Chapter 21 #2
BJ’s mouth is heaven. I grip his hair at the crown and roll my hips, wanton and desperate as he brings me to the edge of bliss again and again and keeps me hovering there.
When he adds his fingers, I’m done for. That deep ache turns into waves of overwhelming pleasure, and I slap one of his pillows over my face to muffle my moans when I come.
I’m panting and sweaty, boneless, and I should be sated, but my body is empty, and I need more of him.
“Hey.” He tugs at the pillow.
“Hey.” I bite my lips together when his face appears in front of mine.
“How you doing?” His hair hangs down, skimming my cheek.
“You are a wizard with your mouth.”
He grins. “Anytime you want a beard ride, I’m your man.”
I laugh. “Literally the best gift you could give a girl.” I wrap my leg around his waist again and pull him on top of me.
His shaft slides over my clit, and we both groan. We’ve been in this position more than once before, done the wet-hump thing. I’ve even braved a blow job, which wasn’t easy, but watching BJ lose control was totally worth the awkward angle and fear I was going to chip a tooth.
I run my hands through his hair. “Do you have condoms?”
His eyes search mine. “We don’t have to rush.”
I shift my gaze to the side and remove my leg from his waist. “If you don’t want to…” I’m going to die from embarrassment. “I can just return the favor instead.” My voice cracks. Way to ruin the moment.
“Hey, hey. Can you look at me, please?” He strokes my cheek.
I side-eye him. The only thing that could make this worse is if I burst into stupid tears.
“I don’t know where you’re going in your head, Snowflake, but this isn’t me saying I don’t want the same thing.
I do. It’s basically all I think about. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thought about being in this exact position.
It’s my daily morning-shower-jerk-off fantasy. You’re welcome for that overshare.”
I bite back a nervous smile. “But?”
“There’s no but.” His swallow is audible.
I meet his gaze.
Emotions I can’t pin down flash through his eyes. “I just don’t want to mess this up.” His thumb strokes back and forth along the edge of my jaw.
“How would you mess it up?” This is the first time I’ve seen BJ anything but confident. “I’m not worried that you’re gonna fuck like you drive anymore.”
He laughs, and I grin.
“I like you a lot, Winter.” He licks his lips. “I just want this to be good for you.”
“It’s you. It will be.” I trace the edge of his jaw with a fingertip.
“But if you’re not ready, it’s okay. I can wait.
” I want him. I crave the connection that’s at our fingertips, but I’ve been pushed into situations I didn’t want to be in more times than I can count.
I don’t want him to feel pressured in any way.
His eyes stay on mine, searching for long seconds before he finally says, “I’m gonna get a condom.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” He presses his lips to mine before he shifts and tugs the nightstand drawer open.
“I’m on the pill too. So we’ll be double safe,” I tell him as he pulls out a box.
“Safe is good.” He folds back on his knees. The box is unopened, so there are a few awkward seconds where I’m lying on the bed with my legs spread and he’s kneeling between them, but he finally gets it open and frees a foil square.
“I could put it on,” I offer.
“Yeah. Okay.” He holds out the square.
I sit up at the same time he rises to his knees. This puts me at eye-level with his cock. I take him in my hand, but instead of tearing the condom open, I lick my lips. My eyes find his as I lean in and brush my lips over the steel ball that rests just below the crown.
“Winter—Snowflake…” BJ’s voice is gruff.
I part my lips and cover the head. The steel ball at one end slides over my tongue, and the other moves across the roof of my mouth.
BJ’s brow furrows and his mouth drops open. “Fuckin’ hell,” he breathes.
I take a little more of him, then pull back and run my tongue around the head. I’m about to take him in my mouth again, but he cups my face between his palms.
“I cannot express how fucking much I love it when your beautiful lips are wrapped around my cock, but I’m gonna have to ask you to stop, because if you keep going, I’m not going to last very long, if at all, and I can’t have that happen.”
“Rain check?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” He kisses me.
