9. Eight
Eight
Cozette
I find myself tossing and turning when I crawl into bed after dinner, unable to fall asleep as thoughts of two new alphas invade my brain.
When Mama Valley had come back in, following the two men to the front door, I’d hid around the corner and watched like a total creeper. But I couldn’t stop myself. I felt drawn to the two, much like Jeremiah and even Micah. Like a moth to a flame, something about them called out to my shattered soul, tugging on it in a way that decimated the fear of being burned.
I knew they’d been out there talking about me, and as much as it sucked to know they were hearing about some of what I’ve been through, I couldn’t fault Mama Valley for letting them know about me. It was obvious when I walked into the kitchen and we saw each other that they had no idea who I was or what I was doing in their parents’ house.
When I found Damien, I’d just sat in the chair across from him in a stupor, albeit a little shaken. I was dumbfounded that I wasn’t losing my mind over not only meeting two new alphas, but that instead of being overcome with fear when the big one had grabbed my hand, I’d been… flustered. Their scents of spiced gingerbread and ooey-gooey cinnamon rolls had infiltrated my brain, completely overtaking my senses. I felt at ease in their presence, the way that I am with Jeremiah and Micah, and that confused me.
Ripley had talked to me about her siblings, told me about them all and their packs, but meeting her brother in person for the first time wasn’t like anything I’d been expecting.
The first thing I noticed about Ridge was that he’s almost an exact replica of Shep, but with Valley’s black hair and eyes that match Ripley’s pretty hazel. He’s shorter than Jeremiah by several inches, but still much taller than me thanks to me only being four foot ten. Being so close to him, it was impossible not to catch his spiced gingerbread scent that did funny things to my senses, drawing me in more.
The stunned look in his eyes when he’d turned around to find me behind him had made my belly flip, and when his pack brother, Zeke, had shoved him out of the way, those flips turned into somersaults.
Zeke is, for lack of a better word, a giant, much like Jeremiah. But unlike Jeremiah, Zeke’s energy felt softer, more playful and outgoing. Like me, he’s pale, with freckles everywhere I could see. His wavy, fiery red hair that reached down to his shoulders made my fingers twitch, and the urge to touch it to see if it was as soft as it looked had been difficult to ignore. I couldn’t help but find him endearing as I compared him to an energetic puppy with the way he smiled at me, his dark green eyes shining as they met mine. He smelled like cinnamon rolls, and I found that fitting because… well, to be honest, he looks like a giant cinnamon roll of an alpha. It also might have made my mouth water, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
When he’d grabbed my hand and kissed it with the sweetest smile, calling me an angel, my heart had crawled up my throat.
I don’t think anyone’s ever called me an angel before.
Nobody mentioned their sudden arrival at dinner, and because I wasn’t completely sure what I was feeling, I was okay with that. But now, I feel the need to talk to someone. To have someone help me understand.
I grab my phone from my nightstand, seeing it’s after ten at night and wondering if it’s too late to call Ripley. In the end, I find her name in the contacts and click on it, picking at my bottom lip anxiously as I sit up. The phone rings for what seems like forever, and I can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes me when she answers.
“Cozy? Everything okay?”
“Um… No? I mean, yes. I’m fine. I just…”
I bite my lip, unsure of what to even say. Her voice is muffled for a moment before I hear some rustling and a door shut on her end.
“Okay. It’s just us girls. Now tell me what’s got you calling me so late, or I’ll worry and have to drive over just to make sure you’re really okay,” she says teasingly, but I don’t miss the hint of concern underneath.
I blow out a breath and get up, moving over to the window so I can look up at the night sky. Clearing my throat, I work through my thoughts.
“I met Ridge tonight. Zeke, too,” I finally say, my voice hesitant to my own ears.
“Oh? Oh! Oh, no. Did they scare you? I’ll go to their house right now and kick them in the balls if they stressed you out! Just say the word and their nuts are toast!”
