Chapter 11
ETHAN
Son of a bitch! I wanted to break someone in half.
I wanted to get a name from her and break the goddamned, son of a bitch into halves and then beat each half into a bloody pulp.
Even as I stood there while River Pearl talked a blue streak about how beautiful Lawson’s hair was and wrapped it into this intricate shining style, I wanted to shatter the mirror, fuck seven years of bad luck.
Her hair was beautiful; she was beautiful, so beautiful she made me ache.
Not just that delicate face, that curvy, give-a-man-a-fever body or her mouth that I wanted to kiss and kiss until the world spun away.
But her. Her . How could anyone do such a thing to her?
What had happened and what…no…who was she running from?
I turned away, and it took everything I had in me not to bustle River Pearl out of the room and question Lawson.
But I knew in my heart that flash of fear was real.
There was a reason she hadn’t told me what had happened to her, sidestepped questions about where she was from, who she was.
Evasive and general non-generic answers were all about this…
she’d been abused, physically, most definitely mentally because I could see all those incidents in her eyes, every bruise, every blow.
She was killing me, and I wanted to die in her arms.
But not before I killed the fucker.
I grabbed a tux and left, working on reining in my temper.
I changed quickly in the bathroom, but my hands weren’t steady when I went to tie the bow.
I gave up and left it hanging dark and rich against the white silk shirt.
Leaning on the sink, I realized that I couldn’t go at her like a battering ram.
Even now, I wanted her to want to tell me.
But the fear in me was tightening. If I talked to her would she run again? If I kept quiet would she just slip away? Either way I would lose her. Finally, I reached for my phone and dialed Sheriff Dalton.
When he answered and I identified myself, I could hear the hope and grin in his voice.
I was sorry to disappoint him, I hadn’t made any decisions.
I was consumed now with finding out anything I could about her.
I swear if she left, I was going after her.
“Mike, I need a huge favor. Could you look up someone for me. I think she might be in trouble.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“I don’t know.” I didn’t want to say and violate her privacy any more than I was doing now, but I needed answers. Maybe Mike could give me an edge.
“I see. It wouldn’t be that pretty waitress you’ve been mooning over.”
“It would be. Could you do this discreetly, keep it to yourself?”
“Absolutely, I’m not a gossiping biddy,” he growled. “I’ll get back to you with whatever I find out and keep it strictly confidential. I don’t like the idea that little ole’ thang is in trouble.”
I didn’t like it either and was determined to take the right course of action, not barrel into a situation I had no knowledge.
Anyone could jump to conclusions, but the military taught me to get all the facts before I acted.
It could mean life and death there, and it meant a great deal to me here.
I wanted Lawson to be safe, happy…and in my arms. I couldn’t deny that. “Thank you, Mike.”
“Think about coming to work for me, will you?”
I sighed. “Mike, it’s complicated with my daddy. I’m torn between what I want and what he wants. I feel sometimes I don’t give it a fair shake because he’s always pushing so hard and I’m always pushing back.”
Mike was quiet for a moment, then said. “I understand, but ultimately, Ethan, you have to do what feels right for you, damn the consequences. If he can’t understand what makes you happy, then there’s nothing you can do about that, but living with your decision will be your burden, not his.”
That was such good advice. “I’ll give it serious consideration and thanks again.”
When I came out of the bathroom, there was no more time to talk privately with her.
River was still talking, and I followed them down the stairs.
River opened the doors and the flood of guests started to arrive.
I was busy helping River with anything she needed while Lawson mingled with the guests and made sure the food and beverage service went smoothly.
At the end of the evening, after River had racked up a ton of sales, we went back up to change into our own clothes. When I came out of the bathroom, Lawson was seated at River’s desk, and River had a look of rapture on her face.
“I can’t believe you did this in a day. This is…freaking amazing. I need you.”
Lawson laughed, a beaming look on her face, but all I could think about was talking to her about this. I just didn’t know how or the best way to go about it.
“I will be talking to Brax about having you manage both of our businesses.”
“Manage…River, I wasn’t planning on staying.”
