Chapter 5 #3
Avery held up a white crop top that would’ve been cute if it wasn’t a hundred dollars and didn’t have the words “Allergic 2 Mornings” written on the front.
It would also, maybe, be a bit tight. She put it back, hating those construction workers for making her question her outfit choices.
It wasn’t fair that what she wore dictated whether men respected her, that basic parts of her anatomy were seen as an invitation.
Sometimes now she purposely used revealing outfits to attract guys before they had a chance to weaponize how she dressed against her.
But men were often swift to remind her who really had the power. As if she could ever forget.
“Hey, I was thinking,” Morgan said as she moved on to a table of folded jeans. “Did anything happen with Pete?”
Avery glanced at her, looking away quickly. “No. I didn’t give him my number.”
Morgan made a disappointed face. “Aw, why not? He’s cute! And really sweet.”
“He was fine, I guess. It was nice that he took me to the hospital, and I know he knows Charlie, but to me he’s a stranger. He could’ve taken advantage of me when I was passed out. I was dumb to get drunk with him.”
Morgan cocked her head, confused. “But he didn’t take advantage of you. He got you help.”
“And I’m supposed to reward him with my number because he’s a decent person? That’s a bare minimum requirement.”
Morgan sighed. “Okay, I see your point. However, it’s not the bare minimum for him to stay in the hospital with you until 4 AM , so, let’s give him some points for that.”
Avery considered this. “Fine. Sure. You’re right.
” She hesitated. She didn’t want to talk about this, had hoped Pete would become a distant memory like everything from senior year.
“But I’d be nervous to go out with someone with such a close connection to our friend group.
Who knows what he and Charlie have talked about, or what he’s already heard about me? ”
“Charlie doesn’t gossip. Men don’t talk like that with friends. I have to literally pry details out of him after guys’ nights.”
“Well, he could’ve heard about me from another one of our friends at the Dino-Whores party or wherever else.
And maybe Charlie doesn’t gossip but you know everyone else does, especially when they’re drinking.
” Avery shook her head, like this was final.
“Pete might already know about everything that happened with Ryan. I cannot imagine a worse first impression.”
Morgan fingered a scarf hanging off a hook on a wall nearby.
Then she met Avery’s eye, her face soft.
“Even if Pete did hear something about you—and we don’t know if he has—I would hate to see that holding you back.
You and Ronald hooked up, yes, but it was a mistake.
What’s done is done. All of that is in the past now.
At some point, you have to forgive yourself and move on. ”
Avery looked down at the ground. She’d definitely made some mistakes that night.
Just not the mistake everyone thought she’d made.
But no matter how that night ended, she’d started it, asked for it.
She’d giggled too much and drunk too much and shown too much cleavage, and then later she failed to get Noah to stop. The end result was still her fault.
“It’s just hard, Morgan.”
Morgan didn’t say anything for a few moments, letting the silence fill the empty space between them. She knew this was difficult territory. “Can you at least tell me how many days it’s been since you’ve stalked Ryan’s Instagram?”
Avery bristled. “It’s been a whole month! But even when I was looking, it wasn’t for any real reason. My finger just magnetized to the search bar and some greater force dragged my fingers to spell out his username.”
“Riiiiiight.” Morgan wasn’t buying it. “And then you’d duck down, hiding from the phone screen like he’d catch you peeking.”
Avery gave a casual shrug. “I did what I needed to do.” Then she chuckled to herself. “Remember when you caught me ducking three times a day, and you tried to go all Pavlovian on me with your pillow?”
Morgan laughed. “That thing could really scratch you if the sequins hit at the right angle.”
“That’s why it was so effective. You got me down to once a day.
” Avery’s laughter trailed off into a frown, her face becoming hard and serious.
“Look, I’m trying not to think about him anymore.
But I obviously still have some feelings for him.
” Her eyes burned with tears. She blinked them away before they fell.
