Chapter 65
BETH
I’m at death’s door. And the devil is calling. I always knew he would when the time came. To drag me down to the depths of hell where I deserve to go. He’s been a long time coming.
I pour a glass of water from the kitchen sink, looking out of the window.
My body shudders. Justin’s boat is in the middle of the lake.
So he’s managed to do it then. Finally, he’s managed to take one.
Poor Immy. I’ll never get used to calling her Scarlett.
It didn’t suit her, anyway. Immy, that name.
Another traitor. Just like that Immy who used to work for us.
She’s lucky I saved her, that one. She could’ve ended up here.
She thought wrongly of me for firing her.
Little does she know, as she serves another coffee in that café across the road from our offices, that I saved her life.
I could’ve liked this Immy in another world. A world where I was free to choose what I did and who I saw. Her kindness to Hattie was genuine. And to me. Despite coming here to destroy us, I hope she didn’t suffer too much.
Exhaustion comes down on me. I have nothing left, but I want to say goodbye to my boy before I go.
Otherwise, what was the point of hanging on for all this time?
I only did it for him. If it hadn’t been for Connor, I would’ve checked out a long time ago.
A very long time ago. I recall the years he was growing up.
Before Justin decided to send him to boarding school.
He was such a delight, hopping and skipping through life with innocent joy.
Despite the haunting pain and stitches and everything else that comes with a difficult birth, the day he was born was the happiest of my life.
It was as if I’d come home. I adored everything about him.
His cute little toes. His perfect, smooth skin.
The way he wrapped his delicate fingers around my pinkie.
I take my phone out of my pocket and call his number.
It rings and rings. I will him to answer.
If I can’t see him, I want to at least hear his voice.
‘Come on, Connor. Pick up the bloody phone.’ His voicemail kicks in.
I listen to the sweet tone of his voice, telling me he can’t answer my call at the moment, but to leave a message, and he’ll call me right back.
He will as well. He’s always been reliable like that.
I leave him a message: ‘It’s only me, Connor.
Just calling to say hi, and to tell you I love you. Call me when you get this.’
I scratch my arms. I’m itching all over, and burning inside like the fires in hell.
I need to lie down. Perhaps it will give me the final bout of strength I need to finish my business.
I still have a few things I need to do. Confessions to write.
Explanations I need to make. It’ll impact Connor, for sure.
How he’s going to feel when he reads the letter I’ve been writing to him sits heavy in my heart.
But he has to find out what his father is like.
He has to know what he’s done. I’ve been composing the letter for days now, carefully turning the words around in my head.
There’s going to be an accompanying note, telling him to be alone when he reads what I have to say.
Alone with a very large glass of whisky.
I take one last glance out of the window and do a double take.
‘No,’ I cry. Hattie is walking towards the water in her bathing costume, a swimming cap in her hand.
I don’t need this right now. I struggle to the door.
Throwing it open, I scream her name, but my words are barely audible.
I step outside, shielding my eyes from the sun with my hand.
‘Hattie! No!’ My legs can barely carry me.
It’s as if they are finally giving up on me.
‘Hattie.’ She’s made it to the jetty. I can’t save Immy, but I can save Hattie. I just need to reach her.
Voices call. Indistinct shouting and screaming all around me.
Then police sirens wail. My world collapses around me as uniformed police appear from nowhere like a swarm of wasps.
The DS from earlier brushes past me, running with a young lad in tow.
‘Stay where you are, Beth,’ the DS orders.
He turns to the young lad and says, ‘What the bloody hell are you doing here?’
‘The same as you,’ the lad calls back.
I hold up a hand. ‘But Hattie.’
I reach the jetty as DC Wiggins appears. Hattie turns and laughs, the strap of her swimsuit hanging off her shoulder. ‘We did make it to the seaside after all, Beth.’
Beth! She hasn’t said my name in a long time.
‘Want to come for a swim?’ She laughs and waves her swimming cap at me.
‘No. Hattie.’ My voice is fading. ‘You mus… mustn’t go in there.’
The DC places a hand on my shoulder. ‘Stop right there.’
I collapse to my knees under the weight of her hand. The DS and the young lad kick off their shoes and discard their tops in unison as if choreographed. They dive into the water, barely making a splash, and swim at an impressive rate towards the boat.
My body falls to the grass. In the distance a voice calls my name. ‘Beth. Stay with me, Beth.’
But it’s too late.