15. Fourteen
Fourteen
Cozette
Do something that scares you.
That’s all I can think about.
I’ve made one step towards this, but why not kill two birds with one stone? I can’t avoid these alphas forever. At some point, I need to get to know them, and when the big one asked me to go on a walk, this seemed like a good opportunity. Despite how nervous they make me, I crave being near them. To be surrounded by their scents, especially now that I’ve met Emmanuel.
Gods, he smells so good. Like mangos and something spicy. Next to Zeke, I’m trying my hardest to keep from completely flooding the trail we’re on with my perfume. To distract myself, I decide to break the silence and be the first to speak since neither of them have done so yet and it’s making me antsy.
“So. Um, h-how long have you guys known each other?” I ask lamely, biting my lip.
I have no idea what I’m doing. I was never a great flirter back home, and being with Victor left no room for practice, for obvious reasons. I know I should bring up the topic of this whole scent match thing, but it makes me nervous. Nervous because I don’t know them, even if I somehow know that I’m safe with them. Maybe it’s because they have Mama Valley’s stamp of approval, because I know she’d never leave me alone with them if she thought I was in danger. Or maybe it’s those pesky instincts of mine that I’m finally listening to.
All I know is that I want to keep making strides in my recovery. I might not have been expecting to find scent matches, but they exist. Physically, my body is terrified of them, and yeah, mentally my brain is screeching, but not entirely. The most basic part of me does recognize what these men are, w ho they are, and I think that helps.
So here I am. Walking between one massive tree trunk of a man that oddly reminds me of an overeager puppy and one that’s his total opposite, both in size and mannerisms, with each arm linked in one of theirs and surrounded by their scents that are like magic as they block out the chaotic noise and voice in my head that urges me to flee and hide.
It feels… good.
Natural.
Safe.
“Manny an’ Ridge have been friends since secondary school. That’s high school here. I met them, eh… how long has it been, brother? Seven or eight years?” Zeke glances over my head at Manny, pursing his lips, giving him this charming air to him that I kind of adore.
Listening to him talk seems like something I could do for hours every day. He could talk to me about absolutely anything, and I think I’d be completely enamored, regardless.
“ Sí. You weren’t quite twenty-one yet, and we were out for Ridge’s twenty-first,” Manny chuckles, shaking his head, and I decide that I could listen to him talk for hours, too.
It’s not just the accents they have, though those are absolutely beautiful. It’s… their tones. The way they’re speaking to me, almost like they’re afraid if they say one wrong word or use the wrong volume, I might disappear completely. I wouldn’t, I don’t think, but they don’t know that.
Zeke’s fingers on my hand bring my attention back to him and when I tilt my head up to look up, he smiles brilliantly at me, making me flush. The rays of sun that peek through the shade of the trees we’re walking under make his red hair shine anytime they hit, and I almost can’t stop myself from reaching up and tugging a loose tendril framing his face.
“I had snuck intae the pub they were at that night wi’ a few friends. I was already well past bein’ drunk, so I didnae last ten minutes before the owner came over tae kick me out. O’ course, bein’ the sad sop I was at that age, I picked a fight. Just before the guy knocked ma head off my shoulders, Ridge an’ Manny here popped up tae save my arse. Never spoke tae those friends again after that night an’ stuck tae Manny an Ridge like glue ‘till I wore ‘em down enough tae tak me in. Only took ‘em a few weeks tae tak pity on me.”
Manny scoffs while Zeke laughs, his chest shaking as he tries to rein it in.
“He didn’t give us much of a choice. He’s huge, but he’s basically an overgrown child. Someone clearly needed to take care of him, otherwise he’d never have survived this long.”
Zeke places his free hand over his heart as he glances down at me to give me a wink before looking back at Manny and blowing him a kiss.
“I knew ye loved me, ye spicy wee cinnamon stick. I love ye too, Sweet Daddy.”
“Oh, fuck’s sake. Seriously?”
“Dinnae let him fool ye, lass. He loves it when I call him Sweet Daddy,” Zeke whispers, bending low enough to reach my ear.