“I thought I was going to be with him forever. And now we’re over and he can’t stand me. ”
Morgan stopped walking, settling in beside a mannequin modeling a lavender athleisure outfit. Avery watched her as she took a nervous breath.
“Okay, I have something I need to tell you,” Morgan said. “And you’re not going to like it. And I want you to know that I fought extremely hard for it to not happen.”
“What?”
Morgan tucked her hair tight behind her ears. “We’re inviting Ryan to the wedding.”
Avery’s heart thudded. Pressure built behind her eyes, like she might faint into this massive rack of sports bras. “Are you kidding?”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry. He might say no, he really might.
” Morgan’s words blended frantically, the syllables coming out faster than her lips could enunciate them.
“He lives in Seattle, so that’s a trek and probably an expensive plane ticket, and none of us have enough money for that right now.
And Charlie told him you’re the maid of honor, and, well, you know … ”
Avery held up a hand. “You don’t need to say it. I know he hates me.”
Morgan regarded Avery’s comment with a frown. “Charlie only liked a few guys from the lacrosse team, and Ryan was one of them. They’re still pretty close. And I just … we can’t not invite him.” Morgan suddenly looked very, very pale. “I’m in a tough spot, Avery. You have to know that.”
Avery did know that. And she’d never forced Morgan to be loyal only to her.
It wasn’t normal to expect that kind of one-sidedness from your friend in the real world; this wasn’t a dictatorship or the Vanderpump Rules universe.
She knew Morgan was in an impossible situation.
Especially now, during the most important year of her life, when Morgan would no doubt want to invite everyone she and Charlie had stayed close with to the wedding.
And that would be fine. It was what Avery had wanted.
She didn’t want to be responsible for splintering the friend group any more than she already had, even if that meant seeing Ryan again.
“I get it,” Avery sighed, resigned. “Let’s just hope he doesn’t come, I guess.”
Morgan’s face brightened in what seemed like relief.
“Exactly. Yes. Let’s hope.” She absentmindedly picked up a pair of loafers and inspected them for scuffs.
“But maybe soon you won’t even care about him …
” A delighted, mischievous smile spread across her face.
“Because maybe you’ll see Pete again. And then you’ll go out with him.
And then you’ll bring him as your date to the wedding.
And whether or not Ryan is there won’t bother you at all! ”
Avery held back a grin, feeling endeared to her best friend, someone who truly only wanted the best for her.
Love was so easy for Morgan. Her thinking went that if you liked someone, you should act on it.
Period. Her straightforward confidence was how she and Charlie first got together.
But it was easy to open up to a guy when you had nothing to hide, when you hadn’t done anything you were ashamed of and were afraid of being judged for. It wasn’t so simple for Avery.
“That’s a lot of hypotheticals, Morgan.”
“But they’re all possible!” Morgan said, deep in her fantasy.
Her voice swung up an octave at the end, the way it sometimes did when she looked desperately on the bright side.
“I could totally see you with a date at the wedding, and for that date to be Pete. I saw you guys being flirty at the hospital.”
Avery rolled her eyes. “You know, if you want Pete at the wedding so badly, you could just invite him yourself. You don’t need to involve me in that.”
“No, that would be weird. He and Charlie were never that close, and now they don’t talk. We’re not even inviting all our family members, never mind a distant college acquaintance. No offense to Pete.”
Avery shrugged. “Just saying.”
“No. Pete is only invited as your plus-one.” Morgan’s eyes twinkled. “Just think about it. Pete could be exactly what you need to be happy and move on.”
Morgan hadn’t always had this uncomplicated, optimistic view of romance.
Around all the career-oriented go-getters at Woodford, she’d felt a little insecure that her main aspiration was to have a family, and that aspiration only intensified when she met and fell in love with Charlie.
She worked in marketing now but wasn’t passionate about it, even when she’d majored in it, and she often joked to Charlie that he’d better start editing those big-budget action films that people overseas love so she could become a stay-at-home wife.
Avery always listened to Morgan vent about her complicated life and career feelings without judgment.
