Elias
"That's it," I murmured, the words barely louder than the crackle of the fire somewhere beyond the bedroom walls.
The praise wasn't meant to soothe her. It soothed me. For the first time in longer than I cared to admit, the constant noise inside my head had gone quiet. The silence between us settled like snowfall. Heavy. Warm. Sacred. Neither of us spoke.
The only sound filling the room was the uneven rhythm of our breathing as reality slowly returned. Every muscle in my body felt spent, but it wasn't exhaustion that held me still.
It was her. She reached toward me with trembling fingers, brushing a damp strand of hair away from my forehead with a tenderness I wasn't sure I deserved.
My eyes lifted to hers. Dark brown. Still glossy. Still shining. There was colour in her cheeks now a soft warmth blooming beneath the bruises Collins had left behind. The afterglow softened every sharp edge she carried, making her look impossibly young for a fleeting second.
Beautiful.
God...
She was beautiful.
I could still taste her on my lips. Still smell her shampoo lingering beneath the scent of antiseptic and her. Still feel the way she'd clung to me like I was something solid enough to keep the rest of the world away.
A smile found me before I could stop it. Small and crooked but so real.
"Thank you, baby," I said quietly.
Her expression faltered. The smile she'd been wearing disappeared almost instantly.
"Elias..."
Something tightened low in my chest. She only used that tone when she was about to tell me something bad.
"What is it?"
She looked down at our hands instead of at me.
"I..."
She swallowed.
"I need to tell you something."
Every instinct inside me sharpened. My thumb stroked absent-mindedly over her knuckles.
"You can tell me anything."
"I..." She laughed nervously, though there wasn't an ounce of humour in it. "I want this, I want to have sex with you and so much more."
"I know, baby. We will."
"I want... all of this."
"Seraphina, why do I feel like you’re going to say the word but."
"Because I am Honey..."
Her voice cracked.
"This was my first time..."
She stopped.
"...but it also wasn't."
My brows pulled together. For a moment, I genuinely didn't understand.
"What do you mean, baby?"
She didn't answer straight away. Instead, she shifted closer until her forehead rested against my shoulder. Her entire body seemed to deflate. I wrapped both arms around her instinctively, pulling the blanket higher over her bruised shoulders. She closed her eyes.
"Promise you won't get angry."
"I won't."
"Promise you won't hate me."
My heart damn near stopped. I tipped her chin upward until she had no choice but to look at me.
"Seraphina."
My forehead rested against hers.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"You hear me? Nothing you're about to say changes that."
She let out a shaky breath. Some of the tension left her shoulders.
"I was..." she whispered.
The words caught. She tried again.
"I was raped when I was little."
Everything inside me froze. My lungs. My heartbeat. My thoughts. Nothing existed except those six words. A pressure built behind my ribs so violently I thought they might crack.
My mind immediately began searching for someone to kill. Who? When. Where. How old was he? Was he still breathing? Was he…
"No."
Her hand came up, cupping my jaw before I could disappear into that darkness.
"No. You promised."
I hadn't even realised my jaw was clenched until it hurt. She stroked her thumb across my cheek.
"I know where your head just went. It isn't your fight anymore. It happened. It hurt but it isn't happening now."
Her eyes filled with tears she refused to let fall.
"I just...I wanted you to know. I've never chosen this before. I have never done this before."
She looked away.
"I've never chosen someone."
Her fingers intertwined with mine again.
"I want tonight to be different. I want it to be my choice. My first time though it isn’t but to me it will be and I wanted it to be with you."
My throat burned. I lifted her hand and pressed a kiss against her bruised knuckles.
"You never have to earn my kindness. You never have to explain what someone else stole. You understand me?"
A tear escaped despite her efforts. I caught it with my thumb.
"You were a child. What happened to you was… fuck it was evil, but it wasn't your fault. It will never be your fault."
She nodded once. Small, so fucking fragile.
"But..." she whispered, almost smiling through her tears.
"I still want more. I want all of you. I want to know what it feels like instead. I want to know what you feel like."
My heart gave out somewhere beneath my sternum. I kissed her forehead. Then her nose. Then the corner of her mouth. Slowly. Patiently. Like I had all the time in the world.
"You'll never have to wonder with me," I whispered.
"I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you never confuse love with pain again."
My thumb continued tracing lazy circles across the back of her hand while she leaned against me, her breathing slowly evening out. I could still feel the faint tremor running through her body. Not fear anymore. Release.