His lips just barely brush the outer shell, but that doesn’t stop the shiver that rolls down my spine. Tingles spread around my ear, down my throat, and straight to my heart, and when he pulls back, I can’t help but laugh softly. Not only at their bickering, but the easy camaraderie that’s plain to see.
“I heard that, and no I don’t,” Manny mumbles, and I can’t help but bite my lip to stifle the laughter bubbling up.
I notice I’m completely relaxed in their company now, with no lingering anxiety, just… regular nerves. Nerves you get when you’re on a first date or meeting someone new or starting a new job. I feel at ease with them right now, and it makes me so hopeful about the future. A future I’m starting to feel like I can actually start dreaming about again.
“Okay, fine. He actually likes bein’ called Snickerdoodle.”
“You’re the biggest pain in my ass, you knotheaded Scottish brat.”
As Manny scowls, a playful grin spreads across my face, finding amusement in their quarreling because, well, it’s oddly endearing. It’s kind of how I imagined my life would have been if my parents would have had more kids. I also like that I’m seeing a glimpse into their lives together. A glimpse into what could be my life one day, if I can only seize it.
Just this small interaction has shown me that Zeke is playful and lighthearted while Manny is more stoic, but I sense a hidden softness that he probably doesn’t let out often. Every step of this walk has felt so natural and inviting, dispelling any urge I may have had to run back to the house and seek refuge in my nest. If anything, everything feels like a seamless symphony, perfectly synchronized and surprisingly effortless. I can’t help but be taken aback by the immense difference between what I’m experiencing now and the uncomfortable first outing I had with Victor.
This is what it should have felt like when Victor asked me out. I shouldn’t have felt apprehensive or wanted to be anywhere but there. Shouldn’t have wanted to not be around him. I might have felt a little hesitant when Zeke asked for this walk, but everything inside of me urged me to say yes.
When we reach the end of the trail, we end up at a small pond far enough at the back of the property that I can just barely see the house when I look back. There are two benches, evenly spaced out a few feet away from each other and the water, and both men lead me to the left one, waiting for me to sit before they do the same on either side of me. The sun is sliding down in the sky, the entirety of it changing from that clear sky blue to a mosaic of pinks, oranges, and purples.
“Beautiful,” I whisper out unintentionally as I stare up at the real-life watercolor painting, wondering if Ripley could ask River to paint my ceiling in the nest to mimic this.
“Yeah,” both men murmur at the same time, startling me from my reverie.
When I look at them both, they’re not looking at the sky, but at me. Once again, I can feel the telltale signs of a blush creeping its way up my neck and to my cheeks as my skin heats. Glancing back at the sky doesn’t help because I can still feel their eyes searing into me, and I squirm in my spot, incidentally brushing my thighs against each of theirs.
“She’s downright adorable when she blushes, isnae she, mate?” Zeke utters, only further brightening my already flushed complexion.
“Can’t say I’ve ever seen anything cuter in my life, Hermano, ” Manny mumbles.
Curse my pale skin’s ability to show my every emotion when my face doesn’t!
I clear my throat and tuck a loose curl behind my ear. Something about them thinking I’m a dorable and cute does funny things to me, and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
Taking a deep breath, I figure now is as good of time as any to bring up the scent match situation. Mostly because I’ve decided that I’d like to spend more time with them, get to know them more. I’m probably going to give them a ton of reasons about why they shouldn’t want me, but if that doesn’t deter them, then fine.
I want to give them a chance, even Ridge, but I can admit I’m still terrified. What if we start spending time together and they realize I’m not worth the trouble? What if they end up not actually liking anything about me once they truly get to know me?
What if, what if, what if…
But what if they love me and every broken piece that’s been left behind?
And that what if… that what if keeps me from just completely shutting it all down and hiding away.
I was a little surprised to realize how bummed I was when I didn’t see Ridge with Zeke and Manny when we got home earlier. I’d kind of hoped to see him again as well when I noticed they were here, but maybe next time.
