Chapter 25
A VERY DESPERATELY WANTED TO go to bed, but Morgan, Charlie, and the rest of the wedding party were gathering on the porch in the back of the house.
And although Morgan told Avery that she was welcome to go upstairs and call it a night, Avery didn’t want to leave Morgan hanging.
Because as awful as tonight was, this was still her best friend’s bachelorette party, and Avery needed to do at least one good thing this weekend to make up for ruining everything else.
She opened the screen door to the wraparound back porch.
The stars twinkled in the night sky, like sparkles spilled over a piece of black felt.
Morgan and Charlie weren’t there, but Avery had heard their voices so she was sure they were somewhere.
Noah was nowhere in sight either, but he, too, couldn’t have gone far.
The prospect of him popping up made Avery tense with anticipation.
Everyone would surely cheer when they saw him, showing him their support.
Because he was the hero. To them, he deserved all the benefit of the doubt in the world.
He was the founder of a start-up, a wealthy philanthropist, a dog lover.
God, Avery hated dogs. How could anyone sympathize with someone who hated dogs?
Avery was nobody’s idea of a victim. She binge drank, had lots of sex, could be kind of cold-hearted at times.
Of course everyone doubted her story, like any court of public opinion would.
A real court would be just as bad, if not worse.
She wondered about the Dave Moore case, about the lawyers who were collecting evidence to bring him to trial.
What would happen if she took Noah to trial?
Even if she’d had one of those rape kits, real DNA evidence that connected Noah to the crime—which she didn’t—she’d have to relive that night over and over again in excruciating detail, in front of lawyers, police officers, members of a jury .
It was bad enough to have flashbacks when she wasn’t talking about it.
In a trial, she’d have to recall every single thing, out loud, using her voice.
What she could recall would trigger unspeakable panic, and what she couldn’t would be used against her.
A jury wouldn’t even consider the fact that it was completely reasonable for someone’s memory to be fuzzy in the circumstances of that night: She’d been drunk and she was human, and humans, in general, have imperfect memories.
And, as she’d learned while down a Wikipedia rabbit hole one night, the brain shuts off its ability to code memories during traumatic situations.
It was a defense mechanism, a way to protect itself, so she would never have remembered everything anyway.
Avery looked around the spacious back porch.
Emma and Parker were in the hot tub several yards away.
Beside the hot tub, Viraj and Blair sat in two Adirondack chairs next to a boom box perched on top of a small table.
Morgan still wasn’t out here. Neither was Charlie.
Avery could have sworn she’d heard both of their voices, or else she would have stayed in bed upstairs.
Without making eye contact with anyone, she sat down on the love seat in the far corner away from all the activity, then brought her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs.
She stared out onto the lake, at the rippled surface sparkling beneath the moonlight and the faint shadowy outline of the mighty mountains beyond.
She tried to admire the scenery, but she knew Noah would come barging through the back door any minute and ruin her calm.
Morgan’s voice carried through the air again. Avery stood up, listened closer. It sounded like it was coming from the other side of the porch, the part that extended along the side of the house. She heard Charlie, too.
And then suddenly Noah rounded the corner, brushing past Avery. She startled. He yanked open the screen door that led inside the house and slammed it shut behind him. Blair jumped up from her seat to hurry after him.
Avery stuck her head around the corner from where Noah emerged.
Morgan and Charlie were standing on the deck and facing each other, Charlie leaning against the railing and Morgan against the house.
Both of them were looking down at the ground.
The flood lights attached to the house illuminated the tops of their heads in bright white light, casting deep shadows on the valleys of their faces.
“What the hell was that?” Avery asked.
They jerked their heads up, meeting her eye.
“It’s done,” Charlie said. “He’s out.”
Avery’s heart thudded. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s no longer the best man,” Morgan added. “And he’s no longer invited to the wedding at all.”
Avery stared at Morgan. She’d specifically told Morgan not to do this.
She was fucking fine! She wasn’t curled up in a ball in her apartment afraid of being touched or something, like a typical rape victim.
And she’d gone this long gritting her teeth in Noah’s presence.
She’d planned to power through the rest of it until August, knowing in just a few months he would become only a memory once again.
