21. Twenty
Twenty
Cozette
The moment I open my eyes, I’m overwhelmed by the powerful urge to retreat into my cozy nest, as if I need to seek refuge from the world. My body feels uncomfortably hot, but the thought of crawling out of my blankets makes me want to vomit, so I sink further into them, despite the sweat beading on my skin. Not only that, but my scent is absolutely suffocating, pouring out of me in desperate waves.
Mama discovers me in bed, well past noon, buried beneath a heap of blankets and surrounded by pillows and stuffies. With my disheveled hair falling over my face, I cling tightly to my stuffed bat, seeking comfort in Jeremiah’s familiar scent that still lingers. Her smile quickly fades when she pulls the covers off of me, replaced by a frown that etches lines onto her face, and she sucks in a surprised gasp that has her coughing when my scent surrounds her. When the back of her hand touches my clammy forehead, I whimper at the touch and close my eyes, squeezing them tight.
“I don’t feel good, Mama,” I rasp out, a whine lodged deep in my throat.
Everything in me screams to escape to my nest and hunker down, but there’s also something more. Something more insistent in me, and as I inhale the remnants of Jeremiah’s scent, anything Mama says fades into the background. I notice when she sighs and brings her phone up to her ear to make a call, but I hear nothing else, my senses overwhelmed by the velvety texture of the bat. When she’s done on the phone, she perches herself on the edge of the bed, gently brushing my hair away from my face to get a better look at me, tsking .
“Come on, sweetheart. I think we need to make a trip to the doctor,” she murmurs softly, a knowing look in her eye despite the frown on her lips.
“I don’t wanna,” I croak out, curling more into myself and hiding my face in the plush.
“I know, but we just need to confirm my suspicions and find out what we might need to do to make you more comfortable.”
A sudden tug of sharp pain shoots through my lower belly, leaving me breathless and gasping for air. My grip on the bat tightens as a cry escapes my lips and a shiver runs through my entire body. I’ve never experienced anything quite like this—the searing pain in my abdomen and the fever raging through my body—unlike any sickness I’ve encountered before.
“What’s wrong with me?” I sob as tears stream down my cheeks when the cramp subsides, and Mama shushes me as she lays a cool wet cloth across my flushed face.
“We’re about to go find out. Can you walk, or should I ask Damien to help carry you down to the car?”
The mere thought of someone other than my alphas touching me in my current state makes me recoil instantly, and her knowing sigh adds to my confusion. With her continued gentle prodding, she eventually gets me to sit up, though it takes some effort. After helping me change, she gently leads me out of my room, keeping close to me. When it becomes clear that I won’t be able to walk down the stairs alone, she offers her support, wrapping her arm around my middle and guiding me. Each step becomes a deliberate and cautious effort as she guides me out of my room and down the stairs, halting whenever a sharp cramp strikes, leaving me struggling to catch my breath. Throughout our entire journey through the house and out to her car, not one of the dads is seen, which I find odd, but don’t comment on when another cramp takes hold of me the second I’m in the passenger seat.
I fall in and out of consciousness the entire trip to the hospital, everything hazy and distant, like a dream. My bleary-eyed gaze falls upon the hospital outside my window when the car comes to a stop, bringing Micah to the forefront of my thoughts. Instantly, a fog takes over my mind and all I can think about is going to find him as I’m led inside, the air-conditioned space immediately cooling my clammy skin.
Once Mama settles me down in a chair and walks over to the lady behind the desk, my restless feet can’t stay still. Without warning, I’m up and running, propelled by a singular mission and ignoring the sounds of Mama’s voice worriedly calling my name. The overwhelming sense of urgency inside of me, compelling me to find Micah, makes it to where I can’t think of anything else. As I trudge down the many hallways, I can feel the weight of people’s eyes on me, making me uneasy. But as soon as his scent hits my nostrils, my focus narrows. Before I know it, I’m standing right outside his office door and without a thought, my hand reaches out and turns the knob without knocking.
The shock on his face is clear as the door swings open and he takes in my disheveled appearance, but my attention quickly fixates on the woman seated opposite him. Even as I recognize the absurdity of it, a wave of jealousy washes over me, adding to the chaos in my mind. I surprise even myself when a territorial growl escapes me when mine and the woman’s eyes lock. In an instant, her eyes widen in surprise, then a spark of understanding ignites in her expression, and even though I continue to growl, she responds with a gentle smile.
“Cozette! Is everything oka-,” he’s cut off by the woman quickly, but her eyes never leave mine as she stands swiftly, although cautiously.
“I think it’s best that I be leaving, Doctor. Our session was just about over, anyway. I’ll see you in two weeks,” she says to him, still looking at me, and when I growl again at her words, her brows raise as a chuckle escapes her.
“Uh, sure, Dream. Remember what we talked about today and call me if you need anything,” Micah responds to the woman without looking at her.
