Chapter 17
Chapter
Seventeen
SHELBY
May 2013
I was reeling for days after coming home from Portland. I vacillated between experiencing raucous butterflies when I’d remember my unnaturally bold and spontaneous turn as an exotic dancer or my dalliance with dominance in that alley, and waves of embarrassment and shame when I thought about my irrational outbursts and how awkward things got on our last night together.
Not to mention my personal little pity party at the restaurant when Jake stepped away. I just could not seem to tear my eyes away from the blissful trio at the next table. “Happily ever after family” was never to have been my future regardless of Ari’s life or death.
Jake and I had managed to quietly recover that last night, watching a movie in the hotel room and talking about everything and nothing at the same time. By the time he’d dropped me off at the airport the next afternoon, I felt like we’d gotten back on track, me leaving him with a kiss that seemed to scramble his brain beyond recognition.
“Hey, I meant to ask, how was your convention?” Brody asked as he rinsed his breakfast plate and put it in the dishwasher. I was happy he’d so easily made himself at home here too, despite Marion’s original, irrational concern.
“What?”
“The esthetics convention? In Portland?”
“Oh, yeah…sorry. It was pretty good. I found a new makeup line I think we should carry at the salon.” I hated lying to him, but I had no choice.
“That’s great. I’m so glad you’re getting to do these things now. You never used to.”
“I know. Dad… Dad didn’t like the idea of me traveling alone.”
“Traveling alone, or traveling period?” Brody arched an eyebrow at me.
Damn, so very little got past this kid. A few times I’d gone to educational events in Chicago, but always with coworkers. Even then, Ari would be blowing up my phone demanding to know where I was and what I was doing. I’d always found it perplexing that he seemed to have all the time in the world to obsess over me when I was gone, but he couldn’t be bothered to respond or to check in with me in our regular day to day.
“Okey dokey, Mom. I’m heading out.”
“Aww, I feel like you just got here. I’ll miss you.” I reached my arms out wide and drew him in, having to stand on my tiptoes to reach him properly. I smiled as his stubble scratched my cheek.
“Me too. Hey, let’s go out to dinner next Saturday.”
“I’d love that. My treat.”
“Uh, that’s a given.” Brody smiled, such sparkle in his green eyes. They were just like his father’s, but at once the complete opposite. My heart melted like it always does, affirming his existence had been worth all of it.
How easily I could say that now, since the “all of it” was less and less of a shadow looming over my every day.
I had been feeling inspired to start making Cherrie Bombshell content again, and I was excited to show Darius my latest video before I uploaded it.
“Damn, girl. You getting some good dick on the regular is making these videos extra hot. It’s like you know someone is getting off watching these.”
It was truer than he knew. When I’d watched it back, I’d also noticed the knowing little smirk on my face from time to time.
Part of me wanted to dish everything to Darius, knowing how much he would adore it, both for his love for juicy gossip and his love for me. But I didn’t want to talk about Jake to him or anyone. It was all I could do to keep glossing things over for Kendra; she wanted details. But I found I’d preferred to keep things separate. There was my son, my friends, my family, my house and my job here, and there was Jake over there. This was working for me. And when things ran their course with Jake, as they inevitably would, I would be in a good place right here at home. Maybe even in a good enough place to consider a real relationship.
The next morning while doing some video edits on the sunporch, I glanced up to see a delivery man walking up to the front door with a good size box. I searched my brain thinking of something I’d ordered but was coming up short. We made eye contact through the window, and he set the box on the porch with a nod of acknowledgement.
It was tall and somewhat awkward. I didn’t even bother to look for a return address or sender before grabbing a wine key to open it. I carefully pulled apart the paper that whatever it was had been wrapped in, and gasped when I discovered the wood vase I had been obsessing over at the vintage store in Portland. There was a note taped to the side.
Shelby,
I noticed you eyeing this up at the store and I wanted you to have it even if it didn’t fit in your suitcase.
Our time together can be whatever you want or need it to be. Like I said, however you serve it, it will be perfect.
Jake
I was more than a little blindsided by the thoughtful gesture.