“But I told you I didn’t want that!” she pleaded. “Why did you do that?”
Morgan sighed and crossed her arms. “Avery, it’s our wedding. If we don’t want him there, he’s not going to be there.”
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Avery hadn’t even intended to say anything about what Noah did to her. She was just going deal with him this weekend, like she’d been doing this whole time. This was hell. If everyone didn’t hate her already, they would really hate her now.
“You didn’t need to do this,” Avery said with a groan.
She rubbed her hands up and down her face in distress.
But a flicker of joy, too, ignited inside of her.
She would never have asked Morgan and Charlie to kick Noah out of the wedding.
But obviously, in her ideal world, the sooner she could never see him again, the better.
“Yes we did. We needed to do it because we believe you,” Charlie said. “I don’t doubt your story for a second. I even—agh, fuck.” Charlie ran his hands through his hair.
“Just tell her,” Morgan urged. “Tell her what you told me.”
“Tell me what?” Avery asked.
“Goddammit,” Charlie mumbled. He squared his shoulders to face Avery.
Then he sucked in a breath. “I can’t stop thinking about what I saw after that party senior year.
” He ran through that sentence so quickly that Avery had to replay what he’d said inside her mind to fully comprehend it. Charlie saw something?
“You were so drunk that night,” he went on. “I figured maybe you were stressed with schoolwork, blowing off steam. But we were all drunk, so, whatever. Then the next morning, on my way home from the gym, I saw you run out of the apartment crying.”
Charlie slid down the railing to sit on the patio floor and rubbed his temples with his thumbs. Morgan sat beside him. Avery remained quiet and standing, waiting for more.
“I knew you weren’t with Ryan, because I ran into him in the dining hall when I stopped for breakfast,” he continued.
“And I had no idea what you’d be doing sleeping over Viraj’s place.
So I asked Parker what he thought. I was like, do you think something bad happened?
Like clearly alluding to the possibility of sexual assault.
Because you looked really upset when you ran off.
Your makeup was running, your hair was all messed up.
And Parker told me I was contributing to the pussification of America by suggesting that.
” Charlie pulled the skin on the sides of his head taut.
“But I saw you crying. I saw you with my own two eyes. And then I let it go, like a useless piece of shit, when Viraj and Blair and everyone else started saying you cheated. I figured you were just upset after you realized you slept with Ronald.”
Avery kneeled down so that she was eye level with him. “Charlie, please. This is not your fault.”
“I don’t know. I feel like I should’ve questioned everyone more.”
Morgan smoothed down a loose curl at Charlie’s temple. “I doubt you’re the only person who saw Avery crying. I wish I saw. I have no clue where I was that morning.”
“I bolted into our shower,” Avery said. “All the tears washed away. Nobody saw. Except Charlie, I guess.”
Charlie frowned. “I should’ve asked you if you were okay, instead of just going along with what everyone else said. I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot, babe,” Morgan said.
“She’s right,” Avery agreed. “You’re not. And if you asked me if I was okay, I would’ve lied. I had planned on continuing to lie tonight, for what it’s worth. I was gonna lie forever.”
Charlie stared out at the lake, his eyes glassy. An owl made a loud hooting sound that echoed in the direction of the mountains. “I can’t believe Noah was involved. I did not see him that night. That I know for sure.”
Avery had always considered Charlie a good friend, but they’d never shared a moment like this, something that unlocked a new level of their friendship. It was a surprising but welcome side effect of all of this that she could feel closer to her best friends than she did before.
“Nobody else saw him either,” she murmured. “Well, except Viraj. But he didn’t know it was Noah, so I guess I don’t count it.”
“Viraj’s a dick. I never liked that guy much anyway.” Charlie sighed. “And I can’t even look at Noah anymore.” He searched Avery’s face, his gaze soft. “I’m so sorry, Avery. For everything.”
Avery gave Charlie a small forgiving smile. Then she shook her head, mostly to herself. “I can’t believe you guys are kicking him out of the wedding. Are you sure?”
“Avery.” Morgan leaned in close. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“What about the venue? Are things weird with his connections now?”