Chapter 48
BETH
Hattie sits opposite me at the kitchen table.
She is dressed as if she’s going to a wedding, love her.
She cradles her cup of tea, staring aimlessly out of the window at the lake.
How she can maintain the levels of tea consumption on such hot days is beyond me.
I wonder what’s going through her scrambled mind.
At least she appears calm today, which is a blessing.
Hopefully, she’s going to have a good day and so am I.
I’m feeling a little better this morning.
Not perfect, not the hundred-per-cent fighting fit that I fear I’ll never be again, but enough to get out of bed and eat some toast. Well enough to keep an eye on Hattie, knowing Justin is close by, should I need him.
A sense of peace hovers in the air as if it doesn’t know whether to stay or go.
A calmness. It’s a blessing if it does stay this way.
We don’t need any more drama in this house.
‘Where’s Justin?’ Hattie asks.
‘He’s gone to the gym. He won’t be long.
’ I take a sip of the water he poured for me before leaving.
Despite the set of weights he did last night, he said he needed a blast on the treadmill to clear his head.
I never stand in his way when it comes to exercise.
He’s a better person for that morning run.
Then he said he needed to make a few calls to rearrange his diary.
Apart from that and checking on his emails, maybe dealing with anything that arises and can’t wait, he is all ours. At least he is keeping his word.
‘What a lovely day,’ Hattie says. ‘Nice day to go down to the seaside.’
‘Not today, Hattie.’ I’m not sure I could endure the hour-plus drive to the beach. My leg has started to hurt really badly.
‘Oh, please.’ She sounds like a child, pleading with a whiny edge to her voice.
‘We’ll see what Justin says,’ I reply, avoiding the responsibility of letting her down.
‘What were those two up to last night?’ she asks suddenly, staring at me.
My back straightens. ‘Who? What two?’ I wonder what little gem she’s going to come out with now.
‘Justin and that girl. What’s her name? Immy? Right fun and games going on there.’
I look at her, dumbfounded. My first thought is that she’s doing well to remember Immy’s name, since she’s struggled to remember even my name lately. ‘I’m not sure what you mean.’ She must have seen them leaving to go to the station.
‘I saw her running away from the house as if her life depended on it. Poor girl. She looked petrified. Poor old Justin couldn’t keep up.
She can run really fast. Whoosh.’ Hattie makes a gesture with her arm as if showing me the speed of whoever she’s talking about.
Or is this just another figment of her distorted imagination?
‘She ran up the drive. Justin had to jump in his car to go after her.’ She laughs as if what she thought she saw was a game.
‘You must be mistaken,’ I reply soothingly. ‘Immy left last night. She had an emergency at home.’
‘Really?’ She takes a sip of her tea, her eyebrows arched.
‘Justin gave her a lift to the station. Hattie, look at me. You must’ve been dreaming.’
‘Really?’ she repeats. ‘She never said goodbye.’
‘She did. She sent her love to you.’
I nod. My hand on the table is shaking. Her level of detail is disturbing.
But then I remind myself we’ve been here so many times before.
I recall coming home from a hospital appointment one day, when an agency carer was looking after her, and Hattie told me one of her friends had visited.
She described their conversation, how they had talked about the good old days, catwalks they’d modelled on, shows they’d seen in London.
But there hadn’t been any such visitors.
More than that, the friend she was talking about had passed away three years ago.
This is different, though.
‘Oh. A dream,’ she says. ‘Maybe.’ She pauses. ‘It seemed so real, though.’
I get up and walk slowly to the kitchen sink, empty the remains of my water and wash up the glass.
I look towards the stables, Justin’s office and the glass-fronted gym.
Justin is not in there. The treadmill faces the lake, so I’d see him if he were there.
He must’ve gone up to his office first. But when I look, the light isn’t on.
His office is too dark to work without it.
Damn him. He promised he’d be nearby in case I needed him.
Damn, damn, damn him. There is always something with that man – always another angle.
I berate myself. Immy is gone, and we must try to get things back to normal. I scoff. What is normal?
He must have gone for a run outside. I scan the perimeter of the lake. Nope, I’d be able to see him. And he’s nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he decided to go down the lane instead. He hasn’t done that for ages. He says he doesn’t like leaving us.
But he did last night.
Hattie calls across the kitchen, repeating herself as if she’s reading my thoughts, feeling my unease. ‘But I swear I saw Justin zoom off in that flash car of his. Chasing after her, he was.’