It was almost impressive that Morgan had no interest in girlbossing, that she could stay so true to herself in a world that didn’t always take caregiver dreams seriously.
But the way Avery saw it, if the worst of Morgan’s insecurities revolved around whether it was socially acceptable for her to put her romantic relationship above everything else, she was lucky.
There were some women who’d never know what that kind of love felt like in the first place, let alone wonder whether it was okay to have.
Some women were too broken for someone to see them as beautiful. Some women were just … unlovable.
On their final lap around the store, Morgan picked up a black puffy quilted purse with a thick gold chain strap.
It looked like a Chanel bag, the classic style that Morgan had loved since she was a teenager and first saw her Irish Grandma Peggy wear to her dad’s fiftieth birthday party at the country club in Rhode Island, where she was from.
She was about to hand the cashier her credit card when Avery flung out her arm.
“I’m buying it for you.”
Morgan shot Avery a confused look. “What? No, you don’t have to do that.”
“I want to! I didn’t get you an engagement present.
” Avery handed the cashier ten twenty-dollar bills.
After she’d gotten paid last week, she’d taken out some cash; it made her wallet feel thick, giving her the illusion that she wasn’t living paycheck to paycheck.
But eternal love was worth celebrating. For Avery’s parents’ thirtieth wedding anniversary, she and her brother, Hunter, had given them a set of Tiffany silverware, which they now used during every holiday and family dinner when Avery went home for a visit.
Avery was excited to watch Morgan and Charlie’s love blossom over the years in the same way that her parents’ had.
It even made her feel a flicker of optimism about her own love life.
Maybe love could find her through osmosis, if she stayed close enough to it and didn’t forget what it felt like when you got it. That it was still worth something.
“Are you sure?” Morgan asked. “I know you struggle to pay rent sometimes …” Her forehead creased in worry as she watched the cashier separate the bills, place them in the drawer, and hand Avery her change.
Avery gently lowered Morgan’s credit card back into her purse and handed her the shopping bag with a smile. “Happy engagement, bitch.”
Morgan let herself smile back. “Thank you so much. You didn’t have to, but thank you.
” Her phone buzzed with a text, and a gray iMessage bubble reflected in her eyes as she scanned her screen.
She giggled to herself as she typed a reply.
“Sorry, it’s Charlie. He just got off the phone with the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.
We’re going to sign our contract with them later to officially book!
Save the date, August twenty-second next year! ”
Avery snapped her wallet shut, now that she officially had no cash left. And she desperately needed to pay off more of her credit card bill this month. She hadn’t even spent her whole paycheck yet and already it was gone. “You guys figured out how to afford that place?”
“Well, yes and no.” Morgan slipped her phone into her bag. “Noah hooked us up!”
Avery’s breath caught in her throat. Panicked heat erupted inside her body. She’d somehow convinced herself she’d never hear his name again.
She swallowed. “How?”
“Turns out one of his Meow Monthly investors’ wives is a senior-level botanist at the garden! She did Noah a favor and got us in at a super discounted rate. Like literally half off.”
Avery’s head spun at the thought of everything she’d have to fork over for the wedding this year, and it wouldn’t come close to matching the level of financial support that Noah had already given to Morgan and Charlie.
It was probably so easy for him to use his Meow Monthly connection, too, because when you’ve already convinced everyone to give you exactly what you wanted, what was trying for one more thing?
And to ask it from a woman, no less. His smile, so arrogant and disingenuous, could fool even the smartest of them.
Avery took a breath. Only she knew that Noah’s generosity was a facade to hide the piece of shit he really was.
But she couldn’t let that derail her. She just needed to focus on herself, on figuring out how she would contribute financially to the wedding, too.
She just needed to save some money. To stop getting expensive takeout from Seamless and start doing her laundry at a self-service laundromat instead of dropping it off at that place with the good softener down the block.
Just because Noah was fooling everyone didn’t mean he was fooling Avery.
And Avery would need to stay strong in the face of that until the wedding. She had no other choice.