I can’t help but giggle because I can tell she means it. Crazy omega that she is.
“No, it’s not—I mean, they didn’t—” I groan, covering my face as I try to express out loud what’s bothering me.
“I wasn’t afraid of them,” I eventually whisper with a frown.
“Oh. Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”
I sigh, because yeah, it’s good. But why? Why wasn’t I afraid? And how can I explain to her why I’m so confused when I haven’t even told her about Jeremiah? The guilt of keeping him from her has been eating at me, but I’m terrified she’ll be upset with me. That I’ll lose her. However, I’m also in desperate need of Ripley’s advice.
How can you say you trust her when you won’t even tell her one of your biggest secrets? a voice whispers at the back of my mind, startling me.
I clutch the phone tighter, knowing I need to tell her before she finds out on her own.
“Ripley, I really need to tell you something,” I whisper anxiously, feeling like I might throw up from the nerves rioting inside of me.
“Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me. We’re sisters now, remember? You can tell me anything.”
“But what if you hate me?” I whimper, my throat tight and eyes burning as I blink away the tears trying to form.
“Alright, that’s it. I’m coming over,” she says resolutely, and I can hear her moving around, grabbing things.
“No! Ripley, it’s late. You—you don’t have to do that. I’m fine, I promise. Besides, what would your parents think about you showing up so late?”
“ Pft . Girl, I know that house like the back of my hand. They’ll never even know I’m there until we come down for breakfast. No arguments. I’m already walking into Syn’s office to ask her to bring me. Love you, see you soon, mwah !”
She hangs up before I can protest anymore, and despite me telling her not to, I can’t help but feel relieved that she’s ignoring me.
I don’t know how long I sit at the window, staring out into the darkness, wondering if he’s out there—my Ghost—before I see headlights creeping down the driveway. They shut off before the car parks, and I watch as the lights inside come on as the passenger door opens. Ripley leans across the middle console to kiss Syn before climbing out and quietly shutting her door. She looks up at my window and waves when she sees me before disappearing out of sight, and Syn waits until she’s inside before leaving.
I turn away from the window once Syn’s car disappears, eyeing my bedroom door. It quietly clicks open as Ripley sneaks in a few moments later, shutting it softly behind her, and she grins at me as she walks farther in, throwing her arms up and exaggeratedly whispering, “Tada!”
I can’t help myself as I get up and run over to her, hugging her and relaxing when she hugs me back.
“You really didn’t have to come all the way over here,” I mumble, making her scoff as we pull apart.
“Bullshit. Whatever you need to tell me is stressing you out. Besides, we’re long overdue for a sleepover. Only thing that could make this impromptu slumber party better is if Hunt, Gabe, and Shade were here, but next time!”
She moves over to the bed, climbing on top and I follow her, grabbing the squishy yeti plush that’s my favorite to hug tight to my chest like a shield. She gets comfortable while I fold my legs beneath me and attempt to chew through my bottom lip.
“Now. First things first, nothing you tell me is going to make me hate you. Just putting that out there, so stop gnawing on your lip like a starved animal. You trust me, right?”
I stop biting my lip as I look at her with wide eyes.
“Of course. I trust you more than anyone else.”
“Okay then. So, tell me what’s eating at you.”
I groan and bury my face in the yeti, completely unsure of how to broach the subject of Jeremiah.
Quit stalling!
I look back up at her and blow out a breath.
“Okay. Just… Just let me finish before you say anything, okay?”
Ripley nods, miming zipping her lips and throwing away the key, making the corners of my mouth tip up.
“I know I told you a little about Jeremiah when I was in the hospital, but I need to tell you the rest.”
She tenses slightly but keeps quiet. Unable to see the look in her eyes, I stare down at the yeti in my arms, fidgeting.