“Why the hell not? We could offer you an attractive package. Don’t make any plans until I talk to him. Promise me?” Lawson looked like she was caught between a rock and a hard place. “Please, Lawson. I’m just asking for a little bit of time.”
Lawson glanced at me, and the look on her face made my gut tighten. She looked backed into a corner and stressed like she was Alice suddenly thrust through the looking glass with no way out of this wacky world.
“All right, River. I won’t make any plans.”
I had to wonder if that was a lie and it only made my anxiety climb.
Trying to figure out my course of action, we changed our clothes, said our goodbyes to River and headed back to the truck.
All the way home Lawson talked almost non-stop about the gallery, River and what a day it had been, filling up the emptiness and I knew staving off my questions.
The air was brittle by the time we got back to Outlaws.
“Thanks for driving me,” she said hastily, reaching for the handle. She got out so swiftly, I didn’t have a chance to stop her. But, I realized I couldn’t leave it like this. “Lawson,” I said, coming around the truck.
She had this apprehensive, I’m-ready-to-run look about her, and my stomach dropped. She wasn’t going to make this easy. “I like you here in Suttontowne. I think this thing between us could be more if you let it.”
“Ethan…” she whispered like she wanted me to stop talking. She looked lost, and I couldn’t stand it.
“I think at this stage in our relationship we can be honest with each other. Don’t you?”
She looked away, her whole body rigid. “I wasn’t planning on staying here. You knew that.”
“Why? What is in Texas that’s not here?”
“What I planned.” She lifted her head, but reminded me of a kitten trying to fend off a hungry wolf. “I don’t have to justify it.”
“No? Maybe you don’t remember what happens every time we do this.” I jerked her against me, craving her. She was consuming, intoxicating…so addicting.
Her soft lips parted beneath mine, and the way she caught her breath in the back of her throat told me all I needed to know. She couldn’t pretend. That little guttural moan gave her away and made me go instantly rock-hard. It was all I could do not to crush her between me and my truck.
I cupped her jaw, tilting her head for a better angle so I could take the kiss deeper, half expecting her to push me away.
But then her body arched against mine. Her fingers clutched at my shirt. When I pressed with the tip of my tongue, her lips parted and she took me in almost greedily. Fuck, I wanted her. In every way, my blood heavy in my veins.
She pushed at my chest, and I broke the kiss. “Ethan, I can’t possibly forget what you do to me, but that doesn’t help at all. My life is so complicated, and I just need to go. Stop pushing me.”
I had her pinned against the truck, and although she’d broken the kiss, I couldn’t quite let her go.
I wanted to push, hard, but those eyes of hers got to me.
My gut told me she was in trouble and didn’t know how to get herself out.
I wanted her to have options, and I desperately didn’t want her to run.
“You can trust me, Lawson.”
Her expression changing, she reached out and cupped my jaw, running her thumb along my bottom lip.
Her eyes were dark and shadowed, but I could see the hunger in them.
“I know that, Ethan,” she said, her voice tender.
She caressed my mouth again. “It’s not that.
It doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about you and strangely, it has everything to do with it. ”
I was sure that was clear to her, but to me, I was baffled.
How could it not have to do with me and have to do with me?
I was silent for a moment, mostly because I was processing her words.
When the silence stretched to the point of being strained, I said, “I know I’m treading on your privacy. Sticking my nose into your problems.”
Her jaw tightened, her shoulders hunched up.
Whatever the problem was. She wasn’t faking the worry or the fear, just masking it.
I knew about fear. I’d seen it not only in the faces of the men around me, but in non-combatant’s faces, mothers and children in fear for their lives.
Lawson had that look. Her tone exasperated, she said, “I didn’t say I had any problems, except for the moment, you. ”
I gave her an inscrutable look, then pushed off her. “I want to help you.”
Her voice softened. “There’s no need. I’m touched by your offer; I really am. I’m sorry if you thought I’m in some sort of serious trouble—”
My tone quiet, just loud enough for her ears, I said, “ Are you in trouble, Tinkerbell?”
She didn’t so much as blink, but she didn’t look at me, either. Nor did she say anything for a moment, then she said, “No.”