“Can I ask you something?” I finally choke out, my voice tentative as I glance at them both.
They shift slightly, turning themselves inward so they can both face me, and butterflies riot in my chest and belly at having the full weight of their gazes on me. My throat dries, and I fight to swallow without choking on my tongue. Another deep breath to gather my courage back up that’s trying to skip away now that their attention is on me fully.
“Ask away,” Manny says, shrugging his shoulders and giving me a quick side grin that melts my heart a little.
I puff out my cheeks and blow out a breath as I start picking at a loose piece of string on my jeans.
How does one just outright ask strangers if they’re yours?
“A-are we scent matches?” I finally just blurt out because that seemed like a valid way to approach this.
I can’t look at them, but I can feel it when their eyes leave me to look at each other. I feel so silly suddenly, a black hole opening its gaping maw in my belly as my gut roils with nerves, the butterflies seeming to have dispersed.
They don’t let the quiet linger for too long, and eventually I feel a finger under my chin, lifting my head until I’m looking into Emmanuel’s dark brown eyes. My muscles lock up as I stiffen at first, but he doesn’t move or look away from me, his eyes seeming to stare deep down into my soul until he finds what he’s looking for. His brow quirks up just the tiniest bit, his finger still under my chin, and when he adds his thumb, effectively gripping me and holding me in place, every bit of oxygen in my lungs completely disappears with a sigh as my body goes lax like magic.
“And if we are, sirenita ?”
Little mermaid.
His eyes are like decadent dark chocolate, so smooth and clear as they flick across my face, taking in everything. Emmanuel isn’t massive like his pack mate or Jeremiah, but he’s still solid. It’s clear by the rough texture of his hand on my face that he’s a man that isn’t afraid of hard work, the callouses reminding me of how my father’s were after so many years of working for the farm where he’d been employed. His bronze skin is such a contrast against the pale, milky white of my own, and I want to trace the thin mustache he has that connects with a faded and neat beard, see if it’ll scratch against my skin like I imagine or be softer to the touch.
He’s beautiful… handsome… whatever word you want to use, and I’m so enamored by him right now as he holds my chin in place and gives me unending eye contact. I don’t even remember what I asked or what he said back at this point, and I don’t care. I just want to keep this feeling I have right now. This feeling of safety and… relief at not being so on edge and alert. The feeling of release as he somehow has managed to take away all the stress and anxiety rattling in my brain and make it quiet just from this one action.
“If we are, Cozette?” he asks again, and I blink slowly before licking my suddenly dry lips.
“Are you… mine?” I whisper, my voice cracking marginally.
Large hands wrap themselves around my upper arms as Zeke’s massive body inches closer to me, his body heat surrounding me and giving me an extra layer of comfort, like a security blanket.
“ Sí , Sirenita. We’re yours if you want us.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat, lost in a sea of dark chocolate. Zeke’s phone rings at my back and his hands leave me, but I can’t look away from Emmanuel as he continues holding my face hostage. The ball is in my court now, but I can’t help but try to dissuade them.
“I’m damaged. I don’t know if I can give you what you want,” I murmur, my eyes getting misty as I stare into his.
“I don’t know your story yet, Cozette, but I want to. All we want is a chance. If you’ll let me, I’m a pretty good shoulder to lean on. I’m much stronger than I look,” he whispers back.
“I’m scarred, inside and out. Why would you want me?”
“I can hate the cause of your scars while still finding them beautiful because they’re a part of you.”
My breath catches in my lungs as tears balance precariously on my lashes, and when he reaches up with his free hand to cup my cheek, his thumb swipes the lone tear that finally falls straight away.
“You don’t want me,” I whimper, my bottom lip wobbling because how could they?
These men, these alphas , they’re so put together and not weighed down with shame or trauma. Bringing me into their lives would only tarnish their perfect world. Can’t he see that?
I want them, but how could I put my humiliation and suffering on them? How could I willingly let them in, when I still have the biggest secret of all clutched tight to my chest?
