15. Blake
BLAKE
By the time I got back to the apartment, I practically vibrated with pent-up excitement. I resisted the urge to text Adam as soon as I walked out of Coach’s office through sheer force of will.
I managed to hold off only because I wanted to share the good news in person with the two most important people in my life.
“Addie! Adam, where are you guys?” I called out as soon as I opened the door. “You’ll never guess what happened!”
When no response came, I set my stuff down in the entryway. I didn’t think anything of it, assuming Adam had his headphones on, and Addie might be sleeping. I detoured into my room to grab the picture on my mirror.
It was of the three of us in high school.
Mrs. B had taken it after the last home game of my season during junior year. I had my arms around their shoulders, reaching up on the side with Adam as I pulled Addie into my chest with my other arm. She had her arms wrapped around my waist, and the three of us had the biggest smiles on our faces.
That night, a college scout had been at the game. He’d seen me play and told me I should consider applying to D'Arthur University the following year.
It had been the first time the dream of playing football as a career had felt possible.
They’d been right there to share it with me.
After checking to make sure my hair looked okay, and knowing exactly why I cared so much, I pulled the picture off the mirror and tucked it into my wallet. I walked out through the living room and straight across to Addie’s open door.
But her room was empty.
I double checked the bathroom, but that door was open, too, and the light was off.
Disappointment mixed slowly with dread in my gut, but I shook it off. Maybe she’d wanted a fresh start, like she’d talked about with Tessa that time before Sunday dinner. I’d come home early, overheard her, and spent the rest of the night with her words ringing in my head.
If they’d gone out to get new stuff for her, I’d be able to tell them the news once they got home while we helped her set up her new space.
Just to be sure, I ran up the stairs to Adam’s loft. He wasn’t there, but the sparse collection of items he left out assured me my theory remained intact.
The wind effectively died in my sails, but I pushed a breath out past my pursed lips and trudged down to the living room to get a snack while I waited.
Adam’s muffled voice caught my ear, right as I sat down. “I don’t know, Mom…”
I jumped up from the couch and made my way to the small patio balcony attached to our living room.
When I opened the door, Adam turned toward me, and his expression amplified my unease.
Lifting my hands in question, I mouthed, “What’s wrong?”
He jerked his chin toward Addie’s room, responding to something his Mom said on the phone. “Will you call me and let me know?”
I couldn’t hear what she said on the other line, but after Adam had called to fill his parents in on what had happened last night, they must have needed an update. That didn’t answer the question of where Addie had gone, though.
My fingers drummed an impatient beat along my forearm while I waited.
“Okay. Love you, too.” Adam sighed heavily, running a hand over his face. “Just make sure she knows we’re here if she wants to come home.”
I stilled.
Adam hung up the phone and slid it in his pocket before nodding toward the living room. When I didn’t immediately move, he nudged me out of the doorway and walked inside.
“What’s going on?” I asked as he sat on the couch, rested his elbows on his knees, and hung his head. “Adam…what’s wrong? Where’s Addie?”
“She left.”
“What?” My forehead creased. “What do you mean she left?”
I ran through the possibilities of where she could’ve gone, low on options that would have Adam worried she might not come home.
The main one sank like lead in my gut. “Please don’t tell me she went back to that asshole’s place on her own.”
“No. She promised me she wouldn’t do that.
” He scrubbed at his jawline. “After you left for your meeting this morning, I went downstairs to check on her. She was packing. Not just a suitcase, but…she was packing everything. I didn’t know what to do.
She was just throwing stuff in suitcases. Crying.”
I shook my head. “But why would she leave? Was it the guy? Did he call or something? Adam, I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either, man. She just said she needed to get out of here.
Tessa lives outside Mosaic Falls, and from what Mom said, she invited Addie to stay for the summer.
” He threw his hands up, sinking back into the couch cushions.
“Addie wouldn’t tell me anything when she was here. She just decided to go.”
“Okay.” I rubbed my forehead, trying to reason why Addie would want to get away. “I can see needing a little break after what happened. But when is she coming back?”