“Thank you for the vase. You really didn’t need to do that,” I told Jake on the phone minutes later.
“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to. You seemed so happy in that store. And getting you the vase was way easier than trying to send you a sofa.”
I giggled. I’d have been perfectly content to move in there.
Jake started to laugh, and I heard someone else’s exhale into the phone. A sharp pang of jealousy hit me out of nowhere when I realized he wasn’t alone.
“Lunchbox, knock it off!”
Lunchbox? Oh my God. It’s a dog . “Lunchbox?”
“Yes, Lunchbox. Technically he belongs to my upstairs tenants, but most of the time I leave my back door open, and he likes to just go back and forth. See who has time for pets and treats.”
“Aw, that’s adorable. What kind of dog?”
“He’s a golden retriever. A big, huge love bug.”
Waves of warm tingles radiated through me as I thought of Jake loving up on this ball of fur. Such a wholesome picture. Quite the opposite of how I usually imagined him.
“Do you have any pets?” Jake asked.
“No, not since I was a kid. I had this black cat named Shadow who hated everyone except me. He died just before I graduated high school.
“Aww, that must have been hard. Why haven’t you had any since?”
“Ari was allergic so we couldn’t have anything with fur. Brody had a bearded dragon for a while. But I have been thinking about getting a pet now that I’m on my own.”
“You should. I like the idea of something to keep you company when I’m not around.”
“Hmm, maybe. Hey, how’s the tattoo? Are you shedding little black bits of skin everywhere yet?”
“Holy shit, yes! It’s everywhere. The things that no one tells you. I’m being very diligent about my aftercare though.”
Maybe I could no longer take it, but I was becoming increasingly intrigued by the thought of dishing it out. “Mmm. That’s my good boy,” I said, the words dripping with more innuendo than I’d originally intended.
I heard a sharp inhale followed by a low groan. “Fuuuck, Shelby.”
“What?”
“How have you got me so conditioned already? As soon as you said that, I got hard.”
I sank deep into the couch and smiled with delicious satisfaction.
Two weeks later I was finishing up my workday. I grabbed my bags and headed out past the front desk and past Darius.
“Hey, Shelby. Hold on a sec.” He looked up at the clock. “I… I need your help with something.”
“Okay, sure.” I put my things down and walked behind the desk. “What’s up?”
He looked around the desk, shuffled some papers, and looked over at the coffee bar, all the while fidgeting at around a six on the Darius scale.
I put my hand on his arm, becoming concerned. “Hey. What’s going on?”
He took a deep breath and smiled as he looked out the front door. Walking up to the salon was a young woman carrying what looked to be a cardboard pet carrier.
He walked out from behind the desk to greet her as she walked in. “Hi Darius,” she said, “Today’s the day! Are you excited?” She put the carrier on the floor.
I stood watching this play out while lost in utter confusion. Darius getting a pet and having it delivered to the salon made no sense whatsoever. He and Randall had a beautiful saltwater fish tank at home. Aesthetically pleasing, contained pets whose environment they could completely control. There was no way he’d be cool with something that pooped, peed, chewed, scratched, shed, or even ate outside of a tank.
Just then, I heard the faintest, most heart melting little mew. Darius smiled and crouched down to open the carrier, pulling down on the drawbridge-like front. He traced a finger back and forth on the floor in front of it to try and coax out its occupant. One little paw gingerly made its way out before it finally gained the confidence to fully emerge.
It was the tiniest, fluffiest black kitten I’d ever seen. She stood frozen with her huge amber eyes wide, fur sticking out in every direction, and her tail pointing straight up in the air.
Darius scooped her up and held her to his face. “Oh, thank you so much for bringing her here, Chelsea. I wanted the staff to meet her before we brought her home.”
“My pleasure!” Chelsea chirped. “Well, it looks like you’re all set. Enjoy your new family member.”
“We will, absolutely.”
As soon as Chelsea was out the door, Darius grinned at me with the little black bundle still snuggled against his chest.
“What is happening here, Darius?” I quickly became aware of my heartbeat.
