Chapter 9 #2
She led Morgan to a long table by the front door, where she’d hidden her gift inside a white and pink striped bag.
She dug into the bag and took out a collage of photos of Morgan and Charlie pinned to a corkboard inside a glass box.
They were Morgan’s favorite pictures from their relationship: Charlie giving Morgan a piggyback ride by the reservoir near Woodford, Charlie and Morgan holding hands on a beach in Turks and Caicos, a selfie of Charlie kissing Morgan’s cheek.
Avery had sprinkled gold sparkles on top and written “Future Mr. and Mrs. Durham” in swirly pink script.
Morgan gasped. “Did you make this?”
Avery smiled. She was proud of the gift.
It was necessarily cheap but also thoughtful, the latter of which, Avery hoped, counted more.
It was fun to bring out her creative side again, too.
Since she wasn’t writing anything meaningful at the moment, she figured she would try scrapbooking as an alternative.
It scratched the itch sufficiently enough for now.
“You bet,” Avery said. “I was gonna include that picture I have of you guys making out at that bar junior year, but I didn’t want Joe to flip.”
“You know he would have. The WASPiness is strong on my dad’s side.” Morgan ran her fingers over the embossed text, admiring it. “I love this. But you already got me an engagement gift!”
“I couldn’t show up empty-handed today.” Tears burned Avery’s eyes.
“I’m so happy for you and Charlie.” The homemade gift was a little cheesy, but if there was ever a time for cheesiness, it was today.
Her best friend was getting married . No matter the stress it brought into Avery’s life, this wedding was a big deal, and she was honored to be Morgan’s right-hand woman, that Morgan still saw the good in her when nobody else did.
Morgan gave Avery a hug, holding her in a long embrace.
Avery felt immensely satisfied with herself, with the gift, with how well she was keeping it together around these ghosts of her past life.
All she needed to do was maintain her composure until the end of the night and then in each wedding event after this one, and in seven months it would be August and this all would be over. She could do this.
A burst of laughter came from the corner of the restaurant, where a group of Woodford people had gathered near the buffet. Avery tightened her grip on her whiskey.
“Come on,” Morgan said, nodding toward the group. “Let’s at least try to mingle.”
Avery pressed her mouth into a straight line. “I’m good here.”
“Please? I know it’s uncomfortable, but just for a sec. Then you can go. I promise.”
Avery sighed, acquiesced with a brisk nod. She held onto her whiskey like a life raft and shuffled slowly behind Morgan, trying not to draw attention to herself as they approached their friends and stood side by side in an opening next to Charlie.
Viraj shifted his eyes toward Avery, then looked away immediately.
“Charlie, you hitting the gym, kid?” Parker asked as he squeezed Charlie’s bicep.
“If by ‘hitting the gym’ you mean ‘eating pizza,’ then yes,” Charlie said. He gave Avery a small smile. “’Sup, Avery?”
Viraj continued looking away. Emma crossed her legs and stared down at the ground while Parker coughed into his arm.
This was brutal. Avery thought she could spend the rest of her life hating herself enough for all of them, but evidently that wouldn’t come close to how much they hated her on their own.
“Hey, Charlie,” Avery muttered. At least she had him.
Morgan rubbed Charlie’s stomach affectionately and took the wheel on the halted conversation. “We’re trying to cut back on pizza when we go out, but the late-night slices here are too enticing.”
“They’re on every corner and they cost a dollar!” Charlie exclaimed. “It’s like they strategically placed these pizza shops by the best bars.”
Morgan put her arm around Avery, encouraging her. “Avery, remember when you were so drunk you asked that pizza guy in the Lower East Side if he had pizza with sushi on top?”
Avery offered a tiny shrug. “I remember.”
Morgan laughed a bit too loudly. “I wish I’d recorded that conversation. You literally fought him when he said it wasn’t a thing.”
Avery wasn’t sure where to focus her attention.
Her old friends had no interest in acknowledging that she was in the circle, let alone that she was now the subject of a story being told in the circle, especially a story that made a joke out of how much she drank.
Avery’s drinking wasn’t amusing to people who thought it made her cheat on one of their best friends.
“Yeah, that was funny,” Avery muttered.