With Jeremiah, it’s easy. He witnessed so much of what I went through and still stayed. He won’t care about what I haven’t told anyone else yet because I know he loves me. I know it like I know I would ruin Manny, Zeke, Ridge, and even Micah’s lives if I keep them for myself like I want to.
When will it end? When will the list of things Victor has taken from me finally stop?
Manny’s lips thin into a straight line, thick black brows furrowing as a look of determination flashes through his eyes. I suck in a breath at the change in his demeanor, the sheer resolve in his gaze, and squeeze my thighs tight together when I get the tiniest hint of my perfume trying to fight its way to the alpha in front of me.
“Yeah, mi amor. We do, and we’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”
Before I can say anything else or try to discourage him anymore, Zeke pipes in and Manny’s hold on me loosens before retreating. I almost find myself following the descent of his hand to chase the continued silence and calm.
“Ma says the truck from Nest an’ Things is here,” he mumbles with a disappointed sigh, and I close my eyes.
When I open them, both men are standing holding their hands out for me, so I take each one and let them help me up. Our walk back to the house is much more subdued, but I can’t tell if it’s because they’re upset or just lost in thought like me. The entire walk back, I think about what life would be like if it were just Jeremiah and me.
I could be happy with just him; I know it. But I also realize as I’m imagining that life, there’d be an emptiness left behind. Four giant sized holes in our life, and I don’t like how that looks or feels.
So, I try to imagine what life could be like… with them all.
Jeremiah.
Ridge.
Zeke.
Emmanuel.
Micah.
And what I picture is a million possibilities, an innumerable amount of roads it could lead us on, but it all ends with me… happy.
Loved.
Cared for.
If I’ll only just allow myself the chance to see where this could go with all of them.
Do something that scares you.
We make it back to the carport without a word spoken, something that makes my chest hurt because before I’d started listing all the reasons they shouldn’t want me, things were going so well. I just… suddenly fell down a rabbit-hole of self-sabotage.
That wasn’t moving forward.
It was moving so far back that it’s ridiculous, and I’m a little frustrated with myself.
I see a big truck parked in the driveway with the store’s name splashed across the side and someone helping unload everything along with Damien, Shep, Aeon, and even Ridge. My brows rise when I watch him take a heavy box from the driver standing in the back of the truck and turn to head for the house. His face is set with a frown, but he doesn’t seem angry. More… confused, maybe. Or unsure of himself.
Either way, I can’t help the small, grateful smile when he passes me by and finally glances in my direction. His ears turn red, but he tries to smile back, though I’d say it’s more of a grimace. My lips part when I notice the red tint to the tips of his ears, but before I can examine him further, he quickly rushes away with the box in tow.
I sigh and turn to the other two alphas that I’m pretty sure I may have upset back at the pond. When I glance up at Zeke, I flinch the tiniest bit at the hurt I can see so plainly hidden in those green depths. Manny’s eyes mirror Zeke’s, though he’s slightly better at hiding it.
Gods. I’m already royally screwing this up and all we’ve done is exchanged a few words and taken a leisurely stroll in the backyard. How do normal omegas do this whole… alpha thing? Is there a guidebook? A How To For Dummies?
I clear my throat and twist my hands together in front of me, trying to muster up the courage to say what I should have said down by the water. Eventually, I sigh after I tell myself to quit stalling repeatedly.
“We can… We can try. I’m not… very good at this. I don’t know what I’m doing, or even much about being an omega, if I’m being honest. I’m also a huge mess inside. Physically, I want you. I want you all so bad, it hurts. But mentally, I’m still so broken, which means I don’t think so highly of myself, and alphas are a touchy subject for me. It’s a little easier to not be so afraid of you when you have Mama Valley’s support, though,” I ramble, awkwardly smiling at them and blowing a curl out of my face.
Manny’s got a brow raised at me with his arms crossed and a blank face, so I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Zeke is much more open, however, his emotions worn plainly on his features, and right now he looks hopeful, which is also how I feel now.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I would really like to get to know you. I’d like to… What is it? Courting?” I whisper to Zeke, and he laughs.