“Jeremiah isn’t a good man, or… I guess that’s not entirely true,” I say, my brows furrowing. “He’s done bad things, but I don’t think he’s bad. Not really. He never tried to hide the truth of who he was or what he’d done from me, which made it easier to trust him, and knowing why made it easier to understand him. Anytime Victor left me in the cage, leaving for days at a time, Jeremiah was there. He made me feel at ease anytime he was around, something I hadn’t felt since Victor brought me home. And the more he visited me in secret—the more he opened up to me and treated me like a person—the more I anticipated the next time I’d see him. With him, there were never any expectations or… obligations . He was content with just being there with me, even if I didn’t talk back.”
I pause, unable to keep myself from smiling softly.
“Our secret visits became a bright spot for me, something I looked forward to. And when things would get really bad for me, I would escape into those memories where it was just me and him. Jeremiah wanted to save me, something he told me often. He tried anytime Victor was gone, and every time he failed, I could tell how frustrated he was. Not only was the lock on the cage impossible to pick, but Victor always secured it with another that needed his fingerprint when he knew he’d be gone for longer than a few hours. He might not have known that Jeremiah was sneaking in anytime he was gone, but he was paranoid enough to make sure I knew there was no way I was getting out until he came back.”
I shudder as I think about the cage, hating how the thought of it still sends a bolt of fear straight through my heart.
“I didn’t know why I felt so drawn to Jeremiah, if it was because he was so nice to me and I’d somehow latched onto him because of all the trauma, or what. I just knew that everything felt right whenever he was near. I could envision myself free again, with him by my side, holding my hand every step of the way,” I say, finally looking up at Ripley.
She’s giving nothing away as she sits there patiently waiting for me to finish, and I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. I can’t help but cringe when I continue, wishing I didn’t have to remind her that Jeremiah almost played a huge part in her abduction.
“By the time Victor tasked Jeremiah with getting you for him, he’d been sneaking in to see me for I don’t even know how long, taking whatever jobs Victor gave him. I was so upset that he agreed. When I asked him why when he knew their fate would look just like mine, if not worse, his reasoning was that if Victor got what he wanted, then maybe he stood a chance at finally freeing me. In his mind, my freedom meant more to him than anything, even at the expense of another. But the second time he saw you, you were with River. Victor had left earlier that same day, and when Jeremiah snuck in that night, he’d been… distraught. He couldn’t stop apologizing to me, telling me that for the first time in his life, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do the job he was given.”
I tell her what happened when Jeremiah told Victor he wouldn’t do it. How Victor held a gun to his head after he told him he was taking me with him, and the debilitating terror I’d felt as I watched him stare down the barrel of that gun. How I’d known in my heart he planned to risk that bullet while taking Victor down with him, and how I’d stared up at him with pleading eyes to get out and not die because I somehow knew his death would be something I’d never truly recover from.
“I knew he didn’t want to, but I also knew by then that he’d do anything I asked of him, even if he didn’t like it. So, he escaped—just barely—and the minute he was out of sight, Victor put a price on his head. But I knew how good he was at disappearing, at not being found unless he wanted to be. He didn’t earn the name of The Ghost for no reason,” I mumble. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since you saved me, even though I know it’s wrong. Wrong to miss him after everything he’s done and almost did. But my heart… It won’t let him go,” I finish telling her, my last words ending in a whisper as I clutch my chest and look into her eyes, hoping she’ll understand.
Ripley doesn’t say anything immediately, and I can practically see the wheels turning inside her head as she works out what to say to my confession. The anxiety is overwhelming, a pit opening in my stomach, threatening to swallow me whole as I wait for her to say something. Eventually, she grabs my trembling hand and holds it tight in hers, taking a deep breath before speaking.
“Well… I can’t say I expected that, but I’m not angry. How can I be when—” she trails off, frowning as she stares at me.
“Cozy… Do you understand why you felt safe with him? Why you can’t stop thinking about him? Like, truly understand?” she whispers, her hazel eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I… Yes, I think so.”
