Chapter 20
ANOTHER STEP FORWARD
Winter
I don’t know what flipped the switch. Maybe it was the taste of peace and the fear of returning to a life of abuse and hurt. Maybe being at the Sunshine Center showed my mom what life could be like when the person who was supposed to love her the most wasn’t always dragging her down.
Whatever it was, it changed everything. After my dad was charged with a DUI and put in the drunk tank, my mom recounted her version of the events of the night she fell.
Some of it was still murky, but she was clear enough to indicate that while my dad didn’t physically push her over, he did hit her, and he used intimidation to corner her.
And he didn’t back off until it was too late.
After that he was also charged with assault and battery, and aggravated domestic battery, and we put an order of protection in place so he can’t be in Pearl Lake anymore.
He had to move to the trailer outside of town.
A few weeks later, he was driving under the influence again and lost his license for a year.
All this feels like a win. But I worry about the ripple effect. Because there’s always good with bad. And I fear the universe will balance it all out in the opposite direction.
After my dad was charged, Clover suggested that my mom and I attend a support group for battered women.
During the first meeting, as we listened to women share their stories, I realized how we’d normalized the abuse.
And it scared the hell out of me. I share half of Dad’s DNA, and I don’t want to be like him.
I don’t ever want to hurt the people I care about with words, or violence.
And I don’t ever want to go back to a life where every day is a battle.
So for now, I’m holding on to hope that this peace will last. And it feels like it could, especially when my mom gets a part-time job at the library. She’s working behind the desk, checking out books and managing returns. She adores Clover, and Clover has a real soft spot for her too.
As July rolls into August, new fears bubble up. My mom is set to have her casts removed in a couple of weeks, and after that, she’ll move back to the cabin. So will I. I could go now, but I don’t want to be there on my own, and the Ballistics have continued to be great about me staying with them.
But beyond that, BJ will return to university in a handful of weeks, and so will most of my new friends, so I’m inclined to spend as much time with him as I can.
Coach Waters and Coach Ballistic have mentioned the scholarship a couple of times, but with my mom on her own once she leaves the Sunshine Center, I can’t see being able to go to Chicago.
It’s a Saturday in early August, and we have a game this morning. I’m up early, along with Coach Ballistic. I can’t get used to calling him Randy when we’re off the ice, so I just call him Coach, and he rolls with it. We eat egg sandwiches for breakfast and hop into his truck.
“How you feeling about the game today?” he asks as we make the short drive to the rink.
“Good, I think. I don’t want to get cocky because we’ve beaten this team before.
But I watched their last couple of games, and their forward is still making the same mistakes.
Their best defensive player is out with an injury, so unless something has changed since last week, we should be able to capitalize on their weaknesses. ”
He chuckles. “You sound like a true hockey player. Keep an eye on their right wing, number twenty-two. She’s made a couple of questionable plays the past few games, and I’m worried now that we’re getting close to the playoffs, she’ll get chippy out of desperation.”
“I noticed that too. I’ll be careful. Don’t want any more stitches to round out this summer.” It feels like a year has passed, rather than a month since that happened.
We arrive at the rink, and I go to the locker room to change into my gear. Coach Waters and Ballistic give us a pep talk, and then we’re clomping down the hall to the ice.
I scan the stands as we warm up and wave when I see my mom sitting with Clover.
She’s been coming regularly, and sometimes she even attends practices when she’s not working, or in class, or having one-on-one sessions with Clover.
Rose and Lovey are in the stands too. BJ is at his competition today, and his mom is with him and Adele in the city, but they’ll be back tonight.
They ended up adjusting the combination, so I’m crossing my fingers they still place.
Fern skates up and nudges me. “A couple of scouts just took a seat at center ice, on our side.”
“Are you serious?” I glance furtively in their direction.
“Sure am. They’re from Hawking. I bet you a six-pack of fritters they’re here for you.”
I frown. “Why would they be here for me?”
She laughs. “Girl, you’ve been playing for the team for a little better than a month, and you have the fourth-best scoring record.
The coaches want you on a university team, and I’m pretty sure they’re looking to get you a sweet deal.
I’ll introduce you after the game if our coaches don’t beat me to it. ”
“Jeez, talk about pressure,” I mutter.
As we make another lap around the rink, she waves at them. “Just play like you always do, and you’ll be fine.”
I try to keep my head in the game, but by the middle of the second period, there are four sets of scouts from different universities in the arena.
“Is this even normal? Isn’t it kind of late in the summer to be scouting for players?” I ask Fern when we’re rotated off after scoring another goal. This time I got the assist, and she made the goal, but earlier in the game, I scored our first goal.
“I already told you, they’re here for you. And they probably know another university doesn’t have you yet,” Fern says, her grin wide. “I hope we’re playing together in the fall.”
“We’ll see. They could be here for another reason.”
“They could be, but they aren’t.”
We’re called back onto the ice, ending the conversation. We win the game six-two. My teammates are buzzing because of the scout action, and when I leave the locker room with Fern, Coach Waters and Ballistic are waiting with the scouts from Hawking.
“Fern, great game tonight. Looking forward to seeing you work your magic on our ice in a few weeks,” one of the women says.
She smiles. “I can’t wait. I think we’re on track for an amazing season.”
“No doubt.” The woman turns her attention to me. “And you, Miss Marks, are just magnificent to watch. Your coaches tell me you’re not playing for a university team in the fall yet.”
“Uh, no, I’m not.” I glance at my coaches, and they smile and nod encouragingly. “Not yet.”