“Ay, ye wee minx,” he says with a grin, and I nod seriously.
“Yes, I would like for you to court me. If you want, that is,” I say, quickly adding in the last bit as a default.
Now I’m standing in front of them both, biting my lip like I’m a starved animal, and waiting for them to pick the ball up and shoot their shot… again.
Zeke looks like he’s about to lunge and wrap his arms around me, but halts himself and stands up straight. He runs his fingers through his hair nervously and looks at me sheepishly.
“Can I hug ye, lass? Is that okay?”
My heart flutters as my mouth nearly drops completely open and I nod, almost in a daze. Because it’s the first time, other than Mama Valley in the beginning, that someone has a sked if something they do is okay with me. And I think it would have been fine if he’d hugged me without asking, but it’s something I appreciate immensely.
Before I know it, I’m in the air, my feet dangling as a pair of massive, strong arms crush me in their hold. My head reaches Zeke’s shoulder, so I gingerly wrap my arms around his neck and, after a moment’s hesitation, lay my head on his shoulder. When his chest vibrates against my stomach, a purr rumbling out of him, my body goes limp in his hold and oh my gods, this is everything .
He presses his forehead to my shoulder and breathes a content sigh. My eyes close as my arms squeeze around his neck tighter, face involuntarily moving to the crook of his neck as my instincts take the driver’s seat, and I shove my nose there, nuzzling against him. Then I whimper, because his sugary sweet and cinnamon scent makes my mouth water… along with other places that I’m absolutely not ready for. When my perfume sneaks out and tries to wrap around us until we’re in a little cocoon, I lift my head up and pat him on the shoulder softly in a way to tell him to put me down.
Reluctantly, he does, but not without grumbling and giving me a playful scowl as he pulls back and places me back on the ground. Something compels me to lift on my tiptoes as I tilt my face up for him to come down to my level, and when he does, putting his face just close enough to mine, I press my nose to his and affectionately rub it against his, despite the fire burning on my cheeks as I do.
With blazing cheeks, I can’t help but sport the silliest smile on my lips as I pull back. Zeke is frozen in place, bent over, his eyes wide and lips parted as he gazes at me in utter disbelief, and he still doesn’t move when Manny slaps him on the back, making me laugh lightly under my breath.
Manny moves to stand in front of me, blocking me from Zeke’s view and him from mine. I’m about eye level with his chest, so that’s where I stare for a long moment, gathering my courage to look him in the eyes again. He waits me out patiently, and when I do finally look up at his face, his features are soft and his eyes are full of warmth as they take me in.
“Courting comes with gifts, Sirenita. You gonna let us spoil you like we desperately want?” he murmurs, reaching up to tuck that pesky loose curl behind my ear, then gently running his knuckle down my cheek.
My eyes close on their own as I lean into his touch until he’s cupping my cheek, and I nuzzle into his rough palm with a sense of joy filling my heart. I open them again and smile up at him with closed lips. He smiles back with a huff, shaking his head.
“I like presents,” I tell him with a shrug.
What I don’t tell him is nobody but my parents has ever given me a gift before, and that alone makes them wanting to give me gifts exciting.
“Yeah? Tell me something you want, princesa, and I’ll see what I can do when we next meet,” he murmurs, his voice getting lower.
I bite my lip and pretend to think, but honestly, I’m a pretty simple girl.
“I’ll like anything you bring me, but I like… I like plushies, especially the squishy ones. And blankets, but soft ones. Candles are nice, too… if t-they smell like you guys.” I finally tell him, whispering the last sentence out as I begin to blush furiously again.
These alphas are going to make me turn permanently red at this rate because it’s all I seem to be doing around them.
Manny grins, and I can’t help but smile back despite how embarrassed I feel because his smile is beautiful and contagious.
“I’ll get ye all the candles that smell like me yer wee heart desires, lass. Ye’ll have a room full o’ them immediately,” Zeke replies seriously, popping up beside Manny and making me chuckle.
