When I look closer, I notice there are actual constellations in the design, something that excites me.
I’ll be able to lie on my bed and look at the stars whenever I want to now , I think to myself.
“River did all the painting with some help from Nico. We didn’t want to mess anything up,” Ripley chuckles nervously behind me, but I’m still trying to process it all, so I can’t respond.
There’s an enormous bed centered against the back wall—a nightstand on each side—covered in a colorful, thick quilt in pinks and oranges. Fluffy pillows and cute plushies line the headboard, and the urge to fall into them and roll around is almost impossible to ignore, but before I can let myself do that, Ripley walks across the room to another door.
“This is your bathroom. Ma and I stocked it with anything and everything we thought you might like. And some things that we know we like.”
I glance in, noting a full bath and shower, with the shelves above the toilet that are nearly overflowing with bath bombs, lotions, face washes, and more. The floor is black and white tile, the walls a light blue with puffy white clouds, and the bathmat is shaped like a cloud to match.
Everything in this room is painted to match the sky at different times of the day, and it’s probably my favorite thing about the entire space. I spent so long locked in one room with no window to look out that I used to dream about the wide-open sky above me as I ran far away from my nightmare. The stars and clouds, the moon and sun, my beacons of hope.
“And over here is your closet. We got you a few things to start you out, but I thought maybe one day when you’re settled, we could go out for a girls’ day and do some shopping so you can pick things you want. I’ll even wrangle my friend Huntleigh into coming with us. I’ve talked to you about her, but she and Gabriel are my two best friends from the Omega Center, if you don’t remember. She never says no to a shopping trip,” Ripley says hopefully as she walks over to the last door to the right of the bed.
Valley joins her, a soft smile on her lips as she waves me over to the closet.
“There’s one more thing for you in here. It was Damien’s idea to build it for you,” she says as she walks inside ahead of me. “This used to be Ripley’s room, but we never got around to putting a nest in here when she moved back home.”
Valley’s voice is dry, though amused, as she glances over at her daughter who snorts.
“The bedroom is obviously meant to be a safe space for you, but this is a space that’s only for you, unless you invite someone in. Nobody will come in here unless you say it’s okay. And if they try it, they’ll have me to contend with.”
On the back wall of the closet, there’s another door, though this one is smaller and looks like you’d need to take a step up to climb through. When she opens the door, she steps back with a nervous, yet expectant expression as I step forward.
When I stick my head in, soft lights automatically flick on, bathing the small yet spacious room in light. I gasp as my heart begins to ache at what I find.
They… They built me a nest.
They didn’t decorate it or put anything in it other than the foam flooring and paint the walls a soft green with watercolor flowers, but I’ve never had my own nest before, so just knowing I have one now is more than I could have ever imagined.
I can’t stop myself from turning around and throwing myself into Valley’s arms, sobbing into her shoulder as I hug her tight.
“Thank you,” I cry, my tears wetting her shirt as she wraps me in her arms.
“Oh, baby. No. You don’t have to thank us. You deserve this and so much more,” Valley whispers against my cheek, rocking me from side to side gently. “When you’re ready, we’ll go shopping for anything your heart desires to make this nest every bit your own, okay?”
I nod, not letting her go because this hug is everything I’ve needed for so long. This motherly hug that calms every anxiety I have about my unknown future and makes me feel loved.
Eventually, Ripley joins the cuddle pile, wrapping herself around my back, making me giggle through watery eyes. And that’s where Ripley’s pack and the dads find us twenty minutes later. Sitting together on my closet floor in one big group hug between the three of us.
River raises a brow in amusement, and the dads follow suit as everyone crams into my room and stands outside the closet door, peeking in. I finally pull back, wiping my cheeks and give them all a thankful, though tearful, smile as I look up at my chosen family.
“Thank you. All of you,” I tell each person standing outside the door, looking at Damien last and holding his dark stare hostage as I try to convey how very appreciative I am for him building me the nest with my eyes.
Damien shrugs, like it was no big deal, but to me it is.
“Okay, Little Bird. Time to go home. Cozy is probably exhausted after all the excitement today and ready to settle into her new room,” River tells Ripley, holding his hand out to her but not coming inside the closet.