“I’ll catch up with you later.” Fern nods to me. “See you in a few weeks.” She joins the other players on their way to Iced Out.
“Winter, this is Maxine Devereaux and Christian Cromwell,” Coach Ballistic says. “Maxine is the head coach for the women’s team at Hawking, and Christian is a scout. They’d love to discuss your plans for the fall.”
“It’s great to meet you. And yeah, that, uh, would be good. Can I just text my mom? She might be waiting in the lobby.”
“We spoke to her, and she’s waiting by the office,” Coach Waters says. “We thought you might want her to be part of the conversation.”
“Right. Yeah. Definitely.” I don’t know what to expect from her, but she’s been a lot more supportive of my hockey ambitions since she made the decision to split with my dad. Clover is helping her with the divorce paperwork.
We find her sitting outside Coach Ballistic’s office with Clover. They switched her to a walking cast, so she can get around with one crutch. Coach Ballistic introduces her to Maxine and Christian.
“Do you want me to be here?” she whispers as we file into the office.
I nod and help her into a chair at the round table.
Maxine smiles. “I know we’re taking you away from the team celebration, so we won’t keep you long.
But your coaches made us aware that there are a few other schools looking at you, so we wanted to meet with you personally.
Your application essay was quite moving, and after seeing you on the ice, we approached the admissions office regarding a few amendments to the previous offer that we’d like to present to you. ”
“Amendments?” I look over at my coaches, and they smile encouragingly.
“Originally you were offered a need-based scholarship for tuition. However, we think we can do better than that. You would have a place on our women’s hockey team, which includes tutors to help you maintain a three-point GPA.
Tuition will still be covered in full for the duration of your undergrad degree, but we’ll add a stipend for books, accommodations, and a meal plan, should you choose to live in the dorms. Or alternatively, we can offer a stipend to help with groceries should you decide off-campus life is better for you.
We have a few houses off-campus for our players, as well as apartment options. ”
My mom, God bless her sweet heart, starts to raise her hand, but I catch it in mine. “It’s okay. You can just ask the question, Mom.”
“What is a three-point GPA?”
“It’s a grade-point average,” I tell her. “I’d need to keep Bs in all my classes to keep my scholarship.”
“Oh. Well, you always get good grades, so that shouldn’t be a problem. Would Winter start this fall? At the end of the month?” she asks.
“If she accepts our offer, then yes, she’ll start at the end of August,” Maxine explains.
“And you want to go.” It’s not a question. Mom squeezes my hand. “Don’t worry about me. The casts are coming off soon, and I’ve got lots of support. If you want this, Winter, you should take it.”
“Why don’t we give you a few days to think it over? We can schedule a call on Wednesday, and you can let us know,” Maxine suggests.
When I manage to nod, she and Christian thank us for our time and tell me they hope I’ll consider joining them.
“We’ll give you and your mom a few minutes,” Coach Ballistic adds. “You can meet us up in Iced Out when you’re ready. And Lucy, you’re more than welcome to join us.”
“Thank you, both of you, for everything you’ve done for Winter,” Mom says.
“She’s a talented player, and we want to give her every chance to shine.” Coach Ballistic pats my shoulder and closes the door behind him.
Mom takes my hand, and her chin wobbles as tears fill her eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m just so proud of you. Just so darn proud, Winter.
Despite everything I’ve put you through, you’ve turned out to be this wonderful, kind, responsible young woman.
And you’re so talented. I had no idea how good you were.
No idea.” She chokes up. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I put you through so much. ”
“You were just trying to survive.”
She shakes her head. “No. Don’t let me off the hook like that.
This time with Clover, the group sessions we’ve been going to.
They’ve helped me. I didn’t see it before.
I didn’t see what I was doing to you, how unfair it was.
How you were always standing up for me, and it should have been me standing up for you.
” Tears leak out of the corners of her eyes, and she holds up a hand when I start to speak, asking me to wait.
She takes a deep, shaky breath and continues.
“You took the brunt of so much of the abuse, and I…I should never have let that happen. That shouldn’t have been our life.
It took until this happened for me to finally see how bad it was.
” She shakes her head. “Why don’t you hate me? ”
“Because you’re my mom,” I say without hesitation. “We’ve always been a team, you and me against the world. Sometimes it was hard, but you were trying to keep the peace the only way you could. And you’re out now. That’s what matters.”
“You need to take that scholarship, Winter. You need to go to Chicago and play hockey for that university team.”
“I don’t want to leave you on your own in that cabin.” I bite the inside of my cheek and admit the thing that scares me most. “I can’t keep you safe if I’m in Chicago.”
“It’s not your job to keep me safe, Winter.
It’s my job to keep you safe, and I failed at that a lot.
But not anymore. Okay? I have people who want to help, and Clover, she’s just so kind and helpful.
She’s been through a lot too, and look at how amazing she’s done.
She has a PhD, and she’s a librarian, and she does all these wonderful things for her community.
And that boyfriend of hers? He’s just head over heels for her.
” She pats my hand. “What I’m saying is, I’ll be okay.
You need to put yourself first, Winter. Take the scholarship. ”
For a moment, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen my mom like this. Will I blink and everything will be back the way it was? Seems very possible, but I want to believe she means this. That she’s serious about leaving my dad for good and reclaiming her life. There’s so much of it left to live.
As terrified as I am that the bottom will fall out, I want this. To be a university student, to play for a team, to get an education, have friends, be free. Hope is blooming. I can’t help myself. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
She hugs me, and it feels like we’re heading in the right direction.