Chapter 28 Forest
FOREST
I debated scheduling my own appointment with Arden. At any moment, it felt like everything was going to shatter apart.
Sheldon had gone from sleeping in bed with me to pacing the halls. I’d gotten up every night to find him missing, only to locate him on one of the other floors. Luckily, all I had to do was call the security desk, and they’d tell me where he was.
I wasn’t the only one worried about him. Oleander had gone on countless hunting missions with him. That wasn’t a term I’d use, but one Sheldon did. He was literally trying to hunt down the person after us. They wouldn’t show themselves, so he was determined to flush them out.
With every outing, Sheldon became increasingly desperate. He’d be gone all day, and in the evening, he would draw on a map of the city on the wall all of the places he’d checked. I swore if he broke out tacks and string, I was staging an intervention.
Did it suck we were being targeted? Of course. At the risk of Sheldon’s sanity? No, I wanted this to end. Sheldon was slipping away more every day.
At night, we’d get into bed together. He’d either hold me so close I had my own personal weighted blanket, or he’d fuck me until I passed out in bliss. Regardless of what put me to sleep, I woke with him gone.
For two weeks, we’d been going round for round, bickering but not full-on arguing.
His being on edge put me on edge too. Every emotion began rubbing off on me, to the point I couldn’t tell what originated from him and what did from me.
I couldn’t continue going on like this. Poor Winnie didn’t know what to do with me.
“You’re pacing like him,” she observed from where she leaned against the door to the hallway.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m ready to rip out my hair.
I can’t stand to see him like this. It’s not like he’s treating me horribly.
He tells me how much he loves me. Mixed in with that is a man who’s a live wire.
He’ll find the smallest thing to nitpick, and we start needling each other.
It shouldn’t be this way. I’m not his enemy, but he doesn’t have anyone else to take his frustration out on. ”
“Micah offered to go a few rounds with him in the gym. Even Jordan said it might be for the best, and he doesn’t like us sparring.” That said a lot. Jordan would rather they fight, potentially end up injured, than allow Sheldon to continue the way he was.
I dropped onto the couch and put my head in my hands. “Is he always going to be like this? What if every time there’s something he can’t solve, he reverts to his old ways, where he gets so trapped in his head, and no one can reach him?”
The couch dipped beside me. Winnie placed her hand on my back. “You can. I’ve seen you do it. Ollie too. You’re the only people in the building who can pull him from the brink. Probably Jordan too, but I have a feeling his way would be more violent than soothing words.”
“I have to help him.”
The door opened, and Sheldon entered. There was no way to tell when he’d be back on any given day. The last two weeks his schedule had been erratic. If Oleander couldn’t go with him, one of the other guards did. He didn’t leave alone; Jordan wouldn’t let him. I was grateful for that.
Sheldon’s gaze immediately went to Winnie’s hand on my back. She quickly dropped it and stood, stepping away from me while facing him.
“I was only comforting him,” she said.
“That’s my job,” he replied, low and deadly. It was the first time I’d heard that tone mixed with jealousy.
He walked to me until he separated me from Winnie, facing her. I stood to put my hand on his hip.
“I’m okay,” I told him. “Nothing happened.”
“You’re mine,” he bit out without taking his eyes off her.
“I am. I’ve told you as much almost every day.
” I wrapped my arms around from behind, my chest to his back.
“Sheldon, I don’t want her. It’s you I love.
You, I want to spend my time with.” My gaze connected with Winnie’s as I held Sheldon tight.
“Thank you for being here today, Winnie. Sheldon’s got me now. ”
“Are you sure?” she asked. If this had been anyone else or any other situation, she might have thought I was being abused. But I wasn’t, not physically or mentally. I was as addicted to Sheldon as he was to me.
I nodded. “I’m good.”
As she backed her way to the door, Sheldon kept her in his sights.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “She didn’t do anything wrong. No line was crossed. She’s my friend and guard.” My hands soothed over his stomach. “I love you, baby. Only you.”
Winnie slid out the door, probably not taking a breath until she was through it. Sheldon could be downright terrifying. No one ever truly knew what he had on him. To me, he was as gentle as could be.
Turning in my arms, Sheldon lowered to his knees, lifted my shirt, and pressed his nose to my stomach to inhale me. “I don’t want anyone else touching you.”
“It didn’t mean anything.”
Strong, possessive hands roamed over my ass until he gripped me hard. “Mine,” he growled against me.