“Tell me,” she encourages, giving me a wobbly smile.
I try to swallow around the lump in my throat, afraid to say it out loud.
“Because he’s… He feels like home. He feels like… mine, ” I choke out, the tears that had been precariously hanging on my lashes falling and gliding down my cheeks before I wipe them away.
Ripley nods, smiling gently as she squeezes my hand.
“That’s it. And do you know why he feels like yours?”
This time I shake my head because I don’t. I don’t completely understand why I know he’s mine, just that I do.
“It’s all about our instincts. Like the warnings we get when we’re in danger, or the feelings we get when our nests don’t feel right, for example. When we find the perfect match for ourselves—a scent match —our omega instincts know, even if we don’t. I knew when I caught Kian and Syn’s scents, River’s intertwined with theirs, that they were mine. It was a feeling deep in my gut, but also in my heart.”
I frown, trying to understand what she’s saying.
“So, Jeremiah is… He’s my scent match?” I ask, unsure.
“It would seem so. Though, personally, if I remember correctly, his scent is downright harsh, so I can’t understand what you like about it,” she says with a grimace, and I cover my lips as I laugh because she’s not wrong.
Jeremiah’s gunpowder and wild jasmine scent isn’t one I’d imagine most would find appealing. But to me, it is, if only because it’s honest. To me, it smells like truth and a little bit like my old life.
“It is pretty harsh, but… okay, this might sound crazy, but his scent is true. It’s not deceiving, like Victor’s was. It’s just… Jeremiah.”
I shrug, sure that won’t make any sense to her, but it feels right to me. Ripley nods, contemplative, as she mulls over my words.
“That makes sense, in a way,” she says with a sigh. “You thought I’d hate you for this because of what he almost did?”
I nod, wincing, and she rolls her eyes.
“Gods. Cozy, we can’t control a scent match. I can even understand his reasoning for almost taking me and scaring the shit out of me the two times I saw him. Even if I don’t like it. There’s nothing an alpha won’t do for his omega, scent match or otherwise. Hell, I’m not even an alpha and I know if I was in his position and one of my mates in yours, I’d do some sketchy shit to save them,” she sighs. “It sounds like he couldn’t think about anything but you and getting you out of the situation you were in, no matter the cost. That’s pretty amazing, honestly.”
And suddenly, I can’t remember why I was so scared to tell her about the alpha that’s promised to find all my broken pieces and put them back where they belong.
“Wait! But how are you going to find him now? You do want to find him, right? You said he got away, but he probably doesn’t even know you’re safe now!”
Ripley pouts, genuinely upset that I might not find him, and I clear my throat awkwardly, shifting around on the bed as I bite my lip.
“Uh, well. He actually already found me,” I mutter, my cheeks flushing.
“Fucking excuse me? When? Where? How?!”
“I don’t know. He just… found me. Like a week after I got out of the hospital, he was… here. Outside. He hadn’t meant for me to see him, but I smelled him on the breeze. I… thought I was going crazy until he showed himself to me. I didn’t ask how, I was just glad he did,” I mumble, picking at my thumbnail.
“I… Shit. That’s kind of romantic, in a stalkerish way.”
She snorts when I hit her with the yeti, and I can’t help but grin at her when she falls back onto the bed, cackling. I lay down beside her, both of us looking up at the constellations River painted on the ceiling and getting lost in our thoughts. Which is when I remember her brother and Zeke, the entire reason for me calling her to begin with. How their scents made me feel after only getting the smallest hit of them both. The ease I’d felt in their presence. How my belly fluttered and my mouth had watered. The way my senses seemed to zero in and lock them down so I wouldn’t forget…
My eyes widen as I sit up so fast I give myself a head rush.
“Ripley… I think… I think your brother and his pack are also my scent matches,” I croak out, staring at the wall in a daze.
“Well, fuck me. This night just keeps getting more and more interesting, doesn’t it?”