I tear the foil packet open, and BJ helps guide me through getting the condom on over the piercing. And then we’re kissing and I’m pulling him on top of me. He lines himself up and pulls back enough to see my face as the head slides over my clit.
“You’re sure about this?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m sure about you.”
His smile is soft. “Good.” He kisses me. “I feel the same.”
And then he pushes in, filling me an inch at a time.
His eyes stay on mine until he rests in the cradle of my hips, and then they close briefly on a soft exhale.
“God, you feel so fucking good. So goddamn good.” His eyes flutter open, and he strokes my cheek.
“I knew it. I knew it was going to be like this.”
He starts to move, pulling out, leaving me empty for one painful, suspended moment before he fills me again. Then I feel that insidious little steel ball hitting the spot that makes the ache inside me expand and swell.
This isn’t like any sex I’ve had before. It’s a different kind of connection. I can’t escape his eyes, and I don’t want to. It’s as though I can feel everything he feels with every slow, purposeful stroke, and I absorb it in every caress and whispered word against my lips.
I fall. In lust, in more-than-like, into him.
“Right here, Winter, stay right here with me.” He rolls his hips and hooks his hand under my knee, changing the angle, opening me wider, filling me deeper. And with every stroke, he takes me higher, gets me closer to heaven.
“I got you,” he whispers. “Let go like you want to.”
Fire rushes through my veins, lighting me up from the inside. A wave of pleasure radiates out from the center of my body, a ripple of bliss blanketing me. The world is a wash of black and then a burst of stars. And when my vision clears, I watch BJ come apart.
He doesn’t roll off me or bury his face in my neck. He trails kisses along the edge of my jaw and comes back to my mouth. We kiss for long minutes before he finally pushes up on his arms.
“Give me a sec. I’ll be right back.”
He eases out, and I feel that emptiness echo in my chest. I don’t understand it.
He’s just going to the bathroom, not sending me back to my room.
But panic is already setting in. I said I was ready, and now I’m terrified this will change everything all over again.
I’m halfway in love with him, and I’m moving to Chicago. Going to university. With him.
He pauses, searching my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah, fine.” My voice cracks, and mortification makes me want to hide under a pillow.
He slides the condom off, ties a knot in the end, and tosses it in the garbage by his desk. Then he grabs tissues from the box on his nightstand and wraps them around his softening erection. “Fine is my least-favorite word in the world. Talk to me.” He stretches out beside me.
“You’re just going to leave it like that?” I motion to his tissue-covered cock.
“Yeah. Until we get to the bottom of fine, my cock is going to wear a tissue blanket.” He skims my cheek with his fingertips. “Are you freaking out?”
I stare at the ceiling. “This won’t change anything, right? We’re still gonna be cool?”
“Why would we not be cool?” BJ pulls the sheet over us and taps my temple. “Where are you going up here? Worst-case-scenario-ville?”
“I don’t know. I don’t usually do sex and feelings, and I have feelings. About you.”
“We’re in the same boat then, because I don’t usually do sex and feelings, and I also have them about you.
” He kisses the back of my hand. “It’s okay to be afraid of whatever you’re feeling.
And it’s okay to tell me that. But fine is not an answer I’ll ever accept.
That’s probably going to be annoying, but you’ll get used to it. ”
“You’re uncomfortably real,” I tell him.
“I know. It’s part of my charm.” He nuzzles my neck a moment. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I sort of ruined the whole afterglow, didn’t I?”
“You didn’t ruin anything. Now we have a couple of options. We can snuggle and talk, or I can go to the bathroom, wash the tissue off my business, and if you’re interested, we can do this all over again. But I’ll understand if it’s too much for one night.”
“You can go again?” I bite my lip.
“I can go all night. It’s about you and what you want. So if the feelings part is throwing you off, we can just chill out. But if you’re down with all the feelings and more orgasms and more sex, we can take a short break. And if you go for option two, I would love you to be on top.”
“Option two sounds good to me.”