Chapter 52
BETH
The rage within me is all-consuming. I look out of the kitchen window. Tears burn in my eyes. I can no longer keep up. Something in me is going to give.
The back door opens. Justin appears dressed in his gym kit – all lean but muscular legs and taut biceps. He slams the door shut.
‘Where have you been?’ I bark.
He stops mid-step. ‘In the gym. I told you.’ His face is as dark as the thunder clouds passing in the distance. ‘Why are you asking?’
‘You weren’t in there.’ I’m verging on shouting.
‘Oh, just leave it, Beth,’ he snaps. ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment.’
It always has been and always will be about him.
‘Where’s Mum?’ he asks.
‘Watching a film.’ I want to confront him about the conversation I’ve just had with Hattie.
Normally, I know better than to tackle him when he’s in one of his moods.
But whatever has got his goat pales into insignificance.
This is way, way more important. ‘I’ve been speaking to her. ’ I fold my arms.
‘What about?’ He stomps over to the kitchen sink, showing little interest in me.
He will soon.
I sidle up to him. ‘About what happened last night.’
He pours himself a pint of water, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he drinks it without pausing for breath. He flares his nostrils as he refills his glass.
‘Justin, you need to talk to me. Your mum saw Immy running away from the house, and you chased after her in the car. Explain that.’
He turns to me and laughs in my face. Big fat laughter that doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘You’re joking, right?’
‘No. I’m not,’ I shout.
‘Beth, Beth, darling. Come on.’
‘Don’t darling me. I’m sick of it.’
He places the glass in the sink. Turning to me, he rests one hand on each of my shoulders.
‘Just calm down. You know what Mum’s like.
How she loves her stories. You know better than to hang on to any word she says.
’ I know my husband well enough to tell when he’s lying.
His anxious state is making him even more transparent.
I wriggle away from his hold. ‘I believed her, Justin.’ Normally, I agree with everything he says.
‘Why would that have happened?’ he says. I’ve unnerved him.
‘I don’t know, Justin. You tell me.’ I leave him and sit down at the kitchen table. Standing for even short periods has become too much.
‘Nothing! I’m telling you. You’re being paranoid again.
’ He runs his hand through his mop of hair.
He can’t stand still. Frantically, he scratches his beard.
Even on a day like today, after whatever happened last night, it’s neatly trimmed.
‘It’s your meds. We need to get you back to see the consultant.
’ He paces the kitchen. ‘I’ll go and give him a call right now.
And we need to rearrange those tests. I’ll do that as well, while I’m at it. ’
‘Justin! Stop. What have you done?’ I’m not letting go. Not this time.
‘Just leave it, Beth.’ He makes for the door and composes himself. ‘I need a shower. Then I’ll call your consultant. Rebook that appointment as quickly as possible.’
‘But…’ My hands drop to my sides. He leaves the room. I can’t stand it. I feel trapped inside this house. Inside this life. Inside this ailing body. I vowed to myself that if he ever started any of his antics again, I’d leave. And here we are. And I’m still here.
No more.
His footsteps fade up the stairs.
Enough. The time has come.
I must go.