“It wasn’t just funny! It was hysterical!” Morgan laughed again, in a deranged way. This poor girl was trying so hard to make Avery comfortable. Avery didn’t know whether to hug her or relieve her by running away.
Parker responded by coughing again. Then Viraj walked away and left a giant, obvious gaping hole. The tension in the group was heavy, pressing down onto Avery’s chest and making it hard to breathe. Morgan’s arm was still around Avery, too, which only suffocated her more.
“Well, now I’m craving pizza,” someone said.
Avery’s body stiffened. Noah .
He had materialized from thin air like a fucking hologram.
Avery was never letting her guard down again, not for a second.
She gulped down her whiskey until her glass was nearly empty, and soon everyone started debating whether late night pizza at school was as good as New York pizza.
But Avery couldn’t focus. All she could do was hold her breath.
Noah’s musky cologne was way too strong tonight, stronger than it was when they had dinner with Morgan and Charlie at The Spaniard, stronger than it was that night senior year.
Her stomach twisted, tight like a wet towel wrung bone dry.
“Speaking of late night, did you guys hear about that sophomore who stole ten buckets of cheese fries and got caught by a cop?” Emma said, her voice hushed with juicy gossip. “He told her he wouldn’t get her in trouble if she blew him.”
Charlie cringed. “Yikes.”
“I know ,” Emma replied.
“That’s awful,” Morgan said. She turned to Avery. “Isn’t that awful?”
Avery held her breath again. “Awful,” she managed to squeak through her closed airways.
This whole night. This whole wedding. Awful.
She exhaled quickly, then held her breath once more so the foul musk of Noah’s cologne wouldn’t attack her senses.
She would do this all night if she had to, if it would stop the memories from coming up like vomit.
Emma winced. “And apparently she did it.”
“No!” Morgan cried.
“I mean …” Viraj looked around. “It worked, right? She didn’t get in trouble, so …”
Morgan scoffed. “Because the officer abused his power, Viraj. That doesn’t mean it worked .”
“Are you talking about the campus police officers who rode around on those gay ass segways?” Noah held back a spurt of laughter. “And honked those little horns when students were in their way?”
“Yes, exactly,” Emma said. “Although I wouldn’t have used gay as a slur—”
“Those officers were a joke,” Noah interrupted. “Not exactly guys I’d call powerful. I think I only ever saw one who was above a hundred and fifty pounds soaking wet. She should’ve just told him to get lost.”
Because men always listen when you say no, Avery thought sarcastically. You’re proof they don’t.
“Well, if he was enough of a creep to offer that kind of deal, who knew what would’ve happened if she’d denied him?” Morgan said. “She was probably scared.”
At this, Noah made a dismissive sound. “Did she get to keep the cheese fries, at least?”
“I have no idea.” Emma shrugged. “I guess so.”
Noah sniggered. “Then the blowjob was worth it. Those fries are amazing.”
He high-fived Viraj, who’d joined in with laughter, while Charlie shook his head and Morgan and Emma exchanged a disturbed look.
Then Noah took a sip of his drink, the movement of his arm sending a rush of his cologne straight into Avery’s nostrils.
Avery held back a dry heave as he remained unbothered and indifferent to her presence, not once looking her in the eye during the entire conversation.
It wasn’t that she wanted him to talk to her, especially not when his contributions were unsurprisingly offensive garbage.
There was just something about the fact that he was ignoring her that pissed her off.
It wasn’t fair of him to pretend she didn’t exist; he’d made it clear enough that he thought she was invisible the night of the party senior year.
He didn’t get to keep doing that now and getting away with it.
Why was he allowed to keep belittling her like this, after everything he’d already done to make her feel so small?
Everyone moved on to talking about the dining hall food at Woodford again, about whether the Philly cheese steaks were better than the chicken fingers were better than the onion rings. Avery could not have cared less. She desperately wanted to escape this conversation, this party, this life.
“What late night meal do you miss most, Avery?” Morgan asked.
Avery shot Morgan a confused scowl. She knew Morgan was only trying to involve her in the conversation, but Morgan knew it was the buffalo chicken sandwiches.
Everyone stared Avery down, daring her to speak.
“None of it. The food sucked.” Avery drained the rest of her whiskey and shook her empty glass. “Be right back.”