Manny rolls his eyes, but his smile is still there, and I listen to the voice that pops into my head, urging me to wrap my arms around him and nuzzle against his chest for a moment. I surprise him, but he doesn’t let that stop him from gingerly wrapping his arms around my shoulders and hugging me close to him. I sigh when I press my nose to the center of his chest and inhale deeply, my bones turning to jelly as I try to embed both of their scents in my brain.
“What’s going on?” I hear at my back and when I turn my head, I see Ridge standing there.
Aeon and Shep rush past us with full arms as I hear the truck that brought my things start up and begin to pull out, neither of them glancing in our direction as they rush inside. I clear my throat and reluctantly release my hold on Manny, though he’s much slower to let me go. When he does, I step back and give both him and Zeke a smile, and then I take a deep breath and fully face the last alpha that’s supposed to be… mine.
Ridge is the only one I haven’t spoken to, but as I stare at him, standing only a few feet away from me now that I’ve edged closer to him, I can feel it. I can feel the way part of my soul is calling out for him, how much it desperately wants a connection to him if I’ll allow it.
He’s only a couple of inches taller than Manny, and not as large as Jeremiah and Zeke, but he’s not a small man by any means. Where Jeremiah’s muscles are well defined from working out and Zeke and Manny’s are more normal from years of manual labor or working out in the outdoors, Ridge is burly. He has muscle definition, but his muscles are softer from what I can see, more rounded out.
Husky. That’s the word I’d use, I suppose. He looks like if I were to lie on his chest for a cuddle, he’d be soft and comfortable. And I want to do that someday. Just crawl onto his chest and lie down as he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. Maybe some head kisses because that sounds nice, but I’m not too particular.
“Cozette’s gonna let us court her,” Zeke says excitedly at my back, and I can practically see the giant grin on his face.
Ridge doesn’t react, his face blank and giving absolutely nothing away, and I start to fidget under his gaze.
“Um, but y-you don’t have to if you don’t w-want to,” I tell him, unsure and incredibly self-conscious with him.
I haven’t spoken to Manny and Zeke a ton either, but the little interaction with them today told me so much about them and gave me insight into the type of people they are just a little. Enough for me to want to spend time with them so I can get to know them better.
So I can give this being an omega thing a real shot…
Ridge is suddenly right in front of me, so close I can smell him. Spiced gingerbread, a warm and cozy scent that makes me think of winter nights waiting for Santa with hot cocoa and a warm fire. And just like the others, I’m inexplicably drawn to him, knowing nothing more about him other than what Ripley has told me.
But what if he doesn’t want me?
My chin is practically touching my chest as I look down at my feet and my shoulders hunch inwards as I begin to second guess myself. If he doesn’t want me, does that mean Zeke and Manny wouldn’t be able to court me? Would they still want to if they’re not all in agreement? There’s just so much I don’t know and that I’m still having to learn about the ins and outs of omega and pack life, and I hate it. I’m praying for the ground to swallow me up the longer he goes without saying anything to me, the anxiety rushing through my veins making me feel incredibly skittish.
But then Ridge’s chest vibrates as a purr so loud and soothing rumbles from him that my breath catches as I turn into jelly again, my knees going weak. My hands land on his chest to keep from falling, and when I look into his hazel eyes, the intensity is enough to completely stop my heart.
“You don’t think I want to court you, as well, Little Omega?” he asks, his voice deep and gravelly as it mixes with his purr, and a quiet whimper escapes my lips that are clenched tight.
There’s a storm raging in his hazel eyes as he holds mine, and everything and everybody around us disappears, fading away until it’s just me and him. The part of my soul that’s desperate to be loved and cared for aches for him, aches to be reassured that he’s mine, too.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
Slowly, his hands come up until they’re holding my hips, and he pulls me in. My hands get trapped between my body and his as he squeezes me to him and bends down to nuzzle his cheek against mine carefully, like he’s a little unsure. My eyes close on their own and I sigh.
“I want to be your alpha, Cozette. I want to be your alpha more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life… if you’ll have me.”