His voice has a magnetic quality that effortlessly grabs my attention, its soothing effect reaching the depths of my muddled mind. He remains motionless in his seat, but his unwavering gaze follows me intensely. His eyes are wide and fixated on me and I completely ignore the woman as she leaves, moving closer to the stunned man I’ve slowly grown feelings for over these last several months, even though I shouldn’t have.
When I’m directly in front of him, everything inside of me urges me to wrap myself around him. His familiar baby powder scent surrounds me, and I watch as his pupils dilate, completely eclipsing the honey brown of his irises. My chest rises and falls rapidly, my breathing erratic the more of him I breathe in.
“M-Micah,” I stammer out, reaching for him as my eyes struggle to focus because of the fire raging beneath my skin trying to consume me.
“ Mis Dioses ,” he whispers, lips parting as he takes me in and sucks in a breath.
Another cramp seizes my middle, causing me to wobble, but Micah quickly catches me, his touch like a soothing balm to my overheated skin. I sigh in relief as I lean into his hold, and I can’t stop myself from curling up in his lap when he relaxes back in his chair. He groans when I shift in his lap, and a barely audible gasp escapes me when I feel the hard length of him pressing against my backside. I find myself wiggling again before his hands clamp down on my hips, halting my movements. I’m sent right back into a perfuming tailspin with the knowledge that maybe he wants me as much as I want him, and the longer his hands are on me, the more I crave him like I crave Jeremiah.
I’m hurting and confused, completely unsure of what’s happening with me right now. Everything around me is too loud, too bright. The textures of mine and Micah’s clothes are grating on my oversensitive flesh, and despite the fever trying to boil me from the inside out, I can’t stop shivering. But most confusing of all is how… slick I am between my legs!
The more I breathe in Micah’s scent, the worse it gets. With every passing moment in his arms, the space between my leg’s throbs, my body yearning for the alpha holding me to make it better. His heartbeat reverberates in my ear, the pulsating rhythm echoing through my body, intensifying the ache between my legs, and everything inside begs for me to find relief.
Against Micah’s leg!
Groaning, I instinctively press my face against his chest, wanting to hide at the thought. But as soon as I take a breath, his scent hits me like a wave, making me immediately regret my decision as every rational thought flees my mind.
Suddenly, I sit up in Micah’s lap and swiftly turn to face him, my heart racing as I straddle his leg as best I can in this chair. His eyes widen, and without hesitation, I shove my face against his neck as if guided by some unseen force. My body moves on autopilot, my fingers locking onto his shoulders. As my lips meet his neck, I can feel his pulse quickening beneath them, and he makes a sound in the back of his throat when I press my body against his. His thigh presses perfectly against my throbbing center, muscles tensing when I slowly rub against him. I trail kisses down his throat, feeling him swallow when I whimper at the pleasure that zings through me as my hips move in a mindless dance.
“You smell so good,” I groan without a thought, my tongue darting out to lick up the column of his throat.
When I moan softly against his throat, I feel his breath grow shallow, but my moan quickly turns into a whine when his hands grip my hips, firmly holding me in place and stopping my movements. My eyes well up with tears of frustration, my fingers tightening their grip on his shoulders, and my breaths escape me in rapid, panting bursts. The ache is back immediately, and all I can think about is making it stop when yet another wracking cramp takes hold of my belly, leaving me to curl in on myself.
“Cozy,” he murmurs shakily, his body completely rigid.
“P-please. Please, Micah. Need you. Make it stop,” I cry against his throat, and his hands tighten.
I don’t even know what I’m asking for at this point. I just know he can make me feel better.
“Cozy, y-you—”
His voice, strained and choked, fills my ears, but before he can finish speaking, the door violently swings open. With Micah’s muscles tensing beneath me, a whimper escapes my lips as he suddenly shifts, his thigh rubbing against my oversensitive center. A moment later, Mama’s voice reaches my ears, and instead of feeling relieved, I’m filled with disappointment.
“Cozy! Oh, my goodness. baby, you can’t run off like that in your current state. Oh!”
As I cautiously peek out from under my lashes, I find her standing just a few feet away from the back of Micah’s chair, her wide-eyed surprise making me instinctively curl more into him.
I don’t understand why I immediately sought him out, but there’s an undeniable comfort in his presence that instantly soothes me. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but being so out in the open in the waiting room made me feel flighty, and Micah is a safe space for me, someone who brings me a lot of comfort just for being himself.
Micah clears his throat awkwardly, trying to turn his head to see Mama Valley, but my face in the crook of his neck makes it difficult. I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear her move until she’s on the other side of the chair, now at my back. I’m trembling, but Micah’s hand on my back soothingly rubbing up and down calms me until I relax back into him with a sigh.