I give him a grateful look for not invading my new-to-me space while he gives me an understanding one in return, smiling tenderly at me.
Ripley stands, helping Valley and me up, and giving me a tight hug before she leaves me and walks into her omega’s arms. They all tell me goodnight as they walk out of the room, Ripley promising to text me later as they practically drag her out the door, though I’m unsure how she plans to do that when I don’t have a phone.
I follow Valley out of the closet when they’re all gone, and she shoos her alphas out before pulling something out of her pocket and holding it out for me to take. It’s a cell phone, one with a touch screen that looks brand new, and I almost tell her it’s too much, but she stops me before I can.
“So you can get ahold of us if you need to, while giving you some independence back. You’ll want to leave the house by yourself eventually, even if you don’t think so right now. I’ve already programmed all our numbers in, and Ripley downloaded a few apps she thought you could use, so it’s all set up for you.”
With one last hug and kiss on my cheek, she whispers, “Now get some rest. If you need me, I’m just two doors down to the left.”
And then it’s just me alone with my thoughts in my very own bedroom.
I quickly find some pajamas in the dresser across from the bed to change into and turn to the bed. For the first time in a long time, I feel giddy as I give myself a moment to act like every bit the child that I feel right here in this moment. With a running start, I jump on the bed into the pile of pillows and plushies, rolling around and nuzzling against the softness. Something deep inside of me urges me to rub myself over every inch of this bed, and I listen to that instinct for probably the first time in my life.
When my hair is a frizzy mess, covering my eyes, and my heart feels content, I climb under the quilt and grab one of the plushies to snuggle with. It’s a big, squishy, teal Yeti that is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and incredibly soft as well. As I hug it to my chest, I sigh in contentment, finding it extremely nice to have something to cuddle with.
My eyes feel heavy, drooping of their own accord when I get comfortable. When they finally close, he’s there, the one person I still haven’t talked to anyone but Ripley about.
My Ghost.
I know it’s wrong; I know it’s likely a result of my traumas, and I’ve probably latched onto him because he was the only bright spot in my dark prison, but Jeremiah was always the one thing that felt like mine. A secret to keep from Victor that he could never know about. The one thing he couldn’t take from me, because I filed every single special moment away in the deepest recesses of my mind and far away from Victor and his horrors Every kind word or action that came from Jeremiah was kept just for me, and when the pain and loneliness would get to be too much, I’d pull those sacred moments from my hidden box and relive them to escape from my reality.
So many times, when Victor would leave me for days in the cage while he was off, probably torturing puppies or small children like the veritable monster he was, the deafening silence would get to me. The hunger pains. The humiliation of using a bucket to relieve myself because he always locked the cage door.
Reminder after reminder that I was nothing more than some kind of… toy or trinket to him. One to be tarnished and broken repeatedly until he could mold me into being exactly what he wanted me to be.
Meek.
Quiet.
Subservient.
Afraid.
In the beginning, it felt like I’d go insane.
Until him.
Jeremiah would sneak in and keep me company when he noticed what Victor was doing. He’d give me food and water, a blanket to cover myself with. Show me kindness.
For the first several weeks of me seeing him, he was the sole contributor to any conversation, but he never let that stop him from coming back.
The first time I saw him, his presence scared me almost as much as Victor’s. His scent was harsh, and his sheer size was intimidating. It didn’t help that he was there to do business with my captor. But slowly, he broke through the walls I’d been building around myself for months.
He’d regale me with stories of a scrawny street kid just trying to survive, being honest with me about who he was, the things he’d done. He’d feed me pieces of information about the city I’d been in for over a year, but had never gotten to see. Anything he could think of or that I’d ask about, he’d tell me.
I miss him.
I shouldn’t.
But I do.
So much.
I miss our talks, but it’s him I miss the most.
I miss his wild jasmine and gunpowder scent, and how others got the stony demeanor, but when it was just us, he could let that mask drop and just be himself. I think what I found so appealing about his scent is that it’s honest. And so is Jeremiah.
He never hid his bad side from me. Never tried to pull the wool over my eyes about what he’s done or will do for survival.
How do you miss someone so much when you only know such a minimal amount about them?
I ponder that question as sleep finally takes hold, and my Ghost haunts my dreams.