Chapter 4 #2
“That’s the irony of my life. My ancestors were… different. Healers. Outspoken outsiders. I don’t know all the details but their lives were upended before being declared innocent. Seems I’m carrying on the family tradition.”
I have two choices, lean into the moment or lean into humor and hopefully help her forget the moment.
She has enough time to ruminate on her life as it currently stands, so I go with the second option.
“Is this your way of telling me you can cast a spell on my ass if I fall out of line?”
Happiness breaks across her face like the sun breaking free of the clouds. “Just think of all the fun spells I could cast on you.”
“No,” I argue with a smile. “Let’s not do that.”
Kiki leans over, wrapping her slender fingers around my hand. “You’re the last person I’d ever hurt.”
My thumb glides over her hand, tightening my grip, a gentle moment passing between us. A hint of things still unspoken.
She tilts her head, shooting me a conspiratorial wink. “Since it’s just us adults tonight, I have an idea.”
Oh yes, I like where this is going.
“Tell me about Deirdre.”
For fuck’s sake, that is not at all the path I thought we were heading.
I release her hand and swallow down some beer, searching for my center. So much for playtime. “Why do you want to know about my ex?”
“Because I want to know about you and she’s part of your world. Look, you’re hands down the best dad I’ve ever seen. Absolutely incredible with Theo, and he’s the sweetest kid I’ve ever met, so I know Deirdre must be pretty great, too.”
I set my fork down and lean back in my chair, not entirely sure why Kiki wants to know about Deirdre. And let’s be real—I don’t want to spend the night talking about my ex when there are a million other things I’d rather be focused on, namely the woman sitting across from me.
Apparently my emotions play out across my face as Kiki lifts a hand in surrender. “Give me the basics, and then you can pick the topics for the rest of the night. Anything you like.”
Well, that’s got my attention.
I lean forward, bracing my forearms on the table. “Really? Anything I want?”
“Yep.” She smirks, lifting her wine to her lips. “Anything you want to know. Consider it your all-access pass.”
Jesus. That feels like an opening—an unexpected one I’m not entirely sure what to do with, so I grab another bite of food, buying myself a few seconds.
“Deirdre’s a great woman, but…” I trail off, already knowing this is going to sound wrong no matter how I spin it. “We weren’t dating. We were… hookup buddies.”
Kiki waves a fork at me, a knowing grin on her lips. “Ah yes. Good old friends with benefits.”
“Yeah,” I say with a shrug. “We met in college and got along really well. Had the same interests in sports, movies, that sort of thing. One night we got a little too drunk, and the line blurred.”
“Is that when she got pregnant?”
“Hell no.” I hold up a hand to slow her roll. “We are not diving into the timeline of my sex life with Deirdre.”
She covers her mouth with her hand, but not before the most endearing snort emerges. “Trust me, I don’t want a play by play. Just didn’t know if it was a one time thing.”
I pull her hand from her mouth. “You snorted. You know that, right?”
Her cheeks redden. “Kind of hoped you might miss that.”
“Not a chance.”
“Keep going.”
“Really?” I groan and finish off my beer. “Fine, here’s the abridged version.”
I dive into the story of Deirdre and me.
How we kept our hookups casual, how we were happy like that, until the day she announced she was pregnant.
How we tried to do the “right” thing but the marriage and white picket fence scenario was never a good fit for us.
How after a few years, we realized it never would be, but that I never, not once, regretted a second of it because Theo will always be the greatest thing in my world.
And the whole time, Kiki listens. Truly and fully listens. She doesn’t interrupt or jump in with her opinion.
Trust me, that throws me. Between demanding clients and my years with Deirdre, I’m used to being talked over, half listened to, rushed to make my point.
Kiki doesn’t do that. She lets me think. Lets me finish. And somehow I travel deeper into the story of my past than I ever meant to, or ever have before.
God, that’s different.
“We realized that staying together meant both of us giving up the chance at something more. Something deeper.” I suck in a deep breath and say aloud the one thing I’ve refused to admit to anyone since the divorce.
“I will always love Deirdre, but I was never in love with her. Honestly, I’ve never been in love. On that note, I need another beer.”
I grab a bottle from the fridge and turn to face her, wondering if I’ve said too much.
Too late now, I guess.
“I’m done being in the hot seat. It’s your turn. Tell me about…”
You idiot. Never ask about him. What’s wrong with you?
I grimace. “Sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“To ask about Drake? Curious if he was my great love?” She fingers her napkin, cutting her gaze to the floor.
“He wasn’t. Turns out, I never really knew the man.
I was in love with something he created, I suppose, because the real Drake is a monster.
” Her voice cracks on the last word, her face crumpling. “I wish I’d never met him.”
No way, not going down this mine laden path. She’s had enough sleepless nights, beating herself up over circumstances beyond her control.
I drop down in front of her and rest my forearms on her knees, reaching for her hands.
“Don’t you dare go there. From what I’ve heard, no one knew.
Stop beating yourself up because he deceived you.
You believed him to be a better man than he was.
That doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means your heart is beautiful. ”
Kiki forces a smile through the tears slipping down her cheeks.
“The next time you fall in love,” I say, my voice steady, “it’s going to be with a man who is who he says he is, who does what he says he’s going to do, and who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”
She sighs, pulling her hand back to swipe at her eyes. “I love that thought, Eddie, but let’s be real. No man like that is going to want me.”
The pain in her voice claws at my guts, and all I want to do is protect her from any future onslaught.
I shake my head, determined to argue that notion to the death. “That’s not true. The right man? He’s absolutely going to want you.” I lean in, swiping my thumb across her tear-stained face. “Because you are spectacular, Kiki Wilder.”
Sparks of hope glint in her dark eyes as she studies me, searching for any sign I’m lying.
But I’m not. She does something to me, something deep inside that threatens to flood my thoughts and overtake my entire being.
Something I’ve never felt before. Something—
Kiki throws her arms around my neck and for a second, I freeze. Yes, we’ve hugged before but not like this.
She tucks her face into my neck, her sigh warm against my skin. “Can I keep you around 24/7? You are so very good for my ego.”
“Happy to be of service,” I murmur, the faint scent of her lilac shampoo tickling my senses.
She lifts her head, dusting her nose ever so slightly against mine. “You’re really good for me, Eddie.”
I try not to read into it, but that thought is increasingly difficult with every passing moment.
She’s right there, mere inches from me, her arms still slung around my neck, her fingers dancing idly through my hair. It’s so slight I’m unsure she’s aware she’s doing it.
And then she drops her hands and straightens, breaking the moment. “I’m sorry.”
But I’m not.
Because now I’m very aware of her. Of everything.
The way her lips part slightly. The curve of her cupid’s bow. The fullness of her lower lip, and the way she worries it when she thinks she’s said too much.
I know she’ll taste like wine and tomato sauce… but I’m craving her softness, desperate to know if I can coax those breathy gasps from her again.
Sunshine mixed with a little hurricane, and God, I want to drown in her.
For one suspended second, the entire world narrows to a solitary, all-encompassing thought.
I could kiss her.
And I want to.
God, I want to.
But not like this.
Not when this could be her reaching out for comfort instead of… reaching out for me. I’ll wait, until there’s no doubt and not kissing her is no longer an option.
But this isn’t that moment.
I inch back, putting breathing room between us. “I know exactly what is going to cheer you up.”
“You do? What?”
“Cookies.”