I can hear their voices blending together, but their words are a jumble of meaningless sounds to me. As I bury my face in Micah’s neck, his scent becomes my sole obsession, making me feel increasingly disoriented.
Gods, he smells good.
Need him.
Want him.
I groan in pain when he stands up, my hands clutching him tighter as I wrap my legs around him like a sloth on a tree limb, refusing to let him go. He makes a sound in the back of his throat, his hands cautiously coming up to hold my bottom for extra support. My eyes stay closed, my nose in the crook of his neck, and I barely notice when we start moving, not caring where we’re going as long as he keeps touching me.
Before I know it, we’re stopping again, and I flinch when I try to look up to see where we are, only for the lights to be entirely too bright. I whine into Micah’s throat, which makes his hands clench as his muscles bunch.
“Cozy, I need to set you down now. They dimmed the lights for you,” Micah whispers in my ear.
I shake my head, clinging to him even more, and I feel him sigh.
“Can we have a minute?” I hear him ask before the shuffling of feet reaches my ears and then he lowers himself until he’s sitting.
When I peek my eyes back open, I realize it’s a hospital bed, and that he was telling the truth about the lights being dimmed. I lean back in his lap just enough that I can see his face, and I have to blink several times to get myself to focus.
“Do you know what’s happening, Cozette?” he asks, dipping his head slightly to look into my eyes.
I frown at him, feeling a mixture of frustration and discontent as my hands involuntarily explore the contours of his chest, distracting me. I can feel that fog inching its way back into my mind and my vision blurs as thoughts of what he looks like beneath the button-down shirts he’s always wearing when I see him. A pout replaces my frown when one of his hands comes up to grab ahold of both of mine, holding them hostage and stopping my exploration. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, and his throat bobs as he swallows.
“You’re in heat. Something that shouldn’t even be happening since you haven’t had any symptoms or signs the last few weeks leading up to this. If Valley hadn’t told me that you woke up like this, I would have guessed you were at least a day or two into it.”
I frown again, my eyes blinking slowly as his words try to penetrate through that overwhelming fog in my brain.
Heat.
But that’s not possible. The doctors said they weren’t sure if I’d ever have one, and this is nothing like I expected after seeing Ripley last week. She was glowy and excited when she told me I probably wouldn’t see or hear from her for a few days because her heat was coming up. There’s no way she was excited to feel like this, though, surely.
“No. That’s not… I can’t be in heat ,” I mumble, shaking my head, trying to clear away the haze that’s trying to pull me back under.
“You are, and it’s hitting you harder than it should be. That’s why—” he cuts off, grimacing. “That’s why you want me right now. It’s why you can’t stop touching me or-or putting your face against my neck. You’re comfortable with me, and your instincts are pushing you to seek that comfort to make you feel better. Because you know you’re safe with me.”
My brows furrow when I realize he’s implying that the only reason I’m feeling this intense need for him is because I’m in heat. Because that’s not true at all. I mean, maybe it is a little, but I’ve been slowly falling for this alpha for months without even realizing it.
I know I shouldn’t, that it’s unethical, but gods, I want Micah. In fact, he’s the only one I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want wholeheartedly without biology and instincts determining it for me. He’s the one I get to choose all on my own.
Heat or not.
But what if he doesn’t want me? Maybe I’ve read too much into some of his mannerisms when we’ve been together. I was sure that maybe…
I flinch back and his lips thin.
“You don’t want me? Is it my scars? Or-or everything you know about what I went through?” I ask, my voice trembling as tears fill my eyes.
I scramble to move off his lap, embarrassment flooding my senses, but his hands stop me. The need to hide because I just threw myself at him and the feeling of rejection settling heavy in my heart. Something about his words feel like rejection, and as stupid as it is, it hurts my feelings. Micah frowns, holding my hips in place even as I fight to get away.
“Woah, no! Cozy, stop. Listen to me,” he commands, and I freeze, looking at his face with blurry eyes.
He cups my cheeks, looking deep into my eyes.
“I’d be a fool not to want you. You are beautiful and perfect and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. I just— I’m your therapist. You don’t really want me. You just trust me, which I’m so grateful for. But I can’t help you just for you to come out of the heat fog and regret that you asked for me. I’d rather see you as a patient than to never see you again,” he tells me, a pained look filling his eyes.
I take a deep breath, blinking away my tears, his admission making me feel slightly better. Once again feeling uncharacteristically brave with the endorphins flooding my system, I lean forward until our noses are touching, my hands still held together by his between us. My breath puffs out of me against his lips and his eyes widen as I stare into them.
“You’re right. I am safe with you, Micah. And that’s exactly why I do want you. With or without a heat. I could never regret you being with me for this because I’ve been harboring feelings for you for months now,” I murmur before pressing my lips against his, closing my eyes in bliss when he kisses me back instead of pulling away.