She'd trusted me with the darkest corner of her life and somehow, she still looked at me like I was worth trusting. I wasn't sure I'd ever recover from that. I lifted her hand again, pressing another kiss against her knuckles.
"So that's why..." I whispered.
She looked up.
“Why you flinch when someone raises their voice. Why you keep waiting for people to leave?"
Her eyes shimmered.
"I notice more than you think."
A watery laugh escaped her.
"I know. I just didn't think you'd still look at me the same."
I frowned.
"The same?"
She nodded.
"Broken. Dirty."
The word landed somewhere beneath my ribs. Fuck. My one hand sliding carefully beneath her jaw.
"Look at me."
She hesitated before finally meeting my eyes.
"I don't see someone broken or dirty. I see someone who survived. I see a woman who kept choosing kindness after the world gave her every reason not to. I see the bravest person I've ever met."
Her bottom lip trembled.
"You don't have to say that."
"I'm not saying it because you need to hear it."
I brushed my thumb beneath her eye before another tear escaped.
"I'm saying it because it's true."
Silence settled between us again. Comfortable. Honest. She studied my face for so long that I started wondering what she was looking for.
"You really aren't going anywhere?"
"No."
"You promise?"
"I don't make promises I can't keep."
She smiled. Small. Real.
"I like when you call me baby."
I couldn't help smiling back.
"Yeah?"
"It sounds different when you say it."
"Different how?"
She shrugged one shoulder.
"Safe."
Christ. My heart didn't stand a chance. I rested my forehead against hers again.
"I don't know what tomorrow looks like. I don't know if I'll get this right every time. I know I'm fucking stubborn and difficult. I know I carry too much anger but if you're asking whether I'm going anywhere..."
I shook my head.
"I'm already exactly where I want to be."
She stared at me for another heartbeat before a sleepy smile spread across her face.
"So..."
"So?"
"I think you're stuck with me, Detective."
A quiet laugh escaped me.
"I figured that out the day you walked into my kitchen, gave my dog treats and walked into my life."
"Well, when you put it like that."
"She grinned.
"I politely walked into your life."
I rolled my eyes.
"That sounds exactly like something you'd say."
"It also sounds legally defensible."
"It absolutely isn't."
"It could be."
"It won't hold up in court."
She laughed a genuine, uninhibited laugh that filled the little cottage and chased away every shadow for just a moment. I'd spend the rest of my life trying to hear that sound again and for the first time in years...
The future didn't seem quite so impossible.
The air in the bedroom grew suddenly heavy, thick with a sudden, sharp shift in gravity. Seraphina looked at me with a smile that took my breath away. Her mouth came closer to mine as she kissed me. Fuck it wasn’t just a kiss it was like she stole my breath away.
I pulled back looking at her detailing her expressions. I wanted this to be a safe space for her. I wanted everything to be fucking perfect for her.
“Seraphina, are you sure,” I asked her.
Her breath hitched as she nodded climbing down the bed straddling me on the floor, her hands wrapping around my neck as she kissed me again.
Her tongue licks the seam of my mouth and then I open my lips.
Her sighing me breathing it in. We were like one, both tasting one another breathing each other in like we couldn’t survive without the other.
She sighs again, on fucking purpose. I lift her up, my hands knotted
under her butt for support as I bring her closer to me. As fucking close as I can get. I broke the kiss, hearing her whimper almost made me just kiss her again but I needed her to understand. I looked at her.
“You need to trust me. You need to understand that I know what I’m
doing,” I say, making her tremble, and I want to tear my clothes off right the fuck now to feel her soft skin against my hardness.
“I’ll make you feel good, baby. I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.”
“I’m yours, Honey. Do as you please.”
I kiss her neck as my hands graze my fingers over her skin.
Hearing her sigh as she opens her neck further for me.
Fuck she is so fucking soft. She wraps her legs around me, her hot pussy pressing against my stomach, my t-shirt wet with her ache.
I lay her down on the floor , scrutinizing every inch
of her. She’s perfect. Every beauty mark and blemish, every curve, even with the bruises.
She was perfect. I yank the t-shirt over my head, and before it hits the floor, my mouth closes on her breast. She arches back with a quiet hiss.
I waited weeks for this to happen. I imagined her in my bed a thousand times but fuck this was so fucking different.
“First,” I say, kissing up the column of her neck as I slide my hand
down her body.
“You’ll come on my fingers.”