Chapter 23
I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH
BJ
Winter messages later to let me know she’ll be pretty late getting home.
She’s going to an escape room in Lake Geneva with a bunch of her teammates, and it doesn’t start until eight.
So when Lovey invites me to go to the movies with her, Lacey, and Rose, and promises we’re not seeing a rom-com, I say yes.
It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, and Lovey’s summer schedule is always ridiculous, as is mine, so we haven’t had much time to hang out.
I message Winter so she knows where I am, and I get a range of gifs in return, a couple with FOMO when she finds out what movie we’re seeing, followed by:
Winter
Have fun! Say hi to everyone for me
When the movie is over, I have new messages from Winter. One sent an hour ago tells me she’s home and suggests that if I’m still with Lovey, we should all hang out for a bit. I give her an ETA of half an hour because we have to drop Rose off first. Lacey has to work at eight, so I drop her off too.
It’s after eleven, so the house is quiet when we arrive. Lovey isn’t planning to stay long since she has to work tomorrow morning too, but when we get upstairs, Winter is totally asleep, like I was last night.
I turn off her light and close her door, then cross the hall to my room and shut my door behind Lovey so we don’t disturb Winter with our chatter.
“She’s had a day.” I flop down on the bed and pat the spot beside me.
Lovey wrinkles her nose. “Did you change your sheets after last night?”
I laugh. “Yeah, I threw them in the wash this afternoon and put clean ones on. I have some class.”
She stretches out beside me. “I don’t know that my dad would be that cool about it if he found a guy in my bed.”
“Ah, the old don’t-touch-my-baby-girl double standard.”
She frowns. “It’s a thing, isn’t it?”
“Unfortunately, yes. I’m just glad my mom was chill about the whole thing, for Winter’s sake.”
“Yeah. She couldn’t believe they weren’t angry.” She side-eyes me, trying to seem nonchalant. “I didn’t realize last night was your first time together.”
“You’re the one who said I should change things up.”
“I know. But I didn’t have a lot of faith in your ability to hit the slow lane and stay in it. You’ve boned your way through the past three years at university. You should have double-majored in one-night stands.” She snort-laughs, but then grabs my arm. “Oh shit.”
“Oh shit, what?”
“BJ, how many girls have you slept with over the past three years?”
“I don’t know. Keeping track would be seriously douchey. They’re not conquests, they’re fun-time friends,” I joke.
But she doesn’t laugh. Lovey rolls her eyes. “A lot, though, right?”
I shrug. “I guess.”
“Like one a week?”
“Why are you so focused on the number?”
She sits up. “For the sake of guesstimating, let’s say one girl a week for each semester, which is sixteen weeks long, for the past three years, give or take a few.”
I feel a little sick. “I don’t think it’s that many. There were a lot of weeks I didn’t sleep with anyone.”
“Sure, but some weeks there was more than one bedmate.”
“Not often.”
“Whatever. I’m trying to do mental math, and you’re making it impossible.” Her nose scrunches up. “Ninety-six.” She makes a face like I just farted. “Oh, that’s a lot.”
“Are you sex-shaming me?” An uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of my stomach.
“I don’t think I need to. You’ve had a lot of meaningless sex, BJ.
As your best friend, I love you, but that’s a lot of orgasms without any connection.
I’m super glad you’ve found someone you connect with, but you should consider giving her a heads-up about your prolific past. Because chances are, she’ll run into one of your former flings in Chicago. ”
“Twenty thousand people go to that school.”
“I need both hands to count the number of times some girl has come up asking if you want to hang out again.”
“Yeah, but I’m with you all the time.”
“News flash, BJ, label or no label, you and Winter are a thing, which means you’ll be together a lot.”
“I really don’t think it’s a big deal.” I’m not sure I believe that as I say it.
“Which part? All the sex you’ve had with random hookups for the sake of getting off, or the possibility that Winter will run into one of them on campus?”
“She’s not like that. She’s easygoing.”
Lovey sighs. “Last word on the topic, and then I’ll drop it.” She gives me her arched eyebrow. “Would you be easygoing if the tables were turned?”
I don’t know what my face is doing, but her smirk tells me she’s made her point.
I wake at five thirty in the morning. Lovey is wrapped around the body pillow next to me. We must have fallen asleep talking, which isn’t unusual, particularly in the summer since her parents’ place is just down the road. The body pillow became a necessary addition to prevent any awkwardness.