Adam’s grim expression gave my answer, but he said the words anyway, unknowingly driving a stake into my chest. “She’s not.”
“What?” My head pounded. “She’s moving out?”
“Mom and Dad are coming with her at the end of summer to pack her things.”
“When?”
But Adam didn’t need to say it. When he shook his head and stared up at me, I picked up on what he hadn’t said. They’d come when she wouldn’t have to see me.
It was happening again.
“This isn’t about her breakup. Is it?”
“I don’t—” Adam sighed. “Mom said it’s about a lot of things, man. She’s just having a hard time right now. Maybe it was all too much.”
“No.” I shook my head, the fear of losing her again—of not seeing or speaking to her for months—after what happened last night lodging in my throat.
“That’s not—Your mom is being nice. But I don’t understand.
After last night, she’s still mad at me?
She’s moving out because of me?” My hand ran wildly through my hair, and I couldn’t control the sound of my voice, or the way it broke. “Adam, I don’t even know what I did.”
I turned away from him, fists pulling on my scalp as if that could distract me from what was happening. Adam stood from the couch and came up beside me. He rested his hand on my shoulder but didn’t say anything.
“I thought—After last night, I thought—”
“I know, man. Me too.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I thought we’d fixed it, too.”
“I need to call her.” I dug into my pants for my phone. “If she just tells me what I did, if she just tells me what’s wrong, I can explain. I can fix it.”
I pressed the button to call her, putting the phone on speaker.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. You know that, right? You know I didn’t mean to—”
Adam nodded. “Yeah, man. I know.”
Each ring echoed through the room, bouncing off the vaulted ceilings and making every one sound more and more final. When I finally heard her voice, it was her voicemail. The one I’d called far too many times after she first left, until she finally met Adam for Sunday dinner.
Without me.
I ended the call before the beep, unsure what to say that I hadn’t said in countless other messages, only to be met with silence.
“Maybe I should move out.”
I fixed my stare on Addie’s door, like I’d done countless times in the four months since she first left. Hot tears pricked my eyes.
“Addie shouldn’t have to leave to get away from me. I’ll go. I’m sure Coach can help me find a place.”
“I don’t think that would change anything.
” Adam released another heavy sigh. “She knows we’re both here for her.
That’s the important thing. But whatever she’s going through, she needs to sort it out and come to us when she’s ready.
” When I shook my head, not wanting to accept that, Adam squeezed my shoulder.
“That’s just how she is. You know that.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Yeah.”
Adam offered me a sad attempt at a smile, his jaw working furiously as he tried to navigate all this again. His two best friends at odds—it wasn’t easy for him.
“Look, we’ll just give her space. She might change her mind over summer.” He forced another smile. “You never know.”
But I did know.
Being there last night, helping her get away from Finn—it hadn’t been enough. Holding her through her nightmares hadn’t been enough. Nothing I did made a difference, because for reasons I couldn’t see, I never showed up for her the way she needed.
Even last night, I’d kissed her cheek right before I fell asleep, promising to keep her safe, assuring her I was there and I wasn’t going anywhere.
I’ve got you, kid.
But she didn’t seem to believe that I did.
With that final, depressing realization, I sank onto the couch.
When Adam wavered between joining me and going to his room, I put him out of his misery. “You don’t have to stay down here with me. It was a rough night, and I had that early meeting. I might take a nap or something.”
“How’d that go, anyway?”
I shrugged. “I’m starting QB next season.”
He perked up. “Hey, man, that’s great! Mom and Dad are going to lose it when you tell them.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Addie, too. You know, she’ll be super proud of you. I am.”
“Thanks, brother.”
I tried to return his smile, but it felt as hollow as the news I’d just shared. It was strange. Since it had always been Adam and me first, sharing the news with him should’ve been enough.
But by the time I realized how much I wanted and needed her there, too, it was too late.
She wanted nothing to do with me.
And I had to live with that, hoping one day I’d get a chance to make it right.
Hoping one day I’d be enough to deserve her.