Still smiling, he raised the kitten up in front of his face and cooed at her, “Are you ready to meet your new mommy, little one?” He handed her to me.
I took her in my arms as the thud of realization nearly knocked me over. I held her to my face and she began to purr, melting my heart instantly.
“She’s a gift from Jake.” Darius said.
“I know.” I closed my eyes to fight the tears that were threatening. “I know.”
After I recovered from my emotional glitch, I pulled out my phone and handed it to Darius. “Take our picture.”
I think I will call her Minx. 3
I sent the picture and text to Jake. Once I was done, I redirected all my attention back to the little kitten.
“Be careful, Shelby.”
“I’ve got her, Dar. I’m not going to drop her.” I said, snuggling Minx closer to my cheek.
“No. I mean be careful with Jake.”
“What?”
“Don’t you dare be reckless with that poor man’s heart.” Darius cautioned, his face filled with gentle concern.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Jake and I are just having fun.” My brain snagged a little on the phrase, remembering Jake’s snarky tone at the restaurant. “It’s nothing serious.”
“Do you have any idea of what he went through to gift you an adorable baby kitten from thousands of miles away? He called all the local rescues, looking specifically for a black one. He reached out to me for help because they wanted to do an interview and home visit. It was a whole thing. And, by the way, if anyone comes asking, this girl belongs to Randall and me.
“Oh.” I was nearly speechless. “I guess I have to thank you, too. I’m sorry this caused you so much trouble.”
“No, no trouble at all. We were happy to do it. But you need to realize that this man is as smitten with you as you are with this baby right here. No two ways about it.”
My phone dinged.
LOL that’s perfect. Omg she’s so sweet.
This makes me so happy to see. 3
On my way home I stopped by Darius and Randall’s to pick up all the things Jake had sent or that they had generously picked up at his request. Food, bowls, litter box, litter, tons of toys, and a retro atomic style cat tree so adorable I’d squealed with glee.
As much as I was touched beyond words that Jake had done all of this, a sick and heavy feeling was growing in my stomach. I could feel the edges of a dark déjà vu creeping in and unsettling me to my core. As I sat on my couch and watched my new kitten tentatively explore her new home, the murky memory fully bloomed.
When Ari and I first got together, he bought me things. I’d get in his car, and he’d have a little box on the seat waiting for me. Earrings, a bracelet, a necklace, each time the sparkle quotient increased exponentially. When I’d meet him at his house, often there’d be a larger box containing a designer handbag, perfume set, or even a pair of shoes. All of it flashy and expensive, and none of it resembling anything I would have picked out for myself. Though I was always touched by the gestures so deeply—no one had ever given me that kind of attention before.
When I’d talked about it in therapy, Kelly had called it love bombing. The gifts combined with constant, possessive attention were often the number one tactic in the narcissist’s playbook in pursuit of the object of their obsession. She pointed out how the gifts had dwindled when we moved in together and stopped altogether after we got married. Ari had gotten what he’d been after—me, the hapless prey caught in his sticky web.
I sickened at the thought of Jake now being the love bombardier. First the airline tickets, then the vase and now… now little Minx. My heart rate started to increase, and prickles of sweat began to form on the back of my neck. I put my head between my knees, trying to push the thoughts aside and just breathe.
I lifted my head when I heard two little chirping sounds.
Minx.
I watched her clumsily ambling closer and closer, her eyes meeting mine. When she opened her mouth for another barely audible mew, I picked her up and held her to my chest, the soft vibration of her purrs slowing my heart rate. Opening and shifting my perception.
I smiled as the darkness began to dissipate.
Jake wasn’t trying to love bomb or acquire me. The gifts weren’t flashy, and they weren’t overly expensive. The things he had done for me were well within the normal range for someone—granted, an extremely thoughtful someone—who liked another person, and wanted to see them happy.
It wasn’t a cunning strategy in the game of possession I’d mistaken as loving attention.
I now had things I appreciated and treasured because of the quiet attention Jake had actually paid. He had listened. He had noticed. He had actually seen me.
Darius’s cautioning words were still rattling around in my head, however. “ Don’t you dare be reckless with that poor man’s heart.”