I shake her shoulder, and she makes a noise. “Hey, Lovey, you fell asleep.”
She lifts her head and blinks blearily at me. “Time’s it?”
“Five thirty. When do you have to be at work?”
“Seven.”
“You should get a move on, then.”
“Kay, kay,” she mutters.
I hear footfalls on the stairs, but going down, not coming up. I throw off the covers and open the door, peeking into the hall. Winter’s bedroom door is open, and a light filters up the stairs. My parents are early risers, but they usually don’t start their day until six thirty.
“Hey, Lovey? Don’t fall back asleep.”
She raises an arm. “I’m up, I’m up.”
“I’ll catch you later.”
She gives me the thumbs-up, and I pad downstairs and find Winter standing in front of the open fridge.
She’s wearing a pair of running shorts—the kind that only covers the most important parts—and a sports bra.
She’s all muscle and curves. Strong. Sexy.
And a little more than twenty-four hours ago, we had sex.
Great sex. Marathon sex. Thinking about that isn’t helpful, particularly since morning wood is a thing and I’m wearing a pair of basketball shorts.
She pulls a container of pulpy orange juice from the door.
For the first week she was here, she would only take food if it was on the counter, which means fruit from the bowl Mom always keeps filled, or baked goods like muffins that Dad would leave out.
When I realized what was happening, I put out a bowl of energy and granola bars to test the theory.
She’s more comfortable now, but sometimes the number of choices overwhelms her.
I clear the gravel from my throat. “Hey.”
Winter nearly fumbles the juice but recovers. “You scared the hell out of me.” She sets the jug on the counter.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. You okay?”
“Yeah. Woke up to use the bathroom and my mind turned on and wouldn’t shut up again.” She taps her temple. “I passed out on you last night, didn’t I?”
I round the counter and stop in front of her. “We didn’t get a whole lot of rest the night before, and you’ve had a lot thrown at you in the past twenty-four hours. I figured you needed the sleep. I tucked you in, though.”
“I still can’t believe I’m going to university in a few weeks. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life.”
“It’ll probably take time to get used to, huh?” Her hair is down, falling in loose waves over her shoulders. I twirl a lock around my finger.
She nods. “I’m over here waiting for the axe to fall. Like, until I’m actually in Chicago, none of this is real.”
“Did you get any closer to a decision about where you want to live? Lovey told me Rose was pretty Team Waters’ House.”
Winter laughs and rolls her eyes. “She made a spreadsheet, and I’m sure you wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find the list leaned heavily to the live-with-Lovey-Lacey-and-River side.”
“It’s okay if that’s not what you want, though.”
“I know, but it makes the most sense. They’re already my friends, I’m comfortable with them, and financially, it’s the best move.”
“Lovey and Lacey are super responsible, and so is River.”
“Yeah, I can see that about the twins. There’s so much to think about.
I’ve never taken a full course load, so that’ll be new.
And I’ve never lived with anyone but my parents, so that’s freedom I haven’t experienced before.
I don’t want to be one of those girls who goes to university and flunks out the first semester because I fell down a party rabbit hole. ”
“You’re not really a huge partier, though, are you?”
She traces a petal of the lily on the back of my hand.
“I don’t think so, but I’ve also never had the chance.
I don’t feel like I’d intentionally do something stupid, but I’ve been going to those support meetings for battered women with my mom, and they talk about how hard it can be to break up with the abuse.
The part that scares me is that I get what they mean.
Look how I reacted yesterday when your mom caught us upstairs.
The things my dad would have said if that had happened in my house…
” She shakes her head. “The farther removed I get from it, the more I realize how toxic my home was. I’m scared I’ll do something to fuck all this up. ”
“Are you worried you’ll make it a self-fulfilling prophecy?” I settle a hand on her waist.
“Maybe?” She shrugs. “I’m so accustomed to being stressed out, I don’t know how not to be.”
“I get that your natural state is worry, and telling you to stop is probably pointless, but how does stressing about the things you can’t control help you?” I release the lock of hair, letting it unfurl.
She gives me a wry smile. “It doesn’t.”
“I could take your mind off it for a little while, though.” She doesn’t start work until seven. We have plenty of time.
She glances at the clock on the stove. “Won’t your parents be up soon?”
“We have over half an hour. That’s more than enough time.” I waggle my brows. “It’s way better than starting your day in Worry World, don’t you think?”