“All yours. No one else’s.”
He went to work undoing my jeans, then pulling them down along with my boxer briefs. My dick wasn’t fully hard yet, but being this close to him, it was only a matter of time.
“Sheldon, stop,” my mouth said while my body swayed closer to him. I craved him down to my soul, but I was so worried about him.
“Can’t. Need to mark you.” He pressed open-mouthed kisses down one leg, then up the other.
“If we’re going to do this, let’s go to bed.”
He got to his feet and took my hand in his, pulling me toward the bedroom. Sheldon climbed onto the bed first and lay on his back. It was usually the other way around with me there. It was obvious he needed something different.
I took off the rest of my clothes while he did the same as he watched me. My movements were slow and unsteady as I brought myself over him. I wasn’t nearly as confident in bed as he was, but I was getting better at being with a man—being with him.
Before I could bring our bodies flush, Sheldon drew his legs up. “Fuck me, beautiful.”
“Wha-what?” I hadn’t done that yet. It was always him in me, which I loved. Sure, it was a dream of mine to be inside him. We just hadn’t gone there.
“Lube up and get in me. I don’t need stretching. The pain will ground me.”
“Can’t you meditate for that? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I need the pain. I’ve never trusted anyone else to do this. You have all of me, Forest. There is nothing you can do to hurt me, except walk out the door and never come back.”
“Hear me when I say that will never happen, but I also need you to know I can’t go on like this with you.
I need you to stop leaving our bed at night and pacing for hours.
I’m here, the person you can tell anything to.
Talk to me, baby. Tell me what you want, but you have to stop hunting during the day and pacing at night. Just stay with me.”
Tears quickly filled his eyes. “I don’t want to scare you away.”
I finally lowered myself to him, needing to feel him against me. “Nothing you can say or do will make me go, except you being unfaithful or abusing me. I’m here for the long haul. I’m worried about you though.”
His arms came around me in tight bands as hot tears hit my skin where his face was tucked against my neck. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’ve seen and done so much. I know what this world can do. It can’t touch you, For. It just can’t.”
“It won’t,” I said the words with absolute certainty, but the reality was, there was no way to tell what would happen in the future. If I’d learned anything from Colleen, it was that we could alter our paths. We were in charge of our destinies.
“I love you more than I knew was possible. Every time I walk out the door, it’s like my heart is torn from my chest, but I’m not good for you right now. What if I say or do the wrong thing, and you don’t look at me like you did before?”
I leaned back enough to see his eyes, how the tears continued to leak from them.
How his bottom lip trembled ever so slightly.
Sheldon stayed his usual calm self in front of everyone.
He didn’t let his emotions out. Most of the time, that was who he was.
Now, he had to get it out, or he would burst. Sheldon trusted me with a part of himself that he never showed.
He could let himself be vulnerable with me.
“I. Love. You. That’s not changing. When we got together, I knew damn well who I was entering into a relationship with.
You’re not going to frighten me away. Don’t you realize the power you have over me?
I’ll give you everything and ask for nothing in return.
I’ll expose my throat to you. You could wrap your hand around it and choke me, and I’d let you. I trust you.”
“Forest,” he whispered brokenly.
“Don’t you see? We’re perfect for each other. The parts you think are broken, combined with the whole ones, make you who you are. You don’t need to let anyone else see those except me. What a gift it is to be the one you lay yourself bare with.”
“Marry me.”
“What?” I probably should have said that calmer than I did. Too late now.
“You love me. I love you. I’ll never want another like I do you. Spend your life with me. Tie your soul with mine.”
“You’re serious.”
He nodded. The tears had slowed, but his face was still puffy and red.
I searched his eyes, trying to figure out if it was the emotions talking or Sheldon reaching his breaking point.
Every part of me screamed that I knew better.
It didn’t matter what mood Sheldon was in; he didn’t say words he didn’t mean.
That was what this boiled down to. Sheldon didn’t ask me to marry him because he was upset.
“Yes.”
His lips twitched like he was hopeful but afraid to be. “Really?”
“Yes, Sheldon Copeland, I’m going to marry the fuck out of you.” Was that too far? Probably. Then again, the man beneath me went overboard with every conversation.
“Kiss me, beautiful, then make love to me until the world falls away.”
I kissed him with everything in me. My heart sang at the way he touched me like I was precious.
It might be fast. It might be a bit wild. But that was my relationship with Sheldon. I wouldn’t have it any other way.