Chapter 20 – Cole-Past
Chapter Twenty
BLOOD, BEER, AND BAD DECISIONS
COLE-PAST
It’s Friday, and the day feels like it’s been dragging on for an eternity. My mind keeps wandering, thinking about everything I’ve got to do this weekend, but mostly, I can’t stop thinking about Kenna. She’s always on my mind. But today, it’s different. I feel anticipation that I can’t shake.
It’s like something is building. An unnamed pressure sitting at the edge of my chest. I can’t explain it, but it’s there, making every tick of the clock feel like an eternity.
Finally, the bell rings, signaling the end of the school day. Chatter fills the halls, and people rush to leave, but Jackson is already waiting by my locker with that goofy grin. His excitement is palpable, the energy that only a Friday night can bring.
“Dude, are you coming to the party tonight?” Jackson asks, clapping me on the back so hard I almost lose my balance.
I laugh, shaking my head. “I guess.”
“Well, there’s a party at Brandon’s place tonight. Everyone’s going, man. It’s gonna be wild.”
I nod absently, still thinking about Kenna.
I told her I’d be going to the party, and when I asked if she wanted to come, she declined.
She promised her sisters they’d have a girls’ night, and I get it.
She always puts her family first. But I can’t help but feel a little bummed. I wanted her to be with me tonight.
I pull out my phone and shoot her a quick text
Me
You sure you don’t want to come? It’s just a party, nothing crazy.
She replies almost immediately.
Sunshine
I’m good, just gonna hang with the girls. Have fun!
I smile at the screen, but my stomach sinks a little. I wanted her to say yes. I wanted her to be with me tonight. But I know she has her reasons. She always does.
Still, there’s this tightness in my chest. I know she’s not mad. I know it’s not all about me. A sense of unease tells me tonight won’t play out according to my expectations.
Jackson’s already halfway out the door, calling for me to hurry. “Come on, man, let’s go!”
I shove my phone in my pocket, trying to push the thoughts of Kenna to the back of my mind. It’s not like I’m going to sit here and mope about it. I’ve got a party to go to, and I’m going to have fun.
The drive to the party is quick. Jackson’s talking non-stop about the beer he’s planning on bringing, about the people who’ll be there, and about how it’s gonna be the biggest party of the year. I can’t help but feel a little caught up in his excitement.
Underneath it all, there’s this low hum of anxiety buzzing in the back of my mind. Like I’m not supposed to be going. Like I should stay with her instead.
When we pull up to Brandon’s place, the music is already blaring from the open windows, and a crowd is spilling out onto the front lawn. People are laughing, dancing, and already tipsy from whatever they’ve been drinking. The atmosphere is chaotic in the best way.
We go inside, and the place is packed. The lights are dim, the music thumping in my chest, and people are everywhere—drinks in hand, laughing, shouting, making plans for the rest of the night.
Jackson immediately disappears into the crowd, and I’m left standing near the kitchen, a beer in hand, trying to take everything in.
The music thumps so loudly I can feel it in my chest. The air is thick with the smell of sweat, spilled drinks, and the faint odor of weed.
I don’t mind it, though. I’m here, and my friends are having a good time, so I guess I should be, too.
But all I can do is half-heartedly nod along as someone hands me another drink.
It’s not that I’m not trying to have fun; it’s just that Kenna’s on my mind, and I can’t shake the thought of her.
It’s only a few hours into the party, but I already feel like I’m losing myself a little bit.
I keep catching glimpses of couples making out in corners, friends laughing, the kind of moments that used to mean something to me.
But instead of feeling carefree, all I can think about is how I’d rather be with Kenna.
I’m standing with a drink in my hand when Reuben, Kenna’s older brother, walks up to me. He’s looking a little out of place here too, like he’s just here to keep an eye on me, or maybe just checking in, I don’t know.
“Yo, Cole,” he says, giving me a quick nod as he leans in. “You look a little lost, man.”
I shrug, trying to seem casual, but I know he can read me too well. Reuben’s always been the kind of guy who notices everything.
“You know what’s up?” he says, his voice quieter now, more serious. “Kenna’s been asking about you all night.”
My stomach drops. The thought of her sitting at home, missing me, hits harder than it should. The weight makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong by even being here. I try to brush it off, but it’s like a wave crashing over me.
“She’s been saying she misses you, man. It’s not the same without you,” he continues, his eyes narrowing as if he’s gauging my reaction. “I told her I’d let you know. She’s hoping you’ll text her.”
I can’t help but feel a sting in my chest. The thought of Kenna sitting there, waiting for me, when I’m out here pretending to enjoy myself—it doesn’t sit right.
She’s always been my Sunshine, and now here I am, getting lost in the noise, acting like it doesn’t matter that I’m not with her.
But it matters. It matters more than anything else.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice quieter than I intend. “I’ll text her. I just…I don’t know. I’ve been distracted, man.”
Reuben raises an eyebrow, like he can see straight through my bullshit. “Don’t pull that with me, Cole. I know what’s going on with you. You’re here, but your mind’s elsewhere. Just…go talk to her. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”
He claps me on the shoulder, but there’s a seriousness to his tone that makes me realize how much I’ve been failing her tonight. Failing us.
“I’ll do that,” I say, nodding slowly, my fingers tightening around the bottle in my hand.
As he walks away, I stare at the floor, unsure how I ended up in this mess of people and noise. All I wanted was one night to breathe. But breathing without her? It feels more like suffocation.
I don’t wait long before I excuse myself from the crowd.
The night feels like it’s moving in slow motion, like everything is just passing by as I make my way to the corner of the room to send her a message.
It’s almost painful how much I miss her, how much I just want to be with her instead of here, surrounded by people who don’t even know what matters.
I pull out my phone and type a simple message.
Me
Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you. Hope you’re having a good night with your sisters. I’ll see you soon.
I send it before I can overthink it.
But before I can even check if she’s replied, a few girls make their way over to me. Their interest is obvious. They know I’m with Kenna, but I guess that’s not stopping them.
One of them, a girl with bleached blonde hair and a short skirt, flashes me a smile. “Hey, Cole,” she says, her voice teasing. “Where’s your girl tonight? We were thinking we could show you a better time than she could.”
I can already feel my patience slipping. I don’t have time for this. Not tonight.
I hold up a hand, cutting her off. “My girl is at home,” I say firmly. “And I don’t need anyone else. I’m not interested.”
The girl laughs, but there’s no humor in it. She doesn’t take me seriously, but I’m not backing down.
“No one’s here, right?” She says with a wink. “Your girl’s not around. It’s just us. What’s the harm in having a little fun?”
I can feel my jaw clenching. The urge to snap at her is strong, but I hold it in. Kenna’s all that matters right now. “I love Kenna,” I say, my voice cold. “And I would never cheat on her. So, with all due respect, you can walk away now.”
The girl rolls her eyes, clearly not expecting me to stand my ground. But she backs off anyway, and for the first time tonight, I feel like I’m finally in control.
But it’s a fragile control. Like holding back a dam that’s already started to crack.
The night wears on.
And with every drink, every laugh, every cheer from the crowd, I feel like I’m drifting further and further from who I used to be.
There’s this voice in the back of my head, low and persistent, whispering, You don’t belong here. You don’t want this. But I ignore it, pouring another drink, letting the alcohol smooth the edges of my regret.
Eventually, the night feels like it’s dragging, like I’m caught in a fog I can’t escape. Reuben’s words keep echoing in my head. I can’t keep pretending this is all okay.
I take another drink, but it doesn’t make me feel better. Just more numb.
Even so, all I can think about is her. I can almost hear her laugh, see her smile in my head like a beacon, pulling me back to reality.
I can almost hear her laugh over the music—a sound that doesn’t belong here, something too soft, too good for this place.
I close my eyes for a second, trying to hold on to that image of her.
She’s at home, probably curled up with a blanket, her sisters all around her, and I’m here—drowning in noise and alcohol and the slow unraveling of something I didn’t realize I was destroying.
Eventually, Jackson finds me again.
“Hey, man, you good?” Jackson, my friend, calls out, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I look over at him, and for a second, I forget everything that’s weighing me down. Jackson’s always been there. He’s my guy, the one who’s kept me grounded. But even in this crowd, with the music blaring and the energy buzzing, I know I’m not really here. Not fully. Not when Kenna’s waiting for me.
“I’m good,” I say, though the words feel hollow. “Just thinking about some stuff.”
Jackson raises an eyebrow. “I get it, man. But don’t let it ruin the night. You deserve to have some fun too.”